I can’t believe I let him talk me into this…

Well… more accurately, I couldn’t believe I’d almost talked myself out of it.

I’d convinced myself that I hated Joseph, had once counted him among the worst people I had the displeasure of knowing.

And now we were here.

In the car on the way home, Josie had started wailing, putting those young new lungs to good use. She was uninterested in anything we could do without taking her from the safety of the car seat, so by the time we pulled into our driveway, I’d leaked through my shirt – my body’s natural, unavoidable response to the alarm Josie was sounding.

But that was fine.

I had what she needed.

Instead of going all the way upstairs, we settled right there in the living room – me and Josie in the recliner, nursing. Joseph and Jaden on the couch, watching. Both in love with what they saw, but also a little jealous – I’d weaned Jaden when I found out I was pregnant, so I could have my body somewhat to myself for at least a few months before the new baby arrived.

Joseph’s reasons didn’t need explaining.

I smiled down at Josie, half-asleep but still suckling – already a pro, our first day home. After five days in the hospital though, she’d had plenty of practice, and I… had plenty of time to worry I’d never see her again.

She was perfect.

Seven pounds of tawny skin and juicy cheeks and thick hair that was already curling. She’d come a month too soon, but with no complications. A smooth, unmedicated vaginal delivery – exactly what I’d wanted, and was so grateful to have experienced.

But then came the problems.

The bleeding wouldn’t stop, and my blood pressure was too high, and my blood sugar wouldn’t regulate, and a half dozen other, smaller complications I didn’t even care to remember. So instead of bonding with my baby, and basking in the love of my family, I spent that first forty-eight ours getting poked and prodded and pumped and injected and… kept alive.

Joseph had made damn sure of that.

I remembered, vaguely, him telling me he wasn’t leaving the hospital without me, and he’d made good on that promise.

The next time I looked down, Josie had fallen completely asleep, releasing her latch on my breast to let a line of milk drip down her chin – another thing to be grateful for. I hadn’t even been able to feed her those first two days, with everything going on. But as soon as I knew my milk was safe for her, we’d been on it. Practicing. To make sure this connection was something I didn’t have to lose.

So everything ended up fine after all.

I looked up at Joseph, getting his attention to tell him I was taking the baby upstairs, to sleep in her crib for the first time. He nodded, turning to tend to Jaden, who’d fallen asleep as well after bouncing around all morning.

Walking into Josie’s beautiful gray and yellow nursery with her tucked into my arms gave me a deep sort of joy I hadn’t expected. I stared down at her little face, so peaceful and sweet, practically a mirror image of my Jaden.

Perfection.

I glanced toward the crib, trying to remember if it was still filled with all the decorative stuffed animals and blankets – things that would have to be removed. Very quickly, that thought was struck from my mind, and I stopped in my tracks, staring at the wall space overlooking the crib.

The illustrated baby elephant canvas was gone.

In its’ place hung a portrait of… me. One arm curved protectively around Josie, still in my belly. The other around Jaden, as he pressed his face to my stomach, and I laughed.

I remembered this.

Jaden, in his two-year-old wonderment, wanted Josie to hear him singing to her, so he’d put his mouth as close as he could to belt his ABCs for his baby sister. Joseph wasn’t in the image because apparently he’d been the one to take it – something I hadn’t even realized.

I didn’t flinch at all as his arms circled my waist, settling under my arms to help support Josie. I’d felt him coming.

“Merry Christmas,” he murmured into my ear, then kissed me there too.

I smiled, even though he couldn’t see it, blinking away happy tears. “That’s not for another nine days.”

“You’re right, but… I couldn’t hold it. Especially after Miss Josie decided to debut early.” He propped his chin on my shoulder, staring down at her with me. “Thank you.”

I frowned. “For what?” I asked. “It’s my turn to say thank you, for this beautiful portrait. It’s perfect in here. Levi?”

“Yeah, this is a Levi Anders original,” he told me. “And you’re more than welcome. But thank you, still.”

Grinning, I carefully lowered Josie into the crib, her swaddle blanket helping keep her bundled and warm and asleep. Then, I turned to my husband.

“Thank you for what?” I asked again, as he pulled me into his arms.

“For having another one of my big head ass babies,” he teased. “And… for not leaving me. You scared me.” The humor was gone now, as he cupped me under the chin, using his thumb to lovingly caress my face.

“You made sure I was taken care of,” I reminded him, and he nodded.

“Always. Merry Christmas.”

I shook my head. “Nope. Still not for another week.”

He planted a kiss on my lips. “Whatever. Close enough.”