Gavin and I were sitting on the wooden swing in the backyard of my house, watching the forest turn purple and pink. It was almost dawn. My grandmother was safely inside. My grandfather was on his way back from St. Andrews. And in my world, everything was perfect. Finally perfect.
I leaned against Gavin, my head on his chest while he rocked us with his feet. I could hear his heartbeat, feel the warmth of his skin through his shirt. He stroked my hair lightly. I couldn’t get close enough to him.
“I love you, Maren,” he said. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I didn’t think I could feel this way.”
“You’ve never been in love before?” I asked. “Not in your two hundred eighty-three years? Not with all those hundreds of girls you’ve rescued?”
He looked wounded by my accusation. “No, never.” He shook his head. “Not even close. Angels are supposed to love everyone, all of humanity equally, but now I realize it’s a superficial love. What I feel for you is so much deeper. It’s like you’ve somehow planted roots inside me that are twisted around my heart. I’m not sure I can live without them now.” He paused. “Have you ever been in love before?” I thought I saw a hint of jealousy in his crystal-blue eyes.
“No,” I confessed. “I’ve never even been in serious like before. Unless you count Adam Cohnen . . .”
“Who’s that? I’ll kill him!” Gavin said playfully.
“My fourth-grade crush.”
“Did you kiss him?” Gavin asked, raising his eyebrows.
I nodded. “Yep. Behind the jungle gym. I chased him, and I kissed him on the cheek. But he didn’t kiss me back.”
Gavin moved his hands to the sides of my neck, under my ears, cradling my face. “Then Adam Cohnen is a fool,” he breathed.
I was overwhelmed with how much I adored him. I could barely stand how much I wanted to be with him. I lifted my arms up around his neck. We pulled closer to each other until our lips were touching. Even though I thought every kiss from him would end me, this, this was the most amazing kiss of my life. The whole world disappeared. I couldn’t feel anything but him.
“I love you,” he said again when we finally parted.
“I love you too,” I replied.
“Never forget that. No matter what happens, no matter where you are or what you’re doing, know that I love you. That I will always love you.”
I sat up. Something wasn’t right. “What do you mean, ‘no matter what happens’?” I asked. “It’s over. We won.”
“It’s not over,” he said, looking into the woods like he was waiting for something. “It’s never over. They’ll send more demons.”
“And you’ll kill them,” I said. “Because you’re awesome like that. You’re my strong, handsome, amazing, wonderful demon killer.” I traced his features with my fingertips. He had scrubbed off the soot and dried blood, and the wounds left behind were bright red, but they gave his beauty a fierce edge that excited me. I bent his head and gently kissed each of them, then kissed him on the mouth.
“Mmm-maren,” he said, muffled because my lips were over his.
“What?” I said between kisses, refusing to stop.
He put his hands on my shoulder and gently pushed me back a few inches.
“What?” I said, moving toward him again.
“I broke the rules, Maren. I’m sorry, and I knew better, but . . .”
“I know you broke the rules. I did too. So what?”
“Not those rules, Maren. It’s much more serious than that.”
“What’s more serious than falling in love with me?” I joked.
“Breaching sacred ground . . . or more like destroying it.”
“You mean Campbell Hall?” I asked. “Yeah, I thought angels couldn’t get into a demon’s lair like demons can’t go into churches. How did you manage that?”
“It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you’re forbidden from doing so. You can physically do it, but if you do, you’ve crossed a line that can’t be uncrossed. By going into the Campbell place, I’ve doomed an angel stronghold somewhere.”
“How?”
“By trespassing, I broke a Covenant and created a Vendetta. Now the demons will get to pick a sacred place of ours to invade.”
“That’s awful,” I said.
He drew me closer to him. “I know. But it doesn’t matter now. It’s done.”
He stopped talking and stared ahead. I followed his gaze and saw three smears of light, hovering like fireflies. Then I remembered there weren’t any fireflies in Scotland.
The lights got closer and larger, coming toward us. I strained to get a better look.
They were angels, although taller and much sterner looking than Gavin.
“What’s going on?” I asked nervously.
“I have to go,” he said flatly.
“Where?”
“I’m not sure. Wherever they decide. I told you, I broke the rules . . .”
“So you’re going to get punished? They’re going to take you away?” His silence confirmed it was true. The closer the angels got to us, the more my panic grew. I remembered what Gia said about angels who were “reassigned.” That they were never heard from again. I couldn’t lose Gavin. I couldn’t breathe without him. My chest was already tightening.
“Why did you break the rules then?” I practically screamed, jerking out of his embrace. “If you knew this would happen, you should have stayed outside! I’d already unlocked the sword. If you’d only waited a few more minutes before you busted in, I could have killed Graham, and we’d be together!”
I had been so close. But he couldn’t wait a few minutes, minutes that were now going to cost us an eternity. If only he had held off . . . The injustice of it was making me sick.
I looked at him and realized he wasn’t upset. He was calmly watching the angels approach, accepting his fate. Why isn’t he freaking out like I am?
“You can’t be with me,” he said quietly. “I love you too much to let you live this life. I won’t do this to you. This was the only way.”
My heart started racing. “What are you talking about?”
He turned and looked at me. His eyes were heavy with grief. “You’ve been through too much already. I saw how losing Jo crushed you. Loving me will put you in danger every day, will cause you unimaginable pain . . .” He trailed off, as if he couldn’t bear to continue.
I blinked in disbelief as his words sunk in. He hadn’t burst into Campbell Hall in a fit of passion. He had done it on purpose. He was deliberately sending himself into exile.
“What about what I want?” I cried. “Don’t I get a say in this? I don’t care about the danger or the pain. I just want to be with you!”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know I didn’t give you a choice. But you have to understand, this is the only way. I knew you wouldn’t be able to let me go. And I couldn’t just walk away from you. I tried. I’m not strong enough. That’s why I did this. I had to. For you.”
Frustration mixed with anger to form a terrible hurricane inside me. “For me? How do you know what I would or wouldn’t be able to do? You had no right to choose for me! It was my choice! I chose you! I chose you!”
The angels were now in front of us. Gavin stood up. I jumped to my feet next to him.
“Gavin,” the middle angel intoned, “you are being called to Tribunal. Please come with us.” They placed their hands on his shoulders, and all four of them started to fade away. Gavin was disappearing right in front of my eyes.
I started screaming. “No! You can’t do this! You can’t do this! Gavin!”
Gavin stood motionless, held by invisible restraints. I could no longer feel him, as if he were made of air. He moved his mouth, but no sound came out. I read his lips: “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“Please, no!” I wailed. “Please, don’t do this! Don’t take him! Please, I can’t live without him! He’s everything to me! He’s all I have! Please! Please!”
He became more and more transparent, until he was completely gone. I fell face-first on the grass and howled.
I felt like my heart had been cut from my chest. In many ways, it had.