Hate Me
“I was drunk but, yeah, he was a good kisser.”
“Who was better, Dawson or Jake?” Annie asks.
“I don’t know. They were both good kissers. Dawson was hot. When I kissed Jake, they were sort of angry kisses.”
“What about between Aiden or Dawson?” Katie asks.
“I stopped having sex with Dawson when Aiden kissed me with his tongue.”
“So good,” Annie says.
“I can't compare Aiden to anyone.”
“What does that mean?” Katie asks. “Sure you can.”
Maggie goes, “No, that means he's the one.”
“What do you mean?” I ask her.
“If no one compares, if when he kisses you it's so amazing you don't care if you ever kiss anyone else again, if when you kiss it's so good it's almost overwhelming, then that’s how you know he's the one. It's way more than just heat and desire. It's the way he affects you. How, with him, you feel a combination of smoking heat mixed with sweet tenderness. And it's not just when you kiss. It's something as simple as him touching your hand or locking eyes with you from across the room. You feel the intensity. The heat. The complete vulnerability that thrills you and scares the shit out of you.”
“Wait, why does it scare you?” Katie wants to know.
“Because people tell you you're young and have so much more life to live. So many more boys to meet. But you know you could meet every boy in the universe and it wouldn't matter. He's it for you.” Maggie hugs herself while we all sigh.
So much crying.
10:30am
I hope that Aiden likes his birthday surprise. I’ve never planned anything like this before. Although, honestly, it wasn’t that hard. I just emailed the track, told them what I wanted, and they were very accommodating.
I walk down to his dorm, stopping for a moment to look at the Eiffel Tower. I still cannot believe they built it. It’s gorgeous out today. Sunny and almost sixty. It’s supposed to be nice all day, but tonight the wind is supposed to shift and blow a winter storm down from Canada. They expect us to have a lot of snow by midweek.
I completely lucked out that it’s dry today.
When I walk down the hall, I stop and knock on Dawson’s door. He answers wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a sleepy grin.
“Did I wake you?”
“Kinda. That’s okay, though. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I was just walking by your door and realized we haven’t talked all week.”
“Come in.” He gives my outfit a once-over. “You have on jeans. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans.”
“I don’t wear them very often. I’m weird, I know.”
He gives me a sexy grin as he walks around me. “Oh, but you should.”
I roll my eyes at him. “So, what have you been up to? Lately, I only see you at lunch or when you’re playing basketball.”
“I’ve been hanging out with Brooke a lot. Alone.”
“How’s that going?”
He sits on his bed next to me and shrugs. “I don’t know. I like her, but a guy can only handle so much crying.”
“How long did they date?”
“Since eighth grade. And during all that time, they only broke up twice, for, like, two days.”
“Well, her being upset is pretty understandable—especially with the way she was blindsided by the breakup. I didn’t date my ex for that long but I still miss him. He was my best friend for two years. We talked almost every single day. You feel like a part of you is missing when that’s suddenly gone.”
He nods. “She says the same thing. And she keeps trying to talk to him. Tell him she misses him. I told her that she shouldn’t because he’s probably thinking she wants to get back together, not that she just misses their friendship.”
“It’s only been a week. Sometimes you have to miss something to appreciate it.”
“I told you that after I lost you.”
I nod. “I know. So is she friends with anyone he goes to college with? Does she know what the real story is?”
“What do you mean?”
“Has he been seeing someone else? Did he cheat on her? Or does he just want to enjoy being single for a while?”
“I have no idea, but I know someone who can find out.”
“You?”
“I could. I’m friends with him too. We played football and soccer together. But if I ask, he’ll think she put me up to it.”
“But if Cam asks . . .” I say, smiling.
“Exactly.”
“Call him!”
Dawson looks at the clock. “I’m really not supposed to call him before noon, but it’s close.” He dials and puts his phone on speaker.
“What the hell, bro?” Cam answers, his voice gravely.
“You up?”
“Do I fucking sound like I’m up?”
“Hey, Cam!” I say cheerfully. “You’re on speaker with me and Dawes.”
“What are you two up to?”
“Typical high school drama. Dawson likes Brooke, who is still obsessing over her ex, who is . . . That’s the question. We want to know about her ex. Do you know the real reason why he broke up with her so suddenly?”
“Yeah. Dawson, do you want this for your own knowledge, or are you going to tell Brooke?” Cam asks.
“I guess for my own knowledge.”
“He called me before break. He’s in a frat and you know how that is. Lots of parties. Lots of girls. He had a night where some things happened with another girl. He didn’t cheat. Didn’t even kiss her. But he wanted to and felt guilty. He decided he wants to have some fun and figures if they’re meant to be together, they’ll get back together later. She’s planning to go to the same college. He wants to have fun until she does.”
“That sucks,” I say.
“Why does it suck? It’s pretty mature, if you ask me. Better to have some fun now before you settle down than regret not having fun later in life and blame your wife for it.”
My mind immediately pictures B coming out of the cabana and the leggy blonde hugging him. “Is he going to tell her?”
“I think so. Eventually,” Cam says.
“If he wants her to go to the same college, he should. If he did that to me, I’d be seriously reconsidering my choice.”
As the words come out of my mouth, I realize I’m not just talking about Brooke.
“Then they aren’t meant to be together,” Camden says.
Which pisses me off. “Is that really how he wants to live? Throwing his life into the wind and hoping he lands somewhere good? If he really loved her, he’d never want her to be with someone else.”
“That’s the problem,” Cam says.
Dawson understands what he means faster than I do. “So you mean, he wants to have fun, but if she was having fun, he might change his mind?”
“I think if he thought she was moving on it would affect him. Not sure what he would do,” Cam replies.
“Why you getting so worked up about this, Monroe?”
“I’ve just been in her situation before, and it sucks to think that someone you care about can throw away your love so easily.”
“I would think if someone threw your love away, they weren’t really that in love with you.”
Tears spring to my eyes. “What about that stupid saying about if you love someone let them go and if they come back to you it was meant to be?”
“I’ve never really understood that saying until recently,” Dawson says. “It means you have to give the person you love the freedom to make their own choices, even if they don’t choose you. You want people to be in your life because they choose to be.”
He touches my hand and smiles at me.
We hear Camden sigh. “All right, this conversation is getting just a little deep for me. I’m going back to sleep.”
“Is everything okay with you and Aiden?” Dawson asks, after Cam hangs up.
“Yeah, it’s great with him.”
“Your ex?”
“He’s seeing someone.”
“But so are you.”
“I know. But I’m not the one who made him promise we’d get another chance.”
“He made you promise that?”
“Yeah. I thought it meant he still loved me. I mean, I knew he’d be having fun. I think this girl might be more serious.”
“Does that upset you?”
“It confuses me more than anything.”
“Maybe you should find out.”
“What are you going to do about Brooke?”
“Take it slow, I guess.”
“And don’t be a stranger.” I get up, give him a little pat on the back, and head to Aiden’s room.
Kinda bossy.
11am
“Hey, birthday boy,” I say as I barge through Aiden’s door without knocking.
Aiden is sitting in his chair, and Riley is lounging across his bed.
“On that note,” Riley says, hopping off the bed. “I’ll let you two go have some fun.”
“Where are we going?” Aiden asks after Riley leaves. “And what are you wearing?”
I look down at myself. “What I’m wearing is a pair of jeans, boots, a t-shirt with sparkly lips on it, and a fun pastel moto jacket. What you need to be wearing is something similar.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans.”
“Dawson just said the same thing. I wear jeans sometimes.”
“Not really. When did you see Dawson?”
“I stopped by his room on the way up here to see if he was alive or if Brooke had buried him in her dorm room.”
“He hasn’t been around much, has he?”
“No, and even when we went to dinner, all he did was text her.”
“He likes her?”
“I think so, but he’s also nervous about the whole thing. Says she cries a lot.”
“Her and Blake’s breakup surprised me. They seemed like a great couple.”
“Until he wanted to sow his wild oats. I don’t want to talk about them. It’s your birthday, and I have something fun planned for you. Change, so we’re not late.”
“You can be kinda bossy.”
“And you can be kinda stubborn.”
He hops up and grabs me around the waist, almost causing our faces to collide.
I start laughing but he stifles my laughter with a kiss.
I put my palms on his chest and push him away. “No trying to distract me. We have to go now.”
He grabs ahold of my ass. “It’s the jeans. I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my hands off you today. Plus, I was thinking since it’s my birthday, we’d skip the French movie and just spend the day doing what I want.”
“And what’s that?”
He glances toward the bed.
Sure, the one day I have something planned, he wants to spend it in bed.
“We can skip it, I guess. If that’s how you want to spend your day.”
Aiden quickly lets go of me.
“Fine, I’ll change.” He strips out of the sweatpants that were riding low on his hips, slides into a pair of jeans, grabs a jacket and says, “Let’s go.”
“Grab your keys. You have to drive.”
“Really, why?”
I give him a frustrated look.
He holds up his hands. “Never mind. Getting my keys.”
As we leave school, I click the navigation on my phone and give Aiden directions.
“You’re not telling me where we’re going?”
“I was hoping to surprise you, but I can if you want,” I pout.
He holds his hand up to my face. “Nope, your wish is my command. I can’t take that face.”
“What face?”
“The face you make when you don’t get your way.”
“It’s your birthday. I want to do what makes you happy, but I think—well, I hope—that you’re going to love this.”
“If you planned it, I’m sure I will,” he says, taking my hand and putting it on the stick shift under his.
About thirty minutes later, we’re out in the middle of nowhere.
He turns down the radio and says, “Can I guess?”
“Sure.”
“Are we seeing something or doing something?”
“Doing.”
“Skydiving?”
“No. Oh! See that red sign up there on the left?”
“I can see it, but I can’t read it.”
“That’s where we’re going.”
As we get closer, his eyes get big. “The Motorsports Ranch?”
“It’s yours for the afternoon. A driving coach is going to work with you and then you get to go have some fun. See what your car can really do without getting a ticket.”
He breaks into a mega-watt grin. “Are you serious?”
“I’m totally serious.”
Even after we’ve checked in, met his driving coach, and he’s suited him up, he says, “I can’t even believe you did this.”
I watch from the tower as Aiden works on cornering, steering, and proper shifting.
After two hours worth of classes, he comes back in.
The mechanic checks out his car while we have a lunch of hotdogs and birthday cupcakes. The driving coach sits down with us and tells him the car looks good, and he can go out for some timed sessions.
I can tell he’s loving every minute of this. I don’t think he’s stopped smiling since we pulled in the place.