Chapter Ten
She pulled up to her apartment and sat in the car for long minutes, unable to bring herself to even move.
Back in Portland, she’d stayed at the scene while it had been processed. They canvassed the neighborhood but the houses were very far apart so no one claimed to have seen anything. The place they’d found Allie in was supposed to have been empty, the last tenants having left six months before. No one had noticed anything at all.
She searched for the mage energy all around, driving aimlessly after she’d left the scene but saw nothing.
In the end, nearly on autopilot, she’d gotten on the freeway and headed south. She couldn’t inform Kathy of her child’s death by phone, and she sure as hell didn’t trust Dexter to send anyone over there who’d gently break the news.
So she’d gone straight to Kathy’s once she’d gotten off the freeway. Luckily Allie’s aunt had been there, but still, she’d had to tell a mother that her child was dead. Even with a judicious removal of detail, it was hard to say and even harder for Kathy to hear.
They’d all cried for what seemed like hours, and still, she’d held back a great deal of her grief because she didn’t want any more of a burden on Kathy. Allie’s aunt was able to get Kathy to rest, and though she’d offered a place for Michelle to stay, she’d refused and driven around town for some time before she’d ended up home.
Her phone rang and she saw Josh’s number. Immediately she felt better.
“Hey.”
“Hey yourself, beautiful. Where are you?”
She’d called him halfway to Roseburg to let him know what she was doing. He’d been angry that she’d gone without him, but she’d simply explained Kathy had a right to know as soon as possible and she needed to hear it directly from someone who loved Allie too.
And she needed that time in the car, all by herself, to process—or try to process—all she’d been through in the last week. The time to feel whatever the hell she wanted to without worrying over how anyone else would react.
“I’m getting out of my car now. I’m at my apartment. I’ve been at Kathy’s for the last four hours.” Exhaustion dogged her steps as she headed down the path to her place. The air was clean and crisp. She should have been cold but she just didn’t feel much of anything.
“I’ll be back up soon. Kathy has to make funeral arrangements. They’ll release the body in a day or two.” Not like it wasn’t clear Allie had been torn to pieces, but she understood the authorities wanted to get as many details as they could before they let the family have the body for burial.
“I won’t ask how you are. I can hear it. Damn it, Michelle, I wish you hadn’t gone down without me.”
She unlocked her door and turned off her alarm. She might have been tired, but not too tired to use her othersight to be sure no one else had been in her place or was there now. Relieved that she was alone and everything was undisturbed, she locked up and slumped down the hall. Noting her bed was still messy from where she’d jumped up just a week earlier when Kathy had called to say Allie was missing.
Had it only been seven days?
Josh was speaking and she realized she hadn’t heard a word.
“I’m sorry. I was using my othersight, I didn’t hear you.”
He sighed and she knew he worried. She knew he ached to help and make her better. It meant something. Everything really. No one had been that to her before. Not in the way he was. “Everything is safe? You’re safe?”
Physically? Sure. It was emotionally and mentally she wasn’t so sure of. “Yes. No one’s been here.”
“Give me your address, just so I have it, and go to sleep if you can.”
She did. And then she hesitated and realized she needed to say something before she lost her nerve. “Josh?”
“Yes, beautiful?”
“I love you.”
His breath caught. “Sweetheart.” So much emotion in one word. It had to be hard for him, the protective alpha wolf that he was, to be away from her. All of that longing rang in his tone. “I love you too. Lock your doors. Get some rest. I’ll talk with you soon.”
* * *
She managed to stumble into the shower to wash the stink of death off. But it wasn’t gone from her heart. Now that no one depended on her, she let it go. Let the walls holding back all the emotion fall. The tears came in hot, gut-wrenching sobs as she shook so hard she could barely keep her feet.
She’d failed. The most important task she’d ever had and she’d failed. And the cost was higher than she could bear. She’d never hear Allie laugh again. Never go bowling with her or innertube down the river. They’d never again go shoe shopping and bitch about men together. Michelle would never be able to tell her about Josh coming back into her life in such an improbable way.
Her best friend had died alone and terrified. And for what? In truth, Allie hadn’t even been that gifted a witch! A little bit of power, most of it for healing and nurturing. And now she’d never get married and have babies. She’d never finish another one of Michelle’s sentences.
There were no words to describe how bereft Michelle was left after that loss. It seemed unbelievable that Allie simply did not exist anywhere in the world anymore. Last weekend they’d gone to the outlet malls and goofed around looking for handbags and now she was dead.
Stupid. Horrible.
Senseless. Damn it.
The water had long since run cold and shivers wracked her body when she finally came back to herself. There were no tears left.
She got out, not bothering with anything more than a cursory rub with a towel, and then fell into bed.
If she hadn’t been so damned drained from all the grief and guilt, she might have been kept up, tormented by the images of that day. But she fell hard and fast into the kind of sleep blessedly free of dreams. But she was dimly aware, as she slipped into sleep, that Josh wasn’t next to her and she’d gotten used to him so fast.
* * *
Josh had called her as he left Portland but once he’d heard her voice he knew she needed sleep more than he needed to see her. He could wait.
A few hours at least.
Once he got to Roseburg, he allowed himself a cruise down the street he’d grown up on. Where he’d ridden his bike and his skateboard. His parents had moved to Colorado a few years before. He’d never visited, though his mother had issued a few halfhearted invitations.
He wished he had feelings about it. But all he had was ambivalence. In the ten years since he’d gone off to college, he’d seen them twice. Once at a funeral of one of his paternal grandparents. He’d had cake and drank bad coffee from a church urn and had left after an hour at the wake. And then once before they’d gone to Colorado. He’d met them at the airport, and they’d had lunch at a crappy hotel diner while they waited for their flight.
He didn’t miss them. Didn’t think to call them when something good happened in his life. Didn’t give much thought to them one way or the other. And he didn’t think they did of him really either.
He had a family. Not one he was born to. But one he’d made. A group of people who’d proven to him over and over that they would always have his back. And now he had Michelle.
He drove to her apartment complex and parked, taking a walk through the grounds as the sun rose. Making sure she was safe. Giving himself something to do instead of going to her door.
He’d left her the day before at the scene of that horrible murder. It had been hard to do, though he understood the reasons for it. He’d had to walk away and trust Pam to take care of her in his absence. Yes, yes, Michelle was a cop, she saw rough things, but none of the victims had been her best friend before.
And she’d been there hours. Helping with the canvass of the neighborhood, Pam had said. And then she’d gotten in her car and headed to Roseburg. Without him.
She’d called him to let him know and he’d been so angry. Hurt. But then he’d let it go because he understood it. Understood that she needed him, but was giving that up so she could go be there for Kathy, not trusting anyone else to tell her about Allie with as much kindness and compassion as Michelle could. Needing to grieve with someone who loved Allie too.
So he’d tied up his loose ends and had packed a bag and headed to her. The longer they were separated, the more antsy he was.
What he hadn’t expected was the way his wolf had risen and refused to back down. He needed to claim her. Being separated when she was in such an emotional state had pushed him to the breaking point. The wolf had let the man handle it for a week, but now it was time to let the man know he wasn’t human and his mate was unclaimed.
Claimed, he could protect her better. Claimed, he’d have a tie to her that would enable him to soothe, comfort, and defend. He knew she’d had a lot to manage in the last week. Knew the bond would add more to that list. And yet, he also knew the thing between them was real. Knew the bond would make things better. Not totally, she had a lot of grieving in her future, he understood that too.
After he’d prowled the grounds and before the cops got called due to a man hanging around the area, he headed back to his car to wait for her to wake up. He wanted her to get as much rest as she could.
He did some work and tried to not look up every two minutes toward the building where her apartment was. And like magick—he supposed it was magick of sorts—he knew when she’d woken up. Even without the bond he knew it. He got out and walked to her door, knocking.
* * *
She shuffled into her kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She’d need to call Josh in a bit, let him know she was awake and also that she’d missed him. Just hearing his voice would make her feel better.
Being back in Roseburg, even after that short time in Portland had made everything far more clear. Now that Allie was gone, she had nothing holding her in town and everything beckoning her to Portland.
What she had now, well it wasn’t logical really, though she had known him a very long time. She could tell herself it couldn’t possibly be love. And she could tell herself that in the face of the knowledge that she did love him. But what would be served?
Allie would have told her to shut up and accept it like the gift it was. Sometimes you just knew things. Another thing she knew was that his wolf chafed at the inability to claim her. Gina had broken down and told her how difficult it was for any male to not seal a mate bond, especially when they were living with and having sex and intimacy with their mate. She didn’t want that for him. Not any longer. She wanted him to be able to take that step with her.
They’d talk about it when she got back to Portland.
She peeked into her fridge and pulled out a yogurt and then heard the knock on her door. With a sigh, she headed over. She’d slept in her sweats and a T-shirt so she was relatively decent.
One look through the peephole had her turning off the alarm and yanking the door open to find Josh on her doorstep. Joy filled her at the sight of him.
She smiled but then noted his eyes. Holy shit, his wolf was right there at the surface. She’d seen him change, knew that look.
“I need you,” he said in a low growl.
She knew without a doubt that if she let him in he’d claim her right then and there. There was no turning back from this moment. If she said no, he’d go and eventually find someone else.
But she didn’t want that. She wanted to be his all the way. Damn everything else. This was a gift and she had no intention of letting that go.
She stepped aside, and he came in, kicking the door closed, locking it and pulling the security chain. She set the alarm again, her gaze not leaving him as he circled her like prey.
“I’d ask if you were okay but I know you’re not. And I’m sorry. Sorry for all you’ve lost.”
“You came to me.”
He stepped close and pulled her to him, his arms sliding around her and making her feel as if she’d truly come home. Her body to his, his scent in her nose, his heartbeat against her cheek.
“I will always come to you. Always. Do you accept that? Accept me and what I am? What we are? I know I said I’d wait as long as you needed, but holy shit I need you so much right now it’s sort of scary. My wolf is out of patience.”
She smiled and pulled back, taking his hand and leading him to her bedroom, turning off the coffeemaker as she passed.
* * *
He paused and took a deep breath once he’d entered the room. “Smells like you in here.”
She smiled. “I should hope so. Now it’ll smell like you too.”
He held out a hand and she took it. “Come here. You’re all sleep warm. Sad though. I’m sorry.” He brushed the hair away from her face.
She shrugged. “You’re here. So I’m a little bit less sad.”
He pulled her shirt up over her head and hummed, running his hands all over her skin, bending his head to take her mouth. She opened to him immediately, sucking his tongue, delighting in the way he pulled her to him tighter. He kissed down her neck, over her shoulder and then shoved her sweats down so she could step out of them.
When she opened her eyes, he was already on his way to naked, and she frowned a moment before deciding it was okay that she hadn’t seen him start to get undressed because that’s how she wanted him anyway.
She kissed across his chest, licking over his skin as she got his jeans undone and halfway down his thighs. “Off.”
“Impatient.”
But she heard his wolf in his voice, and she knew she wasn’t the only one impatient.
“In me,” she spoke against his mouth as he moved in for another kiss.
“First things first. I’m going to lick your pussy until you come. Get you nice and wet. Relax you a little and then I’m going to fuck you.”
She swallowed hard and fisted him, pumping up and down, smearing her thumb through the bead of precome at the slit. She licked it, and he growled, pushing her to her back on the bed and settled in between her thighs. “Wait on that. I don’t want to be right on the edge before I even get inside you naked the first time.”
He went straight for her pussy, and she had no complaints, though she didn’t have his cock in her hand any longer. She arched, rolling her hips as he slid his tongue up and into her over and over before surging to her clit, moving his tongue and lips back and forth across it, sending her to the edge nearly immediately.
So good. Damn he was so good at this. Fast or slow, he knew her body and did all the things she liked. Did them hard and soft, gently and not so gently, until her climax began to settle in. She dug her heels into the bed, her hips churning against his mouth as she tugged his hair, hard, to keep him exactly there. He hummed, and that vibration was the last little bit she needed before she fell over and orgasm consumed her as he kept devastating her with that mouth of his.
A smaller aftershock orgasm stole through her, leaving her nearly boneless, and then he moved, looming over her, his mouth on hers, her taste on his lips and it stole her breath.
He brushed the head of his cock against her, through the heated slick of her cunt and snarled. So. Good. With a condom it had been good, but this? This was exquisite sensation. Inferno hot and so wet he slid in, easy at first but then she gripped him tight.
He paused as his heart beat in his cock for long moments. Throb-throb-throb. She tightened around him and he shook his head. “Careful there, beautiful. I’m so very close, and I want your cunt around me for a while before I blow.”
He thrust all the way in and sloooowly retreated. Over and over as it became nearly hypnotic, that slow and deep fucking. She drew her knees up to his sides, getting him even deeper. He dropped down to lick over her nipples, taking in her taste.
His woman.
His mate.
His.
Her hands roamed over his shoulders, nails digging in, urging him on. The prick of pain shot through him as it did when she lost the veneer on her control and her claws came out.
“I want you to mark me again,” she whispered, and he groaned as he skittered even closer to climax at the sound of those words.
He bent his head and licked over the side of her breast. “Here?” He tested his teeth against the firm mound of flesh, and she shivered.
“Yes.”
He sucked. Hard enough he knew he’d leave a love bite. And then he bit and she came around his cock so hard he nearly lost his mind.
“Someone likes it rough.”
“Yeah? Me too.” She smiled and arched up, biting his pec, and he growled as sensation surged, speeding his pace as the sharp pain of her teeth tingled into a pleasure so intense he had to get deep, had to come inside her and make her his in every way.
Their sexual interludes had been hot each and every time. But this was more raw than before. His emotion was so close to the skin, as hers was. She wanted it, wanted him, wanted to belong to him in a way she’d never felt before.
He began to fuck into her so hard she bounced a little each time he got in all the way. Her tits swayed and the grin he gave her as he watched was rakish.
She arched, dragging her nails up his sides, delighting in his growl.
“Now, beautiful.” And he came so hard she felt it.
And then it was...it filled her. Up and up and up. She felt so much she wasn’t sure she could take any more. She would have panicked if he hadn’t been there, pulling her into his arms as he rained kisses over her face. Murmuring endearments and soft words as her world was rocked. Literally.
She had to close her eyes against the tilt in her equilibrium as it sucked her under. Emotion rushed through her as she drowned in the way she felt and then the way he did. Sounds, scents, everything all around her amped up. Even the bedding beneath her demanded her attention with the cool caress of cotton. It was so much.
Was it supposed to be like this? It was too late to back out, and he didn’t seem alarmed so she hoped that meant it was okay. She let it take her, all that sensation, all those demands for sensory attention, and she trusted he’d make sure she’d get through.
She lost herself for a little while, and when she opened her eyes, she had to drag in a breath at the intensity of the connection she had with him.
He pressed a cool cloth against her face and neck. “Are you all right?” She didn’t even remember him getting out of bed.
“How long was I...um...whatever that was?”
“A few minutes. You’re fine now. I’ve been told the change, the binding, is a little harder on a non-wolf. You’re so beautiful.” He kissed her softly.
She swallowed hard and tried to sit up as the world shifted enough that she remained on her back. “This is...are you all right?”
He smiled down at her, and the way he felt wasn’t just clear in his features, it was like she felt it too. A burst of love. Of adoration. Of the need to protect. Even of the loam and forest of his wolf. All he was when it came to his feelings about her was there and she knew it.
“I’m fucking perfect.” He took her hand and put it over his heart. “You’re here now. I can feel you, Michelle. You’re amazing.”
So much emotion. It was perfect and wonderful and beyond anything she’d ever felt, and it was totally and completely okay. She belonged to something bigger and more important than she’d dreamed of. “Incredible. This is...thank you. This is the best thing I’ve ever felt. And it’s all because of you. Wow, this is better than the first spell I ever learned. Better than anything. I love you, Josh. I don’t know that I ever stopped, but teenage-girl love has nothing on this. I’ve decided I’m going with it. Magick, whatever it is. I’m in.”
He kissed her again, long and slow. “I love you too.” He nipped her bottom lip and she snuggled closer. “Mate.”
“I like that. Mate.”
“Me too.”
* * *
When she got out of the shower, he’d made her some breakfast and coffee waited on the table.
“Wow, you’re handy in all sorts of ways.”
“I figured you’d need the sustenance. Pam called.”
She took the coffee and sat, putting eggs on her plate. She realized his emotions were like a radio station. She could choose to tune in and listen or turn the sound down. He was worried, upset. “Tell me.”
“They’re not going to release the body for at least a week. There’s not a whole lot of it left, and she thinks you should have a talk with Kathy about having the body cremated in Portland and then sent down here. Save her any trauma of seeing Allie in that condition.”
She’d had a feeling it would be like that.
“I went over it with her last night. I didn’t want to alarm her or give her more detail than she needs. She doesn’t need to know all of it. Hell, I wish I didn’t know it all. But I did say there was no chance of an open casket for a viewing and I did push for a cremation. She’s not going to be pleased about the delay in releasing the body but I get it. They want to see what the hell is going on. That scene, it was like out of a movie. The authorities are going to start talking occult or something like that soon. I called Owen about it. They’re dealing with a bunch of stuff right now as well. More disappearances all over the country.”
He ate quietly, watching her.
“What?”
“Will you come back with me? To Portland?”
She said, “Yes. I mean, I do need to be around to help Kathy when she needs it. But right now her family is there. I can’t go back to work. Dexter said, when I told him, see what comes of mixing with them, and I knew right then I had to quit. I’ll give my notice but time it so I don’t have to go back at all. Save them the trouble of disciplining me, I guess. It’ll look better on a job application elsewhere if I didn’t get fired.”
She felt the hot rush of his anger at that. “Gonna take some getting used to. This connection thing.”
“Strong emotions are easiest to feel through the bond. I can’t believe he’d be so heartless. It makes me want to punch him in the face.”
“Get in line. I don’t get it, but I can’t waste any more time on trying to get him to see the error of his ways. I know there are some pretty good guys left. I’ll speak to them to be sure they keep an eye on Kathy.”
“Good idea. Do you think she’d go away for a while? For safety’s sake?”
She shook her head. “No way. She has a life here. She won’t go. But her sister will stay on a month or two so that will help.” She sighed. “I just can’t be here right now. She’s everywhere and I can’t. There’s like part of me missing. I keep reaching for it to use it, to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about you, about this, and I can’t because she’s gone.”
He got up and moved to her, pulling her into a hug. Her upset smoothed a little.
“You’re like Prozac.”
He chuckled. “The bond has a lot of plusses. You have that effect on me too. Still, I wish I could make this better. I wish it ended differently for her. You did all you could. I wish you could see that.”
“I wish I could too. Maybe after some time goes by.” She suspected she’d feel like a failure over this for the rest of her days. “She’s gone and I’m not. If I saw something earlier. If I had tried this or that. I don’t know. But she died alone and terrified, and I wasn’t there to save her.”
His arms tightened around her. “I know. And it kills me for both of your sakes. I know you did all you could and more. I also know you and understand you’re going to run it over and over and over until you’re convinced you did all you could and maybe that’ll never happen for you. I want to shoulder all your burdens but I also understand I can’t in every case. Now that we’re bound, it’s like that imperative is turned up to twelve on the dial. I want to sling you over my shoulder and run away with you. Take you somewhere no one can find us. But I also realize that’s not going to happen. So we’ll have to work it through. Together though. Because that’s what has to happen. You need to let me help.”
“I know. I’m trying. I guess the anchor thing needs to happen now. Or soon.”
He sucked in a breath. “Yes. It should be in the next day or two. There are some wolves coming in from Boston. Late this afternoon, actually. That’s why I was asking if you were coming back home with me. Well aside from me wanting you with me in our place. I want to handle the security myself from the airport. Jack Meyers, he’s the National Enforcer. He’s coming to Portland to meet with Tracy, Nick and Gabe before he heads up to Seattle for a meeting of the packs to talk about this whole mage thing. There’ll be a lot of higher-ranked wolves around. Not Jack, he’s mated, has a version of a tri-bond actually. But there will be others, unmated wolves.”
“Like an assortment of chocolates. Or a buffet. So what if, you know, we end up a threesome? I’m not sure I can handle two alpha males. One is exhausting enough.”
He snorted. “It’s going to be all right. Like I said, the whole threesome thing is totally rare. Jack is mated with a witch and a jaguar shifter. The witch and the jaguar were together first. They’d imprinted, which is sort of the jaguar version of mating. And then Jack met her and she was his mate. They’re all three together and mated. It’s intense, but it totally works for them.”
“I’m a witch. What if it’s some kooky witch thing?”
“We won’t get you anywhere near a jaguar.” He held back a grin but she felt his amusement anyway.
“Har.”
“It’s new to you. I know. I’m just teasing. It’s going to be fine. Gina is a witch and she’s mated to Damon. No threesome, just the two of them.”
“Are you anyone’s anchor? Gah! Maybe I don’t want to know. I guess I have to know because this is like part of your wolf thing. But I have to be friends with some chick you had sex with and you’re sort of mated to?” She realized, slightly panicked, that she was going to have to sex up a near stranger she’d be bonded to on some level. Did she shave her legs that day?
He kissed her nose. “I’m not, no. And now that I’m mated, it’s not ever going to happen, so that’s that. As for the tri-bond? I think you should look at this as a hot thing.” He slid his thumb over her bottom lip. “Hot sex with someone, sanctioned by your mate.”
“Are you going to be there? In the room, I mean?”
“I think yes. I’d go crazy if I wasn’t. Is that all right?”
“This is all so weird.”
He grinned. “Sit and finish your breakfast. I brought boxes so you can pack up your car and mine, and we can go home. My place is our place now.”
“Avoiding the subject?”
“No. But I think you need some time to digest all this, and then when we get to Portland you can meet more wolves and we can work it out and it won’t be as weird. Hopefully. I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable. Well, part of me is happy because it means you’re not jumping all over having sex with someone else. But I don’t want you to be unhappy.”
“I’m rolling with it the best I can.”
“I know.”