Chapter Twenty-Eight
"You're so lucky," I said with a sigh, leaning my head on his shoulder as we rocked gently back and forth. "You and Mum, I mean. You have such a happy marriage, and such a simple life."
He laughed at that. "You think?"
"Well," I said, surprised, "don't you?"
"No one's marriage is that perfect, love," he assured me. "And no one's life is untouched by pain and loss and fear. No one's." He turned to face me. "This Ethan chap—what made you fall for him?"
"Does it matter?" I said. "It's over now. No point in going over it all."
"But I've been thinking about it," he admitted. "About him. He said his marriage wasn't a real marriage. What do you think he meant by that?"
I shrugged. "I suppose, because they rarely saw one another. As Mum said, though, it didn't stop them conceiving twins, did it?"
"Hmm. It all seems very odd to me. But you believed him? I mean, at the time. You believed he was genuine, and that he loved you?"
"I didn't want to," I said. "That was what made it so different from Seth. With him, I desperately wanted to believe that he loved me, and that blinded me to reality for so long. But with Ethan ... I really fought it every step of the way. I couldn't allow myself to believe he meant what he said. Somehow, though, he got through my defences. I couldn't help it."
He sighed. "Life's a very funny game, isn't it? And love's even funnier."
"But you struck lucky," I said. "You're happy."
"Oh, yes. Now."
I narrowed my eyes. "Now? Are you saying you and Mum have had problems?"
He took my hand and squeezed it, then he looked at me, and I was horrified to see tears in his eyes. "Now, Cara, I'm going to tell you something that Redmond and Tamsin don't know, and your Mum would be furious if she knew I was telling you this, but I want to now. It's time. Don't you get scared, love, but, well, I've had cancer."
"What?" My throat tightened, and I felt sick with fear. "When? What sort of cancer? Have you had treatment? Are you going to be all right?"
"Shush, now, your mum'll hear you." He leaned back in the hammock and seemed to consider for a moment. "It was months ago when we found out. I needed an operation and chemotherapy. That's why I took voluntary redundancy. It was a godsend, really. Came at just the right time. I didn't have to worry about being on sick, or taking time off work, or how we were going to manage financially. Always a silver lining, you see? Anyway, I was lucky. They'd found it early, and after a pretty gruelling course of treatment, I got the all clear."
"I knew you looked ill," I said, wondering why I hadn't pressed for more information at the funeral. "Mum said it was because you were stressed about retiring, but I could see how much weight you'd lost and how tired you were. I'm so sorry, Dad."
"Sorry for what?" he said. "You didn't know. I didn't want you to know. I made your mum promise that we wouldn't tell anyone. Anyway, when the treatment finally ended, that windfall from Granny Reed paid for a nice long holiday, and I had a very lovely recuperation period in the sunshine. Timing again, see? Someone's been looking after me." He smiled up at the sky, and I thought, only Dad could go through so much and still see the bright side.
"But you're all right now?" I said anxiously.
"Oh, yes. I mean, I have to have regular check-ups, but the doctors seem very confident, and I feel wonderful. Better than I have in ages."
"Thank God," I murmured.
"Yes, even I've begun to thank Him," he said, grinning mischievously. "Whether God's an old man with a beard, or a genius of a computer programmer, I'm very grateful. You see, Cara, no one's life is completely straightforward, no matter how it looks on the surface. You may think they're having a wonderful time of it, but beneath the public facade, things may be very different."
"Like Tamsin with her cheerful Facebook statuses," I said. "In private, her heart was breaking."
"Exactly," he said. "What I mean is, however it looks to the rest of us, who knows what's really going in Ethan Rochester's life? People don't do things for no reason. I'm not saying you should take his word for it, necessarily, but what I am saying is, maybe you should look a bit deeper. He said he would tell you all about it when he sorted things out with his wife, but he never got the chance, did he? After everything you went through with Seth, he must be a pretty special man to win your heart the way he has."
"He's very special," I admitted. "I never thought someone like him could love someone like me."
"Maybe that's been your trouble all along, Cara," Dad said. "Maybe it's not other people you don't trust, after all. Maybe it's yourself. You have to start believing that you're good enough for others to want to be with you. When you've figured that out, you may see things very differently. If I were you," he added gently, "I wouldn't give up on this chap of yours just yet."
I didn't know how to answer him. Part of me was holding on to every word he said, clinging to the hope that he was right, that there was something I didn't know that would change everything. But the other part of me was afraid. Afraid to believe in Ethan's feelings. Afraid to accept that such love was truly possible. "We'll see, Dad," I said, patting his hand. "We'll see."
#
I'd only been to the local shop for some milk. Honestly, who could have predicted that I'd get home to find Ethan's chauffeur sitting at the table, sipping tea from Mum's Emmerdale mug?
"So, there you are," he said, his eyes twinkling. "I was beginning to think you'd done a bunk. Again."
"Sorry, love," said Dad. "He was quite insistent that he saw you."
Mum was eyeing him suspiciously. "I won't have you upsetting our Cara," she said. "Your precious boss has already done that, thank you very much. If you've come here to make things worse, you can sling your hook right now."
Michael looked offended. "I'd never upset you, now, would I? Be fair."
I dropped into the chair opposite him and stared at him in bewilderment. "What on earth are you doing here? I mean, why—how—?"
"You're not as clever as you suppose," he said. "You provided Ethan with a reference from your previous employer, remember? Ethan contacted her and explained that he needed to get in touch with you regarding unpaid wages. She gave him this address."
That explained that. Jilly knew my parents’ address, all right. She'd come to an anniversary party there with me one year, when I'd been invited and hadn't wanted to bring Seth. I hadn't seen my parents for ages and hadn’t wanted to turn up alone. I'd expected to be mostly ignored, and Jilly had offered to come with me so I'd at least have someone to talk to. As it turned out, I'd had a lovely time. Everyone had been so delighted to see me, and they couldn't wait to catch up.
I blinked away tears at the memory. "Okay, so you've tracked me down. But why? There's nothing to say, Michael. I heard everything."
"I'm under orders to give you these," Michael said, reaching under the table and handing me a bunch of flowers.
Mum tutted. "What a cheapskate," she said. "All that money, and he can't even send her a proper bouquet."
Michael looked steadily at me, and I knew exactly what he was thinking.
"You don't understand, Mum," I murmured. Taking the handtied offering, I inhaled the beautiful scent of blush-tipped creamy roses and palest pink sweet peas, my mind flooding with happy memories. "They're beautiful."
"He cut them himself this morning," Michael told me. He leaned forward, his voice serious. "What are you playing at, Cara? He's tried ringing you and texting you, but he can't get through. Guessed you'd blocked his number. He's at his wits end."
"Not here, though, is he?" Mum demanded. "If he's that bothered, where is he?"
Michael glanced up at her, then back to me. "He's at the hospital."
"Hospital?" My hand flew to my mouth. "Is he all right?"
"He's fine, love." He patted my hand. "It's Antonia. She's gone into labour."
The world seemed to spin. I heard Dad say, "Well, that's put the cat among the pigeons."
Mum put her hands on her hips. "Well, that's charming, I must say. So, his wife's in labour, and he's sending flowers to another woman. What a lovely man he is."
"Ethan Rochester is one of the most decent, honourable men I know," Michael said, glaring at her. Clearly, he’d had enough of her attacks on Ethan's character. "You only know one side of the story, and that's a bit cock-eyed, if you don't mind me saying so. Sorry, Cara," he added, "but it's a fact. If you hadn't run off like that, you'd have found out the truth."
"She knows the truth," Mum said. "She heard—"
"We know what she heard," Michael said. He looked at me, an appeal in his eyes. "Laura remembered, you see. When we discovered you'd gone, she remembered that you'd been on the stairs. We realised you'd heard and misunderstood."
"Maybe we should leave you to it," Dad said, and grasped my mum's arm, leading her into the living room, in spite of her obvious objection. "Just hear him out, love," he pleaded with me, before he shut the door behind them—though, not before Mum threw Michael a very threatening glance over her shoulder.
Michael shook his head. "Feisty, your mum, isn't she?"
"Is Antonia okay?" I said anxiously. "The babies—they're not due yet, are they?"
"No." He sighed. "It's a bit worrying, I won't lie. That's why Ethan's with her. He's been going mad, waiting for your old boss to give him this address. He was all set to come here today, bring you the flowers, plead his case. Then he got the call from Faith, and—well, you know Ethan. He was devastated. About both of you, I mean. Blames himself for it all. Worried sick about you, worried sick about her. Torn, he was. Torn. I told him to get himself to the hospital, because if anything happened, he'd never forgive himself. He made me swear that I'd not come back without you." He patted my hand. "You've led us a proper merry dance, haven't you? But you must know by now that Ethan wouldn't do anything to hurt you. Not deliberately. He's a good lad. Come home, Cara. Let him explain."
I buried my head in my hands. "I don't know what to think anymore. There are so many secrets and lies in that house, and you can't deny that he's a married man, and that his wife is pregnant. And that woman said, quite clearly, that he was abandoning his wife just weeks before she gave birth to twins. Do you deny that?"
He sipped his tea slowly, as if considering what to say next. Finally, he put the cup down and said, "Look, love, I can't get into all this with you. From what Laura told me, yes, Faith did say those words, but there's more to it than you know. Ethan's not a liar, or a cheat."
"He told Antonia's cousin he didn't know where she was, but he knew the whole time. He lied then."
He shrugged. "Things are never that straightforward. What do you want me to say? I could sit here and argue with you all day, but it strikes me that there's only one thing you need to decide. The way I see it, you either trust the lad, or you don't. If you don't, then there's no point in going back. Of course, he'll be distraught if I go back without you, and, in all likelihood, he'll be down to fetch you himself as soon as he can leave the hospital, but personally, I see no point in taking you back to Moreland if you've no trust in him. That's no basis for any kind of relationship. I know Ethan inside out. I'd trust him with my life. Question is, would you? Because that's what he's asking, you know. It's not just a fling to him. He's asking for the rest of your life, and he's willing to give you the rest of his. Do you want it, or not?"
I could have been making the biggest mistake of my life. I could’ve been throwing away all my integrity, all my common sense. I could’ve been heading back down the same road I'd taken with Seth, compromising myself yet again.
Yet, as I looked into Michael's face while he watched me steadily, through totally honest, kind blue eyes, I knew the answer.
"I trust him," I said finally. "I'm coming home."