Chapter 25

I spent another few days at the bed-and-breakfast, until my bank account was down to thirty dollars. Although I’d regularly texted my mother, Mateo, and Lety to tell them I was safe, Teo was still furious when I finally called.

“Where the hell have you been? Goddamnit, we’ve been out of our fucking minds here!”

I gripped the receiver of the antiquated phone. “If you’re going to yell at me, I’m not going to talk to you.”

Teo let out a breath. He could hear the tears in my voice. “Sorry…. Look, just tell me where you are.”

“I’m in Delaware.”

“Delaware?” he repeated. “Who’s there?”

“No one. I just needed to be alone and away,” I answered truthfully.

“Do you need money—want me to come get you?”

“No. I’m good.” I did need money, but I wouldn’t take any. The money I had in my savings account would hold me over until I started some of the interior design jobs I had lined up. “I just wanted to let you know that I was heading back.”

“Good, that’s…good.” He sighed. “Listen, Ma’s been asking a lot questions. She’s worried that you might’ve— She’s not happy,” he added quickly. “You don’t have to stay with her. Our door’s open. You know that, right?”

Our mother was worried I’d hurt myself. Funny thing was, it had never crossed my mind. “I don’t want to bother you and Evie.”

Evie’s faint voice sounded in the background. “You’re not a bother, sweetie. Just come home to us. We want you here.”

I played with the phone’s twisted cord. I had a little more than a year left in school. When that time was up, I planned to be on my own. For now, I’d accept their generosity with the promise that one day I’d pay it back. “Okay, thank you. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

“All right,” Teo said quietly. “We’ll be waiting.”

I hurried to speak before he hung up. “Teo—wait. I…I don’t want Killian to know where I am.”

His response surprised me. “Sofi, look. I don’t know what happened between the two of you. He’s not talking to me. He’s not talking to anyone. But you need to call him and work this shit out.”

“I know about the promise. The one he made to you about keeping me safe.”

For a long few seconds, Teo didn’t say anything. “He told you?” he finally asked.

I turned my back when I saw the owner of the bed-and-breakfast watching me. Her expression was one of shock. She knew I was moments from losing it. I took a breath, trying to steady my nerves. “No. Finn did. I don’t think Killian would have said anything on his own.”

“I should have told you,” he said quietly.

I shook my head. “No. It should have come from him.”

“Maybe.”

His tone was gruff. I thought he was angry at Killian for not telling me sooner. I also thought that maybe he believed that I was mad at him, too. What I didn’t expect was what he said next. “Listen, baby girl. Whatever mistakes Kill’s made, he’s earned his right to know that you’re safe.”

I pushed my hair out of my eyes before I slapped my palm against the counter. “If you want to tell him I’m staying with you, that’s your call. But I don’t want to talk to him—and I don’t want to see him—not at your place or anywhere else.”

“Sofi—” Teo swore. “Fine. You don’t want to see him, you don’t have to. Just get back here.”

Killian ignored Teo when he told him that I wouldn’t see him. He came to the house, asking for me. Teo stayed true to his word, and wouldn’t allow him in. “Give her time, Kill,” his deep voice echoed from the first floor. “Sofi needs space. Until she’s ready, brother or not, you’re not stepping foot in my house.”

Killian gave me space, like Teo asked. Another week went by before he called. I stared at the screen on my cellphone. He’d given it to Teo to return to me. I thought I’d let it go to voice mail, but then I realized there were things that needed to be said, and enough time had passed.

“Hi.”

Killian paused. I supposed he was surprised that I’d answered. “Hi, Sofia.” My eyes teared at the sound of his voice. “I’m sorry,” he rasped when I said nothing more.

“I am, too.”

“Will you meet me at the house? Or I can come there?”

My attention fell to the floral quilt covering the bed I sat in. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He released a heavy breath. “Sofia, what’s it going to take to get you back? I don’t want to be without us.”

“And I don’t want us together for the wrong reasons.”

I sniffed when he didn’t respond. “Killian, I can’t be with you. Not when your feelings for me stem from guilt. I deserve better…and so do you.”

In his silence I waited for him to tell me that I was wrong. That what he felt for me was more than pity, more than a sense of obligation. That he loved me. When he said nothing more, I ended the call. “Goodbye, Killian.”

Just like he had for his bout in Atlantic City, Teo helped Killian train for his upcoming fight in Vegas. But Teo never seemed happy when he returned home, and the excitement he’d once had seemed to have disappeared.

He glanced up at me one night while we were eating dinner when only a few days remained before the fight. “I shouldn’t tell you this,” he said. “But Kill hasn’t been the same since you left—he’s pissed all the time, can’t focus worth a damn, and he’s drinking too much. He’s fucking miserable, Sofi.”

Yeah, well, I was, too. But then, everyone who knew me realized as much. I barely spoke, and didn’t interact with anyone outside my family. I went to school. Did the work. Helped Evie with Mattie. All the motions were there, but my heart wasn’t in anything. It remained shattered, joining my past.

The hardest day came when I returned to Killian’s house to gather my belongings. As much as I had needed the items I’d left behind, I waited until the day he left for Vegas. I didn’t want us to fight, and I didn’t want to upset him before his big match.

When I entered the house, the feel of it wasn’t the same. Something in the air had changed. I tried not to look toward the kitchen where I’d prepare our meals, the table where we’d sit and talk about our days, or the couch where we’d watch TV and often make love.

I slowed my quick pace as I walked up the steps, remembering the day we’d stumbled in following my sparring match. In our youth and passion, we’d broken in every room and every part of the house. But remembering what we’d shared didn’t help me heal. All it did was cause me more pain.

I took everything that belonged to me with the exception of the jewelry box he’d given me for my birthday. I couldn’t take it with me. It hurt to simply glance at the images carved into the wood. So I finished shoving everything into a pair of suitcases, placed my key on the counter, and left.

The night of his fight, I made my way down to the family room, where Teo was watching on his monstrosity of a flatscreen. Just like in Atlantic City, Teo hadn’t wanted to leave Evie and Mattie. His expression darkened as he watched Killian enter the Octagon.

Killian wasn’t dancing in place. He wasn’t loosening up. He was simply glaring at his opponent in the green MMA shorts across from him.

Killian’s computer-generated image appeared across the screen above his stats. The commentators discussed his size and briefly debated who would dominate the match. The odds were three to one in favor of the other fighter. He had more experience, better reach, faster footing. Based on Killian’s tightening features, I didn’t agree.

The camera returned to the inside of the Octagon in time for the ref to bring the fighters forward. They met, they separated, and Killian charged at the sound of the bell.

Brutal.

Vicious.

Hard.

He didn’t fight. He attacked, nailing the man in the green shorts with blow after blow.

I was stunned and could barely move. The match was over before it began. The other guy, the one with the busted face being swarmed by his team, had never stood a chance.

Evie glanced up from where she lay beside Teo, her eyes wide. I remained in the doorway. I hadn’t wanted to step in, hadn’t meant to stay and watch, but I had.

I only wish I’d turned away.

Teo barely blinked, his stony face softening only when he adjusted Mattie against his chest. His little boy was sleeping peacefully, unaware of the level of violence Killian had just unleashed.

Teo returned his attention to the screen, his thick brows furrowing when Killian stepped in front of the camera.

It was the first time I’d seen Killian since I’d walked out of his house three weeks ago. I didn’t have to be in the same room with him to know something was off. He wasn’t the same man I’d known, the one who greeted his friends with a wide smile, the one who laughed with all his heart, the one who held me close and kept me warm at night.

He had become a machine. He looked directly at the camera, his stare unyielding, and his hands clenched as if itching to take a swing at the next person who crossed him.

I watched numbly as Killian was awarded his belt and led out of the ring. His brothers and Wren gathered around him. Although they smiled and hugged him, the enthusiasm and pride the O’Briens had once basked in seemed lost to them then.

An MMA correspondent, that famous one whose name escaped me at the moment, smiled at the camera and spoke into the mic when Killian joined him on the floor. “With us now is none other than Philly’s favorite son and the new super heavyweight champion, Killian O’Brien!”

The correspondent shoved the mic into Killian’s face. Other than the stiff nod he offered, Killian remained quiet and unmoving.

The correspondent pulled back the mic. “So, Kill. Congrats on becoming the super heavyweight champion. Word is you’re going to retire? And what a way to go out!”

The roaring crowd around him cheered louder. “Thank you,” Killian said.

The correspondent waited, expecting him to say more. When he didn’t, he plastered on a smile and added, “You forced the Vulture to tap out in a record-breaking twenty-eight and a half seconds. What was your strategy?”

“To win.”

Killian’s rough voice made it clear that he was done and that the correspondent needed to wrap things up. The correspondent smiled nervously. “Well, it looks like it paid off. You staying to watch the rest of the lineup, champ?”

“No. I’m headed out, hitting some bars.”

The correspondent glanced behind him to where screaming women were reaching their arms between the rows of security guards holding them back. “Well, looks to me like you’ll have plenty of company.”

Killian turned in the direction of the women clamoring to get closer. “I can see that.”

I pushed off from the doorframe and returned to my room, realizing that unlike me, Killian wouldn’t sleep alone tonight.