1 Year Later

Cameron Cruz stood on the edge of the cruise ship and stared into the black night.

He thought about standing up in front of a judge three weeks ago. Thought about the pity in the judge’s eyes as he read the account of what the paparazzi had said to him about Kat.

“Will it be hard for you to handle Christmas this year without your wife?

On that day in late November, Cam had been able to ignore the reporter until he’d said, “Are you still trying to find the guy who hit your wife?”

Bam, he’d taken the reporter’s camera and thrown it to the ground then punched the guy square in the jaw. And ended up in front of the judge.

Cam thought of the anger and the surge of adrenaline that had coursed through him every time he thought about the reporter’s question. But, when it had actually happened, Cam had wanted to punish the reporter, like he would have punished the guy who killed Kat.

Pulling out his phone, he went to his email and sifted through the last ten emails from different P.I.s he had hired to keep the investigation open.

They’d never found the guy who’d hit her. It was a year later, and they still didn’t know who had killed his wife and unborn baby. Cam had watched the only video footage the police had confiscated for their investigation roughly a thousand times. Over and over, looking for anything. He watched the pickup run into her and mow her down, back up and run over her again. Finally, the guy got out of the truck. He’d run to her, checked her pulse, and then climbed in the truck and sped away. The guy was roughly six foot with short, buzz cut hair. His face wasn’t visible in the footage. Cam had personally gone to every building owner and asked for any footage, but this was it. It’d been a year, and this was all they had.

Well, and the star. There had been a star on the inside of the guy’s wrist. A tattoo that wasn’t that spectacular. They couldn’t pin him to any gangs or any prison groups. Plus, the truck had been stolen, so the trail had gone cold.

With it, had gone Cam’s heart.

When he’d watched Kat’s coffin lower into the ground, he’d felt cold. Like stone. Completely frozen.

Strike that. He’d also felt fierce, seething anger. Anger that had him hiring and firing some of his best players on a whim the past year. Anger that had the media buzzing with worry about the Storm. When Will Kent injured his shoulder last month, it had only added to the anger. The Storm had a shot at the championship game, and he didn’t need problems with his quarterback’s shoulder.

When the reporter had badgered Cam, he’d been an easy target to strike at. The truth was he was lucky the reporter, Grim, hadn’t pressed charges. No, Cameron let out a grunt. Grim had taken the payout, but the judge had still sentenced Cameron to twelve weeks of mandatory therapy three times a week.

Three times a week had felt extreme to Cam, but his attorneys had accepted it.

The only reason he was on this cruise was because his sister, Alicia, had shown up and begged the judge in private chambers to give him a week off for a seven-day cruise with the family for Christmas. She’d told him it would be the best therapy—to get away and spend time with his family. Cam didn’t know how Alicia had done it, but the judge had agreed, so here he was.

He clicked over to the video he’d already seen a hundred times and re-watched the scene at the charity event for the children’s hospital from last night, clenching a hand into a fist. The same reporter who had messed with him had bludgeoned his players, and no surprise, the players were behaving like idiots! They would pay when he got back.

The past two days had taken a lot out of him. Going on the excursions and smiling and pretending to be happy for his sister, her husband, and her kids had exhausted him. Being “happy uncle” wasn’t easy for him anymore.

Two days down, five to go. He wished he could have stayed holed up at home, getting more information from his P.I.s. Thoughts about having his personal helicopter fly out here in the Caribbean to pick him up had crossed his mind. It would take special permission from the judge, and he was only semi-confident he could make it happen. The other thing holding him back was the fact that his sister had jumped through a ton of hoops to make this happen, and he adored his twin sister. She and her boys and husband. And the ranch they ran outside of Cheyenne, Wyoming.

He had no one else. Emotion clogged his throat for a second, and he sucked in a breath, Alicia deserved better. Deserved him to act like his old self.

He’d gone to three weeks of therapy before this, so that was nine appointments. Cam had thought they would be a joke, but he liked Dr. Houston. He mostly asked him probing questions that Cam didn’t have to answer. In fact, the first two weeks, he hadn’t answered at all, but last week, he’d started to talk a bit.

Dr. Houston said the one thing that had stood out to him was that Cam never let himself relax. Breathe, Cam, he’d told him. When you feel like it’s starting to overwhelm you, just breathe. Cam sucked in another breath now. At least the air was cool out here on deck.

He would admit that, even though the days were brutal on this cruise playing pretend, the evenings were cool and less crazy on deck. He could stand by the rail and think. He could breathe. Yes, he was grateful for that. Of course, his mind always wandered back to Kat. He wished she was here. He gripped the edge of the rail harder and it almost felt like she put her hand on top of his.

He could feel it. Closing his eyes, he thought about how she’d been the only woman for him. When he’d found her, it’d been the stuff of sickeningly sweet holiday love stories. The stuff of love ballads. In fact, he’d written a song and performed it with Montana Crew about their love. He had so many good memories, at least he had that.

“Cam, I wish you would get some rest.” His sister appeared next to him.

He snorted. “You know I don’t sleep much these days.”

“I worry about you.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “You can back it off a tad, sis.”

She leaned into him. She’d never been the back it off type. “Are you having fun?”

He thought of the excursion to the beach on the first day, where he and his nephews had built sandcastles and played volleyball and frisbee. Today, they’d toured some Inca ruins all day and ate amazing lobster tails. Gently, he put his hand over hers, trying to remember that everyone was trying hard, not just him. “It’s going great.”

She nodded. “I’m glad it worked out for you to come.”

He nodded. “Me too.”

She stood straighter. “Well, I’m bushed, and Craig’s waiting on me.”

“You don’t need to check on me, Alicia.” He said it pointedly. His twin sister had always felt like she had to take care of him, especially after their father had passed five years ago, but she didn’t.

Putting a soft hand on his shoulder, she leaned up and gently kissed his cheek. “I want to.”

Any annoyance he felt at her instantly evaporated.

“I love you, Cam. Even when you’re at your worst. Even when you go through hard crap and shut me out and do stupid stuff, I’ll always love you—so just get over it.” She moved to turn away, but he grabbed her hand.

So often over the last year he didn’t think about anyone else’s pain except his own. “Thank you.”

She turned back to him, her brow furrowing. “We all loved her, Cam. Of course, not like you loved her. But, you have to let this go. This obsession with finding the hit and run guy. Holding on to that, it’s eating you from the inside out. You need to … forgive him.”

Abruptly, he let go of her hand and turned back to the ocean. “Forgive the man who killed my wife?”

She didn’t speak.

He bent over the rail and anger surged. He kept his voice controlled. “I need to bring him to justice. That’s what I need.”

“Is it?” She leaned over the rail, too.

Jerking his head to face her, he was shocked she would ask that. “Are you kidding me?”

“It’s your job to make the man pay?”

Anger surged inside of him. “I’m her husband, so yeah, it’s my job.” He jerked a thumb at his chest. “It’s my right.”

They stood together silently.

She sighed and pulled back.

His heart pounded, and he thought about how it might feel to slam the door on that man’s prison cell.

“Forgiveness, Cam.”

He held up a hand, but didn’t turn. “Stop.”

“Cam, I just think that—”

He cut her off again. “Alicia, you need to understand something. I may be on this trip, but I don’t want to hear this the whole time.” He jerked his head back to meet her eyes and let her know that he was serious. “I can’t let go. I can’t give up trying to find this …” There were so many inappropriate words he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to disrespect his sister by saying them. “Don’t ask things of me that both of us know aren’t possible for me. I have to check in with the P.I.s several times a day, and now, I have a bunch of players on my team running around acting like idiots.”

She blinked, and her face softened. Gently, she touched his shoulder. “Okay.” She sighed. “It’s been nice to see the real Cameron Cruz come out the past two days.”

“Oh, who is that?” he challenged, finding it ironic that he’d felt like a complete faker for the past two days.

“The one who jokes and plays with his nephews, the one who builds sand castles. Whether you like it or not, it’s good for you to be here, to focus on something else.” Her smile widened. “The one I adore.”

He pulled back, feeling immediate guilt, again. “He’s always been here,” he said softly.

She pointed at him. “When he’s not on his phone.”

Relentless. People used to say he was relentless as a quarterback, but he thought about how those people should meet his sister and then they’d understand.

She tilted her head to the side. “The Cameron Cruz I know always finds someone to help out at Christmas, have you done that?”

This took him by surprise. “What?” Was she really asking if he was Secret Santa-ing. He blew out a breath and turned away from her. “No.” He shrugged. “I guess that man’s gone.”

She hesitated. “Look, I’m sorry.”

Silence.

“Cam, I … it just … it would have been nice to have you at dinner with all of us in the dining room.”

Did she realize how hard this was for him? He stared into the face of his sister he’d adored his whole life. “Okay, I’ll come to the dinners with you guys from now on.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “You know there’s a singles group who came on this ship too. A few of them were in there dancing.”

“No.” That was not happening. “No way.”

She put her hand out. “Cam, if you love me—and I know you do because I’m your big sister by two minutes who beat up kids in grade school when they picked on you—give me your phone.”

It was true, she had beaten up a few kids when he went through a really awkward phase.

She squeezed his hand. “Please, let me have your phone. You need to take a vacation from the P.I.s and the little boys on your team. Just for the next five days. Please.” She sighed. “You know the judge asked me to report back to him.”

Caught. He shook his head and let out a breath. Dang, the woman wouldn’t give up. But, it might be stupid, but his sister was right about taking a break. He was obsessed with finding this guy, and it would be really hard to stop looking at his phone.

“Please, Cam, can we just be together? Can you just relax? Don’t make me talk about dad and what he would want for you.”

Instantly, another layer of guilt. “Don’t bring up Dad either.” He missed his dad, who had passed the year before he’d met Kat. Passed while driving to Denver to watch one of his games. His father’s passing was one of the reasons he met Kat. He’d been hiding out from the media in Jackson, Wyoming.

He could see that his sister wouldn’t relax if he didn’t let go of his phone. So he did something he’d never thought he would do. He handed it to her. He’d seen an internet café, so he wasn’t being that altruistic, but he wanted to make it up to his sister for being so absent this past year. For all the times she’d spontaneously driven down to Denver to check on him. “I’m not doing this because you’re strong-arming me … I’m doing it because … for some reason I like you.”

A grin swept across her face. “Thank you. I hope you really try to relax and enjoy this cruise.” She sighed. “There’s that single’s group on board if—”

“No,” he cut her off and shifted his gaze back to the dark ocean.

She exhaled.

They both stood there for a moment. She brushed her hand over his. “Remember, you don’t have to live life alone, Cam. I’m here. Craig’s here. My kids are here. Plus, there are others here.”

“You should have let me rent our own cruise boat.” That’s what he’d wanted to do, thought they would do.

She shook her head. “No, that’s not normal, and I wanted normal for the boys. Plus, nobody’s bothered you too much, have they?”

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been too bad. Of course, some had asked for a selfie, but most just focused on their own lives.

“People are everywhere. People you could connect with.”

Her words didn’t touch him. “Thanks.” He managed to say.

She sighed. “Fine, so you’re ready for Jamaica tomorrow? Dunn’s River excursion?”

Cameron wanted to tell her he would prefer to skip it, hunker down on his phone to watch the footage of Kat again, and bug his P.I.s instead. “Uh, sure.”

She gave him a soft smile. “Good. I’m going to go round up your nephews. It appears that they’ve made friends and think they can roam the ship until all hours.”

He watched her go and thought about his nephews, Jon, her sixteen-year old and Paul, her fourteen-year old. They were fun boys, ranch boys that knew what it meant to work hard and took every opportunity when it was time to play hard. He was glad they were having fun.

He closed his eyes for a second, trying to focus on just the sound of the water, the hum of the ship. Yes, it was soothing. Maybe he could face the next five days and be okay. Once again, Kat’s face flashed into his mind.

He wasn’t sure how much longer he stood there, but finally he decided it was time to go. As he turned, he heard some commotion.

“Please, don’t tell me what to do.” The woman’s voice was loud.

There were lights strung on one of the cabanas and Cam noticed a pregnant woman. A very pregnant woman lounging on one of the chairs by the pool.

A tall redhead stood beside her. “The child’s ready to come soon, so make sure to rest often and keep your feet up,” she said in almost a whisper voice.

The dark-haired pregnant woman sat in the chair, glaring at the redhead. “My child is NOT coming. Please go away.” She spoke overly loud, again.

A guy stood from beside the dark-haired woman. “Hey, listen, I wanted to come on this cruise and the doctor said it was fine. It’s not your place to tell my wife anything, so bug off.”

The redhead put her hands into the air, as if surrendering. “I’m sorry.”

Cam thought the redhead acted a lot like his bossy sister. He turned back to the railing, not wanting to get involved in any of it.

“Be careful,” he heard the woman whisper again.

“Go away!” the man shouted.

Cam sighed and was just going to book it to his room and get away from these people, but as he left the rail, he collided full force with someone. Unbeknownst to him, the redhead had come around his way. He was much more solid than her, and the force of the impact catapulted her into the pool.