Chapter 39
The more or less ninety minutes turned into an hour and fifty minutes before Jack parked Dennis’s Humvee in front of Maggie Spritzer’s house in Georgetown. He hopped out and struggled to see through the snow if Harry or Ted had arrived. As far as he could tell, there was no sign of Avery Snowden, but then again, he had no idea what kind of getaway vehicle he would be driving this time.
He turned to Dennis and said, “Listen, kid, they might tow this set of wheels. As you can see, there’s no parking. You okay with them towing the Humvee?”
“Yeah. I can get it out of the impound lot. Let’s just do what we have to do and get inside to wait for the others.”
Maggie already had the door open and was yanking Martha Gellis by the arm. To Maggie’s displeasure, the woman was resisting. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, ma’am,” she said, going for her unloaded gun. Gellis moved.
It took a good seven minutes to plow through the snow and up the snow-covered steps to the front door, where Maggie had to fumble in the dark for the key to open the door. Then there was a wild scramble for all four of them to get inside. Jack was the last as he turned his head to see if there were any lights on in his house, two doors away. He winced at the amount of light spilling out into the snowy night. Nik must have turned on every light in the house. It was all Jack could do not to run through the snow to the house. He gritted his teeth and followed Dennis into Maggie’s foyer.
Safe.
Hero, Maggie’s new roommate, launched himself at her. At first, he was spitting and snarling, but the moment Maggie whispered to him, he calmed down and started to purr so loud, Jack started laughing.
“My God, a cat! I’m allergic to cats,” Martha Gellis exploded.
“Tell that to someone who cares. Move your ass, Mrs. Gellis, and don’t open that mouth of yours again or I’ll shove a wad of cat fur between your molars,” Maggie threatened as she tried to struggle out of her coat and still hold Hero, who was purring even louder.
Jack turned up the heat and immediately went into the kitchen to make some coffee, while Dennis raced to the family room, where he built a roaring fire. Jack wondered if he would ever feel warm again.
Forty minutes later, the front door of Maggie’s house opened and a black streak raced through the rooms to slam up against Jack, who was leaning against the kitchen counter. “You missed me that much, huh?” Jack said, tussling with the big dog, then dropping to the floor to roll around, to Cyrus’s delight. Hero took all this in before he leaped out of Maggie’s arms and joined the fun. Cyrus eyed the intruder, growled, then barked. Hero hissed and snarled, then leaped back into Maggie’s arms.
“Oh, my God! A dog. I’m allergic to dogs,” Gellis exploded.
“I thought you said you were allergic to cats,” Maggie barked. “Make up your damn mind.”
“I’m allergic to all animals that have fur or hair.”
“Oh. Well, we don’t care. Do we, guys?” Maggie said as she looked up at Ted and winked.
Espinosa shoved Philip Andover into the kitchen and told him to sit. He sat. He looked, Jack thought, like a college professor. Right behind Espinosa were Harry and Abner, dragging Otto Andover, who was doing his best to hang back.
Jack laughed out loud when he heard Harry say, “I’ve had enough of your crap.” He gave the resisting Otto a chop to the neck, then moved, so Otto could drop to the floor. Abner stepped over him. “The guy has been a pain in my ass since we picked him up. Boil some water; I need a cup of tea.”
Jack hustled to fill Maggie’s teakettle and set it on the gas burner. “How’d it all go, Harry?”
“Just like you’d expect. He protested. I clipped him a couple of times, and he tried to take me on. Such a silly man. He’s here, so can we move things along? I want to get home to my family.” He moved closer to Jack so the others couldn’t hear what he was saying.
“Is Otto afraid of you, Harry?”
Harry’s eyes narrowed until they were mere slits in his face. “If he was or is, it was hard to tell. The guy is real mouthy, though. He made all kinds of threats. I had to threaten to pull his tongue out through his nose to get him to turn over his checkbook. Abner has his desk computer, his laptop, and every other device we found. The wife was watching some rerun on TV and didn’t ask any questions, even when we told her we were taking Otto with us. All she said was, ‘Good-bye, dear.’ For some reason, I don’t think they have a happy marriage. Now, will she call anyone tomorrow morning when he doesn’t show up? That’s anyone’s guess. My guess would be no.”
Ted bent down and grabbed Otto by the collar of his jacket and propped him up against the pantry door. “I think you need to wake him up, Harry, so we can get this show on the road.”
Harry laughed, the evil laugh that made everyone in the room look somewhere else. “I think you’re right, Ted.” He bent over and, using his index finger and thumb, opened Otto’s eyes. He leaned closer, but no one could see what he was doing. Within a second, Otto was blustering and spewing hateful words. Harry wagged a finger warningly, then put it against his lips to indicate he wanted total silence. Otto stopped in midsentence and leaned back against the pantry door.
Jack took the floor. He held up both his hands for silence just as his cell vibrated in his pocket. He did his best to ignore it and concentrate on what had to be done. “Is his head clear, Harry? Is he going to understand what I’m saying?”
“Oh, yeah,” Harry drawled.
“All right then, people. Here’s the deal: We want your money. Not just a little bit but all of it. When you give it to us, we’re going to give it away.”
Martha reared up and almost fell out of her chair. “You aren’t FBI agents at all. You really did kidnap us! Otto, Philip, do something, for God’s sake.”
“What was your first clue?” Maggie asked curiously.
Before Martha could respond, her brother Otto warned his sister to shut up and told her that she always talked too much. Philip remained quiet. Otto’s eyes were narrowed to mere slits in his face as he watched and listened.
“I have some papers here I want you all to sign. You will be agreeing to the terms of the Quinn class-action suit. You will sign a letter that we’ve prepared, then you will sign a check from this nifty little flowered checkbook of Martha’s. Then you will graciously allow us to strip all your monies from all of your accounts. When you do that, you will all leave for . . . a vacation. How does that sound? You may speak now.”
“I will never sign off on that class-action suit,” Otto said coldly.
“Yes, you will, Mr. Andover. The question is, how quickly you will do it. Torture is a terrible thing. I’m thinking your threshold for pain is very low given the privileged life you’ve led,” Jack said.
“I told you to settle the minute that firm filed the papers. I warned you, Otto, that it would turn into a nightmare, and I was absolutely right. Martha agreed with me, but oh, no, you said nothing would come of it. Well, look where we are right now. Furthermore, you arrogant ass, those families deserve the money. I have not had a good night’s sleep since those papers were filed. And the reason for that is because I have a conscience, even if you don’t. I’m not sure about Martha anymore,” Philip said in an even, unemotional voice.
“We did pay some of those people. Then they got greedy, knowing the company has deep pockets. They wanted more and still more; then they brought more people into it. It was never-ending. We would have gone down the drain,” Martha blubbered.
“What part of their children died don’t you get? They deserve to own your company for that faulty drug,” Jack said. “It’s off the market now, thanks to those people. And we will not allow you to go with that new arthritis miracle that you’re about to unveil after the New Year. We are going to cause such an uproar over that, you might as well forget you ever developed and patented that drug.”
“You can torture me all you want, but I am not signing anything,” Otto said.
“Wanna bet?” Maggie said as she moved closer to where Otto was still lounging against the pantry door. She kicked him in the groin just to have something to do. She really wanted a hot shower and to slide beneath the special sheets that slithered against her body, and this ass was preventing that from happening. She gave him another kick for good measure. He howled in pain.
Jack looked over at Martha. “Are you ready to sign? These papers require three signatures.”
Tears rolling down her cheeks, Martha tried to push herself as deep into the kitchen chair as she could. “I can’t unless Otto tells me to sign. That’s the rule at the company.”
“Bullshit!” Philip bellowed. “Give it to me. I’ll sign it. Then maybe I’ll be able to sleep again.” Before anyone knew what was happening, Philip Andover wrote his name in legible script. He then dated it, with the time. He walked back over to the chair he’d been sitting on, sat down, folded his arms across his chest, and closed his eyes.
One down and two to go.
“Will you shut up, Martha? You’re giving me a headache. You always were a whiny little brat,” Otto said tersely.
Ah, the weak link, Jack thought. He looked over at Maggie, turning control over to her. She almost laughed out loud. These boys were such wusses. She walked over to Martha Gellis and bent down. “If you don’t sign these papers, you will not like the outcome. I’ll ask just once. Will you sign them?”
Not trusting herself to speak, Martha shook her head, her eyes on her brother.
“Okay. I was nice, wasn’t I, guys?” The guys all nodded. “Wait right here; I’ll be right back.” Jack felt his insides start to shake. Maggie could be . . . he gave up when he couldn’t come up with just the right word. He risked a glance at Harry, who just looked dreamy, like he’d transported himself someplace far away. Harry could do that, then come back to the moment refreshed. Dennis looked like he was about to explode, while Ted and Espinosa whispered to each other as though they knew what Maggie’s next move was going to be. Abner played with his laptop, his eyes full of dollar signs. Abner loved giving away other people’s money. Loved it, loved it, loved it!
Upstairs in her bedroom, Maggie looked longingly at her king-size bed. She walked over to it, turned on the bed warmer, then headed for the bathroom and the tools she would need to convince Martha Andover to sign the class-action papers.
Downstairs, she held up what looked like two large curling irons. She plugged both into the wall socket over the kitchen counter. “Mrs. Gellis, this curling iron is a new prototype that my hairdresser gave me to try out. This one that’s all crazy curly will give pretty much permanent curls like those you see in my hair. They’re called corkscrew curls. This second curling iron will remove the curls. I just love them. The longer you leave them on, the more lasting the curls. The only drawback is, they get so hot you have to be careful not to get burned. It takes a lot of expertise to master the use of them. It took me weeks.”
All eyes were on Martha Gellis, whose eyes were on Maggie, her mouth hanging open.
“I told you I wasn’t going to ask you again. So here is what I’m going to do: First, I’m going to curl your ears, then I’m going to curl your lips. Close your eyes and envision the outcome. Aside from the blisters, of course. Are you getting a visual here, Mrs. Gellis?”
Ted and Espinosa moved closer to the chair. At a nod from Maggie, they both reached out and pinned Martha to the chair.
“Silly me. I forgot the most important part. After I finish up with your lips, I’m going to shove the curly one right up your tight ass. Visualize that!”
“Do. Not. Sign. That. Document. Martha!” Otto bellowed. Martha slumped in her chair.
Quicker than lightning, Maggie whirled and clamped the curling iron onto one of Otto’s ears. The smell of burned flesh invaded the room. It took Harry, Jack, and Dennis, using all their strength, to hold Otto down. Martha fell off the chair. Cyrus growled, and Hero hissed at these goings-on. Philip Andover cracked one eye, smiled, and went right back to resting.
Espinosa gathered his wits about him. It always amazed him at how bloodthirsty women could be. His own mother was a gentle soul, as were his sisters. He had to admit, though, he got a thrill out of it. He filled a cup with cold water from the sink and dumped it on Martha Gellis’s face. She sputtered and cursed. Cyrus licked at the water. Espinosa lifted her up and put her back on the chair. “This might be a good time to sign your name to those papers,” he whispered in her ear.
Martha Gellis made a decision at that precise moment. She’d never been a pretty woman, and she knew it. Curled-up lips and crinkly ears were not something she wanted the world to see. She thought about her ass for a split second, then blinked. She wrote her name as clearly as she could with her shaking hands.
Two down and one to go.
“Oooh. I bet that hurts,” Dennis said as he peered at Otto’s blood-red ear, which had already blistered.
“Strip him down, boys,” Maggie said.
Philip stirred himself long enough to clap his hands. “Finally, we all get to see you screwed up the ass the way you’ve screwed people your whole life. I applaud you people, whoever the hell you are. Bravo!” He clapped his hands again before he closed his eyes and went back to being half-asleep.
Otto Andover’s naked body was not a pleasing sight. He was no Adonis. Nor was he even close to Hulk Hogan. He was fish-belly white, flabby, hairy Otto Andover. Maggie grimaced at the sight. “Before you bend him over, how about I give his dick a quick twist with the curly iron? I’m thinking we should vote here. I hate making decisions on my own.”
“You have my vote!” Philip shouted.
Cyrus barked.
Hero snarled.
“Three’s good enough for me. Hold him steady, boys, and spread those legs. Jeez, where’d it go? C’mon, Otto, let me see it!”
Harry ran to the bathroom. Dennis turned away, and Jack laughed out loud. Ted Robinson just looked at Maggie and vowed never, ever to get on her bad side. Never, ever.
“Crap, I’m going to have to dig for it. I need gloves.” She set the curling iron on the counter and ran out to the garage, where she routed around for her gardening gloves, which had dry dirt all over them. She shrugged it off and pulled on the gloves, giggling as she did so. Wait till she told Myra and Annie about this.
Back in the kitchen, she waved her hands to show off her gardening gloves, reached for the curling iron, then bent over, where she started to poke and prod among the jewels. “Okay, since I can’t find it, I’m just going to fry your balls. Last chance!”
The room went silent. Even Hero stopped snarling and hissing. Cyrus crept closer to Jack to see what was going on.
The scream was so primal, everyone in the room clapped their hands over their ears.
“Sign now or you know what’s coming next,” Maggie singsonged.
Dennis inched his way to Jack and whispered, “Holy shit, I thought she was just kidding. She did it. Do you think he’ll hold out for the encore?”
“Nah.”
Otto’s eyes rolled back in his head, Ted slapped him a few times, then Espinosa dumped cold water on him. He came around slowly, moaning in pain.
“Sign the papers, you dickweed,” Jack said.
Otto Andover signed his name as clearly as he could.
“Someone call Snowden and help Otto get dressed,” Jack said as he gathered up the contracts and the check that was going to make Nikki go over the moon.
“Abner, did you transfer all the monies out of their personal accounts? Where did you send it?”
“For now, the Antilles. We can decide tomorrow what we want to do. For now, it’s perfectly safe.”
“Dennis, call your friend Jamie and get his bank account number. Let Abner wire the money in now. How much do you want to give the guy?”
“Five million!” Dennis said smartly.
“Done,” Abner said ten minutes later as Dennis rattled off numbers to him.
“Snowden said he’s thirty minutes out. He’s coming in an ambulance. He said that’s the only kind of vehicle allowed on the road,” Ted said.
“Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’ll take my leave of you all,” Harry said. “My job here is done and my family awaits me.”
“Hold on, Harry. You’re going to be driving right by Georgetown Messenger Service. They’re open twenty-four/seven. I need you to drop this off, and pay cash. Feel free to tell them your name is Otto Andover. Just plunk down this hundred bucks and tell them to keep the change. I think the fee is seventy-five bucks.
“Maggie, you got a manila envelope?”
“In the kitchen drawer behind you.”
Jack motioned for his friends to gather round. “This might be the only time in your lives—I’m sure in mine, too—that we will ever see a check for $650 million. I can’t wait for Nik to see this in the morning. Remember now, any questions, you all know nothing.” Heads bobbed up and down, faces smiling.
“What about all this other money?” Abner asked. “The money I sent to the Antilles?”
“Care to give us a number?” Maggie asked.
Abner laughed. “Upwards of $450 million. These three are rich. Oops; were rich.” He laughed again. “I left enough in their personal accounts so their families can live more than comfortable lives. Their spouses will presumably inherit their stakes in the company, if it doesn’t tank. We are good to go, guys.”
“Bastard!” Otto spat.
Maggie’s doorbell rang. She ran to answer it. A minute later, three guys as big as oak trees and Avery Snowden entered the kitchen. They picked up the three Andovers like they were rag dolls and walked out of the kitchen, none of them saying a word.
Snowden looked around. “This is gonna cost you, Emery.”
“Meet me tomorrow at Ding’s, noonish, and I’ll have your money ready, or we can do it right now, if you want. Abner is still set up.”
“Let’s do it now.”
The others watched as Abner’s jaw dropped at the amount Snowden told him to transfer. And then he grinned. “Don’t spend it all in one place.”
“Wiseass,” Snowden said and grinned in return. “Nice doing business with you.”
When the door closed behind Snowden, the others looked at one another. The manila envelope in hand, Harry waved good-bye.
Dennis slipped into his heavy jacket and followed him out the door, along with Abner and Espinosa. “Where do you think they’re taking them?” he asked nervously.
Harry shrugged. “Probably some potato farm in Ireland. Do you care?”
Dennis thought about it for a second. “Nope.”
Then it was just Jack, Maggie, and Ted. Jack already had his coat on. “Tell Nikki I said hi,” Maggie said.
“Can’t do that. I’m going to have to come up with some story about where I’ve been so she doesn’t chop me off at the knees. She’s been calling and texting me since early this afternoon. If she calls, you guys know nothing, okay?”
“Will you go already?”
“I’m gone,” Jack said, Cyrus at his side.
And then it was just Maggie and Ted and the slithery sheets that waited under the bed warmer.
“I just love it when things work out,” Maggie said as she started peeling off her clothes on the way up the steps.
Ted tried not to think about the curling iron in his beloved’s hands as he galloped up the steps. She would never . . .