Chapter Twenty-Eight
“I owe the two of ye a debt, MacMasters. I dinnae know how I would’ve gone on if I’d lost my Sally.”
Standing guard outside the main house, long gun in hand, Dougal McLeod cast his bride-to-be a glance. Gathered under the shade of a birch tree, Sally recounted the incident she euphemistically termed her adventure with her bridesmaids, describing Evelyn’s courage to her enthralled audience. As Gerard supervised the preparation of the large brougham that would be used to transport Mrs. Smythe to Inverness, McLeod’s words took him back to a dark place, one he never wished to revisit.
He’d known the pain of losing a loved one. Abby had been so young and vibrant. Cut down by a bullet that by all rights should have taken his life. Not hers.
Until he’d taken Evelyn in his arms, he thought he’d never feel anything beyond lust for a woman again.
When he’d come to this place, he’d set out to protect Evelyn.
And he had. Thank God.
Had it only been twenty-four hours since they’d faced the curs? It seemed a lifetime had passed since the moment Westbrook had threatened to extinguish the life that sparkled in Evie’s lively blue eyes. She’d faced the heathens with true courage, putting her own life on the line to save her friend. He and Evie made a hell of a team. Together, they’d eliminated the threat. They’d worked together.
They’d survived.
The throbbing pain in his shoulder intensified, a powerful reminder of the lethal danger they’d lived to talk about. Luck—and Westbrook’s cowardice—had been on his side. If the scoundrel had been a better shot, Gerard would be a dead man.
He would’ve lived long enough to save Evelyn’s life. Gerard would not allow himself to consider any other possibility. But a well-placed round would have inflicted such brutal damage, even the eminently skillful Harrison would not have been able to save him.
If only he’d gotten to Evelyn sooner. The memory of her bloodstained blouse plagued his thoughts. She’d conquered the pain, uttering no words of complaint, despite the wounds she’d suffered.
How would he have lived another day if Evelyn had been maimed? Or killed?
He’d vowed never to put himself in the position to feel that misery again.
But then, he’d encountered Evelyn on that street in Inverness, and everything had changed. In such a short time, she’d turned his world on its axis.
He couldn’t stop thinking about her. He wanted her, night and day. In his arms. In his bed. At his side.
He had not believed it possible to crave another woman with such ferocity.
Or to feel such a gut-deep fear over the possibility of losing her.
“She’s a brave lass,” McLeod said, his gaze shifting to Evelyn. “Ye’re a lucky man.”
She stood with Sally and Grace, her manner subdued in contrast to Sally’s animated conversation. The sun glimmered against her golden curls.
“Bluidy shame ye and yer brother must leave before the wedding. Will ye return?” McLeod asked.
For Evelyn. His meaning was clear.
“At this point, I cannae say. Harrison and I must accompany the agents who’ve come from Inverness to transport the prisoner. What happens after that remains to be seen.”
“Ye will always be welcome here,” McLeod said.
“Thank ye.”
Harrison and Agent Owen McShae led a contingent of agents from the house. The men flanked Mrs. Smythe, taking no chances with the cunning killer, despite the shackles on her wrists.
Readying the carriage horses, Fergus shot the assassin a scowl, then went about his task. “I’d advise the lot of ye to leave this place while we’ve a fair share of daylight ahead of us.”
“Aye,” Gerard agreed. “We’ll get on the road soon enough.”
He turned toward the women. Blast it, he’d give a fortune for more time with Evelyn.
But it wasn’t in the cards.
He had his duty—a duty that had already cost him one woman he loved. He could not expose Evelyn to the dangerous realities of his work. He could not chance losing her.
He must bid her farewell.
As he approached, Sally and Grace found an excuse to take their leave. Looking up, Evelyn watched him with those beautiful eyes. Questioning silently, she nibbled her lower lip.
She knew he was leaving.
Bugger it, he had no choice. Evie deserved promises he couldn’t make.
She deserved so much more than he could give.
Her eyes widened. Was that a sheen of tears? Did she sense that he would force himself to stay away?
It was for the best. In time, she would understand. It wasn’t as if they’d engaged in a courtship. Fate had brought them together, kindling a passion neither had been able to resist.
What a damnable shame that fate had a wicked sense of irony.
What kind of life could he give a woman like Evelyn?
She deserved better than the unpredictable existence she’d find with him. She deserved a peaceful life with a man who didn’t sleep with a gun beside his bed.
Still, she was here now, standing before him, her eyes wide with unspoken questions.
He knew better than to think he could resist her. Not now.
Taking her hands in his, he pulled her close. Kissing her softly, he struggled to maintain control. The caress was nearly chaste, and yet, it triggered a fierce wanting within him—not only for pleasures of her body, but for her smile. For her laugh.
For her.
Devil take it, there was nothing to be done about it.
He’d almost lost Evelyn to a criminal’s violence. He could not risk her safety again.
He had his mission. He would not abandon his duty.
“I understand you are leaving.” Her breath was whisper-soft against his mouth.
“Aye.” He kissed her again, a gentle brush of his lips against hers. “Within the hour.”
“I…I rather wish you’d stay. You’re not yet healed.”
“I am needed in Inverness.”
Her teeth grazed her plump bottom lip. “And if I need you here, Gerard…would you stay?”
Ah, his name on her lips was the sweetest of sounds. What he wouldn’t give to hear her speak his name in passion, if only one more time.
Damnation, he could not allow himself to be weak. Leaving this place was for the best. Soon enough, she’d know the truth—she was better off without a man whose duty was all-consuming.
“I must go.” Damnit, the words came hard.
“I see.” Standing on her toes, she cupped his cheek against her satin-smooth palm. “Before you leave, there is something you should know.”
“Tell me, lass.”
“I want you to know… I do not say this lightly.” Her voice was a throaty whisper. A sheen darkened her eyes to indigo. “I am quite positive of my feelings for you. This is so very sudden. We’ve known each other for such a brief time. But I cannot deny the truth of what is in my heart. I love you, Gerard.”
“Ah, darling Evie, ye dinnae ken what ye say—”
“I’ve never known a man who makes me feel like you do.” She pressed a kiss to his throat, to the spot where his pulse throbbed. God above, she was a temptation.
He steeled himself. “Lass, ye dinnae want to spend yer days with a man like me.”
“I love you. Only you. That is what matters to me.” Her eyes locked with his. “I cannot assume that you harbor the same feelings for me.”
“Evie, I’ve never wanted a woman more.” The words seemed a confession. The truth of it struck him hard. Had he betrayed Abby’s memory? He’d loved her so, but theirs had been a young, impetuous ardor. With Evelyn, he was drawn to a woman who intrigued him, who challenged him, who would always draw out the best from him.
“I am not asking for promises, Gerard.” Her throat tensed, yet she held his gaze. “It’s too soon. I know that. But I’d like to know…that you’ll give us a chance. Life is a long road we might travel together.”
Slowly, he shook his head. “I cannae give ye the life ye deserve—the life ye need.”
“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?” Her beautiful eyes were bright with emotion. “You’re the one I want to grow old with.”
“Evie, I cannae stay.” Framing her face in his hands, he kissed her again, a leisurely taste of her sweet mouth. “I have my duty. I must go.”
“Your duty?” She stepped away, her sweet mouth pulled tight with tension. Emotion deepened the blue of her eyes. “That is not all you care about. I know it isn’t. You put yourself in the path of a bullet to save my life. You could’ve died—you took the ultimate risk. You told me you loved me. Gerard, you cannot hide the truth—I can see it in your eyes.”
“Evie, I cannae stay.”
He caught her in his arms and pulled her close. Staring down at her, he memorized every nuance of her lovely face. Dammit, if only she did not look at me that way. How can I resist her?
“Why won’t you trust your heart and see where this might lead?” she said, her voice smooth as velvet.
“If I dinnae have feelings for ye, staying here would be easy…I’d take pleasure in yer bed, not giving a thought to what lies ahead. But I do care for ye. And I know ye deserve better than the life ye’d find with me.”
Tears brimmed in her eyes. “You have such courage. Why do you run from this…from us?”
“I must go.” He drank in her beauty, as if that would sustain him. “Good-bye, Evie.”
She slipped away from his hold. “Good-bye, Gerard. I will not forget you.”
And then he turned away from her. If he did not go now, he’d lose his will, pull her in his arms, and kiss her again. And then, he might never find the strength to leave her.
Without another glance behind, he headed to the carriage and the duty that consumed his existence—a duty that would never allow a woman like Evelyn a place in his life.
…
Ye deserve better than the life ye’d find with me.
As he uttered the words, Evelyn heard the bitter pain in his voice, saw the contradiction in his eyes. He walked away then, without so much as a look back. He’d completed his mission. They’d captured the assassin he’d pursued from London to the Highlands—and her weak-kneed partner. When Harrison had retrieved the oracle card, Evelyn had offered no protest. She wanted no part of the card printed with a scowling mythical beast or the priceless amulet to which it led. The bookseller had entrusted her with the key to the Dragon’s Eyes and beseeched her to protect it. She’d honored his wishes. The MacMasters men would ensure the treasure was safely secured.
The night she’d shared with Gerard would be a precious memory. He’d awakened passion within her she’d never known she possessed. They’d shared something very real, a connection that transcended the physical and infused her with a renewed joy. In his arms, she’d found true bliss.
If only she hadn’t surrendered her heart in the process.
She’d known better than to believe what they’d had would last beyond one night. He’d never lied to her. He’d whispered sweet words…words of love, spoken in the heat of desire…but there’d been no promises. Not even a hint of a vow or a mention of forever. He had not misled her. She’d entered into their brief, tender affair with open eyes.
She’d told herself the connection between them was purely physical.
Even then, she’d seen the lie for what it was—a deception she’d permitted herself. Without that falsehood, she would have walled herself off from him. She would not have surrendered to her hunger, would never have immersed herself in the pleasure she’d found in his arms. She might never have experienced the beauty of their all-too-brief liaison.
But now, her heart ached. Not unbearably. She would endure the pain. She’d suspected the misery would come.
Only, she hadn’t realized it would be so very soon.
Now, Gerard was gone. She might well spot him again, running about London, pursuing some villain or other. Hadn’t she believed a rendezvous with a daring spy for the Crown would be thrilling?
She hadn’t counted on caring for him with such intensity, hadn’t anticipated the feel of his touch being forever imprinted on her soul.
Gerard wanted her. She knew that. He’d loved her tenderly. But he would not—could not—be the man who would hold her through long, cool nights and awaken with her upon each new dawn. No, she’d given up on such girlish dreams a long time ago.
It simply wasn’t meant to be.
Emotion welled in her throat, a scalding anguish she could not extinguish. The coach carrying Gerard and Harrison and their prisoner away from Houghton Manor rattled over the dusty road with Fergus at the reins.
It felt as if a piece of her heart was stowed away in that carriage. With Gerard.
Her foolish confession played in her head. I love you, Gerard. She’d taken the risk. She’d spoken the truth—she longed for him and him alone.
And then, she’d said good-bye.
A tear threatened to escape her control. She blinked it back. It wouldn’t do to weep. Not now. She would not cast a pall on Sally’s happiness.
Strolling toward her, Sally regarded her with compassionate eyes. Her lifelong friend—a sister of the heart, really—read the sadness Evelyn tried to hide.
“He will be back,” Sally said. “I saw the way he looked at you. He will not be able to stay away.”
Evelyn gave her head a little shake. “He has his life—and I have mine. Truth be told, I know so very little about him. Everything about his work is steeped in intrigue. So many secrets do not bode well for a love affair.”
“I predict you will learn his secrets…and more. In time.” Sally caught her hand in hers and gave a reassuring squeeze. “The man is wild for you. I could see it in his eyes.”
“Desire is fleeting.” Evelyn’s gaze wandered to Dougal. “You and Dougal share so much more.”
“That took time, my dear. Surely, you recall how we detested each other from the start.”
The memory tugged a smile to Evelyn’s mouth. “Indeed. If you’d lived a few centuries earlier, the two of you might have inspired The Taming of the Shrew.”
“Love is a peculiar mystery. There’s no solving it, really.”
“Quite so.” Evelyn sighed. “I’d vowed to protect my heart. I thought I knew better than to fall in love again. But Gerard was a force of nature. I’ve never known a man like him… The thing of it is…I don’t regret opening my heart to him. He taught me to feel joy again, taught me to embrace my passions… Gerard taught me that a man could desire me…for me…not for my inheritance.”
“I understand.” Sally’s eyes glistened. “Now, please tell me you’ve decided to stay. I want you here when I speak my vows. I need my dearest friend on my wedding day.”
Evelyn battled a fresh surge of emotion, a joy she’d not expected to feel. “I would not think of missing it. I only wanted to protect you… I knew the danger that was lurking about. I had wanted to shield you from it.”
“Aside from the intrigue and villains, I know this has been hard for you—so much nonsense. Gowns, and balls, and celebrations. It’s a bit much, I know. At times, I wish Dougal and I could’ve eloped.” Sally hugged her tight. “At first, I was a bit blind to how cold Catriona can be. I’m so very sorry that I didn’t see her cuts for what they were. It’s just…it’s difficult for me as well. There’s so much change. More than I could’ve imagined.”
“Not to worry. We’ve hit a few ruts in the road, just as in the carriage when that crazed old driver had the reins.” Evelyn grinned. “It’s over now, and we can both breathe a sigh of relief.”
Sally laughed. How pleasant the sound was after the anguish of the day.
Out of the corner of her eye, she spied Catriona. To Evelyn’s surprise, she rushed to them and threw her arms around Evelyn in a warm embrace. “Oh my dear, I’ve misjudged ye so. I made a mistake…I took that vile gossip as truth. I should’ve known better than to put any credence in the drivel about…about what occurred in London. Like a gullible fool, I thought ye were a wanton woman, hardly worthy of Sally’s friendship. I know now how very wrong I was. My conduct was reprehensible.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “Ye’re a brave soul, saving our Sally as ye did. Can ye forgive me?”
If the woman had transformed into a cabbage before Evelyn’s eyes, she might not have been more shocked.
“Might we start fresh…as friends?”
Catriona smiled, a genuine grin that reached her eyes. “Yes, Evelyn. I would like that very much.”
The remainder of the day passed in a whirl of excitement. Guests continued to arrive, all greeted warmly, all oblivious to the harrowing events of the morning. The MacMasters brothers had sworn those who knew of the incident to secrecy…as with all of their missions, it was a matter of interest to the Crown, extremely hush-hush.
At the end of the evening, Evelyn retired to her chamber. Stretching out wearily upon her bed, she clutched the pillow tight and considered Sally’s words.
Love was indeed a mystery.
She craved Gerard. His touch. His healthy, clean masculine essence. The feel of his body lying next to hers.
In time, the intense longing would ebb.
But in her heart, she knew her hunger for Gerard would never entirely fade. She would never forget the bliss of being held by his strong arms, of being consumed with passion for the dashing Scot.
No, she would never forget Gerard. He’d laid a claim on her heart that would endure until her last breath.
Devil take it, she loved the man. She had fallen for her fierce, tender, courageous Highlander.
Pity it wasn’t meant to be.