Jaxon

The hospital was a zoo. Jaxon got his hands checked out and bandaged. The doctor thought he might have fractured his right hand, but it was too swollen to tell yet. Honestly, Jaxon didn’t give a shit about his hands. They didn’t even hurt. His whole body was numb and he knew it would stay that way until he saw Lucy, but no one would let him. There was a police officer stationed outside her room in the ER and one outside Alex’s as well. He was apparently hurt pretty bad, but Jaxon didn’t feel an ounce of remorse. The guy put hands on his girl.

Alex’s parents were there too. His father was throwing around allegations and threats of lawsuits. Jaxon noticed they only seemed worried about their son and not at all concerned about Lucy. Pricks.

Jaxon was glad his brother was there to keep him out of all the drama. After Jaxon’s hands were bandaged and he was cleared from the ER, Conner pulled Jaxon onto an elevator and took him to their uncle’s office.

“Thanks,” Jaxon said, realizing he hadn’t thanked his brother for showing up yet.

“Always, little brother.”

“How did you know what happened?”

“Brooke.”

“Brooke?”

“She called me while you were pummeling that guy and told me to get my ass down there before you took things too far.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, but from the look of that kid’s face I’d say I didn’t get there fast enough.”

Jaxon closed his eyes, flexing his swollen hands as he tried to block out the painful memories.

Conner put a hand on his shoulder. “Jax, what the hell happened?”

“He hit her. I saw her laying there and I-I just snapped.”

Jaxon was still trying to put the events in order. He’d been in such a blind rage that it seemed jumbled together. Some parts, like Lucy getting hit, felt like they happened in slow motion. But everything else was a blur.

“This is a mess, bro. I’m on you side, you know that. But it’s a fucking circus up there. The best thing for you to do is lay low down here. I’m gonna go talk to Uncle Steven. You’re gonna need a lawyer.”

“Con, I need to see her.”

Conner exhaled. “I know. I’ll see what I can do. But keep your ass in that chair until I tell you otherwise. You got it?”

“Got it.”

* * *

It was hours later, but Conner finally came back and he made good on his word.

“You can see her now. Steven and your attorney are gonna meet us up there so you’ll probably only get a few minutes alone with her before they show up.”

Jaxon hugged his brother. That was music to his ears. He didn’t care if the whole damn world was in the room with them, he just needed to see his girl.

Conner led Jaxon to Lucy’s hospital room. She’d been moved to a different floor. It was quieter and there was no longer an officer outside her door. Jaxon pulled the door open, ignoring the throbbing pain in his hand. His heart slammed to a stop in his chest when he caught sight of Lucy’s soaking wet hair hanging limply off the hospital bed.

He rushed toward her. “Lucy?”

Brooke, who’d been sitting at her bedside stood up. She must’ve left the room to give them some space. Jaxon couldn’t be sure because his eyes never left Lucy’s. When she saw him, she sat up in bed, her eyes puffy from crying, but she was conscious. She was better than conscious. Her eyes were as bright as ever when she reached out for him, whispering his name. “Jaxon!”

Jaxon swore he didn’t know what it was to feel his heart beat until he had Lucy in his arms again. He was halfway in her bed, breathing in her scent as she clung to him. “Angel, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. You . . . my God when I saw you like that . . . I-I just snapped, but I shouldn’t have left you. God, Lucy, I’m so sorry.”

Lucy was sobbing, pulling him closer, her hands fisted in the scrubs he’d changed into. “Jaxon, I was so worried. Are you okay?”

“Me? I’m fine.”

She looked him over like she didn’t believe him, but after a complete survey she seemed to calm down. But then her eyes reached his hands. Jaxon’s fingers were gripping hers tightly but he didn’t care about the pain. He just needed to hold onto her, to know she was okay.

“Your hands,” she whispered.

Jaxon looked at them through her eyes. His knuckles were swollen and covered with gauze and tape to hide the worst of the cuts. He tried to pull them away. Lucy didn’t need to see that. But she wouldn’t let go.

Her lips quivered. “You’re hurt.”

“No, angel. It’s nothing,” he said, pulling a hand away to stroke her wet hair. “It’s you I’m worried about. How’s your head.”

“Harder than it looks.”

Goddamn. His girl was a little warrior. Jaxon smiled down at her. He loved her so fucking much in that moment. He’d been terrified he wouldn’t see her smile again. But she grinned up at him like she hadn’t just taken a hit that could’ve sidelined someone twice her size.

“Promise me something,” Jaxon said, kissing her hand again. “Don’t ever do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Take a hit that’s meant for me.”

“But I love you,” she said. “And you’re supposed to protect the people you love.”

That did it. Those words slayed him. He’d been trying to keep it together for Lucy’s sake but she’d just summed up all Jaxon’s fears and failures in one perfect sentence. You’re supposed to protect the people that you love. And he hadn’t. He hadn’t protected her when it counted. He hadn’t protected his mother from the accident. And if he was honest, he was doing a pretty poor job of protecting his father from himself.

Jaxon hated himself for breaking down in front of Lucy like this, but he just couldn’t keep it in anymore.

Lucy

Lucy watched Jaxon’s Adam’s apple bob with emotion. She could see him holding back tears and it broke her heart. She hadn’t expected that reaction when she told him that she loved him. She’d just wanted to reassure him, not upset him.

Today had been emotionally charged. Maybe what she’d said hadn’t come out right. She was drained and could feel she wasn’t thinking straight—and it had nothing to do with her head injury.

She untucked her legs from under the scratchy hospital blanket so she could move easier and tried again, pulling Jaxon toward her. “Shhh,” she soothed. “It’s okay. We’re both okay.”

It wasn’t working. Everything she said just seemed to make him more upset. The tears that had been pooling in his deep blue eyes finally spilled over. She couldn’t stand to watch him cry. He was the strongest person she knew and seeing him like this broke something inside of her.

“Jaxon, what’s wrong?”

He shook his head, refusing to meet her gaze.

Lucy’s heart hurt seeing him so rattled. He’d been her rock in all of this and seeing him this upset frightened her. But it also steeled her resolve. Jaxon was always there for everyone else. It was time someone was there for him to lean on.

She lifted his arm and crawled into his lap, wrapping her arms around him. He finally stopped resisting and his arms fell around her, pulling her tight against his chest while he tried to regain his composure.

“It’s okay, Jaxon. We’re okay. I love you.”

He took a shuddering breath that she felt through her whole body. “I love you too, baby. So damn much.”

“I know,” she whispered, letting him hold her tighter.

She wasn’t sure what he was working through, but she had a feeling it was bigger than just what had happened today and she needed to let him go at his own pace.

Jaxon released another shaky breath. “Today, when I saw him hit you. I lost control.”

“I know. No one blames you, Jaxon. Everyone saw Alex start it.”

“God, Lucy. When I saw you lying there . . .” Jaxon ran a hand over his face. “I never want to feel that helpless again.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I thought . . . I thought I’d lost you.”

“You didn’t. I’m right here. I’m completely fine. Just a few stitches.”

“Stitches?”

Wrong thing to say. Jaxon’s eyes went nearly black.

Lucy backpedaled. “Look, they’re tiny,” she said turning her head to show him the three tiny stitches in the back of her scalp. “The doctor said I’m lucky I have a very hard head,” Lucy teased, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work. Jaxon looked ruined. “Babe, I’m fine.”

“Never again, Lucy. I mean it. Don’t ever put yourself in harms way like that.”

“He was going to tackle you!” Lucy protested.

“Yeah, and I can hold my own.”

Exhaustion was making Lucy’s patience run thin and her stubborn streak got the best of her. “I can hold my own, too.”

“No!” Jaxon yelled, startling her. “You can’t. And you can’t do things like that. You can’t make it so I can’t protect you.”

His words were harsh and Lucy could see the turmoil brimming in his eyes. She wanted to fix it, but she didn’t know how. Lucy’s voice was soft as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Jaxon, it’s not your job to protect me.”

Touching him had the opposite effect it usually did. It seemed to make Jaxon more anxious. He slid her off his lap and back onto the bed so he could stand up.

“I can’t protect anyone,” he muttered pacing the room. “That’s the problem. I can’t protect anyone I love. And that’s why I lose them all.” Jaxon finally stopped his pacing and looked at her. “But I can’t take it anymore, Lucy. I can’t lose anymore.” He collapsed into the hard hospital chair at her bedside. “If I had lost you . . .”

Lucy didn’t let him finish that sentence. She was out of her bed and kneeling in front of him before he could get the words out. “You didn’t lose me, Jaxon. I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.” She grabbed his hands and pressed them against her chest.

She knew he could feel her heart beating beneath the thin material of her hospital gown. “Jaxon, please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your heart so I can make it better,” she begged.

He finally met her eyes and she almost wished he hadn’t. She’d never seen him look so defeated. “It’s all my fault,” he whispered.

“No. Alex started it. Everyone saw him.”

“Not Alex. The accident.”

Lucy didn’t understand.

“It’s my fault, Lucy. I’m the reason she’s dead. I couldn’t protect my mother and today when I saw you on the ground, it felt the same. Like I couldn’t protect you and it was my fault.”

“Jaxon, it was a car accident. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I was driving the car, Lucy! It was me! I was the driver when she died! Who else’s fault could it be?”

Shock rippled through Lucy’s body leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. Jesus! Jaxon had been the driver? Her heart pounded at a deafening volume in her ears. He’d never told her that before. She’s always assumed that it was his mother driving. But then again, that was probably what Jaxon had wanted her to think.

Things started to click.

Did Jaxon think that would change her opinion of him? Because it didn’t. If anything she loved him more. He carried that burden around with him. And so far, he hadn’t let it pull him under, but it was time he let someone help him carry the weight.

“Jaxon, was my accident my fault?”

“What?”

“My car accident? I was driving. Was it my fault?”

“No, but that was different.”

“How? It was a hit-and-run. Some guy came barreling out of nowhere and ran me off the road. There was nothing I could do. It wasn’t my fault. Just like your accident wasn’t your fault.”

“But—”

“No, Jaxon. You can’t have it both ways. If your accident was your fault, then so was mine.” Lucy reached a hand up to cup his cheek. “It wasn’t your fault, Jaxon. You have to let it go.”

He looked at her, hurt and pain etched in his beautiful eyes. “I can’t.” The word tore out of him like a wound.

Lucy ached to squelch his anguish. She gently took one of his bandaged hands. “Jaxon, you have to. Otherwise it’s like you didn’t survive. And I need you to survive. I love you, Jaxon. I don’t know where I would be without you. You saved my life. You pulled me out of my car. But I’m afraid that you’re still trapped in yours. And if you don’t let yourself out then it’s like you never made it out.”

A tear dripped from Jaxon’s face and landed on Lucy’s wrist. Her hands moved to either side of his face and she griped him firmly.

“Please,” she begged. “You need to be able to let it go or you’ll always be stuck in that car.”

“I know,” he whispered, pulling his injured hands up to hold onto her wrists.

Jaxon was looking at her now. The fire and strength that had drawn her in was flickering back to life in his eyes. She wanted to help him stoke it. She wanted to make him understand that he wasn’t alone—that together they could conquer this.

Otherwise, what was the point in surviving everything they’d been through?

“Jaxon, I don’t know why this happened. I don’t know why I survived my accident and your mom didn’t. I don’t know why you happened to be there to save my life, but you were. We survived, Jaxon. And there has to be a reason. Somehow, you and me, we found each other. And we walked away from something that maybe we shouldn’t have. But we did. So let’s keep doing that, okay. Let’s let it all go and walk away . . . together.”

Emotion swam in Jaxon’s eyes and when Lucy pressed her forehead to his, she felt him exhale. She smiled in relief, because she felt it . . . She felt him letting it go. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up into his lap.

She’d done it. She’d gotten through to him. She could feel him coming back to her, bit by bit, as he kissed her, giving her all of it—the pain, the hurt, the sadness and the love that he’d been holding back. She gladly took it all as she kissed him back with every ounce of her soul. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him like she never planned on letting go. Because she didn’t. She’d pulled him through to the other side and she was going to hold on forever.