JESSKA RUSHED INTO the hospital and straight to the ICU. Memories flooded her heart and mind as she made her way to the all-too-familiar section of the hospital and arrived to chaos. Her father paced the floor and her mother had her phone to her ear, so Jesska made her way to her father.

“Any updates?” she asked.

“No,” he said, giving her a quick hug. “We don’t even know what happened.”

Jesska felt the energy in the room change and turned to see her half-brother rush into the waiting area.

“What happened?” Cameron demanded.

“We don’t know, Son,” their father said.

A nurse walked into the waiting area. “Cameron Shane?”

“That’s me,” Cameron said.

“Your sister is asking for you.”

“Can we see her?” Jesska asked.

The nurse shook her head. “Right now, Megan has asked to speak with Cameron alone. But you’ll be able to talk to her shortly.”

Cameron squeezed Jesska’s hand and followed the nurse through the automatic doors. Jesska frowned and turned back to her parents. Sitting beside her father, she grabbed for the ring around her neck, as she often did when feeling anxious. Seth would help her. He always did.

Her mother finally got off her phone and joined the family. Cameron didn’t return for close to an hour. By the time he walked through the automatic doors again, Jesska had bitten her fingernails down to their nubs. She’d even managed to draw blood. She rushed him, her parents close behind. “Is she okay? Can we see her? How’s Sophia?”

Cameron reached for her hand. “Sophia’s in surgery. We’ll be able to see her when she’s in recovery. The prognosis is good, though.”

“What about Megan, can we see her?”

Cameron nodded. “Yes, in just a bit. The nurse will come find you. I have to go.”

“What?” Jesska snapped. “Where?”

He squeezed her chin gently. “You are always so inquisitive.”

She tugged her face away. “And you’re always so vague.”

Cameron smiled. “I love you, Messka.” He pulled their father aside, spoke to him briefly, and was out the door before Jesska could object.

“Shane family?” a woman’s voice called out.

“Yes,” Jesska said, as she faced the nurse.

“You can see Megan now.”

Jesska followed the nurse, leading her parents down the hall and into a private room. She noticed a uniformed officer standing outside the door and frowned when he insisted on checking their IDs. On the one hand, she was grateful they were a diligent hospital, but on the other hand, she didn’t want to waste time being vetted by some hired badge. She wanted to see her sister.

“Go on in, miss,” the officer said, and Jesska pushed open the door.

She bit her lip as she rushed to her sister’s side. Megan looked so small in the giant bed. Her arm and head were wrapped with bandages and she had an IV set up above her. Jesska watched the liquid dripping slowly through the tubing.

“Hey, Jessie,” Megan rasped. “Do you know anything about Sophia?”

“All I know is that she’s in surgery.” Jesska gently linked her fingers with Megan’s and kissed her cheek. “What happened?”

“Can you find a doctor, please? I need to know about Sophia.”

“I’ll take care of that,” their father said, and left the room.

“Tell me what happened,” Jesska said.

“A car spun out of control and hit us, pushing us into the median divide.” She raised her broken arm. “This happened when I was trying to get Sophia loose. Her seatbelt jammed and another car bumped us. I was in the worst position, I guess. I have to have a CT done on my arm and leg to see if I need surgery.”

“How’s your head?” Jesska asked.

“I got a nasty scalp laceration and a bit of a bump, but they think I’m okay. They’re watching for concussion.” Megan closed her eyes for a few seconds.

“Are you in pain?”

“A little.” Megan pushed herself up when their father walked back into the room. “Any news on Soph?”

“She’s almost out of surgery,” he said. “A doctor will be here soon to fill you in.”

Megan sat back. “Okay.”

Jesska said. “How are you so calm?”

“Oh, sissy, I’m not, although, I’m on some pretty heavy pain meds. I’m trying to hold it together so I don’t freak you guys out more than necessary.”

“Well, freak out,” Jesska ordered. “It’s what we’re here for.”

Megan nodded, glancing toward their father. “Dad, can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course, honey.”

“Privately, please?” Megan said.

“What? Seriously?” Jesska ground out. “What’s going on? Cam’s acting all weird and secretive, now you are? What aren’t you telling us?”

“Jessie,” Megan said with a sigh.

“No, Megan. What’s going on?” Jesska forced back tears, her fingers reaching for Seth’s ring at her throat. “You’re not telling me something. It’s bad enough you could have been killed today, but now I feel like you’re keeping something from me that maybe I should know.”

“Have a seat,” Megan said, and Jesska sat in the chair beside her. “I got a call from an ADA down at the Multnomah Courthouse. Jason’s attorney has discovered some legal technicality in his case, so they are going to release him.”

“What? No, that can’t be right.”

Megan nodded. “The DA has promised he’s going to retry him, but for some reason, they can’t keep him in prison. Cameron went to the courthouse to find out what’s going on and why Jason’s being let out instead of being held until the new trial can be set. He’s got access to more information than I do.”

“Do the Kings know?”

“I would think they would,” her father said. “They’re on the victim’s contact list, so someone would have called them.”

“I should go over there tonight.”

“Do you think that’s wise?” Megan asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“No reason,” their father said, sending Megan a look Jesska couldn’t quite decipher.

A nurse entered the room and smiled. “Miss Bailey, I’m here to take you down to radiology.”

“Have you heard anything about my daughter, Sophia?” Megan asked.

“She’s still in surgery. But don’t worry, your X-rays will be quick. You’ll be back before you know it.”

Megan nodded and the nurse unlocked the brakes on her bed and wheeled her out of the room. Jesska sat by the window to wait for her to return.

Her father sat next to her, taking her hand. “How are you, honey? We haven’t seen you in a few weeks.”

Jesska forced a smile. “I know, Dad. I’ve been busy.”

“But not so busy you can’t have dinner with the Kings every night.”

She pulled her hand from his. “It’s not every night.”

“Well, it’s certainly a hell of a lot more time than you’re spending with us.”

“Dad, don’t start, okay?”

He frowned. “At some point you have to move on.”

Jesska stood, trying to gain some distance. “I have moved on.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do. And you lost the right to tell me what to do ten years ago.”

“I’m still your father, Jess,” he said, sadly.

“Well, for the last time, let me spell it out for you. I know you want me to find some nice guy and settle down. But what you fail to see is that I had my one true love, and he was stolen from me.”

“You need to get a handle on your depression, Jesska.”

She crossed her arms. “At least I’m not going the way of Mom.”

He frowned. “You know your mom’s sensitive.”

“Maybe she wouldn’t be so sensitive if she stopped drinking four bottles of wine a day,” she snapped.

“I’d rather you didn’t speak about your mother that way.” He sighed. “Look, I don’t want to fight. I just miss you. We all miss you.”

She forced down her guilt, grabbing again for Seth’s ring around her neck. “Maybe I can clear something in my schedule next week and come over for dinner.”

“That would be really appreciated,” her father said.

She stared out the window as they sat in tense silence. When her sister returned, Jesska tried not to yell in celebration. Now her father could turn his worry onto Megan instead of Jesska. The nurse got Megan settled in her bed, gave her another dose of meds, and then went to find out what was going on with Sophia.

“How are you feeling?” Jesska asked.

“Worried,” Megan admitted.

Their father took her hand. “She’ll be fine.”

Expecting the nurse, Jesska was surprised when a handsome young doctor entered Megan’s room. Tall with dark hair and hazel eyes. He looked more akin to a model than a doctor.

“I’m Dr. Washington,” he said, and shook everyone’s hand. “I wanted to give you an update on Sophia.”

Megan sat up a little further. “Is she okay?”

“She’s great,” he said. “We expected there to be some internal bleeding, which there was, but we were able to get it under control quickly. All of her X-rays and the MRI are clear, so she’s in recovery right now. She has a small incision on her abdomen from our exploration, but I don’t think that will give her much of a problem. We’ll keep her for a couple of days, and then she should be able to go home.”

“When can I see her?” Megan asked.

“I can take you now, if you like. We can also put her in here with you when she wakes up.”

“Yes, that would be great,” Megan said.

“Can we come, too?” Jesska asked.

“No, I’m afraid just Mom this time. But you’ll be able to see her in a couple of hours.”

“You should go home, Jessie. Or back to work. I’ll call you if anything changes, okay?”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

Megan nodded. “Definitely. There’s no point in you sitting around here. We’re fine. A little banged up, but fine. Why don’t you come back tonight?”

“Okay, I will.” Jesska leaned down to kiss her cheek. “I love you. Kiss Soph for me, okay?”

“I will.”

Her father pulled her in for an awkward hug, kissing the crown of her head. “Let me know about next week, okay?”

Jesska nodded and headed out to her car. She found herself grabbing for Seth’s ring as she walked through the all-too-familiar halls of the hospital, her stomach roiling as memories flooded her. She sped up, almost to a run, and escaped the halls of death.

Arriving at her car, she slid inside and laid her head on the steering wheel. She couldn’t stop the tears. Didn’t even try. She still missed Seth, even after all this time, and she was convinced nothing would ever change.

Her phone rang. She considered ignoring it, but Cameron’s name came up, so she answered. “Hi, Cam.”

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yep,” she said, and wiped her cheeks. “What’s up?”

“They’re letting Jason out.”

“Megan told me.” She sighed. “When?”

“He’ll be out on Friday.”

“What? Really? Why so soon?”

“I don’t know the details, unfortunately. But he’ll have to wear an ankle bracelet and he’ll be on house arrest.”

“Is he going back to his grandparents’?”

“No, they died about five years ago.”

She bit her lip. “So, he’s lost everyone, then.”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” she said.

“Jess,” Cameron said with a sigh.

“What?”

“You and I need to have a talk, I think.”

“Nope. I’m good.”

“Tonight. I’ll pick you up around seven.”

“I’m having dinner with my in-laws,” she countered.

“Eight, then. I’ll come to their place and you can follow me home.”

“Why? There’s no point.”

“What’s that? You’re break-ing... hel-lo...”

The call disconnected and Jesska dropped her head back onto the steering wheel. She could text him and tell him not to bother, but it would be a futile effort. He’d be there at eight whether she wanted him to be or not.

After fixing her makeup, she left the parking lot and headed back to work. Might as well be at the only place the demons didn’t taunt her.

* * *

Jesska arrived at the Kings’ home just before dinner. She’d been eating dinner with them three or four nights a week since that thing had happened, and she loved how close she felt to Seth when she was there. Before they had boxed up all of his personal items, she’d go into his room and lie down on his bed just to smell him.

She didn’t knock—she didn’t need to—but she did call out as she walked through the door. “I’m here.”

“Hi, Jess,” Carly said. Seth’s sister was the spitting image of him. A beautiful woman, with dark-blonde hair and a height that rivaled most men. She’d recently gotten engaged after a failed first marriage, and the family was preparing for the wedding.

“Hi, Carly. Where’s Jude?”

“He’s working late. He’ll be here in about an hour.”

“Did you hear?” Jesska asked.

“About that bastard getting out? Yes. Mom and Dad are in the kitchen. Come on in.”

Jesska followed Carly back to the kitchen and welcomed the hug that Seth’s mom, Leslie, offered.

“Have you heard about Jason, honey?” she asked.

Jesska nodded. “Yeah. Do you have any details?”

“Not yet,” Seth’s dad said. “Your brother said he’d let us know what he found out.”

“What can I do to help?”

“If you and Carly could set the table, that would be great,” Leslie said.

Jesska spent the next two hours laughing without feeling happy, answering questions about her life that really didn’t mean a whole hell of a lot at the moment, and using diversionary tactics in an effort to take the focus off of her. She didn’t know why Seth’s parents had started in with the twenty questions about her love life all of a sudden, but chalked it up to Jason’s impending release and the trigger that it probably pulled.

Cameron arrived at 7:59, much to Jesska’s irritation. He was never late. Ever. After saying goodnight to the Kings and Jude, who’d arrived an hour before, Jesska agreed to follow Cameron to his loft in the Pearl.

She spent her drive time plotting revenge for her brother’s nosiness. Laxative brownies were currently at the top of the list.

She followed him into the underground parking garage and parked in his extra space. Maybe if she just sat in the car, he’d forget about her and she could sneak out.

Her car door opened, and she groaned. “Cam.”

“Come on. Time for a ‘come to Jesus’ meetin’,” Cameron said, and held out his hand.

Jesska slid out of her car and locked it. “Can we just have a bottle of wine and call it good?”

Cameron chuckled, stepping into the elevator and hitting the button for the twelfth floor. She followed him into his gorgeous three-bedroom apartment overlooking the Willamette... one that he could never have afforded on a worship pastor’s salary, but what Cameron did outside of the church was sufficiently vague, highly confidential, and incredibly lucrative.

He’d been a pastor forever, but that had always been in tandem with his law enforcement duties, and after the police academy, he’d moved up the ranks quickly within the police force, until he was offered a position with the FBI. However, that was the only information Jesska and her family were privy to as “civilians.”

She dropped her purse on the granite island and slid her shoes off. Cameron’s place was her home away from home, and if she were being honest, she didn’t really want to go back to her tiny little duplex alone anyway.

Cameron poured her a glass of Merlot and she took it to the windows overlooking the Steel Bridge. “So, what do you want me to say, Cam? Do you need a rundown of my life?”

“Not at all. I just want to see where you’re at. We haven’t talked in a while, and I miss my sister.” He smiled. “What’s new?”

Jesska rolled her eyes. “Nothing, really. I work eighty hours a week, I go home to my charming little duplex in a converted bungalow, I try not to drink several bottles of wine, and then I fall into bed, greatly looking forward to the morning so I can do it all again.”

Cameron sat on the sofa and patted his hand on the cushion beside him. “Have a seat.”

“Oh, my god, Cam. Are we really doing this?”

He smiled gently. “We’re really doing this.”

Jesska flopped onto the couch, managing not to spill her wine, and twisted her body so her back was against the armrest and she was facing her brother. “Grill away.”

“Are you going to therapy?”

“Yep?” she lied.

“Jess.”

She sighed. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t help.”

Cameron squeezed her knee. “What happened was awful, Jess. No one’s saying it wasn’t... isn’t even still, but you need to be able to work out your feelings.”

“Tell ya what, Cam. When your fiancée is murdered in front of you, we can have this conversation, but you know nothing about pain and losing the only person you’ve ever loved.”

Cameron tilted his head and nodded. “What you’re feeling is all normal, Jess, but it’s been over ten years, and you need to let it go.”

“Fuck you, Cameron.”

“I’m not saying you need to forget. I’m just saying you need to forgive him... them, Jason and Seth, and then forgive yourself.”

“Why do I have to forgive Seth? All he did was die and leave me to live in the world without him... oh.” She wrinkled her nose. “Stop counseling me, Cameron. It’s annoying.”

He smiled and grasped her hand. “None of this was either of your faults.”

“I never said it was our fault.”

Cameron pulled her arm forward and slid her sleeve up.

“Stop it!” Jesska tried to pull her arm back, the evidence of her non-dealt-with pain etched in the scars.

Cameron tightened his hold. “This has to stop.”

“These are old,” she said as she shoved her sleeve back down her arm. “I’m fine. I haven’t cut myself in a long time.”

Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really.”

He gripped her chin gently. Something he’d done since she was little so he could look into her soul. “Messka.”

“What?” She couldn’t stop the tears.

Twice in one day, damn it. Crying jags were not on the approved list of reactions, but they seemed to come anyway, and at the most inopportune times. She needed to rein in her emotions.

Cameron sighed, taking the wine from her hand and setting it on the coffee table before pulling her into his arms. “Tell me.”

“Yesterday,” she admitted in a whisper. She hadn’t cut for three weeks prior to that, but yesterday’s events had been too much for her.

“Where?”

“On my thigh,” she confessed. She always told Cameron the truth, eventually.

Cameron stroked her hair, holding her close as he promised her he’d always take care of her. She sobbed into his chest until she was sure she didn’t have any salt or water left in her body. After a few minutes of blissful silence, she pulled away from him.

Cameron gave her a gentle smile. “What are we going to do when you meet someone who captivates your heart, little sister?”

She snorted, grabbing for the tissue box next to the sofa. “I’m never getting married, so you can just shove that idea where the sun don’t shine.”

“Will you make me a promise?”

She picked up her wine. “No.”

Cameron chuckled. “Then tell me... now that we’ve talked a bit... how do you feel?”

“Better... asshole.”

He nodded. “I had a feeling you needed to cry. So, make me a promise.”

“Still no.”

He pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Call my guy.”

“Again with this shrink shit, Cameron?” she snapped as she glared at the embossed cardstock.

“It works.”

“It doesn’t work and I’m no longer a minor, so you have no power to put me in the psych ward without my consent... again.” Jesska handed the card back to him, but he refused to take it.

“First, that was not me,” he said with a sigh. “Second, Dad and Denise just wanted to keep you alive.”

“By putting me in restraints and keeping me drugged up for almost two days?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “They were desperate, Jess. You cut yourself so deep, you passed out. You could have died if Denise hadn’t found you.”

“Whatever. Mom overreacted.” She sipped her wine. “Besides, talking about my problems isn’t going to make them go away.”

“Neither is cutting the hell out of your skin!”

She shrugged again, forcing down the shame.

Cameron took a deep breath. “If you don’t want to talk to someone, come to church with me.”

“Hell, no.”

“I’m not leading worship this weekend. Come with me.”

“No.”

“I’ll pick you up for the Saturday service. We can do dinner after.”

Jesska kicked his leg. “I’m busy on Saturday night.”

“With Merlot or Pinot?”

“I don’t know, maybe both.”

“Jess, just how much are you drinking?” he asked.

“Don’t worry, Cam. I’m not going the way of my mother. I cap myself at a bottle or two of wine a night. If I’m really upset, I use the heroin.”

“Not funny, Messka.”

“Not even a lot a bit?”

“Where did you get your warped sense of humor?” he asked.

“Television. Where else?”

Cameron rolled his eyes. “Five-thirty.”

“Why do you go to a church in the ’Couve? It’s so far away!”

“Fine, I’ll find one near you. I’ll pick you up at ten on Sunday. We can do lunch instead.”

“I really can’t this weekend, Cam. Seriously. I promised Amanda I’d help with Kiana. Marc’s out of town.”

“Then next weekend.”

Jesska groaned in irritation. His manipulation was unmatched. “I hate you so much right now.”

Cameron laughed. “You hate me because I’m right. Let’s pop some corn and watch a movie.”

“Only if we can find one where the sister murders her brother really slowly.”

He rose to his feet. “I take back any references to you being normal.”

She laughed and followed him into the kitchen.