15. THE FATE OF THE FATED
ESTHER
“Ma’am?”
I glanced up from my desk to see her standing in front of me with two thick stacks of proofs in her cream-colored hands.
“Shannon, you were my boss once, you don’t have to call me ma’am.” I smiled as I sat back in my grandpa’s—my chair. I extended my arms for the books. “Please sit. How is your son?”
“Terrible,” she frowned as she handed me the stacks. “He’s so cute I hate leaving him in the morning.”
“Do you need a—”
“Don’t be soft.” She directed at me using her boss tone, something I hadn’t heard in a while. “You may be young but you are the boss. You can’t have these kids walking all over you, alright?”
The way she spoke you’d think she was sixty. She was actually forty-four, but that didn’t seem old to me. She was one of those people born with a long and bold nose, but she had a small frame. She kept her hair at shoulder length and her bangs fell right over her eyebrows to make her nose stick out more, to show it off. Every time I saw her I couldn’t help but think she looked like Anna Wintour.
“Esther?”
“Do you want to drink with me?” I asked her as I opened the drawer and grabbed the bottle of red wine I’d replaced my grandfather’s brandy with, along with two glasses.
“It’s ten past three.” She glanced at her watch.
“It’s ten past eight in London.” I rose from my chair up and handed her the glass, which she took and sniffed.
“Is this—?”
“Roma Lemur? Yes. It was a gift from Melton.” With a smile, I walked around the desk, sat in the leather chair beside her and crossed my legs.
“Melton? As in Ryan Melton, the director?”
I nodded as I took a sip. “He tried to seduce me for the rights to one of my grandfather’s plays. He had dollar signs in his eyes. But at least he had a good taste in wine, right?”
I lifted my glass and tapped it against hers.
“Heavy is the head that wears the crown.” She drank and the moment it touched her lips she groaned. “Can someone please try to seduce me with wine? I don’t have billions to my name or anything.”
I laughed. “Not billions, but you come with class and sophistication and a steady job—”
“And an eighteen-month-old whom I love dearly but I’d love to…you know.” She winked at me and I knew what she was implying.
“I don’t know.” I winked back as I finished my glass and set it on my desk. “I kind of wish I did though. I haven’t been with anyone since…geez. I guess since I broke up with Howard, who is still avoiding eye contact with me and I have no idea—”
“He slept with Li-Mei when you were gone last year,” she confessed as she licked the wine from her lips, and her eyes suddenly went wide as she realized what she’d said. “Crap. See, this is why I don’t drink in the daytime.”
“Li-Mei? Is that why she asked to be transferred to the London branch after my grandfather’s funeral?”
She didn’t comment so I took the bottle from my desk and refilled her glass. “Tell me everything.”
“Esther…”
“Think of this as making good with the boss,” I nodded for her to keep talking.
Sighing, she drank again and like a sinner in church, she began to confess, turning to me completely. “Okay. Last year, when you went to Indiana—”
“Montana.”
“Even worse.” She made a face like she’d never go someplace like that. But then again if it wasn’t a city of at least a million, most people in New York would rather stay in New York. “Remind me why you were in Montana again?”
“Anyway…”
“Anyway.” She went on. “Li-Mei was feeling her usual Carrie Bradshaw way, and Howard was just heartbroken. It was like two days after you left—I came in because both you and your grandfather were away. I don’t trust these kids to keep this place afloat without someone to blame if anything went wrong. They—Li-Mei and Howard—kept, you know, avoiding eye contact and then they would steal glances at each other. But this isn’t just gossip. One night I left the office and right on 4th their tongues were down each other’s throats. And it didn’t look like a first kiss between two people. His hand was practically up her skirt.”
“How could she…?” I whispered.
“I know! You guys hadn’t even been broken up for a week?”
“Not to me. To him.”
“Who?”
When she said that I realized she had no idea why I really wanted to know…I guess she thought I’d be jealous or upset. But I wasn’t upset about Howard. I was upset with Li-Mei…even though I had no right to be. It’s not like she knew about…him. But still. I felt bad. Like I’d caught a wife cheating on her husband while he was away.
“Esther?”
“Huh?” I looked back at her and she was anxiously looking over me. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. Besides, Li-Mei gets back tonight so I’ll see her for dinner.”
Her eyes went wide.
“Don’t worry, I won’t talk about this or ever let anyone know you told me. I promise.”
“There is no promise better than a Noëlle’s promise,” she whispered. It was something my grandfather used to say. She looked down at the glass in her hands. “I miss him.”
“Me too,” I said leaning back. In one month, it would be a full year since he’d passed.
“Is that why you haven’t changed his office?”
I looked around at all his awards, and photos, and…life…all hanging on the walls of his office. It was my office now but it would always be his.
“Yes. Besides I have nothing to replace it with.” What could I hang up? My college diploma? It seemed kind of silly in comparison…seeing that my grandfather had never graduated from university. Though he’d been given many honorary degrees.
“You still have a long life ahead of you. I’m sure you’ll be replacing—no—doing greater and better things,” she said as she stood up and snapped her fingers. “Like your book! Why wasn’t I the first to get a copy of the final draft? I heard Rafi demanded to direct if it ever becomes a movie. Apparently it’s gone be huge he said. It’s about the Japanese internment camps, right? When are we publishing it?”
“Not until I get the okay,” I whispered rising too.
“From whom?”
“Thanks for drinking with me, Shannon.” I nodded to her. Understanding that I didn’t want to talk about it, she didn’t press my any further and instead smiled at me as she walked out.
I moved towards my chair, reached for the remote and hit the button that caused the glass walls to frost over.
Returning my attention to the computer screen I saw that the word CONFIRM was still there.
Scrolling up, I clicked yes only to be met with, “Error: Your session has expired. Please rebook this flight.”
But when I tried to rebook it, the flight was full. I couldn’t help but laugh as I sat back down in my chair, which felt awkward to sit in. After almost a year it was still molded my grandfather’s shape and had refused to change to mine. “Why is it so easy to leave Lieber Falls but such a pain to get there?”
Was he even there still?
I wasn’t going for him. I wasn’t. I was going to see Mr. and Mrs. Yamauchi. I wanted them to read the book and hear their thoughts. But I knew if I went…I’d end up trying to see him again, if only to slap the hell out of him.
Malachi Lord. After everything my grandfather had done for him he hadn’t even attended his funeral? Why? Because he was worried about Li-Mei. Meanwhile, she was busy screwing someone else!
“Ms. Noëlle?”
“What?!” I snapped as I turned around to see Adith, Rafi’s timid, less chic, younger brother, staring back at me, his hazel eyes wide. “Sorry. Come in. What is it?”
“You’re meeting with the lawyers from Semi-Ted Entertainment. You’re going to be late if you don’t leave now. I called a car. I heard Mr. Rickman tends to talk a lot, so I’ve pushed you’re meeting back to five thirty. That gives you more than enough time to meet up with Ms. Zhou before heading to the Gala tonight. Your dress has been sent over to your apartment or would you like it brought here?”
“Here is better. Traffic is going to be pain from my home,” I said as he handed me my bag and coat.
“No problem,” he said already texting. “And I’ll let them know you’re on the way.”
I nodded as I buttoned my coat and placed my leather Prada gloves on. I grabbed my sunglasses, the ones I used for more than just the sun, and walked out of the office with Adith right behind me. Everyone in the Hive gazed up at me and I realized once again that I wasn’t my old self anymore. I’d know that my grandfather was important—that his work was important—but after he died and I saw the magnitude of everything that was now left to me to take care of. I realized he’d been holding the sky up above my head…allowing me to just be young and enjoy life without worrying about anything other than myself. And now that he was gone, I couldn’t just think of me any longer.
My grandfather’s legacy. Everything he’d built, everything he’d dedicated his life to, I couldn’t and wouldn’t let go to waste. So I couldn’t be their friend…I couldn’t be really approachable, not with so many people trying to take everything away. I had to be Esther Noëlle and the sunglasses helped to create the necessary distance. If they couldn’t look into my eyes, they couldn’t see how weak I felt.
“Have a good lunch.”
I nodded to him and stepped into the elevators. As soon as the door closed one of the interns inside turned to me. “We have the same taste! Christian Louboutin makes the best purses. I have that exact—”
“Don’t do that,” I said as the doors opened to the ground floor. “Don’t make up a lie in order to get close to me. Especially one you aren’t confident in. This it isn’t a Louboutin. The shoes are, but the bag is Oscar. There are only three in the world and I have two.”
When I stepped out, I partially turned to her. “You aren’t the first intern who rode the elevator all day hoping to coincidently hand me their work. If your work is good, and you work hard here, it will eventually end up on my table. Don’t try to lie your way ahead with me…I hate that.”
I nodded to her before I turned and walked towards the exit where my town car was waiting. The wind swirled around me as I stepped through the revolving doors and, without a word, I slid into the backseat of the car. Putting my purse beside me, I pulled off my gloves and reached for my headphones. Taking a deep breath, I pressed play.
“Esther!” He laughed. “How I wish I could hear you scream ‘Grandpa!’ back at me, I apologize…I apologize that I’m not with you. I’m not there to tell you Happy Birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. I wish I was. But sometimes wishing isn’t enough. Action is needed. So I acted. But sometimes acting isn’t enough. You need faith. You need to trust yourself. I knew when I sent you to Malachi that it would be the last time I saw you. But I wasn’t upset. I was happy because I knew you wouldn’t be alone. I knew you’d laugh. I knew you’d do what you always did and make everyone around you feel…joy.”
Pressing pause, I pressed my head against the window. Sorry, Grandpa…I had no more joy to give.
MALACHI
“Welcome to the Big Apple!” The flight attendant smiled at us as I, and the rest of the first-class passengers, exited the plane.
“I wish I could stay. I’m only connecting. Where do I find flight NW343?” an elderly man with a cane asked her.
“Sir,” I nodded to him and he looked at me. “I’m heading there. Would you like to follow me?”
“Ahh! Yes please.”
I took hold of his carry on.
“No, it’s alright.”
“Don’t worry, I got it.” Walking forward I waited for him to follow and when he did, he walked slowly.
“Did you know that over one hundred and fifty thousand people transit through JFK per day? That’s big enough to be its own city.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said as I tried to avoid the mass of people going in the opposite direction. “But I believe it.”
JFK was always busy. It was one of the busiest airports in the world and because of that, it was a gateway to the world. The last place I wanted to be was in the Big Apple. In fact, my flight was supposed to connect through Montreal, but because there was freak snowstorm covering the city we’d been redirected here.
Two more hours. Two more hours.
“Sorry.”
“Excuse me.”
A few people said as they bumped into me. Some didn’t even say a word they just kept staring at their cellphones.
“There are only three things that send a man to Italy,” the old man said in front of me.
I noticed that no one seemed to bump into him as we made our way through the airport. I guess people were more careful around the elderly. It seemed to be a good perk to being old.
“Art, food, and love. Which are you going for?”
My eyebrow rose at the thought of that, then looking down at the top of his balding head I asked, “Which are you going for? The art?”
“What’s life if you can’t have all three?”
“Then I too am chasing all three,” I lied though I knew he could tell. “The gate isn’t far.” I nodded up ahead at the gate number. But I paused when I saw my name on a stand with my novel, River of Velvet. I stared at the deep red cover with the Arabic-styled writing in gold for a moment.
“My daughters love his work; they tell me all about them. I didn’t realize he was so popular,” he said as he looked up at me.
“Apparently not. No one is buying a copy.”
The moment I said it, he took a copy, walked inside and handed it to the woman behind the counter. She smiled at him and gave him the book and his receipt.
“I’m a sucker for a good romance.” He grinned as he flipped through the pages. “It’s a shame his books end so tragically.”
“Yes. It’s a tragedy. We should get going—”
“Have you read any of his work? It’s really a shame that the characters are a bit foolish.”
“Excuse me?” I paused staring at him.
Without a care in the world he repeated, “For some reason all of this author’s protagonists and their lovers are always a bit foolish. Brave and kind, but foolish. They don’t act when they are supposed to act. They stay when they should go. They make little mistakes that throw off the whole course of their lives.”
“They are human, of course they make mistakes, and it’s not always their fault, others—”
“Yes, others intercede and try to keep them apart. That’s part of the tragedy…but…never mind, I’m still rooting for them.” He smiled as he began to walk forward and I walked slowly beside him…more frustrated than before…never mind what?
“I don’t think we’re going the right way.” He paused as he looked to his right and then his left as the crowd broke up between us.
“NW343 is that—”
“Sorry!” the woman said quickly, as her bag snagged on the duffle bag that was slung over my shoulder causing everything in it to fall to the ground right beside my feet.
“It’s fine.” I bent down to help her pick up her things and that was when my hand reached for the book…an all-too-familiar worn out and dog-eared copy of Sophocles’ Antigone. I picked it up and I could feel the rising pressure around my heart. I didn’t need to look up to know it was her but I did. There she was, right in front of me, her blonde hair now dyed an auburn brown color.
“Li…Li-Mei?”
Her head snapped up at the sound of her name and she stared at me wide-eyed. “Malachi Lord? Hi!”
She stretched out her hand but I stood up ready to bolt if I had to. Yet still I couldn’t look away from….
“Talk about déjà vu! Are you in New York for the Autumn Ball? It’s been chaotic since they moved the date up.”
She kept talking but my eyes were glued to the child that was strapped into the carrier on her chest. Something wasn’t right. In all of our lives she’d never gotten pregnant, let alone had a child. No matter what history had thrown our way—
“Say hi, Glen.” She took the boy’s hand and waved at me. Unamused he pulled his hand away and seemed about to cry. She bounced him up and down before reaching out for the book in my hand. “Esther will kill me if I do any more damage to this book.”
“Esther?”
It was Esther’s!
She looked at me like I was insane, a look I was familiar with, but at this moment I didn’t care.
“Yes, Esther. Are you alright? Every time we meet you act like you’re on the verge of a having a mental breakdown.”
“Sorry.” I shook my head and stretched my hand out to her. I needed to see…I needed to know. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t able to properly introduce myself last time. I’m Malachi Lord, thank you for working so hard on my behalf.”
She smiled and shook my hand. “Nice to properly meet you too, Malachi. And thank you for saving my mother that time.”
I was holding her hand. I was holding her hand and yet I felt nothing. When she let go I felt nothing. I’d felt something when I touched the book…
“The book…its Esther’s?”
“Sophocles’ Antigone?” She looked down at it. “Yeah. I’m working on an MFA for Creative Writing and my thesis is on it and Esther’s edition is the only one with the footnotes of—wait…why are you asking—? Shit, I’m late! I have to go! Nice meeting you again!”
When she spun around she grabbed her bag and left without looking back and I felt as if the ground under my feet was breaking apart. The more I stared at her retreating form as it disappeared into the crowd, the harder my heart began to pound. But that was nothing in comparison to the rush of memories that flooded my mind. Not of decades or hundreds of years past but simply a few months ago, and in my mind, I heard her voice clearly.
“Esther Noëlle, Translation Editor at Penohxi Publishing House, retiring klutz, persona non-grata of Lieber Falls, and creator of Lord Nation online, I’m your biggest fan.” That was the first time we’d been introduced and that was what had triggered my memories, not the rings.
“Malachi, this is amazing! I feel like…I like…I’m riding a horse!—” I rode my motorcycle for that exact reason. It felt like I was riding the fastest horse of all time.
“You have a long lost love? Is that why your books end tragically? For some reason it didn’t work out and so now your characters can never be happy either? Is this why this new book is so hard for you to write?” She knew the answer exactly and yet didn’t realize how.
“I knew Grandpa would send you. Hi, Malachi, sorry I’m so late…” And the first time she met me, the night under the moonlight, just when she got close to me she’d fainted in my arms. She hadn’t fainted again since…it wasn’t out of exhaustion…that dazed look in her eyes, the way she looked as if she were looking right through me…it was how I was when the memories started to come back to me.
“Your love, your life has inspired millions—no billions—of people to love foolishly…selfishly…unreasonably, with no regard for anyone or anything else.”
“It was her…” I said so softly I wasn’t even sure if the words came from my lips… “It was her.” I broke out laughing. It was impossible and yet… Sophocles had fallen at my feet twice. Warning me twice.
He didn’t just write Antigone…but he also wrote Oedipus Rex…and like him, I’m trying to avoid my fate I had created it.
RUN.
It was the only thing I could do, I picked up my things and made it only a few feet before I remembered the old man. But when I looked back he was no longer there…neither was his carry on.
Where in the…?
Beep. Beep. “Excuse us.” A woman called up ahead from one of the carts. And there he was, sitting facing me, his nose in my book as he held on to his cane…his cane that looked like…like Alfred’s.
Like the one he’d been holding in my dream…What am I thinking? It’s not possible.
And yet the old man who was dressed in flannel with a large bald spot in the center of his head looked up at me and the corner of his lip turned up.
“No.” I took a step forward but the sea of people quickly closed the gap the cart had created and just like that they were gone in the bustle of the airport and I was sure I was going insane. Part of me wanted to go to the gate just to make sure I hadn’t lost my sanity…instead I turned away and ran in the opposite direction as the screens above showed a picture of John F. Kennedy. His words appeared on every screen and his voice rang out in my ear as I ran.
“In whatever arena of life one may meet the challenge of courage, whatever may be the sacrifices he faces if he follows his conscience—the loss of his friends, his fortune, his contentment, even the esteem of his fellow men—each man must decide for himself the course he will follow. The stories of past courage can define that ingredient—they can teach, they can offer hope, they provide inspiration. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own soul. - John F Kennedy, the 35th President of the United States… Thank you for choosing JFK International Airport. Tell us your destination…there is no place we can’t get you.”
Her.
It had always been her.
It was the only place I could think of going and the only person who could get me to her was…
“Li-Mei!” I grabbed her arm and she stared at me wide-eyed and terrified. “I’m sorry but I need your help!”
I couldn’t run from this…from her. Everything wasn’t coincidence. It was fate.
Our fate.