It’s often hard for me to be happy at Christmas. I always have great expectations about how happy my family will be as we come together and how much each person will love what I get them. I work myself to death, buying multiple gifts for every member of my family, decorating and wrapping, until every ounce of joy just drains right out of me.
I’ve recently been studying the science of happiness through a course Yale University is offering to the public. It’s been fascinating and enlightening. I’ve learned that half of our happiness quotient is determined by genetics, and ten percent is determined by circumstances. But a full forty percent is made up of our thoughts and our actions, and those are completely within our control. The professor who teaches the course, Laura Santos, uses research to point out several clear paths to happiness. I’ve been most surprised to realize that, though she may not be aware of it, the actions and thoughts she suggests for “rewiring” our brains are biblical principles.
Spending time keeping a gratitude journal—so that you can dwell on those things you’re grateful for—will help “rewire” the brain. The brain doesn’t maintain a state of delight for very long, and you get used to the things that make you happy, which fools you into thinking you’re no longer happy. Studies suggest taking time to think about what life would be like without those things or people you’re grateful for. Imagine life without them. That will bring back the brief surge of joy you experienced when you got those things. The more you think about your gratitude for specific things or people, the happier you become.
The same is not true when you dwell on things that annoy you, because that makes you more miserable. (This is a wake-up call for those of us who listen to the news all day. It makes us dwell on our annoyances and fears instead of the things we’re grateful for.)
It also turns out that experiences make us happier than material things, because of that frustrating feature of our brains that makes us grow bored. An experience is a onetime thing that gives us a surge of joy, and then it ends. We don’t have time to get bored with it. A new car that we love sticks around for a while, so even if it causes great joy at the beginning, that joy wanes and we don’t think we like it as much. If we realize that our brains do this, we can counteract it and reset the joy. If we don’t realize it, we will complain and be disappointed and convince ourselves that we need another new purchase to make us happy.
This principle applies to relationships, too. We don’t stay in the honeymoon phase for long. Our brains adjust to our joy with each other, and we interpret that as boredom, even though nothing has changed except for the way our brains perceive things. How many marriages and relationships have been wrecked due to our belief that the grass is greener on the other side? That very idea is a trick our minds play on us.
I’ve been most surprised that the scientific research into what actually leads to happiness points to a few very clear paths. In addition to gratitude, they include kindness to others, social connections, meditation, and goal setting.
As I’ve been watching these videos, I’ve felt a strange sense of déjà vu. I’ve heard all of this before. But where? Oh yes. I’ve read it in the Bible. The Yale University psychology department may not be aware that this research has proven very clear biblical principles, but it has. The Bible, written two thousand to four thousand years ago, doesn’t tell us the scientific reasons behind these principles. And the research doesn’t tell us the spiritual reasons behind them.
But what scientists have concluded as they’ve reinvented the wheel—or at least sought to explain how the wheel works—are sound ways to live our lives. God’s Word links gratitude and peace in Philippians 4:6–7 and Colossians 3:15. On kindness, we’re told to put others before ourselves. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” We’re told that if you’re asked for a shirt, give your coat. If you’re asked to carry something one mile, carry it two. We’re told not to keep a record of wrongs, but to consider how to stimulate one another with love and good deeds. And we’re promised that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23).
Studies suggest meditation as one of the paths to happiness. We call that prayer in Christendom. We’re told, “Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2). It’s not a new concept that taking time to quietly focus on things outside ourselves is good for our souls.
And who has better social connections than church members? We’re told not to forsake our assembling together, because God knows we gain encouragement, support, and happiness from those connections with others.
As for goal setting, the apostle Paul tells us to “press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14). Christians have much to look forward to, and our lives have purpose even when we’re suffering.
I’ve known all this for years, but it took seeing a scientific approach for me to remember that God has already given us every tool we need to be happy. And now, as Christmas draws near, I’m committed to focusing on the things that truly will bring me happiness. I’m not going to lose myself in the things that can’t possibly provide sustained joy, but in the experiences that bring memories we can relive time and time again. I’m going to do that by implementing the principles I learned in the happiness studies, and those God has taught me over many years of reading his Word.
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (Philippians 4:8).
Join me in this, and celebrate Jesus’s birthday with true joy this year.
Merry Christmas!
Terri