Loki led the group up through the narrow ravine, the winds whistling through the tall pines. He had tucked Ami under his brat against his chest and she’d fallen asleep instantly, her wee face almost peeking out of the top.
They’d had to wait two more days before they dared to travel with her, but she’d steadily improved with Kenzie’s help.
The delay had forced them to miss spending the winter solstice with the rest of the family, but it had given him plenty of occasion to observe Davina and Fergus as a couple. Despite the quickness of their courtship, they definitely seemed to be a solid couple, though Loki had sensed a touch of doubt emerging in Davina every now and then. He’d told her once that, in his opinion, she’d never find a gentler warrior than Fergus MacNicol.
Davina had nodded, a tear escaping her eye, and replied, “I believe you. He’s a fine man.”
Davina’s daughter Raina had brightened up the big cottage with her smiles and laughter. He knew Kyla would be pleased to see both Davina and Raina, but would the rest of the Grants be upset to learn she was betrothed to one of their own? That the young couple would be living in Castle Curanta? Time would tell.
When they drew near Grant land, Kenzie’s questions began bubbling out of him as fast as they popped into his head. “I know the winter solstice passed while we waited for Ami to get better, but do you think Aunt Maddie has saved us any food? Mayhap she saved some fruit tarts. I would share with Ami. She would love a pear tart, for certes.”
They were quickly greeted by a Grant contingency led by Jamie Grant. Kenzie opened his mouth, clearly eager to ask about the tarts and the festivities, but Loki said, “I’ll speak first, Kenzie. You must hold your questions.”
Jamie drew up next to him on his mount. “Welcome home. Was it a productive journey for you, cousin? And is that a wee lass peeking out of your brat?”
“Aye, the lass is a long story better saved for later. Our journey was verra productive. How is Bella? And Kenzie is dying to know if we missed all the fruit tarts.”
“I’m sorry, Kenzie—the feasting is done at our keep. We’ll lead you on to Curanta, but Bella should be the one to tell you all that has transpired in your absence.”
Loki had no idea what Jamie meant by that, or why his normally jubilant cousin looked so serious, but he decided not to read into it. They were almost home. The Grant guards surrounded them, assisting their travel through the more treacherous areas. Once they arrived at Castle Curanta, he hopped off his horse. “Forgive me,” he announced to all of them, “but Jamie and Fergus will assist you from here. I must go to Bella. Jamie—” he handed Ami over to him, “—please bring her inside but ‘tis verra important that you keep her warm.”
With that, he raced across his courtyard and up the steps to his hall. There were few people inside, he noticed, but all were somber, including his mother. He waved at them as soon as he was inside the door and asked, “Bella?”
“Upstairs, Loki.” His mother pointed to the staircase, and he chose not to focus on the sad expression on her face. Surely it just meant that Bella hadn’t delivered yet, that they were overanxious waiting for the bairn to come.
He took the steps three at a time and arrived at his chamber, opening it with a knock so as not to startle his wee wife. He stepped inside, surprised to see Gracie, Aunt Caralyn, and Aunt Maddie at Bella’s bedside.
He could hear her sobs under the covers, and all he could think was the worst. Their bairn. What had happened to their bairn?
“Aunt Maddie?” he whispered.
She strode over to his side and took his hands in hers. Caralyn grasped his shoulders. “Loki,” she said, “Bella lost the bairn. I’m so sorry.”
Gracie came over and gave him a quick hug, mumbling some kind words, but he didn’t hear them. His gaze was focused on Bella’s shape under the covers.
He heard the door close behind him as the women left, so he moved over and sat on the edge of the bed. “Bella?”
She finally popped out and threw her arms around him. “Loki, I’m so sorry, so sorry. Forgive me.”
He hugged her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly and taking in her sweet scent, which reminded him that he was home. They had lost the babe, but she was safe. “What happened? Why are you apologizing?”
She pulled back, her breath hitching between sobs. “I lost the babe. ‘Twas a wee lassie, and she never took a breath.”
“But why are you apologizing? ‘Tis not your fault.”
“Because I should have told you, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“The bairn had stopped moving in my belly.” She wailed two more times before she could stop crying long enough to talk again. “I loved her so much, and I didn’t wish to admit she was gone. But Caralyn had told me a sennight before you left to pay attention to the babe’s movement. The babe stopped moving before you left…and she was born two days afterward. She never took a breath. I held her close and we had to bury her while you were gone. I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
“Och, sweet Belle. Do not apologize. I’m sorry. I wish I had been here with you. You should not have gone through it all alone.”
“Oh, Loki, she was so beautiful. I wished for a way to breathe life into her, but there was no hope. She was so tiny.”
Loki held Bella while she sobbed, not knowing what else to do. They’d lost a daughter. After all he’d just been through, he couldn’t help but ask why this would happen now.
“Husband, Caralyn said there is a way to keep me from carrying again. She has herbs to give me. I don’t know if I can go through this again. ‘Twas so painful. I hope you’re not upset with me. I tried to be a good mama and eat well so she would be a big bairn, but I failed. She says we can change our minds later, but I could not handle carrying again right away. Please?”
He cupped her face. “Hush, never say such things.” He kissed her tenderly, hoping to let her know how much he loved her. “Bella, you are a wonderful mother to Lucas. We have a wonderful, strong laddie, we have Kenzie, and if you wish to take the herbs, then do it. ‘Twas no fault of yours. I don’t believe such drivel. ‘Tis God’s way…and mayhap ‘tis not for us to question.”
A strange feeling washed over him. He didn’t believe God had purposefully taken this babe from them, but mayhap He had known it would happen…mayhap that was why He’d sent the dreams to him and Kenzie. What if they hadn’t gone? They would never have met Bor, never have arranged to take his place as the helpers of lost children, never have met wee Ami…
Fear gripped him as he thought about Ami downstairs. How would Bella react to the wee lass after losing her own bairn? The possibility of this loss had never occurred to him when he’d agreed to bring Ami home. Before he had time to give it any more thought, Kenzie’s face peeked around the corner of the door.
“Papa, may I bring her in to meet Mama?”
Loki stared at Bella, not knowing how to tell her what they’d done. Ultimately, though, he had no choice but to speak. “Bella, the lass lost her mama. She doesn’t speak, and she had no one but an old woman and old man to care for her. Had I known you’d lost the babe, I would not have brought her to you, but she fell in love with Kenzie, and he wanted to bring her home, make her part of our family. If you don’t want…”
Bella stared at him in astonishment, but then brought her finger up to his lips to quiet him. She waved to Kenzie. “You brought a bairn home with you?”
“Aye, Mama,” Kenzie said. “Aunt Maddie told me about the bairn, and I’m so sorry, but Ami had no one, and she loves me, so I thought she could come home with us and be my sister. She needs a mama, and since you are the best mama in the world…” He pulled Ami in through the door. She stood next to Kenzie, gripping his leg, her thumb in her mouth as she sucked away.
Loki looked at Bella, not knowing what else to say. Her hand fell away from Loki’s lips, and she waved for Kenzie to bring the lass closer. “How old is she?” Bella asked.
Kenzie stood next to the bed, Ami still gripping his arm. “Her name is Ami and she’s only two summers. She’s verra sweet, Mama.”
Ami let go of Kenzie’s leg and stood up straight, yanking her thumb out of her mouth. She looked straight at Bella and held her arms up to her.
She finally spoke her first word.
“Mama?”