The crowd at the Winking Wizard was twice as large as the last time Russ was here. If he’d thought this place had been packed on a Friday night, it was nothing compared to a Tuesday afternoon after the High Council has condemned a man for using dark magic. Not a single seat could be found in the place, and even the standing room was a bit crowded.
Luckily for Russ, he was an honored guest at Jake’s usual table, and no one dared take Jake’s table from him. Especially not when Jake, Russ, and Mandy were the celebrities of the moment. A constant crowd surrounded their table, asking dozens of questions about how Jake had known to hack into Commander Hawkins’ computer, or what it had been like for Russ to fight off dozens of dark monsters.
Russ was wishing more and more that he had gone home instead of coming out. He had wanted to spend time with Mandy, but he’d barely gotten a word in edgewise to her. The crowd never stopped asking questions long enough for any of them to have a conversation with each other. Normally, Russ would have at least been thrilled that he wasn’t having to buy any of his own drinks—round after round of Dragon’s Breath lager magically appeared in front of him. But for once, Russ could have afforded to buy his own drinks all night. The High Council had confirmed for him this morning that he had more than met the requirements of his dark monster killing job, and they had wired the million and a half dollars into his bank account. Russ had gone from being flat broke to being filthy rich in the matter of a day, a fact that was still sinking in for him.
And yet, despite his ability to pay for his own beer, the free mugs kept coming. They were the gifts of awed Torch Lake citizens who could hardly believe that they were in the presence of such extraordinary dragons. But Russ didn’t feel extraordinary right now. He felt exhausted, and confused. All he could think about was the fact that he had no idea how he and Mandy could make a life together, a fact that was glaring in his face and making him feel guilty for sleeping with her. He shouldn’t have made love to her. He’d been overcome by passion and desire, and in that moment everything had seemed like it would all work out somehow. But now, in the light of day, with the citizens of Torch Lake crowding all around him, he wasn’t so sure.
The celebration at the bar went on for hours. Russ ended up eating lunch and dinner there, as did Mandy, Jake, Leif, and Clint. Their group continued to laugh and drink and answer questions while wolfing down fries, burgers, and chicken wings. By nine o’clock, Russ had been in a state of constant beer buzz for over half the day, and he was ready to call it a night. Jake, Leif and Clint opted to stay, but Mandy slipped out with Russ, claiming to be exhausted. Russ didn’t doubt it. He felt pretty tired himself.
As soon as he stepped out of the Winking Wizard into the fresh evening air, though, he felt better. Thanks to the long summer days, there was still a good deal of light, and the balmy breeze helped sober him up a bit. He looked over at Mandy and smiled sadly. She was so beautiful. Why had he had to fall in love with her? Why hadn’t he kept his distance, the way he always had when a girl in Chicago had interested him?
Russ supposed that part of it was both knowing that she was a wizard, and also that she knew about shifters. His usual fears of being exposed as a dragon shifter didn’t apply. He could act like himself around her, with no fear, and he’d never had that experience with a woman before. But he knew that the reasons for his feelings went deeper still. This was no ordinary attraction. He felt connected to her in a way he had never felt connected to any human being before. He burned for her every second of every day. How could he leave her? And yet, how could he stay?
He had always been an outsider in the shifter world. He’d spent too much time in human circles. He felt awkward being so open about his shifter side. He felt exposed here even though he didn’t have to worry about being exposed as a shifter. It was a strange life, and not one he thought he could get used to.
“That’s an awful deep frown,” Mandy said, breaking into his thoughts. Russ quickly schooled his features and shrugged.
“It’s been a long day. A long twenty-four hours. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
Mandy nodded, and was silent a few more moments before asking, “Do you want to walk on the waterfront with me?”
Russ’s better judgment told him he should say no. He should beg off, claiming to be tired, and go home to let his emotions cool overnight. But as he looked at Mandy’s beautiful, hopeful face, he couldn’t keep himself from nodding. He wanted to steal a few more moments of happiness with her, before facing the reality that their lives were now moving in different directions.
Torch Lake, the giant, round lake for which the town itself was named, shimmered in the orange-pink glow of sunset. For a good two miles, the lake’s pristine beach ran parallel to town, and dozens of people were out enjoying an evening walk right now. Mandy bent down to take her shoes and socks off, and Russ followed suit, relishing the way the sand squished beneath his toes. For a few minutes, they walked in companionable silence. In another lifetime, Russ would have leaned in and kissed Mandy right then and there. But in this life, he had to remember that he was leaving. He had already done enough to screw things up, and to break her heart. He could not do more.
As if Mandy could read his thoughts, she turned to look at him, her brow slightly furrowed. “What now?” she asked. “Are you still planning on leaving?”
She was trying to sound brave, he could tell. But a slight tremble in her voice gave her away. Russ took a deep breath. Be a man, and own up to it. Say what you need to say. Delaying the truth any longer isn’t going to make things easier for either of you.
“Yes. I’m going back to Chicago, just as soon as I can get things here wrapped up.”
Her face fell as he had known it would. He reached over and grabbed her hands in his own, standing still for a moment to look into her face with pleading eyes.
“Come with me, Mandy. I can provide a wonderful life for you now. You won’t want for anything. You can pursue whatever hobbies or passions you want, and we can go for walks like this along Chicago’s Lake Michigan every night.”
She shook her head sadly before he had even finished speaking. “I would want for something. I’d miss this. This town, this life. Why would I want to go for walks by Lake Michigan, when I could go for walks by Torch Lake? And here, I am pursuing my hobbies and passion. My greatest passion is to do everything in my power to make sure that evil never rises again. Here, in the Dragon Recovery Division, I can do that. I can make a difference. You don’t get it, Russ. This life is my passion. And it’s a wonderful life. If you have to go, then go. I won’t try to stop you. But I will be heartbroken. Not just for myself, but for you, because you never got the chance to understand how wonderful Torch Lake truly is.”
Russ let out a long, sad sigh. “Mandy, I’ve been here two weeks already. I’ve seen the place, and even had more than enough chances to see how the High Council works. It’s a nice town, I’ll grant you that. But it isn’t a big, wonderful city like Chicago. There aren’t museums and concert halls and neighborhoods that are hundreds of years old. There aren’t the architectural wonders of a big city. It’s just not the same here.”
“You’re right, it’s not the same, and that’s exactly the point. No, it doesn’t have all of the big city things that Chicago has. But it has something better.”
“Like what?” Russ asked, sounding more mocking than he intended to. He didn’t want to make fun of Mandy or Torch Lake. Truly, he didn’t. But he couldn’t see how a place like this could possibly compare to one of the biggest, best cities in America.
Mandy sighed. Then instead of answering him directly, she asked him a different, unexpected question. “Do you know why the dragon training program is long, when dark monsters are so easy to kill? And do you know why the High Council doesn’t just send off the dragons it already has here—Jake, Leif, and Clint—to kill off all the dark monsters?”
Russ shrugged. “Not really, I guess. I thought it was kind of weird that they don’t, but I figured there must just be something about clan politics or the High Council that I wasn’t understanding.”
“The training program is so long because it isn’t really about training you to kill a dark monster. It’s about teaching you what it’s like to be a citizen of Torch Lake. If you’re here long enough, Russ, this place gets under your skin. There’s something special about this town, and about the people here. We’re all fighting for a common goal, for the good of the shifter and wizard communities. And we’re all comfortable with each other. We share a sad past, but a bright future. Those kinds of things unite a people. They make you feel home in a way you’ve never felt before. And once you realize that the people here are truly your family, and that they are the ones in this world worth fighting for, you want to stay. You want to be part of something bigger than yourself. It gives your life meaning, and that’s why I can’t leave. Leaving would be like giving up a very part of your soul.”
Russ frowned and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s lovely that you feel that way, Mandy, but I don’t. I don’t think I’ll ever feel like I’m part of a shifter and wizard family. I’m just not made for this whole ‘community’ thing.”
“That’s bullshit. Everyone needs someone. And you seemed like you needed me the other night.”
Her words stung to his core. He had needed her the other night. Was she referring to needing her help in fighting off the dark wizards? Or was she giving him a verbal slap in the face for being willing to make love to her, but not to give her beloved town a chance? It didn’t matter. Either way, she was right. He had needed her, in ways he’d never thought possible. And, if he was honest with himself, he hadn’t stopped needing her. He hadn’t been able to get her off his mind for more than a few minutes at a time since that night in the motel room. It was as though they were connected on a deeper level now.
But that connection wasn’t enough to keep him here. He’d been pulled into this world against his will, first because of Saul, and then because he’d been desperate for money. But he wasn’t desperate for anything anymore. He was a free man now, and he was going to live life on his terms, away from the crazy rules and customs of the wizards and shifters.
“I’m sorry, Mandy. I did need you the other night. And I care very deeply about you. But our hearts are too far apart to ever be truly one. I never meant to hurt you, but I can’t do this. I can’t stay here. I don’t fit in this world like you do, and I’ll only end up hurting both of us worse if I try.”
Mandy’s face darkened and she stepped away from him. “Bullshit,” she said again. “You don’t fit in this world because you don’t even try to fit in. You don’t give it a real chance. And even I am not enough to convince you to take that chance.”’
She took several steps away from him, shaking her head in disgust. Then, she turned and ran away down the beach, leaving him alone and confused. He stood still, watching her retreating form. His heart told him to run after her, but his head told him to let her go. Things would never work between them. He had known this from the beginning, and he’d only complicated things by ever letting himself think that there might be some way for them to stay together. He’d hurt her, which was the last thing he wanted to do. And he didn’t feel so great himself now.
The orange sunset, which had seemed so romantic a few minutes earlier, seemed to mock him now that he was alone. He had no one to share this beauty with, and he likely never would. The thought left him feeling cold, and he turned to walk back down the beach toward town. He would head home and start to pack up his things. At this point, the sooner he got out of Torch Lake, the better.
And yet, when he reached town, he found himself returning to the bar instead of to his apartment. He couldn’t bear the thought of sitting alone in his apartment once again, and community bars had always been his place of solace. If Jake was still around, Russ would knock back a few more pints with him. Maybe a couple more rounds of alcohol would dull the pain of letting Mandy go enough for Russ to get packing and move on with his life.
Or maybe not. Russ realized as he stepped back into the Winking Wizard that he’d been wrong about one thing: it wasn’t true that he wasn’t desperate for anything anymore. He was, in fact, desperate for Mandy Evans.
Too bad their worlds were so far apart.