Chapter 16
Tea in the drawing room passed without a hitch and Sophia was beginning to relax. The young lady who would become Oscar’s wet nurse arrived and Sophia was allowed to speak to her alone in a morning room, so she could decide if the young woman was acceptable to her. After years of having most decisions made for her, she appreciated the choice Jason gave her. Linda Green, however seemed both kind and caring and the perfect wet nurse.
“Do you know how long it will take for me to return to normal? My breasts are sore in the morning so I imagine they will get painful when I stop.”
“Two weeks. Three at most, my lady.”
“Oh, that is not so bad. I thought it may be months.”
Linda shook her head. “No, it’s quite quick. It may be as short as ten days if you are lucky. Though it can be painful for a few days. You may want some laudanum.”
Sophia screwed up her nose and shook her head. Her father had died of a laudanum overdose. Of course he had meant to kill himself, but Sophia had been very wary of the medicine since.
“I shall consider it but doubt I would use it. I shall survive the pain. I survived child birth after all.”
“Start wearing stays again. The support shall help.”
“I shall. Thank you.”
“I shall go to the nursery and meet this young man. I may as well start feeding him immediately.”
Sophia nodded but felt a pang of something, guilt, longing for the closeness she had while feeding her son? She was not sure. But this was the best course of action. She showed Linda to the nursery then rejoined Lady Ashgate and Jason in the drawing room.
“I should go and see Father.”
“He has not changed, Jason.”
“Mayhap, but it is my duty as his son.”
“Would you like me to come?” Sophia offered.
Jason raised an eyebrow. “I explained he is ill. Mad probably.”
“Yes, you did. But I should like to support you.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “I would prefer you not to see him like that.”
She nodded. It was entirely his choice.
As the footmen closed the door, the Countess raised her eyebrow at her.
“What do you want with my son, Lady Rutherford? Do you seek his fortune?”
Sophia sat back slightly as if she had been slapped. “My lady, I have been well cared for by my late husband. I need nothing in monetary terms.”
“Then it is the sex.”
Sophia swallowed hard. She had never had a conversation about sex with anyone but Jason. She had tried to have them with Octavius and Gideon but neither would discuss the subject with her.
“Your son is quite an expert in the bed chamber, my lady.”
To give Lady Ashgate her due, she did simply raise an eyebrow at Sophia’s attempt to out-shock her.
“No doubt. I do not appreciate him bringing his mistresses into my house though.”
“I was not his mistress when we set out on this journey. Things happen, my lady. I cannot predict the future. However, I do know your son and I care deeply for one another.”
The older woman snorted. “Good Lord. You are not suggesting you love him.”
“I have stronger feelings for Jason than I ever did for my husband.”
“He needs to go to London and find a debutante to marry.”
“Why?”
“Because…” She saw the moment the woman realised there was no earthly argument for Jason to marry a virgin. “It is the done thing.”
“Why? Can he not marry a perfectly respectable widow, whose child was born six months after her husband’s death?”
“I am casting no aspersions on the legitimacy of your son’s birth, Lady Rutherford. But he needs to fill his nursery too.”
“And I would have no qualms in aiding him in that endeavour.”
“From the banging on his bed chamber door an hour ago, you have already begun the endeavour.”
Heat rose in Sophia’s cheeks.
“Do you know why your son moved to that bed chamber, Lady Ashgate?”
Lady Ashgate blinked and shook her head. “He said he did not like the aspect from his window.”
“I believe the noise was keeping him awake.” Sophia allowed that to sink in. When she saw the cheeks of the older woman start to turn pink, she carried on. “I have no desire to be your enemy, Lady Ashgate. Your son has asked me to marry him. If I am honest, I am not sure how serious he is. But if I do say yes, I should like to be friends.”
“Friends may stretch my limit, my dear. I may manage civil politeness.”
“I understand. If you shall excuse me, I wish to check everything is well with Oscar.”
“You fuss too much where that baby is concerned. He is perfectly well looked after by the staff.”
“He was nearly killed. You have already decided to dislike me because your baby was shot in an attempt to protect my baby. Your baby’s wound is healing well. Had mine been shot, he would be dead, Your Ladyship. I may be an over-protective mother, but the same accusation could be levelled at you. Your baby, however, is more than capable of looking after himself.”
And with that she swept out of the room.
A little while later she came back down from the nursery, satisfied Oscar was indeed in good hands to find Jason pacing the hallway.
“What the devil did you say to my mother?”
Sophia bit her lip. “I apologise. I seem to have got off on the wrong foot with her. She does however hate me, and I reacted badly. She heard us in your room earlier and was not shy in telling me so. I may have mentioned you changed rooms because of the noise. I did not say what noise, but I am sure your mother is not an imbecile.”
“Good God, Whitsnow was telling me that his sister tends to just blurt things out. I think you have spent too long in her company.”
“Some things need to be said, my lord and I shall not be insulted by your mother, no matter what station she holds. She insinuated I was after your money. Octavius left me well provided for. I have no need of your money. Is that what you think?”
He steered her into a parlour, out of earshot of the servants and laid his hands on her shoulders.
“Of course not. I would never contemplate being with someone who was only after my money.”
Sophia snorted. “Well, my lord, that is half the ladies in the Beau monde off your list of potential wives.”
His countenance darkened and he inched closer to her. His lips were but an inch from hers.
“There is only one woman on my list of potential wives, Sophia, Lady Rutherford. I want no one else.”
“Jason, your mother despises me, I already have a child. My husband’s nephew is trying to kill me and my son. I appreciate your protection, but becoming more involved with my life is just asking for disaster to strike. Your mother is right.”
“My mother is wrong. My mother does not love you. My mother is not kept awake at night wondering what she would do if she were to lose you.”
“You sleep soundly enough once you have tumbled me.”
“And then I dream he has shot you and I wake and lie and watch you. I shall hate it tonight when I do not have the comfort of being in your bed for the whole night.”
“We only shared a bed for a couple of nights.”
“I want you in my bed every night. Marry me soon. Marry me as soon as I can get to the bishop for a licence. I shall need to go to York, but I can be there in one day and back in a day if I go on horseback.”
“You would have us marry here, without informing everyone?”
“Oh. Do you want a big wedding at St George’s in Hanover Square?”
“Not especially.”
“Then I do not understand the problem.”
“Will your mama not wish a large wedding?”
“I would not be marrying my mama.”
“One would hope not. Even Lord Byron did not do that.”
“Why are all the ladies obsessed with Byron?”
“Because everyone knows he had… relations with his half-sister, but we are all agog to know why he is really in exile.”
“You do not know?”
She shook her head.
“I asked Octavius but he just went red, shifted himself in his breeches and left the room, muttering something about that damned poet.”
“Well, given what I now know about your late husband, that does not entirely surprise me. When you and Octavius had relations, did he ever accidentally nearly push into the wrong entrance?”
“You mean the one behind?”
“Yes.”
“Occasionally. He even once suggested trying it that way to make him hard before doing it the right way. But given how painful it was, I did not give him permission.”
“I see. Well for some people it can be very pleasurable and for some they just do not like it. It is, however, illegal. Lord Byron did it with his wife and that, my dear is why he is in exile.”
“So she did not like it?”
He shrugged. “I assume not. She told her mother, who told the authorities. The thing about pleasure, my love is that both parties should be finding it and if one is not, then you should stop. Who knows what went on in their bed chamber? It is all speculation and rumour. But if anything I do is not bringing you pleasure, please tell me and I shall stop. I would much rather we discussed it than you complained to someone else about something I could have changed.”
“I would never complain about you to another, Jason. What happens in a bedchamber between us, or even outside of one, is entirely private.”
He smiled and bent his head. “Shall we have a private moment now?”
“Not in your parent’s house.”
“That is unfortunate. I suspect they have no plans to die any time soon.”
“How was your father?”
“He did not even know who I was. He thought I was a valet.”
“I should like to meet him all the same.”
“Mayhap, my love. I think you would find it uncomfortable.”
“My lord, I have faced down gun men trying to kill my son. I can deal with a deranged old man. He is harmless, is he not?”
“Yes.”
“Then please let meet your father. Good God, you talk of marriage then would deny me the right to stand at your side?”
He ran the back of his hand down her cheek. “Do you have any idea how arousing it is when you scold me and call me ‘my lord?’”
“Jason!”
“I am just remarking that you make my cock hard when you are vexed.”
“Your cock is always hard.”
“Only when I am around you, or thinking about you.”
“You are impossible.”
“I know and you love me for it.”
She sighed. “It does seem the case that I am falling in love with you. Marriage, however is a different matter. You have not been married. You can afford to be a romantic, Jason. I cannot. I have responsibilities.”
“You make me sound like a lovelorn pup. I am aware of what I am doing. And moreover, I know what I want and that is you.” His voice dropped. “Right now. On that chaise.”
“No Jason. Not in your family seat.”
“Well my family have probably all sat in it at one point or another, but it is not designated just for family.”
She giggled and tapped him lightly on the chest. “You know I meant…”
“I do.” He tugged her hand down to the fall of his breeches. “But I need you.”
“Come, show me the rest of the house so you can take your mind off that.” She did however give the hard length a light squeeze. He groaned and swatted her bottom, but due to the layers of underskirts, she barely felt it.
∞ ∞ ∞
Two days later, Jason took Sophia to see his father. He marvelled at how gentle she was with the older man. She listened to him rambling about Napoleon and what King George should do. She calmed him when he started worrying he was late for a meeting in the House of Lords. When he started demanding port and cheroots as though she was a maid. A few times, Jason had made a move to end the visit but Sophia had smiled at him, patted his hand and told him she was fine and was in no way distressed. Jason believed he may have fallen even deeper in love with her that moment.
Two days after she visited his father for the first time, she sent a message via Maggie that she had a headache and was staying in bed. When her headache had not cleared in time for dinner, he ignored the request to leave her be and marched into her bedroom.
Shrieking, she sat up in bed, threw her book across the blankets and swiped the loose hair out of her face.
“I told you to stay away.”
“Why? Is your ailment catching?”
Her chuckle was lacking humour. “Definitely not.”
“Then why can I not come in?”
“You are a gentleman. Gentlemen do not come into a lady’s bed chamber when she… has a headache.”
“A headache should not last…” And at that moment everything clicked into place. He felt like an imbecile. “You have your courses.” When he opened his eyes, Sophia’s face was in her hands. Even in the candlelight, he could see her face was red. “Oh my love. Are you in terrible pain?”
“Some. But with that added to the breast pain from not feeding Oscar, I just could not bear to put on a façade of polite civility.”
“Of course not.” He tugged at his coat and eventually the form fitting woollen garment came off his shoulders. He then kicked off his shoes.
“Jason, what are you doing?”
“I am coming into bed with you.”
“Oh Jason, I cannot. I really am not feeling well and the mess…”
He chuckled as he pulled back the covers and slipped in with most of his clothes still on. “I am not here to tumble you. I am here to hold you, to rub and soothe anything that hurts and hopefully the heat of my body will also aid in relieving your pain. I may have an almost constant cockstand for you, Sophia, but I am not a complete brute.”
She chuckled. “I do not think you are a brute Jason. I may have called you that when vexed with you. You can be a little over-bearing when you want to have your way, but you are no brute. I apologise for calling you one.”
“No apology is necessary. I should take your opinions and feelings into account more often.”
She burrowed against his chest and her belly made contact with the hard length pressing against the fall of his breeches.
“I could use my hand to help you with that,” She murmured, her hand straying to the button of his breeches.
He caught her hand and pressed a kiss to it. “Or you could lie still and ignore it like I intend to do. I came in here to care for you, not to be attended to by you. Now tell me, once the snow starts to melt, am I getting on my horse and heading for York for a marriage licence. I would post the banns here and in your home Parish in Cumberland but, I fear that Benson may not have realised where we were headed and come after you. He would know we had to marry in one of our parishes if we post banns. A licence is easier. While I can take you to London and go and see the Archbishop of Canterbury…”
“London is not necessary. Are you absolutely sure you want the burden of raising another man’s son?”
“Oscar is hardly a burden. We are hardly paupers, Sophia.”
“Then, I do not believe I can really say no to your proposal. I have fallen quite madly and irrevocably in love with you, you terrible brute.”
He rolled her onto her back and captured her mouth in a gentle but probing kiss. He was very aware of not deepening it too much. He did not want to be the brute she had apologised for calling him. A knock at the door made him roll off her and she bit her lip. “It will be Maggie,” she whispered before calling for the visitor to enter.
His heart leapt into his throat when his mother opened the door and stood framed in the doorway, her mouth hanging open.
“Mama!”
“Jason! Had I realised you and Lady Rutherford were having a tryst, I would…”
“We were not having a tryst. I am nearly fully clothed.” He pulled the bedding off his body to show his breeches, waistcoat and even his cravat still fully tied in an intricate but sophisticated knot. “Lady Rutherford has her courses and I was doing for her, what Papa used to do for you. Comforting and soothing her.”
“You know about that?”
“Aye. I met him coming out of your room one day when I was about eighteen. He was a bit dishevelled because you had both fallen asleep. As a young buck, I was quite disgusted at the thought of my parents tumbling during the day. He took me into his office and explained. He also told me it was none of my god-damned business if you did tumble each other during the day and it was time for me to grow up and stop being such a pathetic little weasel about sex. He told me, had I been born to the lower classes, I’d have shared a single room with my parents and they’d have no doubt been tumbling each other in the bed across from me all my life. It put things into perspective.”
“That is true. I am glad you are showing Lady Rutherford such concern.”
“She has just agreed to marry me, Mama. I hope you shall be happy for us.”
His mother’s gaze moved from him to Sophia and back again and she blew out a breath. “If it is what you wish, son, then I cannot stand in your way. I came because I wanted to speak to Lady Rutherford about a few communications I received from town, but you should hear these too. I was going to come to you after I had spoken to Lady Rutherford.”
“My lady, would you call me by my given name, Sophia? I would like it very much indeed.”
His mother raised an eyebrow, but nodded her acquiescence. “Of course. The post is arriving late because of the weather. I just received these. They are letters of condolence.”
“Letters of condolence?” asked Jason, moving his legs to get out of bed, but his mother raised a hand to stop him.
“Everyone is fine. It seems a rumour is going around town that you were both shot and killed along with young Lord Rutherford. I have my suspicions as to who may be spreading the rumour.”
“Benson,” Jason growled.
“What does he gain from telling people we are dead?” asked Sophia.
“Mayhap he thinks he killed you.”
“Surely he would wait to find out. A bullet would not necessarily kill us and they went by us so fast just shooting randomly.”
“I think they were reasonable shots, my love. They got me, Maggie and the horses.”
“But why would they think us dead?”
“They would assume those of us not killed by the bullets would perish in the snow. Come Sophia, you showed great character in marching through that snow, baby in your arms while I carried Maggie while injured. It was quite a distance. And you know Oscar was quite still by the time we go to the inn.”
“Yes. He was. I was terribly concerned about him. As I was about you and Maggie. But you and she were in the doctor’s care. Thankfully he did start to come around as he warmed up.”
“Well, I think Mr Benson has presumed neither you nor I have had as much courage as we do.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Well, I think we must head to London after all. I would have preferred not to in this weather, but it is for the best. Are you able to make the journey just now, my love?”
“Yes. I just would have preferred to stay here but I shall be fine. I shall have to start feeding Oscar again.”
“I shall go and speak to Linda Green. She has no family. She may be willing to come with us.”
“Fine. What if I have to run away again?”
“My love, you are under my protection. I shall be properly prepared this time. You shall be running nowhere.”
“Of course.” She bit her lip and Jason’s mother spoke up.
“Lady Rutherford… I mean, Sophia. I can tell my son loves you. He protects those he loves with a ferocity that knows no bounds. You are perfectly safe with him, especially against a man who does not even have the decency to slow his coach to check that you are properly dead before announcing your death to the ton. Mr Benson is obviously a coward of the worst order.”
“I agree,” Jason, said. “About me loving you and about Benson being a coward. I would send a letter to your brother to tell him you are safe, but I think it best that we surprise everyone, including Benson, when we arrive back in Town.”
“That sounds sensible, though it pains me to think of Gideon mourning me.”
“It shall not be for long and then we can tell the whole world that we are alive and everyone shall know that Mr Benson is a scoundrel and a cad.”
“Indeed.”
“We must prepare to leave at first light tomorrow. We shall take extra staff and some weapons, just in case.”
“Fine. I shall leave you to discuss your arrangement,” his mother said. “And please, both of you, take care.”
“We will travel with the utmost care, Mama. I promise.”
“That is all I can ask.”
∞ ∞ ∞
As the ladies sat drinking tea after dinner that night and Jason had gone up to see his father, decanter of port in hand, Sophia looked at the Countess and grimaced.
“I do apologise for the danger in which I have placed your son. I am not sure I would be overly pleased if someone had placed my son in danger, even if he were a grown man.”
The Countess sighed and placed her embroidery to the side. Sophia could not help but admire the needlework. It was a depiction of a biblical scene. A dove was sitting on a branch with Noah’s Ark in the background. The dove that did not come back after the floods had receded.
“Jason loves you. I can see that. He also loves your son. I went to the nursery yesterday while you were abed and Jason was there playing with him. The child seems to adore him. Since he became a youth and lost that desire to please people, he has lost that softness in his gaze. It has returned since he entered this house with you on his arm. He is no longer an indolent, spoiled aristocrat. He wishes to be a husband and father. He is ready to be a husband and father. I judged you harshly because you were no wide-eyed innocent, but that was unfair. You are a true lady.”
“I should never have spoken to you the way I did when you mentioned Jason’s door banging. I should have accepted the chastisement with grace.”
“You deserved no chastisement. And you are correct. I have no right to judge others. My husband is still alive and I seek solace in the arms of the estate steward.”
“Lord Ashgate is very sweet but he does not have the capacity to be a husband. I do not just mean in the bed chamber, Lady Ashgate. My late husband… he could not perform well in that area. Luckily for him, a baby happened one of the few times our coupling was successful, but I still had a nice marriage. Lord Rutherford was a good and interesting companion. I believe I shall be much happier with Jason because I love him and have chosen him, but Lord Ashgate cannot even give you the companionship that I had with Lord Rutherford. I know Jason does not judge you for your dalliance with the steward. Neither do I. I hope, if they know, your other children do not. It would be terribly unfair.”
“You are very kind considering I was quite unwelcoming.”
“I was responsible for your baby being shot. Even if he is in his late twenties. I believe Oscar will always be my baby.”
“He will, my dear, but one day a lovely young woman shall come along and you shall realise that she loves him just as much as you do and you shall have no qualms in watching him marry her. Please do one thing for me?”
“Anything, my lady.”
“Apart from calling me ‘mama,’ please bring him back occasionally. I do not think his father is long for this world and he will take over the estate when that happens. He should be prepared for it.”
“Why do you not allow him to help you now?”
“We do not have a Regency in this Earldom. I may be running things in my husband’s stead but only the stead, my children and the staff know this. Everyone else thinks he is just reclusive. While no one would question Jason’s right to succeed his father, I would prefer to keep my husband’s illness private. We would have to go through the court of Chancery to appoint Jason as the trustee. And that would then mean that everyone would know that John is incapacitated.”
“I understand. That said, could Jason not help you run the estate, but you still pretend that the Earl is running it? I believe he feels rather helpless and would like to be of more use.”
“What has he said?”
“Very little. But he looked quite sad when he spoke of not being able to help.”
“I really do not know what to do for the best.”
“You could talk to him.”
“I do wish you would stop talking sense, my girl. It is putting me to shame. I shall wait until you both return from Town. I would hate to distract him from protecting you and that baby.” She sighed. “I wish John were well. We could have kept the baby here and protected him, then you could have travelled to Town and confronted that ruffian.”
“I am not sure I could bear to be parted from him.”
Lady Ashgate laughed. “Just wait until his first term at Eton. You will be beside yourself. And Jason will spend his time telling you he shall be fine and it shall be the making of him. Of course he shall be fine. They all miss their mamas, but they bond in their attempt to prove to one another that they are not homesick.”
Sophia rolled her eyes. “I do hope to give Jason a son and then only girls. They are so much easier.”
“You say that, but they are easier until they start to want to be young ladies and want to attend balls and soirees and meet eligible gentlemen to sweep them off their feet.”
“I had no such silly notions. My father had already planned for me to marry Lord Rutherford the year of my come-out. I just did my duty.”
“Oh Sophia. That is unfortunate. And now you still do not get your pick of the gentlemen. You have already affianced yourself to Jason.”
“Jason is the pick of the gentlemen, my lady. I could not be happier. Or at least, I shall be happy once we have dealt with Mr Benson.”
“I shall raise my cup and saucer to dealing with that scoundrel.”