Chapter Eleven

 

 

“SMOOTH MOVE THERE, bud,” Colby mumbled under his breath a good twenty minutes later as he eased a blanket over Rose’s sleeping form, tucking the fringed edges around her toes. He’d wanted to chase after her right away, but since he’d been covered in fish guts, it had felt all wrong.

Why had he gone off on her?

After getting over the initial shock of being kidnapped, he’d actually sent up a silent thanks to his friends. They’d realized that all it’d take to convince Rose that both she and their son would be happy up here was a few days alone in true Alaska. Once she saw the majesty of the land surrounding the cabin, not to mention what an excellent provider he could be without even a supermarket, she’d have no choice but to concede he was right—the two of them should get hitched. As for her job, he wasn’t all that clear on exactly what she did. But if she’d worked here once, why couldn’t she do it again?

Could it really be that simple? Suddenly he wasn’t so sure.

Here he’d been working his ass off to make her happy, yet nothing seemed good enough. And he was starting to get the feeling that nothing he’d ever do would be. Particularly since she’d already made up her mind to leave.

With a resolute sigh, he headed into the kitchen to stoke the fire in the old woodstove.

Cooking was always a challenge up here, but the food tasted so much better that it was worth the extra effort—extra effort he was now doubly determined to make in the hope of Rose being so enthralled by his culinary skills that she forgot his rant.

As he melted pats of the butter Nugget had packed in a cast iron skillet, then added chopped garlic cloves and the trout fillets, Colby’s mind wandered to the night he and Rose met.

He’d been terrified of losing her.

It was a damned miracle neither had died in the impact.

But not only had they survived, their situation had turned all the more surreal when she’d asked him to make love. Maybe it was the fear, the cold, the physical hunger, but what they’d shared had been wild. Their night had rocked him to his core. How could she now be so unaffected?

What was he missing?

He tossed a box of ready-made pilaf into more butter simmering in another skillet, then sliced off the rough ends of a bunch of pencil-thin asparagus.

This last run he’d made to Global, Dot had let him have it. Telling him he’d better treat Rose with kid gloves. She’d rambled on about what a rough childhood Rose had had, and how that mother of hers had set such a rotten example.

Stirring the pilaf, then adding water, it occurred to Colby that a part of him was tired of the fight. Tired of always being the one making concessions.

But then he remembered the ultimate prize.

A son.

How long had he dreamed of becoming a father?

Forever.

If Colby was even half the man he’d professed to be out on that porch, then no matter how many times he had to suck up to Rose, he’d do it. This wasn’t just about him, but his son.

 

 

“THIS IS DELICIOUS.” Rose swallowed her last bite of trout before sipping lake-chilled sparkling cider. “Thank you.”

Across the candlelit table, her gaze locked with Colby’s. She looked down. Their exchange on the back porch still felt too raw.

“You’re welcome. Any ideas as to what you want to do tomorrow?”

“What’re my options?”

He forked a bite of fish. “Since we’ve already established hiking is out, I’ve got a boat. We could row around the lake.”

“That’d be nice.”

“Good.”

Rose bit her lip hard while fighting tears.

She hated the formality between them.

Worst of all, she hated that Colby had been right.

His every word had been true, but that didn’t make any of it easier to stomach. Okay, so maybe he was the one guy in a million who might make a great dad or husband. That didn’t mean she could simply blink and forget all the painful memories of her own dad, or the disasters her mom and assorted divorced friends had made of their lives.

Colby’s unaffected charm made it almost believable that if she gave marriage a chance, her life might turn out differently than her mother’s or her friends’. But what if she was wrong? It wouldn’t be just her own life she was messing up, but her son’s. From where she stood, she didn’t think taking that kind of risk was responsible.

“A.I.,” she said a few minutes later, sick of the silence.

“What?”

“A.I. You asked me the other night what my favorite movie was. That’s it. A.I. I cry every time I see it.”

He sighed, obviously as fed up with their awkwardness as she was. “What do you want to do, Rose? We can’t keep fighting. It isn’t good for you or the baby.”

“I know.” Hating the fact that yet again he was right, she bowed her head.

“Look at me.” He reached across the small table, tucking his fingers beneath her chin.

“Why?”

“Because you’re beautiful. I want to see you.”

She glanced up with a faint smile. “How come, no matter how determined I am to distance myself from you, I feel like we keep getting closer?”

With a shrug, he said, “I’m guessing it has something to do with my cooking.”

Tears still clinging to her lashes, she sniffed before laughing. “You’re probably right.”

“Of course, I’m right. Plus, I’m damned good-looking. Our kid’s probably going to be the next Chris Hemsworth.”

“You think?”

“Oh heck, yeah.”

They shared an impromptu toast of cider.

“Beauty and the Beast—both versions,” she said. “I’m a sucker for anything Disney.”

He glanced over his shoulder as if checking to see whether anyone else was listening. “Me, too. But what kind of man admits to getting a kick out of kid flicks?”

A good man. An even better father.

“That damned Pocahontas. A while back I was babysitting Tanner’s two nieces. The first thing they did was start that flick. I swear, by the end, they’d run off to their rooms to play Barbie, and there I was sitting in the living room, riveted, fighting so hard to hide tears that I must have sounded like a bleating baby goat.”

“Quit.” Rose laughed so hard that she teared up all over again. “You’re going to make me pee.”

“That’s a bad thing? Are you insinuating my bathroom accommodations are lacking?”

“They’re lacking, all right—the major necessities. Like a flush toilet!”

“That’s it.” With a playful growl, he shoved back his chair to storm her side of the table. “Now you’ve done it.”

“Colby! What—agh!” He hefted her into his arms, heading out the back door. “What are you doing?” she asked, breathless from laughing, tossing her arms around his neck.

“You said you had to pee, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, but in a real bathroom.”

“Oh—so now my sweet little outhouse isn’t even real? Would you prefer going behind a nice, tall spruce tree just like the bears?”

“No, I…” He’d carried her midway down the outhouse trail. With her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips inches from his, she was as hyperaware of him as she’d been all those months ago. He was hard yet soft, smelling of sun and the lake. A hint of garlic butter and trout.

Before she could stop herself, her fingers had wandered to the back of his head, easing into his thick hair, urging him to press his lips to hers.

Leaning against a tree, he settled her deep in his arms, groaning as she opened her mouth, searching for his tongue. This was lunacy, yet she felt powerless to stop. Almost dying may have initially brought them together, but this kiss had far more to do with her nonsensical attraction. Now, with his baby growing inside her, part of her longed to revisit the intimacy they’d long ago shared.

She told herself to stop kissing him because they were strangers, but that was a lie. At this moment, she knew him as intimately as her next breath.

“Whoa…” Breathing hard, he pulled away. “What’re you doing, Rose?”

“I don’t know.” Resting her forehead against his chin, she asked, “Does it matter?”

“Hell, yes. I can’t turn my feelings for you on and off like a goddamned switch. Not now. With the baby, this chasm still between us goes much deeper than sex.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” Setting her on her feet, he once again forced her gaze to his. Never had she missed the cover of darkness more. This place was unnatural—the way the sun never set.

She wrenched her chin from his hold, throwing her arms around him in a hug—not a sensual hug, but a confused one.

“Talk to me.” He held her blessedly close. “What are you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” she said against his chest. “That’s the problem. Just when I think I’m doing the right thing by heading back to Chicago, something reminds me of that night—of the way you made me feel. Safe. Like as long as you held me in your arms, nothing could ever go wrong.”

If you became our son’s full-time father, would he feel protected, too?

“I’m glad I made you feel that way, Rose, but it’s nothing I can sustain. Something in life always goes wrong. I can’t prevent that. I’m just a man. All I can promise is that whatever rough patches we may hit, we’ll get through them together.”

She nodded.

“Still have to go to the bathroom?”

“Yes, please.”

“Come on. I’ll walk you the rest of the way.” He reached for her hand, interlocking their fingers. His strong hold flooded her with conflicting emotions. All in the same breath, how could she know she should push him away, yet never want to let go?

 

 

FIVE MINUTES LATER, having safely returned to the cabin, Rose asked, “How long does it take to get used to the fact that it’s always daytime?”

“Don’t know. Aside from my SEAL days, I’ve never known the sun to do anything but what it does here.” Colby glanced up from his task of putting fresh-smelling sheets and a blanket on the sofa. Rose had changed into pink silk pajamas.

“Want to tell me about why you left the Navy?”

“Nope.”

“Fair enough.”

“The reason I left had less to do with fairness. More like self-preservation. Bottom line, when Brody was honorably discharged for medical reasons, I followed before I ended up in the same messed up shape as him. He’s good now. I am, too. End of story.” She glanced his way to find him clenching his jaw. Her heart ached for him. Whatever atrocities he’d seen during his time served, she wished for the power to wipe his memory clean.

But since she couldn’t do that, she opted for small talk. “We’re both adults,” she said, slipping a red flannel case onto his pillow. “We could share the bed without incident.”

“You so sure about that?” He winked.

She blushed, plumping his pillow before dropping it at the end of the sofa.

“Come on, then…” He pressed his hand to the small of her back. Each of his fingertips soothed like a balm. If his touch felt that good through her clothes… Her cheeks blazed upon finishing the thought. “Let’s get you settled in for the night.”

“I can put myself to bed.”

“Uh-huh.” He pulled back the red down comforter, and she climbed between navy-blue sheets. Once she’d settled her head on two cloud-like pillows, he tucked the covers snug around her toes.

“You’re spoiling me.”

“That’s the plan. Good night,” he said to her belly. Swoon.

“Good night.”

He blew out the three candles that had been lighting the room, but even with the shades drawn, at a few minutes past eleven, it wasn’t completely dark.

“Brr,” he said, climbing into his own makeshift bed. “Sorry about there not being a fire.”

“It’s okay. It’s not like we could evict the bird babies.”

“True.”

Rose pulled the covers up to her neck. “Thanks for a nice night.”

“You’re welcome.”

“And next time we play checkers, I’m beating you.”

He laughed. “Dream on.”

Funny that he’d use the word dream. Aside from their one war of words, the rest of the day had been as perfect as a dream. Catching the fish. Sharing Colby’s delicious meal. The mock battle on the way to the outhouse that had ended in an epic kiss. Warm and funny conversation over three games of checkers.

Throughout the day, she’d drawn contrasts between him and her mother’s men. Rose had complained that her mother had constantly bent over backward to serve her husbands, but with Colby, the case was completely opposite. As much as Rose had wanted to help, he wouldn’t let her, claiming she needed rest.

Without him she would’ve been lost in this wilderness setting, but with him, she felt happy and secure.

Trouble was, none of this was real. It was a vacation. In a few days, their kidnappers would return them to Kodiak Gorge.

In a couple of months, Baby Talbot would be born, and she’d no longer be clumsy and vulnerable, but back to her usual capable self. There’d be no need for Colby to watch out for her.

“Talk to me,” she said, for her child and for herself. She wanted to collect memories of the way Colby was now, instead of the angry, bitter way he might be when custody battle lines were drawn.

“’Bout what?”

“Surprise me,” she said, her voice raspy in the eerie almost-dark.

“When I was a kid, my mom worked hellacious hours at the lodge. It wasn’t that she wanted to, but I guess she had to. After school, she used to haul me back down there, and I’d get bored. I resented her for not just letting me stay home alone.”

“How old were you?”

“Nine. Ten. Somewhere in there. Brody’s mom ran the grocery store, so she was never home, either, but Brody got a choice of either staying on his own, or going out with his dad on welding jobs. Mom said I was all she had left, so she needed to keep me close.”

He rolled over and sighed.

“I knew she was doing her best,” he went on, “but I remember this feeling of suffocation. Like I had to get away.”

“But you were so young.” Rose rolled onto her side to face him, resting her cheek on her hands.

“Yeah, but once my dad left, I matured fast. Mom tried being brave, but I used to hear her crying in the middle of the night. I’d go into her room, you know, just to tell her everything was going be okay, and she’d grab hold of me, squeezing so hard sometimes I thought I’d break. I wanted to help, but couldn’t.”

“What’d you do?”

“Ran away. Nugget took me and Brody and some other guys up here on a camping trip once. It used to be an old fur trader’s cabin, but over the years it got run down, and pretty much anyone who wanted to use it did. I’m still not sure how she did it—maybe through the state Homestead Act—but Mom gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday.”

“Okay, but wait. You were nine or ten, and just ran away up here?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But it’s so far! How long were you gone? Your mom must’ve freaked.”

“I left her a note.”

Panic welling in her throat over what she’d do if her son ever tried such a stunt, Rose said, “So I’m assuming some sort of rescue crew came out for you the next day?”

“Nah,” he chuckled. “In the note, I’d told her where I was going. She already knew Nugget had taught me how to live off the land.”

“And…”

“And she climbed into the family Jeep, delivered my schoolwork for the week, then told me she’d check back on Saturday.”

“You were nine?”

“Maybe ten.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“She sounds like an incredible woman.”

“She is. I’d like you to meet her one of these days.”

Slipping out from under her covers, Rose winced when her feet hit the cold hardwood floor. Then she hustled to the couch to give Colby a big hug.

“What was that for?” he asked, yanking off the sofa’s back cushion, then tugging her down beside him, drawing the covers over them both.

“I feel sad for you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. You were a little boy. I wish you’d never been put in the position of feeling you had to run away.”

“Oh, in the end I think it was probably good for me and Mom. I got my space, and she learned to both trust me and rely on herself.”

“Still…”

“What?” He tucked escape strands of her hair behind her ears.

“You were essentially a baby.”

He laughed. “I was a baby the day before my sixth birthday. By the day after, I’d been forced to grow up.”

“Oh, Colby.” She hugged him again, only this time, her heart went out not only to him, but also to her unborn son. What was she doing, dooming him to a childhood like Colby’s, without a dad? But on the other hand, hadn’t he just pointed out that after a few growing pains, he’d essentially been fine?

She kissed his whisker-stubbled cheek, then asked, “If you could snap your fingers and bring your dad home, would you?”

“No.”

“That was fast.”

“It’s the truth. From the second I realized the bastard wasn’t coming home, I didn’t care. It was like a light switch flicked off inside me where my feelings for him were concerned.”

Rose’s training had taught her it couldn’t have been that simple. “There had to be more to it than that?”

“Nope.”

“Oh, come on.” If only the room were brighter. She wanted to read his expression. “Weren’t you scared? Didn’t your mom try looking for your dad? You know, thinking he could’ve been hurt?”

“Can we please change the subject?”

“Sure, but—”

He silenced her by moving his hands to her cheeks, then kissing her. Hard at first. Urgently. Then softly, making her limbs sluggish and weak.

He shifted, wrapping his hand around her belly. She angled into him, overcome with emotions raised by his kiss and by having him so close to their son.

As intensely as she’d tried pretending this baby was solely hers, she could no longer do that. This man, this soon-to-be father, was real—and growing more so by the moment, as he flooded her mind and body with memories of the night they’d made this miracle growing inside her.

“Take me back,” she said.

“Where?”

“To that night. To the way things first were between us.”

“Why?” he asked, his breath warm in her ear.

“Because it was good. Fun.”

She reached under his shirt, tugging it off. She wanted his bare skin against hers.

She wanted to feel safe, the way only he had ever made her feel. Even if it was just for one more night or, if she was lucky, the rest of her brief time in Alaska.

Crying now, for reasons she couldn’t begin to fathom, she dragged off her own shirt. “Please make me feel safe like you did that night.”

“Rose, no.” His words spilled warm and moist on her collarbone where he’d just pressed an openmouthed kiss. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes,” she whispered, raining kisses down his chest. “I do.”

Gripping her shoulders, he gently pushed her back. “Then tell me why.”

“Because I…” She bowed her head.

“I’d like to flatter myself by assuming it’s because you’ve miraculously grown to love me, but since you keep refusing to marry me, I’m guessing that’s not it.”

Silence.

“And, sure, maybe it’s just because you’re hot for me, but since the woman I know once told me she doesn’t indulge in casual sex, that’s not it, either.”

Silence.

“Bringing me to the granddaddy reason of them all. You feel guilty about your plan to leave here with my son. But somehow, I don’t even think that’s what this is about. I think it’s deeper—even more selfish. I think you want to have mindless sex with me because just like that night up on the mountain, it’ll make you forget. That night, you wanted to forget the fact that you very well could’ve died.” He shook his head. “So let’s hear it, Rose. What’re you trying to forget tonight?”

“That was uncalled for,” she said softly.

“But you don’t deny it’s the truth?”

Escaping to her bed, grabbing her pajama top from the floor, she muttered, “Can we please just get some sleep?”

“Sure, Rose. Let’s sleep. But if you think you’re going to wake up in the morning with this whole thing behind us…you’re wrong.”