Hal gets me a clean outfit so I can get dressed. It’s not a uniform like the rest of the crew is wearing. No black-and-red for me. No, he brings me a long blue gown. It’s almost like a nightgown. I raise my eyebrows in surprise. This is what he wants me to wear? It’s not what I expected. I bite my tongue, though, and I’m silent as I dress.
Hal doesn’t give me panties or a bra and I don’t ask for them. Something tells me that Hal is at the end of his rope and I don’t want to go there. I’ve pushed my luck enough in my life to know that I don’t want to push this man. He can make the next four years bearable or he can make them complete hell.
Today is only day one, and I don’t want to fuck up the first good thing to happen to me in years. If the worst thing I have to face is being without underwear, I think I can handle that.
Once the dress is on, I automatically turn to look at myself in the full-length mirror next to my bed. There isn’t a single window in my room. Realistically, I’m probably in the middle of the ship, but I can’t help but wonder if the lack of windows also have to do with fear I might try to escape. It’s not like I’d survive at all in space.
Maybe they just don’t want me looking out the window and freaking out when there’s just…nothing.
The mirror is on the back wall. I can see the door reflected in it and it makes the bedroom look even bigger. Twisting and turning for a moment, I stare at myself from every possible angle. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a mirror. After the last war, our house was destroyed. That’s when Father and I built our little hut.
It was the only thing we could create on our own for shelter. We didn’t have any luxuries. A mirror was out of the question, simply because we had to scavenge for everything we had. I don’t think anyone on Earth has seen an unbroken mirror in months, maybe even years.
Now I see myself for the first time in forever, and I realize that I look like an adult. I’m not a little kid anymore. When did that happen?
“You look lovely,” Hal comments, and while I’m not the best with compliments, I have to say that I think he’s right. My hair is long now. It falls past my shoulders. It’s still damp, but I can see that the color is still dark brown. My eyes look sad, but maybe they’ll brighten up. My skin is pale, almost clammy-looking, and I’m much too thin, but the gown seems to brighten me up. It’s not quite see-through, but it’s pretty close.
“Why the transparent gown?” I ask Hal.
He snickers.
“Dragons like to play with their food.”
“What?” I screech, but he just laughs.
“I’m fucking with you. Come on. Let’s get you something to eat.”
He leads me out of the room and takes me down a hall. Hal moves quietly and quickly.
“How long have you been here? You seem like you really know your way around.”
“Long enough.”
“Is this your first journey to Earth?”
“No,” Hal shoots me a sideways glance, as if he’s trying to figure out exactly how much to tell me. Whatever. We’re stuck together for a couple of years so even if he doesn’t tell me today, chances are I’ll find out everything I need to know during our time on the ship. I can be patient.
Hal seems to come to the same conclusion because after a few minutes, he starts talking again.
“I’ve lived with the Taneyemm my entire life.”
“But you’re human.”
He nods.
“That’s what they tell me.”
“You don’t really know?”
“My mother came to Taneyemm as a refugee. She was pregnant. I don’t know if she came from Earth or another planet, but the dragons took her in. She gave birth to me there, but died shortly after. I was raised by a Taneyemm family as one of their own.”
“That’s very generous of them,” I say. Raising someone else’s child? How interesting. It happens on Earth still because parents die so frequently, but I’ve never heard of someone raising a child from another species. That’s fascinating to me. I imagine his Taneyemm caregivers must have been very generous and kind. They must have been very doting.
“Yes,” Hal says simply. “They’re quite lovely. I hope you can meet them sometime.”
We turn down another hall and suddenly, we’re standing in front of a door. It doesn’t open like a normal door. This one is designed to slide sideways, as are most of the doors on the ship. I still can’t quite get used to the swoosh sound they all make. This one doesn’t open as we approach, though. Hal has to input some numbers on a digital keypad next to the door. Then he presses his thumb to the pad. Finally, the door opens and we walk into a dining area.
“Seems like a lot of work to get a little food,” I murmur, and he nods knowingly.
“Yes, but you must remember that this food has been rationed for four years and must be rationed another four. We have gardens on the ship, but if someone decided to sneak in and take more than his or her fair share of the meals, we would starve before we reached home.”
Home.
He calls Taneyemm “home.”
Will that be me someday? Will I always consider Earth to be home? Or will I change, too? Will there come a time when I stop thinking of Earth as a place that’s “mine”?
It doesn’t even seem like a stretch to believe that. Earth hasn’t felt like “home” in a very long time. No, I feel like a woman who has no home. I have nothing to return to. There is no one to miss me. There is nothing.
Taneyemm might be awful, but it must be better than what I came from.
Even if it’s a planet full of fucking dragons.
That’s a pretty well-kept secret because I’ve never even heard rumors of that one. Oh sure, people have stories about shifters, or “changers,” if you’re old school, but alien dragons? That’s a new one. I’ve certainly never heard about that in regards to Taneyemm. I actually know very little about the planet I’m going to.
As we sit down and trays of food appear in front of us, I realize I’m going to have a lot to get used to.
“What is it?” I ask, but Hal shakes his head.
“Wrong.”
“What?” I’m confused.
“Wrong. Never ask what something is. It’s rude. Do you want me to help you prepare for your new life or not?”
I nod slowly.
“Then we start now. I’m not pulling that crap where I let you run free for three years and then suddenly try to prepare you for your new life. The other girls will be woken one month before we arrive and taught what they need to know, but you? You’ve got four damn years to learn. We start now. Never ask what someone gives you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say quickly, and I pick up my fork to begin eating. It’s been so long since I had real food that I devour the whole thing in minutes. Everything tastes good. Hal looks surprised, so I assume this is supposed to be “bad” food. Hey, when you’ve been scavenging on a broken and bleeding planet for years, anything taste better than fried rats.
Anything.
Even the few times I’ve been able to grow vegetables, they’ve always been limp and tiny. Nothing like the food my mother used to grow before the war.
Nothing like that.
“Okay,” Hal says, finishing his own food much more slowly. “So, in the future, don’t act like you haven’t eaten in a year, okay?”
“But I-“
“I know, darling,” he holds up his hand. “That’s why it’s called ‘acting.’”
When he’s done, he gives me a brief tour of the wing we’re staying in. The ship is huge with multiple floors and staircases and elevators and rooms. I’m not allowed to go to the battlegrounds, which I think is a bit ridiculous, but apparently I’m not supposed to know they’re dragons.
Hal says he only told me so I would stop touching myself all the time. I don’t know how long that’s going to last for, but we’ll see. I’ve never had sex, but masturbation seems as good a way as any to pass the time and relax. When you have nothing left to live for, sometimes an orgasm helps.
We end up back at my room and he gently pushes me back inside. I turn to him, knowing what’s about to happen.
“You’re going to lock me inside, aren’t you?” He nods, almost sadly.
“Sorry, honey. House rules. Can’t have you wandering about, touching things you ought not to.” He wags his finger toward my nether region and raises his eyebrows. “Including that, darling. Including that.”
“Hal?”
“Yeah, Riley?” He turns back to me, and once again, I’m caught off guard by how handsome Hal is. He’s not really what I expected. He’s much smaller than the Taneyemms are, but still has a few inches on me. I’d guess 5’9”, maybe 5’10”. In the human world, he’d be considered a giant. Next to the others on the ship? He’s tiny.
“How come you get to wander around? Do you get locked up at night?”
“I’m not an Earthling, Riley. Never have been. The Taneyemms trust me because we grew up together and I have earned their trust. I’ve proven myself time and time again. They might not understand everything about me, but they value honesty above all else. Once they’ve learned you can be trusted, once you’ve proven that to them, mind you, then maybe you’ll be able to walk around on your own, okay?”
“Four years is a long time, Hal.”
“Not nearly as long as you might think.”
Then he pushes a button and my door closes. I don’t even bother walking over to it. I’m sure that it’s locked, and besides: I’m tired.
I don’t feel the need to say “one last goodbye” to my Mother Earth or anything like that. Instead, I take off the gown and place it on a shelf, then climb under the blankets. Everything in my room is white but the dress and the painting, and I feel a bit like I’m trapped in a cloud.
When I close my eyes, my father’s face swims before my eyes, and I cry myself to sleep because he’s gone and now, so am I.