I had to make three trips to get all the groceries into my cabin. I don’t know what Kat is thinking, there is enough groceries to last a month. Each time I carried bags into the kitchen I would glance at Kat waiting to try and get an idea on what this woman is thinking and planning. Maybe she is inviting the brothers up to my cabin for Christmas dinner. It’s been a while since we have had a real Christmas dinner. I don’t know if we have ever had a home cooked Christmas dinner. Usually we improvise with takeout warmed up from the day before. We live in a small private community and there is one diner to go to and it closes at ten every night and not open for holidays. The diner, a twenty-four-hour convenience store with gas pumps, and post office is the extent of our little community. It is what always drew Rye and myself to this place. Our family has owned land here since we were young and for some reason we never wanted to get shod of it. It was also the perfect place for us to start another chapter of the BlackPath MC. No one bothers us. The closest law is forty miles from here. We are on the edge of the county and if someone comes a snooping, we know it. Yep, if we get a home cooked Christmas dinner it will be a good day.
I’m keeping my eye on Kat. There’s something different about her. She kissed me. It was short and soft, but it is a first. I have always initiated any contact between us. Yes, I’ve had her moaning my name, but I have always had to be the one that made the first move. To tell the truth, I thought we were finished. I was tired of chasing after a woman that didn’t want to be caught. I knew the first time I touched Kat that if she let her guard down I could be happy with her for the rest of my time on this earth, but she has never indicated she would be receptive to any such relationship. At times, I didn’t even think she liked me. I have tried harder with Kat than I ever have with any woman. I tried to smooth things over with Devil for Kat, I held her as she cried and grieved her family, and I discussed with her about my feelings towards Tara, but she never gave me anything but silence. When Kat helped Maddie leave Devil and Callie’s in the middle of the night it was the last straw. I was tired of trying to explain Kat’s actions when I don’t understand them myself. This last time with Maddie skipping out with her daughter hit a little too close to home. I would like to say I left that day for good, but I didn’t. It took months for me to confront her with my feelings with what she did. I don’t even want to think about the confrontation that took place between us. I just want to enjoy the time we have now. I know whenever she makes her peace offering to me then she will run again but this time I will not chase her. Again, I am too old for that shit. Hell, even when I was young I never chased a woman. No, if Kat goes, then that is on her. If she wants me, she knows where I am, but I will enjoy it while I can because who knows how many more holidays I have left in me. Damn, I feel tired. I finally get the last of the grocery bags in the back seat in my hands and that is when I see boxes of decorations and the wrapped boxes that look like Christmas presents but there is too many. What the hell has this woman got up her sleeve? I shut the back door and walk up the stairs to the porch and Kat is walking out.
“What’s taking so long? I need to get some things cooked tonight so I don’t have it all to do in the morning. We need to get the tree up and decorated too.” I look at Kat like she is crazy. It’s just the two of us why would we go to so much trouble even if the brothers come from the clubhouse they won’t care if we have a tree or not. Most of the brothers have left to go home and the rest have family close to visit in the morning. Kat holds the door open for me. I walk in and she follows. I carry the bags and put them on the table and I see Kat has all the other groceries put up except for the turkey and it is sitting on the cabinet. I turn to Kat.
“What are you doing woman and why do you have so many groceries and all those boxes in the back of your SUV? There’s no way with the brothers left at the clubhouse we can eat all this food. It’s too much.” Kat has her hand on her hip and looks at me.
“Rye is the only one coming from the clubhouse. Everyone else will be gone. I already asked. In the morning when Rye pulls himself away from the two biker bunnies in his bed he is going to lock the clubhouse up and he is coming to join all of us for a family dinner. I guess you can call it lunch and dinner.” This woman is not making sense or maybe I am just going crazy.
“Three people cannot eat this much food, woman.” Kat smiles.
“No, this would be too much food for three people but not for six people for lunch and then another five for dinner. Tara and Rome are on their way here and they are dropping Joey off with Rye at the clubhouse. After Callie and Devil watch the grandkids open their gifts in the morning they are going to be here tomorrow afternoon.” Kat has a twinkle in her eye and she is smiling. This woman hasn’t smiled like this in forever.
“Why?” It’s a simple question.
“Why not?” Kat comes back with a flippant answer. That makes me smile.
“I don’t understand, what has changed?” I ask Kat. I need her to say it. Kat cocks her head to the side and walks over to me.
“Are you going to make me say it?” She asks me with a smile on her face.
“Yes, Kat. I need the words. I need you to explain what it is you want. What we are? I will not settle anymore. I have tried to be understanding. I have tried going caveman on your ass and every time you walk away. I need the words from you.” I tell her. “I’m too old and tired for these games.” That takes the smile off Kat’s face, but it is replaced with something I have wanted to see for so long honest emotion.
“Bourbon you are not old. You are a fine aged whiskey that goes down smooth.” Kat says, and I start to turn away. I don’t want this. I need truth and she sees that. “Okay. I am sorry. I know I owe you a lot and you have been very patient with me, but I need you, Bourbon.” That’s a start. “After Steel hid important things from me after everything we had been through for years I couldn’t trust anyone. Not even myself, well, mostly myself. How could I have been with a man for so many years and not even know him? I didn’t trust my own judgement and I had so much pain inside me and I couldn’t see past it. I think I wanted to hurt you and push you away to punish myself.” I pull Kat to me, but she pushes me back and looks at me. “No, you wanted to hear this so listen to me and hear what I am saying.”
“Okay.” I tell her.
“I know I upset you when I helped Maddie get away from Dra. It’s not that I don’t like Dra. I don’t know the man, but I understand Maddie’s fears. I see myself in that scared girl so much. I had the same fears and the question of “would I still have my children if I had the nerve to leave?” If my children hadn’t been brought up in the club would they still be alive?” Kat has tears running down her beautiful face and I want to hold her, but I know she needs this.
“Kat if you had left Steel you wouldn’t have had all your children or not the exact same ones. Could you have given any one of them up? Babe, you did the best you could with the hand you were dealt. No one can fault you for decisions you made unless they can walk in your shoes for a day and that just isn’t possible.” I try to give comforting words, but I am just not that type of person. I can only give her my honest opinion.
“You see, that right there. That is, you, trying to give me an out. I’ve never had that before. Steel was a hard man and he never gave an inch, but even when I do something that you don’t like, you still try to give me the benefit of the doubt.” Kat is trembling as she cries softly. I can’t take it anymore. I step closer to her and rub my hand down her back to try and calm her. “I should have known with what happened with Tara that when I helped Maddie it would hit too close to your own history and it would upset you. I just didn’t think. I wanted to help Maddie and B.”
“Kat, the fact that Lena kept Tara from me for twenty-two years hurt but I need to take my part of the responsibility for the situation. I fucked a lot of women when I was young and never looked back. I am responsible too, even if I didn’t know Tara existed, but the day we found out Maddie took off with B, I was thinking of Rye’s situation.” I look down at Kat and I see she understands what I am saying, but I need to make sure. “My situation with Tara is screwed up, but we are finding our way. We still have time. Rye and Joey have time, but time ran out for Sheila. Rye will never get time to make it right. He had to bury her, and I would not wish that on anyone. The first time Rye laid eyes on Sheila was in the morgue. No one, man or woman deserves that. Rye is changed forever because of it and if he ever finds Lena, she will be put to ground without warning. The same can be said for me. Sheila was my niece and the BlackPath MC takes care of family.”
“I’m sorry for not talking to you before I helped Maddie and I am sorry if it brought you anymore pain, but I won’t lie and say I am sorry for helping Maddie. Can we agree to disagree?” Kat hugs me close. I kiss the top of her head.
“That we can.” I can give Kat that. Dra and Maddie are not my family and even if I don’t like what happened I will jot judge Kat for doing what she feels is right.
“Can we have a nice Christmas as a family?” Kat asks me while looking up at me.
“Yes, we can or at least try. I would like nothing better. How did you talk everyone into coming to my cabin? The roads are awful.” I ask Kat.
“They weren’t that bad and we all have four- wheel drives. Tara and Rome should be here any time. They were just going to drop Joey off at the clubhouse with Rye. Tara wants to make sure her brother and uncle show up on time. Joey’s still on military time so he is up early every morning plus she wanted to give Joey and Rye a little time alone. Coffee smells ready.” Kat looks at my coffee maker. She steps back from me and turns to the cabinet and gets us both a cup down. “You do want some, right?”
“Sounds good. The last few times that we were together you would be adding some whiskey into your coffee.” I tell Kat.
“Callie heard us making plans to come and see you. So, she talked Devil into setting the alarm for four AM and when they finish opening gifts they are coming here so the grandchildren can open the gifts we got them.” I look at Kat because she is avoiding the last thing I said. “I am not adding anything to my coffee or anything else these days.” Kat’s drinking was becoming a problem before. I am hoping she is telling me the truth about her drinking.
“You mean you bought them presents.” I correct Kat.
“No, I mean we bought them. They’re from both of us. I know you have been busy with everything that is going on, so I took care of it the same way you have taken care of so many things for me. I wanted to do this. I kept you in mind with everything I picked out. I am trying to rectify my actions of late.” I did not expect this from Kat. I didn’t even expect to see Kat over the holidays, but I see in her eyes for some reason she needs this, and I can give her this.
“Alright but I have Tara and you a present already. Rye and I have never exchanged gifts and the holidays have never been much of a celebration since Whiskey and Ma died. We used to watch his boys open presents and we’d have a meal.” I see Kat’s eyes soften. “Don’t feel sorry for us. We kept ourselves busy in other ways.” Kat knows what I am talking about. Rye and I are used to getting lost in a bottle and fucking our way through the holidays. Not something I am proud of, never even really something I thought about. Like everything else in my life, it was just the way it was.
“Are they wrapped? I brought some extra paper. When Tara and Rome get here we will get the tree set up and decorate it and then put the gifts under it.” Kat seems excited about Christmas. She has something close to happiness in her eyes or am I just seeing what I want to? “It’s been so long since I have had a real family holiday of any kind.” I hear a strong knock on the door. What now? I kiss Kat softly and walk to the window to look out.
“Rome and Tara are here.” I tell Kat and then walk to the front door and open it. Tara is standing there with a big smile on her face. She steps up to me and gives me a big hug. I put my arms around her loosely at first, but I am overcome with emotion and pull her in for a tight hug. I feel something inside of me relax and I am filled with love for my daughter. I am not used to this feeling, but I damn sure like it.
“Merry Christmas Dad.” Tara says as I let her go but I pull her back to me and hug her again. I am still not used to the dad thing, but Tara melts my heart every time she says it. I feel my eyes burn but I can’t give that to anyone, so I try to change the mood.
“Is that biker of yours still treating you right?” I kiss the top of Tara’s head and step back a little and look at her. “I’ll kick his ass if not.” I have been worried about Tara since her miscarriage but looking at her I can see she is happy at the minute. I know it will always be with her, but Tara looks rested and the color is back in her cheeks. That is an improvement from the last time I saw her. I step back in the room, so Tara and Rome can get in the door.
“Rome is always good to me.” Tara says to me but then walks over to Kat and gives her a hug. Rome steps up to me and sticks his hand out. I take it and give it a good shake. Then I pull him into me and give him a manly hug. Men don’t hug often but with Rome bringing my daughter here, so I can spend our first Christmas together gets him one from me.
“Come in Rome and make yourself at home. Kat has some coffee if you want a cup or there is some beer in the refrigerator. How are the roads?” I try to be nice for Tara and Kat. It’s not that I don’t like Rome, but no man will ever be good enough for Tara. She deserves a picket fence and the whole fairy tale that young women dream about but being with a biker she is not going to get it. Maybe they will be happy, but I haven’t heard anything about a wedding yet. Tara is new to the biker life and I don’t think she’s grasp the importance of an ol’ lady yet. I just want her happy. Rome walks over to Kat just like Tara did, so I close the door. Rome hugs Kat and we are all left looking at each other.
“Thanks, Bourbon, but I am good. We stopped and got some hot chocolate in town at the convenience store.” Rome answers me. “The roads are alright, as long as you slow down and pay attention and they said on the radio it is supposed to start warming up after midnight. It’s supposed to be in the forties tomorrow so Devil and Callie should be good coming in.” Rome is standing there with a couple of a duffle bags in his hands.
“Bourbon will you show Rome where to put their things and then you two can unload my SUV.” Kat tells us. “Tara and I will get the turkey put in the oven, so it can cook slow tonight. I need the oven for rolls and a ham tomorrow.” I reach over and take one of the bags from Rome.
“This way. I will put you two in extra bedroom downstairs, so it will be plenty warm tonight in case the electricity goes out tonight because of the ice.” I would prefer them upstairs but being this far out in the country during the winter you never know when the electricity will go out when the ice hits. I have a generator, but I normally just heat with the fireplace. The last couple of years is the first time I have spent this much time here. It was just easier to stay at the clubhouse. I see Tara and Kat with their heads together before Rome and I leave the room. Those two are up to something.