I tried my best to hide it, but I wasn’t feeling quite my usual self by the time we arrived back at the hall. The shock of Mum’s announcement had finally taken its toll. Even though, for as long as I could remember, I had been miserable living at home and should have been thanking my lucky stars that I had somewhere as wonderful as Wynthorpe Hall to move to, I suddenly felt afraid.
What if I couldn’t fit in living here full-time? What if I ended up driving the Connellys crackers? Ever since my nan had first introduced me to the family, the offer of a room had been my safety net, but now that I had jumped into it I was terrified of messing it up.
‘You all right, love?’ asked Mick as we got out of the car. ‘You didn’t say much on the way back and you’re looking a bit peaky.’
‘I’m fine,’ I told him, ‘just a bit tired.’
‘We’ll unload this lot,’ insisted Gabe with a nod to my hastily packed boxes. ‘Why don’t you go and have a minute to yourself?’
Ordinarily I would have shrugged off their concern. I would have hoisted up my jeans and got stuck in to help lugging what needed shifting, but my legs felt like lead and it was all I could do to make it up the stairs. My head had barely hit the pillow before I was sound asleep.
When I finally woke and caught sight of the time, I was shocked to discover I had slept most of the day away, and I remembered an occasion when Anna had done exactly the same in this very bed. It wasn’t all that long after she had first arrived at the hall and I had teased her about leaving us to do all the work. As far as I could recall, her life had started to change dramatically very soon after that.
I stretched my arms over my head and wondered if my own life was about to veer off on some exciting new path, or whether I would go stir crazy – or just drive everyone else that way – by Christmas. Living and working in the same place might not turn out to be the idyll I had once imagined, but it was too late to worry about that now. I needed to be here for Mum’s sake as well as my own, and it was time to take a leaf out of my friends’ books and put a positive spin on my change of address and newly single status.
Deep down, I was still amazed that I had found the strength not to give in and cling on to what Gavin was offering. As my father had so often reminded me during those last few months, I was lucky anyone had shown any interest in me. But, in spite of the constant recaps, I had somehow managed to scrape together enough self-worth to work out that, if that meant sharing my life with someone who thought they could get away with treating me with such little respect, then I really was better off alone, thank you very much.
For the moment, I set aside the niggling thought that reminded me how I, myself, had once treated someone I thought so highly of with even less respect than Gavin had treated me.
I knew I would have to deal with that at some point in the future, but not now.
For now, I would concentrate on mending my poor heart. After all, I might not have the perfect partner like Anna and Jamie had found in each other, but I had my health, a home, a job I enjoyed and I was surrounded by folk who loved me. I would just have to wait and see if they still felt the same way a few weeks down the line. And who cared if I was the talk of the town again? I just wouldn’t go back to town.
The hall was deserted when I went downstairs, but Dorothy had kindly left a note accompanying a covered lunch tray loaded with triangular sandwiches and a thick wedge of her moist carrot cake. I devoured the lot then set off into the woods, determined to ask Molly what she had told Anna was poised to charge over my horizon.
As usual, I let myself in through the back door of her cottage, drinking in the heavily incense-fragranced air as half a dozen wind chimes announced my arrival. I was just about to shout out my usual greeting when the sound of voices alerted me to the fact she already had company. I reached for the handle again, hoping I could slip out without setting the chimes back off, but it was too late.
‘Hayley?’ Molly’s voice drifted through the room. ‘I’m in the front.’
‘I’ll come back,’ I called. ‘It’s no problem.’
‘No, it’s all right,’ she insisted. ‘We’re almost done in here.’
Reluctantly, I slipped through the rainbow-patterned curtain, which separated the kitchen from the little sitting room, and felt the warmth from the fire and more than a dozen candles envelop me. Nestled in the heart of the Wynthorpe woods, Molly’s cottage was always a little on the dark side, but the curtains were already shut today and it really could have been any time of day or night. There had been numerous times in the past when I had lost track of the hour having crossed this particular threshold. The heady atmosphere always made me feel sleepy and lethargic.
I took another step into the room and was surprised to find Gabe sitting next to Molly on the shawl-covered sofa, and Bran stretched out in front of the flames.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘hello, you two. Don’t you look cosy?’
There was a note of irritation in my voice, but I couldn’t understand why.
‘What are you up to?’ I asked, trying to make amends. ‘It’s dark enough in here for a séance.’
For a split second the air felt full of electricity and I regretted my flippant tone as well as the suspicious one that had preceded it.
‘Really?’ Gabe asked Molly, as if I hadn’t interrupted. ‘Are you sure?’
Whatever it was that she had said to him, he didn’t look at all convinced by the answer. In fact, he looked stunned.
‘Absolutely,’ she nodded, sweeping together her tarot cards which had been set out on the little table in front of her. ‘One hundred per cent.’
Gabe still didn’t look entirely swayed, but he didn’t say anything else.
‘Not straightaway,’ Molly continued, ‘but soon. Sooner than you might think anyway.’
The pair of them looked at me and I began to feel like the proverbial third wheel.
‘I’m going to go,’ I said, backing towards the curtain. ‘You two are clearly in the middle of something. I’ll come back.’
‘No,’ said Gabe, jumping up. ‘I’ll go. I need to finish unpacking, and Jamie will be expecting me over at the stables in a while. I’m also hoping to start getting a feel for the woods today so I’ll meander back.’
‘Sure?’
‘One hundred per cent,’ said Molly again, before Gabe could answer.
‘Come on, Bran,’ said Gabe, clicking his fingers in the gargantuan dog’s direction. ‘Come on, lad.’
Bran didn’t budge. He didn’t even open one eye.
‘He can stay,’ smiled Molly. ‘I don’t mind. Perhaps Hayley could bring him with her back up to the hall later.’
‘Would that be OK?’ Gabe asked me, pinning me with his dark stare.
‘I’ll do my best,’ I told him, ‘but if he won’t budge for you, then I can’t promise he’ll listen to me.’
‘All right,’ said Gabe, ducking under the doorframe. ‘If he doesn’t walk back with you, I’ll come and collect him later, but only if you’re sure, Molly?’
‘One hundred per cent,’ I said dreamily, mimicking our friend.
I was relieved to see Gabe crack a smile. He had been looking far too serious when I arrived.
‘Are you feeling any better?’ he asked me as Molly leant over Bran to stoke the fire.
‘Much,’ I told him, ‘and thank you for your help earlier. With the boxes and the idiot ex.’
‘No problem,’ he shrugged. ‘I’m sure you’re more than capable of looking after yourself, but—’
‘Everyone needs a helping hand now and again,’ said Molly.
‘Exactly,’ said Gabe.
‘Exactly,’ I agreed.
As Molly followed Gabe through to the kitchen to ensure he left the cottage without concussion, I stole a quick glance at the tarot card on the top of the stack. It, and the few under it, had formed part of the formation that had been on the table when I arrived. I had no idea if they had anything to do with Gabe, or if Molly had been looking at them before he arrived, but the presence of the ‘death’ card was interesting for whoever it had popped up for.
I’d had enough readings with my friend to know this particular card was not to be feared, but signified major change, new opportunities and transformation. If it showed up for me right now, I would be more than happy.
‘Do you want a drink?’ Molly called through from the kitchen.
‘That depends on what you’ve got?’
I had learned never to accept something Molly was offering without questioning its origin or contents.
‘Tea,’ she offered. ‘Made from Typhoo tea bags.’
‘Yes, please,’ I replied, ‘that would be lovely. And just one sugar. I’m cutting down.’
I listened to her bustling about in her tiny kitchen and my eyes strayed back to Bran.
‘You’re a bit like me, aren’t you, lad?’ I muttered. ‘You don’t like doing what you’re told either.’
He opened an eye, then took the longest time stretching out his lanky, lengthy frame before ambling over and sitting on my feet.
‘I knew you weren’t asleep,’ I told him. ‘I could see you were shamming.’
‘He’s a beauty, isn’t he?’ said Molly as she appeared with two mugs and a plate of biscuits.
‘He is,’ I said, running my hand down his back as far as I could reach. ‘Did Gabe tell you he took him from some bloke in a pub?’
‘I was talking about Gabe,’ Molly laughed. ‘Not Bran.’
‘And there was me thinking you only had eyes for Archie,’ I said, taking one of the mugs.
I was surprised to see two bright dots of colour light up her cheeks at the mention of the middle Connelly brother and decided not to tease her further. Not all that long ago I would have capitalised on her vulnerability, so perhaps there was more of the new, kinder version of myself left hanging around than I realised.
‘So,’ I said instead, ‘what did Gabe want? It all felt pretty intense in here when I first arrived.’
Molly took her time munching her way through a biscuit.
‘You aren’t going to tell me, are you?’ I laughed. ‘I swear to all your goddesses, Molly, you know more secrets around here than the Wynbridge vicar!’
Molly shrugged and grinned.
‘And which particular wind blew you to my door this afternoon?’ she asked. ‘Have you come for a chat, a reading, do you want your tea leaves read or were you just looking for company?’
‘You used tea bags,’ I reminded her. ‘My cup is completely devoid of leaves, which I seriously hope isn’t some kind of elaborate metaphor to describe my future.’
‘Of course it isn’t,’ she gasped. ‘Your future is bright, but you must have the courage and faith to grasp it.’
‘Am I allowed to mourn the loss of my relationship with Gavin first?’
‘No,’ she said, sounding surprisingly unsympathetic. ‘I don’t think you need to go to the bother of digging out your black veil over this one.’
‘That’s not the attitude you had when Gavin and I headed off to sunny Hunstanton the weekend he proposed,’ I reminded her. ‘You couldn’t wait to wave us off in his van. You were all smiles then!’
‘But I didn’t know the truth then, did I? Anna might have heard the rumours, but she never mentioned them to me. I had no idea that Gavin was messing about behind your back.’ Then she added before I had the chance, ‘And don’t start on how I should have gazed into my crystal ball and seen it coming. You know that’s not how it works.’
I looked at the orb resting above the fireplace and wondered how it did work. I’d never really understood how anyone could see anything beyond their own reflection in a ball of glass.
‘So, why didn’t you have it out with him after you got wind of that first rumour?’ Molly asked. ‘I know Anna reckons it was because you loved him, and I’m sure you did, but that’s not the whole story, is it?’
I drank a mouthful of the tea, which tasted surprisingly normal for a brew concocted under Molly’s roof.
‘Do you really want the truth?’ I asked.
‘Yes, please.’
I took a deep breath and ran my free hand down Bran’s back again.
‘The truth is,’ I swallowed. ‘Well, the truth is . . .’
‘Go on,’ she encouraged gently.
‘Back in the spring,’ I told her, ‘when the weather first began to change, I started to feel lonely. Every day I saw Anna and Jamie falling more and more in love and it just threw into sharp contrast how alone I was. Don’t get me wrong,’ I quickly added. ‘I wasn’t jealous of them, I just hoped that one day I would have the chance to experience what they had. I didn’t want to be on my own anymore. I wanted to have someone look at me the way that Jamie looked at Anna, and then along came Gavin.’
‘And you thought that he was the one?’ she asked. ‘You thought that he could be the guy to fill the void and build a future with?’
‘Yes,’ I shrugged, ‘I thought it was time to stop fooling around, give a relationship longer than a few weeks and see what happened.’
‘But why, out of all the blokes who have hung around you like bees round honey during the last couple of years, was he the one you decided to let in?’ She frowned. ‘Like I asked a minute ago, why didn’t you tackle him after that first rumour broke?’
Suddenly our cosy chat had veered off down a path that was heading in a far more serious direction.
‘Well,’ I told her, ‘I thought we were a perfect match, didn’t I? Plenty of people had told me that he had a reputation to rival Casanova, but I also knew I still had a reputation myself, even though I’d lived a fairly blameless life for almost a decade.’
Molly nodded but didn’t say anything.
‘My parents, Dad especially, were always going on about how lucky I was to have a man, especially one as popular and good looking as Gavin, show interest in me, and I believed them. Who else was going to hitch their wagon to a girl who had had a fling with her teacher and ended up pregnant to boot?’
I felt my face begin to burn and knew there had been no need to say that last bit out loud. Molly knew the deal without me having to reiterate it.
‘And as you’ve told me on more than one occasion,’ I went on, ‘the heart wants what the heart wants. I fell in love with him.’ I shrugged. ‘I believed in him, and us. I really thought that he was the one.’
The one who was good enough for a girl like me at least.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Molly whispered.
‘Me too,’ I told her. ‘I know we all make mistakes,’ I went on, thinking how unnecessary it had been to restate the embellished details of my past, ‘but Gavin’s public humiliation was unforgivable. I’ve had enough of being the town joke.’
There were tears in Molly’s eyes when I looked at her. The softened model of me would have probably succumbed to a long and loud wail at that point, but the reprised me was dry-eyed and determined. Perhaps a part of me even thought I deserved what had happened.
‘Don’t look like that, Molly,’ I told her. ‘I’m fine.’
She didn’t look so sure.
‘I’m back to my old self,’ I said brightly. ‘Sassy, full of swag and sworn off men.’
‘Really?’
‘Well, for a year or so at least,’ I confirmed. ‘If a no-strings hunk shows up after that, then maybe, maybe, I’ll force myself to take him on. But, in the meantime, I’m going no further than a mild flirtation.’
‘But you said you want what Anna and Jamie have got?’
‘Wanted,’ I said with emphasis, to make sure she understood I meant the past tense. ‘It was what I wanted. I gave it a shot and it was a disaster so I’m washing my hands of the whole idea. In fact,’ I went on, ‘I’m rather hoping you’re going to tell me about this great thing you told Anna you saw galloping in my direction, because I could sure use something other than a man to get stuck into right now.’