Chapter 7
“I MET HER in New York. She was dancing at a place called the Moxy Music & Theatre Hall. It was cold out, I think. The snow was thick and even though I didn’t feel the chill, it seemed bleak and dark. I was new in the city—I had come over in steerage to prevent exposure to the sun, and it also gave me an ample amount of people to drink off of during the night. I hid out and slept during the day. Anyway, I was fresh to the city and trying to find my way. I had worn out my welcome in Greece, and England was feeling old and tired. America promised wide spaces and new vistas.”
I understood, and I knew Sandy did, as well. Those of us in the Pretcom were long-lived, so we had to keep things fresh. We had to turn over our lives and reinvent ourselves more than once to stay focused. The Fae didn’t seem to feel the passing of time as harshly as we did, and Elves were best at handling long expanses of time. But shifters and Weres, witches and vamps—we all needed to shake the dust loose now and then.
“I ducked into the Moxy, just to see what was there. And she was on the stage. Rachel. She went by the name Desire—her stage name. She was dancing. But it wasn’t bump and grind. No, she used her glamour to enthrall her watchers. I could see it even though I wasn’t pulled in by it, but the aura gave her away. I knew she was one of the Fallen. A vampire like me.”
I didn’t want to hear this and yet, I had to. I had to face the fact that Aegis had had other loves—like I had—and that they had been to him what my sweet Tom had been to me. Aegis must have sensed what I was feeling, because he smiled at me.
“Glamour’s very real, but it’s not the core of what true attraction is. Anyway, she must have felt the shift in energy as I came in, because she looked directly at me from up there on the stage and that was it. I waited till after she was finished and we took up together that very night. Rachel knew her own way and she was a shrewd businesswoman. Nobody ever got one over on her. But there was a side of her that I couldn’t accept. She was ruthless and a user. She liked bloodwhores and sycophants, and for people to grovel in front of her.”
A chill raced down my back. “She likes power.”
He shook his head. “She craves it. I think it’s an actual addiction for her.”
“Where did Rachel originally come from?” Delia asked.
Aegis frowned. “She’s from an old Romany family. She’s not as old as I am, but she’s at least four or five hundred. She comes from the Old Country and keeps to her family’s customs. Her mother was one of the Strega. When Rachel was turned, her mother tried to stake her. Rachel killed her entire family, but she holds to their beliefs about vengeance. Once you cross her, you’re forever on her list.”
“When did you break up?” My stomach was knotting up. I had known Strega in my time. Some of them were good people, but like every other group, some of them were dangerous and vicious. In fact, I may have run across her long ago and not realized it. Whatever the case, Rachel was a first-class threat and if what Aegis was saying was true, she’d be a danger for life. The Strega never forgot. They nursed their grudges like dragons nursed gold.
“In early 1990, she crossed the line. I knew she didn’t leave all of her victims alive but I managed to look the other way, until I found her drinking the blood of ten-year-old twins. Granted, we were in the middle of nowhere, and there were only scattered families around. We’d gone on a stupid road trip and ended up in the Midwest. When I discovered she had slaughtered an entire family, including the twins, she laughed in my face. She said I was an idiot and that Apollo was right to cast me out—that I wasn’t worth keeping around.”
I winced, trying not to picture the carnage. But that alone convinced me that Aegis and I had to have a talk about my past.
“And you’ve never killed a child?” Delia sounded skeptical. The question seemed cruel, even for her. Although werewolves and vamps didn’t mix, I understood. Given the millennia Aegis had lived, I understood her line of reasoning.
Aegis straightened, staring directly at the sheriff. “Never. I’ve never killed a child. And I’ve never ruthlessly murdered to feed. Vampires don’t need to kill their food supply. It doesn’t make sense, anyway. The only time I’ve killed anyone is when they were attempting to destroy me. And I have killed a few other vampires. Once, I found one attacking a pregnant woman. Another time, I followed one of the Fallen into an alley to find that he had enthralled five or six young girls—all under their teen years. He wasn’t just using them for blood. He died that night and I made sure the girls ended up in the hospital. Nobody ever knew how they got there, but I made sure they were found before I left.”
Delia flipped her notepad shut and leaned back. “Why does Rachel want you back? Why not move on to the next catch?”
Aegis shifted, looking uncomfortable. “I’m the only one who ever left her. Everybody else, she’s either killed or dumped. I’m the one who walked away, and that bruised her ego. It was worse when she found out that I had come to Bedlam, a town where the vampires answer to the witches. Rachel refuses to kneel before anyone who isn’t one of the Fallen royalty. She’d be happy for the entire world to be enslaved.”
“She really is a piece of work, isn’t she?” Sandy snorted. “Megalomaniac, narcissistic. It’s a wonder she’s not running for president.”
“Too much paperwork and not enough autonomy,” Aegis said, breaking the tension with a laugh. “After a while, her temper tantrums would cease to be welcome.” He sobered again. “But seriously, check Ralph for fang marks. She’ll have to have bitten him for him to fall under thrall. I’m betting you find them.”
“Even so, I can’t let him go if he’s the one who actually murdered Rose. Even if he did it under her orders, we’ll have to prosecute them both. The best I can offer is that he’ll need a good lawyer.” Delia let out a long sigh. “He’ll be up on charges under both state law as well as having to answer to the Bedlam Tribunal. The latter may be far harsher on him than the former.” She stood, glancing out the window. “Vampires don’t leave fingerprints, do they?”
“Yes, they do, but most often you won’t find them in any record because the majority of us are older than the fingerprint databases. If they could match some of the prints left in unsolved murders to vampires, they might solve a number of cold cases.” He gave her a shrug. “What can you do?”
“Last question. Do you know where she’s staying?”
I wanted to know that answer, as well.
But Aegis just shook his head. “If I did, she wouldn’t be the problem she is, Sheriff.”
And that ended that. Delia gathered her things and left, enjoining us to be cautious until everything was sorted out. “If she’s angry at you for taking up with Maddy, then Maddy isn’t the only one in danger.”
Aegis grudgingly agreed. “I guess that makes sense.”
“You know it does. Now, I’m going to see what I can find out. Maybe I’ll pay a visit to Linda and ask for her take on this.” Delia glanced over at Sandy and me. “Don’t you two go calling her before I can get there.”
“We won’t, but whatever you’re planning, do it tonight. We have ritual tomorrow night and Linda’s going to have to know everything before we cast Circle. We can’t keep any secrets like this away from her, not when we’re talking the level of magic we of the Inner Court perform.”
Those of us who made up the Inner Court ran magical energy that could backfire with incredible volatility, and the spells we worked in private for the protection of Bedlam and the prosperity of its inhabitants were best performed with no hidden agendas or worries. While we didn’t advertise what we did, it was generally known that we weren’t good people to mess with. Obviously, Rachel hadn’t gotten the message.
Delia scowled. “Magic.” She shuddered. “Gives me the creeps. But I understand. I’ll stop over there tonight and talk to her.” As she headed toward the door, she added, “Given what you’ve told me, don’t go outside alone after sunset. Aegis, that goes for you, vampire or not.” She closed the door behind her before we could say another word.
“Well.” I leaned back in my chair. “This thing has blown way out of proportion.” I felt grumbly and out of sorts. It wasn’t Aegis’s fault, but the thought kept running through my head that it would have been so much easier if he had decided to be a loner when Apollo kicked him out of service, rather than making his reputation as a playboy who won women over before breaking their hearts.
Aegis glanced at Sandy. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to Maddy. Alone. I’ll walk you to your car.”
“That’s rude—” I started to say, but Sandy cut me off.
“He’s right. You two need to discuss this without me being in the way. Besides which, I want to go home and eat, and then prepare for tomorrow night. I’m suddenly very tired, and if I coax him, Alex might just give me a massage.” She purred over the name.
“I know you’re dating your assistant. Don’t you try to hide it from me.” I laughed as she stood. Aegis held her coat for her and she slid into it.
“What’s the harm in that? He’s free. I’m free. I hired him because he does a great job, but he’s far handier than I thought, and I’m not being slimy here. I never have to micromanage him, he doesn’t take advantage of me, and best of all, he didn’t need the job, so he won’t play fast and loose trying to make more work for himself. Alex accepted the job because he thought it would be interesting, and he donates half his salary to charity.” She beamed. “I think I might have found a keeper this time.”
I couldn’t even begin to count how many times Sandy had said that over the years, but it had to be into the triple digits by now. She simply wasn’t a woman who settled down easily, but she had managed through several long-term relationships including the last marriage, ending most of them amicably before moving on to new pastures.
“I’ll call you tomorrow morning. We need to talk about the ritual tomorrow night, anyway. Be careful driving home and have Alex meet you at the car.”
“Rachel isn’t after me,” Sandy said, laughing off my concern.
“No, but if she’s out for me, she’ll be more than willing to strike at those I love. And woman, you are my right hand.”
As Aegis walked Sandy out the door and across the lawn I thought about my relationship with Sandy. We had been together longer than anybody I knew—she had known my Tom. She had held my hand when the vampires turned him. She held my hand as I wept, and ran beside me when I ran mad. She and Fata Morgana had hunted the countryside with me. Along the way somewhere, Fata had vanished and we had lost touch with her. But Sandy, she was there through all the ups and downs of my life, and I tried to return the favor. We were sisters of the heart, blood bound by choice, and I couldn’t have a better friend.
Aegis returned a few moments later. “She’s off safely. Even a vampire would have trouble keeping up with her, though I swear, it’s so icy I hope to hell she slows down.”
I snorted. “Sandy has a Hasty spell in her repertoire that she’s modified to work on her car. The one caveat is that no one will be harmed by it. If she’s in danger, it will slow her down, or if anybody else is in danger from her driving, it will also slow her down. The spell also takes over when she’s drunk, so she puts the car on autopilot so she can safely get around.”
“It won’t be long before she can buy a self-driving car and save the magical energy.” Aegis stopped by the kitchen island. “I guess—you want to talk?”
“I’m thinking we’d better. And it’s not just about Rachel. Aegis, there are things about me you should know. I don’t know if anything out of my past will crop up to make your life a living hell, but there’s always the chance. And there are things I did that I have to be honest about.” My voice was shaking, and I realized this was one of those crossroads in a relationship, where futures were decided.
He motioned for me to follow him. “We can build a fire in the parlor. You want to go in there? Somehow, I’m thinking this conversation is better left out of the bedroom.”
“I’m thinking you’re right.” I poured myself a glass of wine and followed him into the parlor. As I knelt by the stack of kindling and logs in the fireplace, Bubba hesitantly wandered into the room. I held out my fingers to the wood, but then decided not to waste the energy. Instead, I grabbed one of the long fireplace matches, struck it against the brick, and lit the fire.
As I curled up on the sofa with my glass, Bubba sat patiently in front of me.
“Mur?”
“Hey, Bub. You lonely?” I patted my lap and Bubba jumped up, curling softly in my lap. I stroked his fur gently, my fingers sliding over his sleek, plush coat. Lifting him gently, I kissed his head before settling him back in my lap.
Aegis was also carrying a glass of wine. The lamps were off, but I had strung faerie lights all around the room, winding them with a glittering garland, and Aegis plugged them in before sitting down in the recliner closest to the sofa. He leaned forward, cupping the goblet as he rested his elbows on his knees.
“So, who goes first?” Then, before I could answer, he said, “Ask me anything you want to know. Anything. I won’t be upset.”
I contemplated the possibilities. How could you cram several thousand years into a few questions? The answer was that you couldn’t, of course. And really, what did I need to know?
“All right. The most obvious one you answered, but I want to hear it again. Do you still have feelings left for Rachel? Has all of this stirred up any unrequited desires?”
He paused, taking his time. “To say I don’t have any feelings for her would be a lie. But they aren’t the ones you fear. I’m angry at her. I’m tired of her chasing me—and before you ask, this isn’t the first time she’s tracked me down. But the last time was a year ago, when I came to live here. That must be when Franny saw us. Rachel tracked me down to beg me to come back to her. I told her to leave me alone. I told her I never wanted to see her again. I thought she left, and maybe she did. But she’s back now.”
“She’s really crazy, isn’t she?”
“Yes, and in a bad way. Actually, I wouldn’t even call her crazy. She’s just narcissistic, vain, and…evil. Rachel is an evil woman, Maddy. She’s the stereotype that makes people afraid of the Fallen. Oh, we are definitely a frightening lot, but she gives rise to all the nightmares about what we can do.” His voice trailed off, sounding forlorn. “She’s the monster I never wanted to become. I never want to become.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Maybe I’d better go next. I need to tell you about who I was. About who you’re dating. Because Aegis, there was a time when I could have become exactly what Rachel is. The two people who kept me from going that far were a friend named Fata Morgana, and Sandy. But even they couldn’t have stopped me if I hadn’t been ready to stop.”
As the shadows enveloped the room, I moved Bubba to the sofa beside me. I began to pace, unable to sit still. I was about to open an old wound that I hoped was scabbed over so deep that it would never see the light of day again.
“TOM WAS MY love and I was his. We kept on the run because the witch hunters during that time were dangerous and they were everywhere. Some were agents of the church, others were just bounty hunters, but they sought out my kind to put us to death as enemies. They were afraid of our power. They were afraid of what we stood for—the gods and lands we had shepherded before they drove through and took over.”
“I remember those days. From a different perspective, of course. Few knew about my kind, or believed we were real.”
“The witch hunters were after us, and so we ran. There were so many on the move back then. Those who could see the future coming tried to find shelter. They had visions of the fires blazing, the stones being piled on the bodies, the rack and the iron maiden.” I closed my eyes, remembering the fear that had run through the Pretcom back then as witches and Fae and Weres did their best to hide from the fanatical zealots who sought us out.
Aegis nodded. “I kept to myself, hiding in the night in the bigger cities, moving on before anybody ever figured out that the Fallen were among them.” He paused. “Tell me about Tom.”
I smiled softly, remembering.
“Tom had a voice as sweet as yours is dark. He could sing, and so we posed as wandering minstrels, staying in each village a month here, a month there, until somebody would notice that things had a way of happening around us. When you’re a witch, magic is as natural as breathing. You can’t just turn it off.”
I worried my lip. “Long story short, because the story lasted for years, one night we were out in the woods and we thought we were alone. We didn’t realize we had been followed by a group of vampires.”
Aegis froze. “Crap. I didn’t know that. What happened, Maddy?”
I closed my eyes, pausing by the fireplace as I leaned my head against the wall. The smell of fresh cedar from the boughs swagged across the wooden mantel filled my senses.
“I keep these memories locked away because they’re as fresh as they were then when I take them out to examine them. Tom and I in the woods, making magic together, weaving a spell to heal one of the village girls who reminded Tom of his niece. She would never know why her leg healed up so quickly—and her parents would attribute it to prayers. But we would know, and most important, she would live and grow strong. Life for the handicapped was usually a death sentence during those days.
“The sparkles of magic were bright that evening, brilliant and flaring around us in a silence brought about by the weight of the energy. Everything seemed suspended in a lovely haze, and then it collapsed as the vamps descended. Tom was closest to them, and they caught him. As he struggled, he screamed for me to run, to get away.
“I didn’t want to, but he summoned up every ounce of power he had and I turned to find a unicorn standing beside me, a bright Fae warrior on its back. She reached down and grabbed my arm, hauling me up with her, and we were off, vanishing into the mists. The next moment, we were in a Barrow Mound, and I curled on the floor, weeping.”
Shaking, I gulped down a deep breath, then sipped from my wine and crossed to the window, staring out into the snow.
“When they let me out, I realized that twenty years had passed by. The Fae had kept me with them that long, so that I would be safe. Oh, legends had grown up around my disappearance, but I don’t know if anybody really believed it. I cloaked up, disguising myself, and began to search for Tom. I found out that he had been turned. He was a vampire.”
Aegis rubbed his forehead. “Maddy.”
The pain I kept suppressed in a little box in my heart welled over the sides and I started to rock back and forth, holding myself, trying to push back the angry tears.
“I still loved him, even more than before because he had saved me. Tom had used every ounce of his power to summon the warrior—she owed him a favor—to make certain I escaped. Time in the Barrow moved indeterminably and when I left, it was as though only a day had passed for me. Twenty years, but to me, it felt like twenty hours. I emerged from the Barrow to find Sandy waiting for me. She told me Tom was one of the fiends, feared like few other vamps. In that moment, I truly became Mad Maudlin.”
“You hunted them down?”
“Oh, yes.” I met his gaze. “I sought them out, all right. Together with Cassandra—Sandy—and Fata Morgana, I raged through the land, seeking every vampire I could. They feared me, they whispered my name in secret. I killed so many of them, driving the plague of vampires back from the towns. Even the witch hunters gave me a wide berth, terrified to anger me. I took out my share of them, too. But the vampires? I shadowed them. Haunted them. I destroyed every one of their hiding places I could find. I drove them into the sunlight. And then, I ran wild. Sandy and Fata and I decided that we would bedevil the demons. We would make them understand what it was to fear.”
“When did you stop?” His voice was soft and I suddenly realized that, if anybody would understand what I had been through, it was Aegis.
“We found a huge nest of them—an entire village. I encircled it with flames. Then, as the sun set and the vampires began to rise, I sent the flames inward and destroyed every single vamp there. We fought, of course—there were some who got through the flames—but between the three of us, we devastated them. When I realized that my Tom had not been there—I thought he was—I broke. I had wanted to free him, and it seemed like that was the one vampire kept from me.”
I was weeping now, not wanting to face Aegis.
He quietly held out his arms. I wanted to run to him, to bury myself in his love, but the guilt overwhelmed me. I had lost my love to the vampires, and now…now I was falling for one. Mad Maudlin would have killed Aegis on sight, but I had fallen in love with him.
I let out a shuddering breath and straightened my shoulders. “That night ended my hunting days. We left the village and the three of us lost ourselves in a whirlwind of parties and booze and drugs. I did my best to sever myself from the carnage. I tried to leave my anger behind, which meant leaving my love for Tom behind. Because the pain of losing him—the horror of knowing he was still out there, killing for blood—had almost driven me out of my mind.”
“But you never really quit loving him. And you didn’t harm anyone who didn’t deserve it.”
I studied the floor. “I still love him, even though I shoved that love into a tiny corner of my heart and taped a caution sign over it. But he was vicious, he was vicious—like Rachel. He became a crazed monster. If I saw him today, as much as it hurts, I’d stake him. Because Tom turned into a fiend set on destroying others.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. You did what you needed to.”
I shrugged. “I know. And to be honest, I don’t regret my actions. I won’t be a hypocrite and wring my hands and say I’m so sorry. The only thing I truly regret was losing my Tom, and never being able to send him to rest.”
He pulled me to him, holding my shoulders gently as I looked up at him, tears streaming.
“You have to understand this about me, Aegis. I’m not ashamed of what I did. Of what I was. I hunted your kind. I killed them with glee and joy in my heart. I played judge, jury, and executioner willingly. Given the choice, I’d do it all over again. I am Mad Maudlin, and I can’t ever deny the truth of what I did. Because she’s still a part of me, like it or not.”
“Do you miss that wild ride?” A faint smile crinkled at the side of his lips. And in those words, I distinctly heard that he—too—had his own wild past.
I gave a hoarse laugh. “Not so much. And I wasn’t alone, thank gods. Sandy was with me, and Fata Morgana. They had the foresight to rein me in when it became necessary. And afterward? We partied like it was 1999.”
Aegis seemed to be digesting everything I had just thrown at him. “I’m glad you told me. We all have our baggage. We’ve all done things that aren’t so pretty.” He paused, then asked, “You remember when I told you that Apollo threw me out because I dared to love one of his servants whom he also took a shine to?”
I nodded. “Yeah, but I know that you don’t like to talk about it, so I try to leave it alone.”
He hung his head. “I wasn’t entirely truthful. Mostly, but not completely.”
“What did you do?” I looked at my glass. It was empty and I wanted more wine.
He took my glass. “Let me refill these and then I’ll tell you. I promise, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t good, either.” As he headed into the kitchen, I returned to the sofa, where I curled up in the corner and stared at the flames burning in the fireplace.
It felt good, actually, to have that off my conscience. Keeping that secret from him had been weighing on me. I didn’t want him to think I was someone I wasn’t—someone with a crystal clear past. He was a vampire. I had killed his kind ruthlessly. But regardless of what he decided to do, I had been truthful with him.
Aegis handed me my glass, along with a sandwich. “I thought you could use a little something to eat. It’s ham and Swiss.”
Just that small act told me that he wasn’t ready to throw in the towel on us, at least not yet. Gratefully, I accepted it, biting into the spicy mustard. “Thank you. I needed this.” Pausing to chew, I waited until he was sitting down again. “How do you feel about what I told you?”
“You mean, that you were a famous vampire hunter? That you killed scores of the Fallen?”
I nodded, holding my breath. The flames in the fireplace crackled and popped in the silence that hung between us.
Aegis caught my gaze and held it. “I’m glad you finally decided to tell me. I’ve known since I first met you and I’ve been waiting for you to talk about it. But I didn’t want to push you.”
“What?” I jerked, straightening up. “You knew?”
“Yes, love. I knew. And what you did. It wasn’t just out of revenge. You saved thousands of people from being hurt. The vampires then, they were a lot less civilized. Most of them didn’t give a damn about humans.” He paused, then reached out. “Maddy, love. I knew all about your past. That doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
I held his hands in mine, gazing into his eyes, suddenly realizing that he was accepting me—all of me. It was almost too much to take in. Feelings warred within me, and I managed to push them to the side for a moment. I had to examine them one by one, to sort through the mosh pit of emotion that was racing through me.
Swallowing, I whispered, “So, tell me your dread secrets, my love.”
He seemed to understand, because he smiled, just the corners of his lips lifting. “My turn, then. Here it is my most dreadful secret. It’s true that I fell for a servant of Apollo. And that she returned my love. I don’t know what we thought would eventually happen, but we were doing our best to keep it hidden. But Theo, a man I thought was my best friend, found out about us. I don’t know whether he was jealous, or whether he was just in a mood, because he told Apollo about us.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Betrayal’s never easy.”
“No, it isn’t. And for a long time, his actions broke my belief in friendship. Apollo sent Astra and me into the dungeons while he decided how to punish us. I had other friends, though. One of them let me out with my promise that I’d return to my cell before Apollo found out. I snuck into Theo’s room while he slept and I killed him.” Aegis’s smile vanished. “I was willing to face Apollo’s wrath, but Theo had put Astra in danger. For that, I could never forgive him. I slit his throat while he slept.”
I had actually expected much worse. “What happened next?”
“I stood by my word and went back to my cell. The next day, Apollo turned me into one of the Fallen. He never mentioned Theo’s death. And part of my punishment was that I never found out what he did to Astra. I’ve done many cruel things since then, but I don’t take harming others lightly. Theo, however? I do not regret killing him. Sometimes, I wonder what happened to Astra. Then I think, perhaps it’s best I don’t know.”
As he fell silent, I squeezed his hand. “We’re a pair, aren’t we? Mad Maudlin and Aegis the Fallen.”
He leaned down, his lips seeking mine. “I love you, Maudlin—whether you’re mad or not. From now on, no hidden secrets. I know other parts of our lives will come up. Secrets we might not think important will come to light. But if these are the worst, then we’re weathering the storm well.” And with that, he laid me back on the sofa and began to undress me.