All the Clauses in the Contract

 

Clause 1- General Purpose of Contract

This Contract is entered into by Guinevere Pendragon and Midas (no last name given) willingly and knowingly.  Each party wishes to define their rights and obligations under the arrangement herein discussed and attest that they fully understand all its terms, conditions, clauses, and caveats.  The purpose of this Contract is to ensure there will be no misunderstanding in the future and to facilitate a smooth and profitable partnership.

 

Clause 2- Change of Names

Parties will keep their respective last names.  Or lack thereof.

 

Clause 3- Care and Protection of Avalon Pendragon (a minor)

Midas (no last name given) will do his best to protect Avalon Pendragon (a minor).  He will attempt to use appropriate language when around her (emphasis his) and refrain from exposing her to unsavory elements.  He will provide a suitable bodyguard.  He will not harm Avalon Pendragon, endanger her, deliberately hurt her feelings, allow her to be injured by a failure of action on his part, interfere with her upbringing, or instigate unnecessary conversations.

When possible, he will simply ignore her.

 

Clause 4- Physical Activity Between Parties

There is no expectation, implied or stated, that the parties’ union will ever be consummated.

 

Clause 5- Oversight of the Kingdom

Upon reclaiming the kingdom, Guinevere Pendragon promises to make Midas (no last name given) King of Camelot, with the understanding that Avalon Pendragon is to remain, now and forevermore, heir to the throne.  He may rule by Guinevere Pendragon’s side for as long as he wishes, provided that he does not wantonly oppress, torture, or enslave their subjects.

 

Clause 6- Partnership Responsibilities of Guinevere Pendragon

Guinevere Pendragon will, to the best of her abilities, offer Midas (no last name given) protection from her enemies.  In the event that her bid to reclaim Camelot is unsuccessful, she will take full responsibility for the hostilities with said enemies and will endeavor to face the consequences alone.

She will at no time allow him to be endangered, if she has the means to prevent it.

 

Clause 7- Separate Lives and Other Relationships

The parties agree to lead separate lives.  They will do their best not to infringe upon the private business of the other party.  Midas (no last name given) is free to pursue outside affairs, so long as he does not bring strangers around Avalon Pendragon (a minor).

Guinevere Pendragon will not pursue outside affairs while married to Midas.  She will be given her own bedroom, with a lock.

 

Clause 8- Privacy and Disclosure

Full disclosure need not be given on matters that happened before parties met, do not pertain to the other party, and/or do not violate any other clauses in the agreement.

Especially if those matters regard Arthur Pendragon.

 

Clause 9- Partnership Responsibilities of Midas (no last name given)

Midas (no last name given) will furnish Guinevere Pendragon and her daughter with shelter, food, reasonable support in the face of their enemies, and the supplies necessary to enact her campaign, on the condition that she pay him back for all expenses once Camelot has been returned to her control.

He may offer input on the campaign, as he deems necessary, with the understanding that Guinevere Pendragon is in command of the offensive and in charge of all strategic planning.  (Please note emphasis on the word “all.”)

 

Clause 10- Communication Between Partners

Each day, the parties will meet to frankly discuss new/developing issues that could impact their partnership.

Honesty is expected.

 

Clause 11- Reasons for Nullification and/or Termination of Marriage

The Contract can be voided for any of the following reasons: Abuse, lies, excessive drinking and/or drug use, unseemly behavior around Avalon, general incompatibility, misuse of magic, breaking any clauses in the Contract, and/or a judgement by one or both parties that the agreement is no longer in the best interest of them, their dependents, or the Kingdom of Camelot for any reason whatsoever, even if it is not specifically listed above.

It can also be terminated in case of the discovery of Midas’ True Love.

 

Clause 12- Respect and Cooperation Between Partners

Cooperation is the goal of this partnership.  Parties will treat each other with respect and consideration.  If need be, they will also provide a sounding board for ideas or offer appropriate support.  If an issue is of importance to one party, they can request the second party’s assistance, collaboration, or focus on said issue.

The second party will do his/her best to accommodate them without whining.

 

Clause 13- Limitation of Surprises

Guinevere Pendragon agrees to limit surprises to three (3) a day.

 

Clause 14- Renegotiation of the Contract

At any time, any portion of this Contract may be renegotiated by the parties, to reflect their current and/or changing circumstances.  Both parties must agree to the changes, without duress, or the Contract cannot be altered.

Once altered it will be binding.  Unless they want to alter it again.

 

Clause 15- Liabilities to Partnership

Both parties will promptly share any liabilities that could negatively impact the success of the partnership.  (ie: outside deals that would conflict with this Contract, relevant curses/spells, or particularly dangerous enemies.)

When possible, they will deal with these liabilities as a team. If this is not possible, it is up to the effected party to solve the problem quickly, logically, and with as little bloodshed as possible.

 

Clause 16- Unexpected Situations

If a situation occurs not foreseen by this Contract, but needing action, the parties will mutually agree on an appropriate solution.  Guinevere Pendragon will lead the discussion.

 

Clause 17- Instance of Guinevere Pendragons’ Death

In case of the death of Guinevere Pendragon, Sir Galahad is granted guardianship of Avalon Pendragon (a minor) and full control of her estates.  If he cannot be found, Midas (no last name given) will assume responsibility.

He will try not to screw it up.

 

Clause 18- Instances of Midas’ (no last name given) Death

In the case of Midas’ (no last name given) death, his estate and property will be dispersed according to his Last Will and Testament.

(Note:  As he inexplicably has no Last Will and Testament as of the writing of this Contract, Guinevere Pendragon will help him draft one as soon as possible.  Until then, his verbal instructions are that his entire estate pass to Mr. Trystan Airbourne, with the understanding that the man: “Give it all to who I’d want to give it to.  He knows who I mean.  And --f*ck-- tell him to buy himself a really fancy axe or something fun.  Live a little.”)

 

Clause 19- Disposition of Property of Midas (no last name given) in Event of Contract’s Termination

In the event that the Contract is terminated or nullified, each party will leave the marriage with the property they brought into it.  Therefore, Midas (no last name given) will retain his gold, his castle, his horses, his business, and all material belongings related to any of the above.

He agrees to pay Guinevere Pendragon any alimony she wishes, even though she has repeatedly tried to talk him out of it.

 

Clause 20- Disposition of Property of Guinevere Pendragon in Event of Contract’s Termination

In the event that the Contract is terminated or nullified, each party will leave the marriage with the property they brought into it.  Therefore, Guinevere Pendragon will retain all estates inherited from her father and/or former husband (provided she can retrieve them from her enemies), her wedding band from Arthur Pendragon, and sole custody of Avalon Pendragon (a minor).

She will not pay alimony to Midas (no last name given).

 

Clause 21- Amended Physical Contact Agreement

(Containing Nullification of Clause 7-Separate Lives and Other Relationships)

Parties agree that their partnership is exclusive and monogamous.  Additionally, each day, they will alternate mutually agreed on physical contact (ie: third-base behaviors).  The purpose of said activity is the satisfaction of needs.

Clothes will stay mostly on.

 

Clause 22- Consummation of Marriage

(Containing Nullifications of Clauses 4- Physical Activity Between Parties and 21- Amended Physical Contact Agreement)

Parties agree to nullify all previously written rules regarding their physical contact, with the exception of the fact that they will remain monogamous.  The parties instead agree to engage in any consensual physical activity, at any time and for however long they both wish.

Clothes may come off, as applicable.

 

Clause 23- Sharing a Name

(Containing Nullification of Clause 2- Change of Names)

Parties agree that Guinevere, Avalon (a minor), and Midas will share a single, new and permanent last name, just as soon as they find one they like.

 

Clause 24- Adoption of Avalon Skycast (a minor)

(Containing Nullification of Clause 3- Care and Protection of Avalon Pendragon (a minor) and Clause 17- Instance of Guinevere’s Pendragons’ Death)

Midas Skycast will formally and legally adopt Avalon Skycast (a minor) and have all the rights and responsibilities of a biological father.  He will try not to spoil her too much.

 

Clause 25- Mr. Trystan Airbourne

Parties agree that, in the event of both of their deaths, guardianship of Avalon Skycast (a minor) and control of her estates will pass to Mr. Trystan Airbourne.  Mr. Trystan Airbourne responds to this clause (verbally, as he would not sign a “pointless scroll which seeks to explain what is already obvious to all.”) that he will not allow Guinevere and Midas Skycast to die.  But if they do, it’s because they were undoubtedly “stupid” and he will endeavor to raise Avalon correctly, so as not to follow their “f*cking stupid examples.”

Parties agree that this response means he willingly accepts the responsibilities of guardianship.

 

Clause 26- Jewelry from Other People

Guinevere Skycast agrees not to wear jewelry from other men, so long as Midas Skycast agrees not to wear jewelry from other women and to stop nagging her about this stupid clause.

 

Clause 27-Amendment to all Clauses

The marriage contract between the parties takes precedent over all clauses of this Contract.  All clauses in this Contract will be renegotiated to reflect the changed circumstances of the parties (ie: their status as True Loves) and their desire to stay legally, legitimately, and happily married.

Their wedding vows are therefore considered binding in perpetuity.