Dirty English

To open up myself up to potential heartache.

But didn’t you promise yourself you’d be brave? a small voice reminded me.

Yes, and I had in small steps, slowing climbing that mountain.

But isn’t it time to take a leap?

I stood to leave. I eased my necklace off, the one with Declan’s ring, and handed it over to him. “Will you give this to him? It’s the first piece I’ve created in two years, and it—it has a dragonfly engraved on the inside. He told me the significance, and I haven’t been able to think of anything but him, so I made it.” My voice trembled.

He studied it, then looked at me. He nodded, a solemn expression on his face. “I will.”

He stood up as well and wrapped me in a hug. “Two days,” he whispered in my ear. “Don’t forget.”

MONDAY MORNING I went to Lit class but neither Declan nor Dax were there. I assumed Declan was getting in last-minute training or rest. After working at the bookstore, I came home and cleaned out the fridge and then wiped down the baseboards while the television showed episodes of Downton Abbey . It kept me busy and my mind off of things I didn’t want to think about.

That evening, a knock came at my door.

I opened it and Declan stood there, leaning against the doorjamb, his stance tense, as if he were holding himself in check.

“Hey,” I said. “How are you?” I could barely breathe for taking him in, my eyes soaking in the broad shoulders and muscled biceps.

He nodded, rather formally. “Good. I don’t mean to bother you—”

“You aren’t. I’m just here … alone. Catching up on Downton Abbey . And cleaning. I need to do the kitchen and bathroom next, maybe my closets.” I stopped. “I’m sorry, I’m babbling.” I forced a laugh.

His face never changed.

“Do you want to come in?” My voice shook, and I coughed to make it stop.

He cleared his throat. “No, I was just popping by to tell you I asked a cop friend to investigate Colby. He said he’s living in some apartments on the south side of Whitman.” He sighed. “I’ve been checking out the carpark and your place from my balcony every night, and if I’m not here, I call the campus police and they’ve done some drive-bys. I know things have changed between us, but I’m here if you need me.”

Oh.

“Thank you. That means a lot.” Please come inside. I fidgeted with the door handle.

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it from his pocket and checked what I assumed was a text message.

“Someone important?” I asked. I tried to keep the resentment out of my voice. I really did. I had no reason to be jealous. I’d had my chance.

He flicked his eyes at me. “My date.”

My heart dipped. “Is she pretty?”

He shrugged.

Pain ricocheted through me. Stop, just fucking stop it already.

I picked my broken heart up, dusted it off, and shoved it back in my chest.

I caught a flash of silver on his hand and froze. My breath snagged in my throat. “You’re wearing the ring I made you?”

He grew still, his thumb flicking at the sterling silver band on the ring finger of his right hand.

“It looks great,” I murmured. “I—I had to guess at the measurements, but it seems like I got it right.” I held myself together. Not letting him see how emotional it made me to know he was wearing it. Did he love it as much as I did? Did he think about me at all?

“Thank you for the gift.” He fidgeted. “I think about y—my mum when I wear it.”

“I—I didn’t expect you to wear it on a date.”

“Jealous?”

I stiffened. “No.”

“Liar.” He shrugged, a sad smile on his face. “Whatever. I don’t really have a date, not unless you count the gym. She can be a bitch sometimes.”

Yes.

“Declan, I—I want you to come in. Please. I need to tell you …” I stopped, afraid to finish the sentence. I swallowed.

He rubbed his cheek, the dark shadow there a testament to his virility, his maleness. His eyes were a stormy gray as he gazed at me, as if a thousand turbulent emotions churned inside him. “It’s late, Elizabeth. I need to prepare for tomorrow, and I didn’t come here to argue with you. Just to tell you about Colby.”

But I didn’t want to argue.

He took a step back from my door and sent me one final look, his gaze distant as it raked over me.

He was done with me. I’d waited too damn long.

I sensed it deep in my soul, that fragile connection between us being pulled taut until it was ready to snap. I wanted to bend over and cry.

And then he was gone.

HALLOWEEN ARRIVED.

I went to class in a daze and by three I was at the bookstore to work my shift. Rick had said we could wear costumes to work, so Shelley and I had done a quick power shopping trip to pick me up something at the mall. I’d ended up choosing a lime green Tinkerbelle costume with a shimmery tank and tutu and pointy ballet flats with a fluffy ball on the toe. Itchy and uncomfortable, I went with it. I didn’t care.

Weighing heavily on my mind was the fight, but the deal was no one knew exactly where and when it was unless they were part of some inner circle. Shelley and Blake weren’t, so we waited to hear through the grapevine.

Shelley and Blake had stopped by the store on their way out to a costume party at one of the frat houses. She’d chosen a zombie cheerleader costume and Blake was a zombie football player. They left to hit the parties, and I stayed behind to finish my shift.