Chapter Twelve

I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry, but my situation was clear enough. I was in bed. In the middle of the day. That was wrong. There must be work to be done. There always was.

I shuffled up in the luxurious bed, halting when my head ached. I felt as though I’d hit a wall.

“Kyann? How do you feel?”

I blinked and the near distance came into focus. Vashri was sitting beside my bed. As I looked around, the other three kings drew closer from the places where they’d been waiting elsewhere in the room. I was in the chamber I’d been sharing with Essa, but my sister was nowhere in sight.

I took in my surroundings, remembering the events of the last few days. The kings. Essa being stolen by the Emperor’s troops, and freed by me. I remembered arriving at the Baloa family’s castle. And then I remembered Leea casting a spell on me and collapsing. I sat up. My head swam. “I have a headache,” I said, reaching to the spot at the back of my head that was sorest. “How is Leea?”

Rey answered. “Essa is with her. She hasn’t awoken yet.”

Fon chuckled in the background. “She won’t be messing with you again, though. That was something to see, Kyann!”

I frowned and turned my head carefully to look at the king of fire. “What do you mean?” I remembered what had happened. Leea had tried to attack me, saying I should have protected her father and brother from the Emperor. “You used magic,” I said. It must have been the kings – who else could it be? My gaze shifted again. “Rey, was it you?” I tried to smile, although moving my face made my head ache worse. “Maybe a little less force next time.”

“It wasn’t me.” Rey reached from the other side of the bed, taking my hand.

“It was all down to you,” Fon said. He stood at the foot of the bed, grinning down at me. “Leea tried to attack you, but she won’t be trying that again.”

I closed my eyes and saw her drop in my memory. I winced as I heard the thud of her head meeting the floor. “I did that?”

Rey squeezed my hand. “Yes. Did you mean to?”

My eyes flew open. “No, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to hurt her!” Leea was irritating, and I was angry she’d kept the Tears of Giera from us, but even if she’d attacked me, that didn’t justify what I’d done.

“Shh.” Axxon pressed close to comfort me. “It was an accident. A primal response.” He glared at Fon.

“What did I even do?” I’d pushed her away, but I wasn’t that strong.

“We think we may have uncovered your true abilities as guardian,” Rey said calmly, his fingers stroking the back of my hand. The gesture was soothing. And I wanted to be soothed. I didn’t want to hear that I was a violent psychopath.

“Making our enemies collapse?” I tried to joke. I kept my eyes on Rey’s fingers because if I closed them I saw Leea’s lifeless body dropping to the floor.

“You responded instinctively to a threat,” Fon said. “Or to be more accurate – your magic reacted instinctively to a threat.”

“But I don’t have magic.”

“You definitely do, it’s simply very different from that of anyone else,” Rey said. The other kings remained silent, but I felt their attention on me and Rey. Had they discussed all this while I slept? “You appear to be able to absorb magic. From almost any source. When Leea tried to use magic against you, you absorbed it so she couldn’t.”

“Do you remember that you were able to take the Tears of Giera from its hiding place?” Axxon took up the explanation.

“Yes.” My voice was hollow. I wished I could deny it, but I’d destroyed Essa’s magic, too. I swallowed. Was I dangerous? That was a stupid question. I already knew the answer was yes. Leea was testament to that.

“The shield spell that protected the gem was ancient magic. It should only have been possible for someone with the blood of the Baloa family to remove the gem. That’s why Rey and I couldn’t take it. But when you reached forward, your magic neutralised the spell. It’s entirely possible there’s no magic strong enough to affect you.” Axxon was smiling, but I couldn’t see much to be happy about.

“But why did she collapse?” I remembered trying to use Essa’s magic. I’d destroyed the magic, but I hadn’t harmed my sister.

“We think it’s because, in her anger, she was throwing everything she had at you. The sudden loss of all her magical power provoked her collapse.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” I said quietly.

“We know that.” Axxon patted my leg reassuringly through the bedclothes.

“This is remarkable magic, Kyann,” Rey told me. His eyes shone with admiration and I’d never deserved his esteem less. “Magic cannot affect you.”

My heart chilled further. Magic affected everything in the world. Except for me.

“I’m dangerous,” I muttered.

“You certainly are.” Fon sounded jubilant about the fact. “The Stalwart Emperor won’t know how to stop you.”

That was good. We had to stop the Emperor. But what else? The kings were all watching me with admiration. They clearly hadn’t thought matters through. What if I hurt someone? What if I hurt one of the kings? Destroyed his magic just when it was needed? Everything we were working for would be lost.

The four kings were watching me with no trace of condemnation in their expressions. I wanted them to hug me and tell me everything would be all right.

But I wasn’t a child. And I was definitely old enough to face the consequences of my actions.

I pulled my hands from Rey’s hold and pushed back the covers. “I want to see Leea.”

“I’ll help you.” Axxon stood beside me as I stamped into my boots, then offered his arm. I wanted to cry. I didn’t deserve his care and support.

I paused. I tried to dodge around him, but he took my hand, firm and steady. “I don’t want to steal your magic,” I told him.

He shook his head, his brown eyes warm and steady. “You won’t. You’re the guardian, Kyann. You can’t hurt us. There is nothing to worry about.”

It seemed to me like there was plenty to worry about, but I was woozy and shocked by what I’d just learned. I was weak enough to take the comfort offered, although I knew it couldn’t last.

Essa came to the door of Leea’s chamber as it opened.

“How is she?” Axxon asked, before I had a chance to speak.

“Improving slowly,” Essa said. “She’s sleeping. That’s the best thing for healing right now.”

I looked down at Leea. Her pale face was all that could be seen above the covers. “Please tell her I’m sorry,” I said. “As soon as she wakes.”

“Of course.” Essa’s expression softened. She caught my hand. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt her. And she did attack you. If there’s blame it lies on both sides.”

“There is no blame,” Axxon stated.

I wished I shared his confidence, but I couldn’t. I’d thought having no magic was bad enough, but this was worse. If I could take magic from other people, why, that made me as bad as the Emperor. Worse, because he at least had a purpose, even if it was an evil one. I was destroying it because I couldn’t do anything else.

I sniffed. I’d tried to become the guardian the kings needed. I’d tried to honour the memory of my father. And I’d failed.

Tears welled, threatening to spill over. “Please. I want to rest.”

“Then you shall.” Axxon helped me back to my chamber, the other kings crowding around, eager to help. But there was no help.

“I’d like to be alone,” I told them.

“But—”

“I’ll call if I need you,” I told them, a promise I had no intention of keeping.

“We’ll be waiting,” they said.

I didn’t return to my bed. I sat in the chair by the window. The day was already advancing towards evening, the shadows lengthening.

I walked to my door and pressed my ear against it. When I was sure I could hear nothing, I slipped out of my room, pleased to find that the kings weren’t waiting outside my door. I wouldn’t have put it past them. Their care for me was strong and sustaining – but right now it was a little suffocating. I needed to be alone, until I’d come to terms with matters, at least.

At the top of the stairs, I weakened. I wanted the kings to tell me I was doing the right thing. But it wasn’t their job to shore me up. I was the guardian. Time for me to face facts.

I sneaked out of the castle and across the courtyard. The castle was winding down towards night, several guards working together to raise the drawbridge to secure the castle and its inhabitants. Avoiding them, I slipped through the sally port and slid down the bank on the other side of it. The moat was barely up to my knees. I carried my boots and waded to the other side. I scrambled up the far bank and oriented myself in the last of the daylight.

The woods loomed dark and low on the far horizon, full of shadows that could be harbouring anything. I tore my eyes away; the woods weren’t my destination, not tonight.

The people of the surrounding villages had been busy. While I’d been injuring the daughter of the family, they’d harvested the abruptly-ripened barley, the grains now set in thick stooks to dry before being stored for the winter. A few stalks still stood at the edge of the fields where they’d escaped the scythes and sickles, waving in the breeze.

They’d do.