Mandy would have done anything to make those moments last forever: Nico favoring her with his tongue; Nico inside her; Nico drawing pleasure out of her body like the sun drawing up the flowers of spring. As it was, she basked in his scent and nearness, cuddling against him and hoping the real world wouldn't come knocking on the doors of her attention.
For several long, languid minutes, it didn't. But it didn't last, or maybe she couldn't let it last.
It felt too strange, too strange, to be lying under the skylight with her clothes off.
Too good? she wondered. Maybe. She hadn't let herself enjoy the things she wanted to in so long. She'd always chosen to look out for Aimée, put Aimée first. Whether it was toppings on a pizza or paying for a tutor when she hadn't really had the money, she'd always put aside her own needs. Maybe now, giving in to her needs just felt wrong by default.
She sat up and found her panties, discarded on the floor. Strangling back any noise or protest she herself might have made, she pulled them on. They stuck against her sweaty skin, and the blush in her cheeks renewed.
Nico reached out a hand as if he was going to stop her, but settled for laying his broad palm against her arm instead. "Mandy?" he asked.
She found her jeans, and pulled them on. She didn't want to get dressed, was the thing: she wanted to go back to Nico, to curl up against his strong chest. She could feel her own despair, and watch her hands keep moving, as though they were jailers she carried with her. And the skylight made her feel watched, exposed, judged. Like she'd done something wrong.
Not the sex, she thought, as she pulled her bra on, then her shirt, and her feet found her shoes. The sex had been amazing. More than amazing; mind-blowing. And she was an adult; she could have sex if she wanted. Anyone who tried to shame her for that could stuff it. But something was nagging at her, and it soured the afterglow she wanted to enjoy.
She tried to shake it off. Thought of the way he'd looked at her, the way he'd worshipped her with his body. The feeling of his skin on her skin, touching her, inside her...
His skin.
Oh, god. All the blood drained from her face as she realized what she'd just done. No, no, I can't have been that impulsive. She'd been so careful, the first time. Insisted on the condom. But she hadn't even thought of it this time, hadn't given herself time to ask or him time to offer...
Calm down, she told herself, but she couldn't get calm. It's just one time. I had sex with Aimée's father plenty more than once before I had her. And... I...
All her reassurances died as soon as she thought them.
But there was one little traitor voice in her head, whispering: Would it really be so bad to have a child with him?
Yes, she thought, chiding herself firmly. It wasn't fair to Aimée, if she went out here and had an impulsive fling with a stranger, and changed everything. What would another child do her her life, her relationship with her daughter? What would it do to her daughter's life, her daughter's eventual family? She'd vowed never to fall into such a big decision on accident again.
"Mandy," Nico said, coming up behind her to caress her arms.
Mandy wanted to sink back against his chest, to take comfort in the warmth of his body, but she was afraid of herself, of her lack of control. She pulled away.
"Mandy, what's wrong?" Nico asked. "Have I done something wrong?"
"No," she forced herself to say. He hadn't done anything. Nothing she hadn't wanted him to do. She'd done everything wrong.
Nico held her. It felt so good, his arms around her: strong and solid, gentle and skilled. The hands that could coax beauty and charm into pastries and sandwiches could bring her to heights of pleasure she'd never felt before. They could hold her, and make her feel safe, so safe, here with him. She wanted to surrender to that. Forget responsibility, forget guilt, and just let him hold her forever.
"Do you believe in magic?" Nicolas asked.
The question hurt, and it took a moment for Mandy to realize why. The kid she'd been when she'd had Aimée... that girl had believed in magic. The woman Mandy was now had given it up a long time ago.
But everyone in this city seemed to treat it like a right. Like they all had a right to expect it of her, to expect it of the world. Like magic was just one more unexpected but inalienable fact of their world.
It wasn't a fact of hers.
"No," she said. "I don't."
Nicolas seemed taken aback by that, as if he'd expected her to say she did. "I do," he said. "I've seen it. I..."
Mandy hung on his words.
"I'm a shapeshifter," he said. "The story about the people who founded this city. They were people like me."
Mandy broke away.
She turned and stared at him, unable to tell if he was making fun of her. Nothing about Nicolas had suggested that he was stupid, or insane, or out of touch with the world... well, maybe she was an indication that he was out of touch with the world. But while she'd been willing to be wooed, to listen to some comforting fairytale of magic, this wasn't what she'd expected at all.
"You're trying to tell me you turn into a lion?" she asked.
He fidgeted uneasily. "A jaguar, actually..."
He was making fun of her. He had to be. This was some kind of a practical joke, or maybe one of those reality shows she couldn't stop herself from watching, sometimes. Put a hidden camera somewhere, and make a fool of someone. Her face heated. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"
"I can show you!" he said. "Please, there's so much I want to tell you, if you'll just give me a chance!"
He reached out, pleading, and she turned away. This was all too much, too strange, too fast, she had just been a colossal, grade-A idiot, and she couldn't bear it all. She didn't want to see what Nico would try to convince her with, and she didn't want to stay in the same room as him, and she didn't want to stay in the same room as herself, though of course she didn't have a choice there. She grabbed her purse, and ran out the door.
"Mandy!" Nico called after her. She ignored him, and ran faster. He could hardly run after her naked, after all.
Whatever he'd been planning to do... she didn't want to see it. She picked a direction at random, and walked quickly down the street. Turn a corner, and she'd be out of sight to Nico, anyway.
She must have looked like a wreck, but she didn't care; all she wanted was to get away from Nico and his house and her own bad decisions. She could go somewhere, a cafe or a shop or maybe she'd run into a library or a park with a bathroom, and she could put herself together there, and call a cab, and then maybe get out of the studio above Nico's Deli. She shouldn't have accepted that offer in the first place. Should have nipped this whole thing in the bud...
Her phone rang.
She jumped. She'd forgotten all about her phone, and she was frazzled enough that she pulled it out of her purse and answered it before she thought it would be better not to. "Hello?"
For a heartbeat, she was worried that it was Nico. But she'd never given him her number, had she?
But it wasn't Nico's voice that said, "Ah, Mandy. You've been avoiding my calls."
As though the day needed to get any worse. Mandy went cold, all through. "I was going to call back." In a week, or whatever; when she'd gone home. But he didn't give her a chance to say that.
"Sure you were. This isn't funny, Ms. Mandy. I take my money seriously."
"I know," Mandy said. "I can start paying you back..."
"I know you can," the man said. "Especially since you're living it up in a resort town in California. Sudden change of fortune, wasn't that?"
Mandy didn't have words for a second. Shock had driven them all out of her head.
"Your daughter's facebook is very informative," the man said. "So now we know that even if you don't have money, she does. But we thought we'd give you a chance to pay us back, first. Get in the car."
This was all happening too fast for Mandy to keep up with. "I don't understand..."
A white car squealed around the corner in front of her, coming to an abrupt stop in the street. Someone inside leaned over and pushed a rear door open.
Everything in Mandy said that she shouldn't get into the car. But what was she going to do? Run? They could outpace her. Hang up and call 911? By the time police got there, either the car would be long gone or they'd just say they were minding their own business and had no idea why Mandy had called anyone. Scream?
She didn't think fast enough. A big, burly man opened the door and stepped out, grabbing her by the elbow before she could do anything.
And then she did scream, but only for a moment before he clapped his hand over her mouth and shoved her into the back seat.
The car peeled away before anyone could come to see.