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The Beachside Christmas: A hilarious feel-good Christmas romance by Karen Clarke (1)

Chapter One

No one’s died here if that’s what you’re worried about.’

I turned, surprised that the estate agent had misinterpreted my silence.

‘I’m not worried,’ I said, whipping out a smile. I looked a bit stern when I was being serious, according to Max.

Don’t think about Max.

‘Someone famous lived here a while back.’ Alfie Blake ran a nervous finger between his neck and shirt collar. ‘Isabel Sinclair?’

‘Never heard of her.’ I felt a bit sorry for Alfie. He looked too young to be selling property, as if he was on work experience. ‘Is she an actress?’

‘No, but she went on Morning, Sunshine! trying to get our local sweet shop closed down,’ he said. ‘It didn’t work, and suddenly they’d moved out.’

‘Well, I’m glad they did.’

My eyes switched back to the view through the latticed window. Despite the gunmetal sky, befitting early November, there was a triangle of sea just visible and I imagined jogging along the beach, the wind tossing my hair, blasting away the stress of the past six months. I hated jogging, but it was bound to be more relaxing by the sea.

‘The garden doesn’t look great at this time of year, but there’s a decent-sized shed, and there aren’t too many shrubs, and I know the apple tree looks a bit crap at the moment, pardon my French, and there’s a shed. Did I mention that?’

‘You did.’

Alfie joined me at the window, clutching his clipboard like a Bible. ‘Have you been to Shipley before, Miss Ambrose?’

‘Lily,’ I said, automatically. ‘I came here on holiday a few times with my family, years ago.’ My lips curled in a smile as a succession of happy snapshots flooded my mind: eating sandy sandwiches on the beach; my brother chasing me into the sea, then mounting a panicky rescue when I floated out too far; Dad’s startlingly hairy legs in his ‘holiday’ shorts, hurtling after our beach-ball; Mum, red-shouldered in her summer dress, trying to read a romance through her sunglasses.

‘I always wanted to come back,’ I said, though, in truth, I’d been perfectly happy in London, before my life blew up.

‘It’s a bit quiet.’ Alfie’s youthful brow puckered. ‘I mean, it’s nice for older people

‘Hey, I’m barely thirty,’ I protested, though that was probably ancient to him.

‘Oh no, I didn’t mean… I just meant… I mean…’ Alfie’s cheeks looked as if someone had taken a blowtorch to them. It was easy to imagine what he must have looked like as a toddler, with his wholesome face and swell of chestnut curls. ‘What I meant was

‘It’s OK,’ I said, putting him out of his misery. ‘I’m planning to write a novel, so quiet is perfect for me.’ I liked the way it sounded. I’m a novelist sounded more exciting than primary school teacher. Not that Alfie was impressed – or even listening.

‘I bet it’s noisy in London, what with all that traffic, the shops, and people.’ He made it sound as if London was one long street, filled with ear-splitting car-horns and deafening music. ‘There won’t be any of that here,’ he went on, wistfully. ‘Most you’ll hear is seagulls. They’re bloody noisy, pardon my French.’

‘I can handle that,’ I said, glancing around the living room, which was painted the colour of mayonnaise (or Vanilla Dream, as Alfie informed me, faithfully checking his clipboard). The cottage was palatial compared to places I’d lived in before: a room in a student house, a poky studio flat, then my childhood home in East Finchley, where I’d been living for nearly three years, since Dad died.

‘Your money goes a lot further out here,’ Alfie said brightly, switching back into sales mode. Not that he needed to. I’d as good as bought the cottage already. I’d found it online a couple of weeks earlier, hunched over my laptop in the middle of the night, desperate to be somewhere else. I’d typed in Shipley, figuring it was as good a place as any to flee to, and some frantic scrolling had brought me to Seaview Cottage. The owners were so keen for a sale, they were even throwing in a few classy pieces of furniture they hadn’t got room for in their new place, and after a tour through the gallery of photos, I’d booked a viewing.

‘I couldn’t afford anything like this in London,’ I said, the words provoking a painful lurch as I recalled the daydreams I used to have of Max and me buying our own place, once his divorce was finalised.

‘You’re buying it on your own?’ Alfie’s eyes grew round, as if I was an heiress, or lottery winner.

‘I’ve been at home for a while, saving for a deposit,’ I said, which wasn’t strictly true. I doubt I’d have moved back to Finchley if Dad hadn’t died, and I’d already had a respectable nest egg, thanks to Granny Ambrose, who’d been squirrelling away money for me and my brother for decades. Chris had spent his on a hipster café in Shoreditch, while I’d put mine aside for a rainy day.

The rainy day had turned into monsoon season, and I’d never been more grateful to my grandmother for providing me with the means to escape.

‘That famous woman I just told you about, she had it decorated proper like, so there’s not much to do unless you fancy painting over it all.’ Alfie’s lovely Dorset vowels washed over me, and I began to feel oddly at home.

‘The fireplace is an original feature, but hasn’t been used for a long time,’ he said, nodding at the copper façade, which was partly hidden behind an old-fashioned fireguard. ‘It’s decorative, like, but there’s plenty of logs in the shed, so you might want to think about opening it up.’

Tucking his clipboard under his arm, he led me into the modest but stylish kitchen, and flourished an arm at the artfully rustic cabinets. ‘Fridge-freezer’s like another bedroom, see?’ He opened and shut the shiny red door, then turned on the tap at the butler-style sink, leaping back when a whoosh of water splashed his skinny tie. ‘Shit!’ he muttered. ‘Sorry,’ he added, taking the tissue I was holding out and dabbing at his front. ‘This is only my first week on the job…’

‘Don’t worry, you’re doing fine,’ I said, understanding all too well the horror of messing up at work. I shuddered at the memory of Max’s wife, storming wild-eyed into my classroom a couple of months ago, in the middle of story time.

‘Look at you!’ she’d cried, as if she’d been expecting Beyoncé and encountered a Teletubby. ‘You’re… homely! And he doesn’t even like blondes, or blue eyes!’

Actually, Max had professed to love both; claimed my hair was the colour of sun-ripened wheat, and my eyes the blue of the evening sky in summer (he’d fancied himself as a poet). I couldn’t tell her that of course; especially not in front of thirty five-year-olds desperate to get back to The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

‘It’s caused quite a stir, Lily,’ the head teacher had said, pulling me into her office the following day, her usually kind eyes frosted with disapproval. ‘I’m afraid there’ve been complaints from some of the mothers about your affair.’

‘They were separated and, anyway, we’re not together any more,’ I’d protested weakly. I’d just begun to get over our break-up – though it was hard seeing Max drop off and pick up his daughter every day – when he’d texted me to say that, in a fit of guilt, he’d confessed to his wife that he’d been ‘seeing’ their daughter’s teacher while they’d been apart. The shame of that confrontation with his wife, which I’d stood through, sweaty and shaking, had meant I couldn’t stay in my job, even without the head’s veiled hints that I was no longer welcome at the school. The humiliation of being gossiped about, and eyed suspiciously by the parents, was more than I could bear.

‘Do you want to look upstairs again?’ Alfie balled the tissue into the jacket pocket of his baggy grey suit. ‘I can show you how the shower works, if you like.’

I had a vision of us emerging, sodden. ‘I’m good, thanks.’

‘The garden?’

‘Looks great, from what I’ve seen.’ It was a raw day, even for early November, and I didn’t fancy wandering around in a force ten gale.

‘OK, so…’ Alfie’s eyes roved around, as if seeking something spectacular he could point out: a sliding ceiling, perhaps, or a panic room.

‘How soon can I move in?’ I said, smoothing a hand over the limestone worktop. I could see me baking in here.

His face brightened. ‘You said you’re not in a chain?’

‘That’s right, and you told me the couple who were also interested have pulled out so… I’d like to offer the full asking price.’

Alfie’s grin was huge. ‘Let’s do this!’ He tried to high-five me but I missed my cue, so he scratched his head instead. ‘I’ll phone the office,’ he said.

He moved into the hallway, his mobile pressed to his ear, and I closed my eyes and imagined myself living on Maple Hill, where the houses on either side of the steeply pitched road were all different shapes and sizes. Seaview Cottage was one of the smallest, but that suited me just fine.

I’d already earmarked the back bedroom as a study, where I was going to write my book, and, once I’d settled in, Erin could come and stay, even if it was just to check her best friend hadn’t made a terrible mistake, and Chris and his fiancée could visit

A car door slammed, and I jumped. I crossed to the window and saw a man wearing a bandana, earrings and a trench coat, leaning into the boot of a black Explorer parked on the drive next door. He heaved out a cardboard box overflowing with fairy lights, and what looked like a deflated reindeer, and clutched it to his chest as if it were stolen jewellery.

‘What are the neighbours like?’ I asked Alfie when he came back in, watching as the man crept – he was definitely creeping – up his garden path, pausing to glance over his shoulder as if expecting a police car to arrive.

‘Neighbours?’ Alfie followed the line of my gaze. ‘Ah, that’s Barry Lambert,’ he said. ‘He’s head of The Christmas Lights Society.’

‘The what now?’

Alfie adjusted the tiny knot of his tie. ‘It’s a sort of committee,’ he said. ‘They raise money during the year for the lights in the town, and book someone to turn on the tree lights in the square, and there’s a competition every year for best house display on Maple Hill. Blake’s Properties – my dad – usually makes a donation.’ He opened his mouth, as if to say more, then snapped it shut again.

‘What aren’t you telling me?’

‘Nothing!’ He snatched up his clipboard and held it like a shield. ‘It gets a bit competitive, that’s all.’

‘I think it sounds lovely,’ I said. Christmas was my favourite time of year and if I couldn’t spend it with Max, then being in Shipley might be the next best thing. ‘I should join the society, if it’s not too late. It’ll be a good way to meet my new neighbours.’

Alfie’s round eyes widened. ‘I think they’ve had all their meetings, and I doubt you’ll be moved in before Christmas, anyway.’

‘Why not?’ Now I’d seen the cottage, I wanted to move in right away.

‘Well, there’s… stuff to do.’ Alfie clearly needed training in what selling a house involved.

‘How long, Alfie?’

He puffed out his cheeks. ‘Could be six weeks, could be longer, it depends on lots of things.’

Six weeks? ‘What sort of things?’

‘Stuff?’ His Adam’s apple bobbed over the collar of his shirt. ‘Paperwork, mostly.’

I couldn’t bear to wait any longer than I had to. The wheels were in motion, and I wanted to start my new life in the place where I’d had such happy times as a child. It felt like I was destined to live in Shipley.

‘Can you make it four?’ I did a little twirl in my shiny new kitchen. ‘I’ve already started packing.’