8
Ricky paced the edge of his yard. His wolf had gone primal and it scared the shit out of him. He’d told her not to regret anything, but he was feeling a load of guilt over what had happened between them. He could have hurt her, but she knew what to do, knew what he needed. She had wanted him, he’d smelled it.
She was in there, sleeping in his bed, making his sheets smell sweetly like her hair.
His wolf rumbled in his chest.
“This is fucked up. I fucked it all up.” He cursed.
“Smells mutual.” Pie stretched his arms above his head and groaned. He stood on the edge of his back porch wearing a wide grin and nothing else.
“‘Bout damn time I heard some noise from over there. I was beginning to wonder if I needed to pull your man card.”
Ricky lifted one finger to tell Pie what he thought about that.
He saw it, saw the way Pie argued with himself in his head and ultimately declared, “Fuck it.” He grinned at Ricky in a way that made him want to take a bath in bleach.
“So...I wonder something…”
Ricky knew what Pie was doing. He wanted to help by pushing Ricky into a fight. It would help, but he didn’t want it, wouldn’t allow it.
“Don’t Pie. I’m fine. Just…”
Pie ignored him and plowed ahead the way he did. “Would that card say Ricky…”
No. Not that. Ricky was ready to walk away from almost everything, but not that, and Pie damned well knew it. This would be ugly as fuck if Pie didn’t shut the fuck up. “Don’t. I don’t want to hurt you that bad.”
Pie let out a long breath and Ricky caught the scent of sadness. His friend was hurting. He wanted to ask, wanted to offer some wisdom, but just as he opened his mouth to say something Pie opened his.
“Or would it say Richard?” Pie said in a low voice, filled with sorrow.
Ricky felt his wolf tear out of him. He couldn’t hold him back. He slammed into Pie where he still stood naked on the porch and they tumbled to the ground.
Why won’t he fucking change? Ricky wondered as his wolf smacked Pie across the dirt covered ground.
Ricky fought his beast with everything he was, but he was still battering Pie around like a ragdoll.
He heard a snarl rip from someone behind him just as a white wolf landed in the dirt between Ricky and Pie. Dice had heard them, come to intervene, but his damned monster was insane. What good would that do?
“Get the fuck up Pie. Either change or go in the house. For fuck’s sake. What were you thinking?” Clothesline shouted from where he stood beside Pie’s porch.
Pie forced himself to his feet. “I needed to see something.”
With that he walked into the house and closed the door behind him.
Ricky felt himself shifting and gritted his teeth against the pain that accompanied it. He was on all fours in the dirt, blood and sweat dripping from him.
“What the hell has gotten into him?” He panted as he tried to get his breath.
Clothesline stood with his hands on his hips and stared toward Pie’s house. “More than he’s gonna say.” He took a deep breath and looked toward Ricky. “What’s wrong with you?”
“More than I’m gonna say.” Ricky grumbled as he pushed to his feet.
Clothesline let out a bark of laughter. “That’s for damned sure. Now, what the hell do we do about it?”
“Fuck if I know.” Ricky said as he scowled at Dice’s wolf who was currently chasing a grasshopper. “I’m not cut out to be alpha and Dice sure as shit ain’t. I know we have our orders, but we’ve never seen each other that way. We are too damned crazy. We gotta figure out how to fix this shit with River.”
Line nodded. “Lucian’s with him now. Books is there too. If there’s a way, we will get to it.”
“And Sam? It’s the same shit. What if that chick can save them both?” Ricky watched Dice’s ears prick up at the mention of his son.
“Then we need to find that woman and we gotta do it yesterday.”
“I can’t do what he’s asking me to do.” Ricky shook his head. He was sick. His alpha needed him, but there was no way he could actually kill him, it would break him.
“He seems to think you’re the only one who could.”
“Then he’s wrong. I’m done killing people who matter to me.” Ricky shook his head and looked into the dense forest that grew around their cabins.
“It’s a compliment.” Clothesline said after a few beats passed.
“The fuck it is.” Ricky spat.
“No, you don’t see it because you got too much in the way, but it is. It shows trust. Riv knows you’d honor him with a good death, even if he’s bat shit crazy. We need a good death.” The last was said so softly that even Ricky’s sensitive ears barely caught it.
When he looked up, Clothesline was looking back at Pie’s cabin.
He was right. They all needed a good death. It was mostly a bunch of shit he didn’t put much stock in, but it was believed that a good death brought peace to the animal. A restless animal would never be at peace and so the soul of the man would never rest.
Ricky didn’t know about any of it, but he’d always figured it was better to be safe than sorry.
He knew if things continued that he would have to honor River’s wishes and then someone would need to honor his.
“I think I’ll lose it if I have to do this. You want that to be on you? You want responsibility for taking me out?”
Clothesline stared at him long enough that Ricky felt a bead of sweat roll down his chest.
“No.”
That was all he said before he turned and disappeared around Pie’s cabin.
“No.” Ricky frowned. “Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“You live.”
He hadn’t noticed Pie stepping out on the porch. He was wearing a ratty pair of cut off sweat pants and the scars from their earlier battle.
The pain he read in his brother’s eyes almost doubled him over. He nodded toward the house.
“I’m guessing she wasn’t the one.”
The woman in question had been gone for two hours or more, but Pie understood. He shook his head.
“Not the one.” His eyes landed on Ricky’s own cabin. “Looks like that one’s it for you though. I’m happy for you.”
“You’ll find her man. Maybe stop fucking everything that wears a skirt.” He shook his head. “Might be a little off putting.”
Pie let out a humorless laugh. “I can’t drown my sorrows, may as well drown my dick.” He took a long pull from the beer in his hand.
Ricky shook his head. “You gonna be alright?”
Pie nodded slowly. “I’m fine.” He tipped his beer toward Dice where he lay rolling in the dirt. “He’s fucking insane. Don’t make a lick of sense.”
Ricky knew what he wasn’t saying. Pie wanted a connection, one he couldn’t get with the pack. It weighed on him heavily.
“Maybe you should quit lookin’ so damned hard.”
Pie drank again. “I would, I really thought about it, but damn. I hate a cold bed.”
With that he went back inside and Ricky looked over to where Dice lay in the dirt, snoring.
“Come on you crazy son of a bitch.”
Dice stood up and actually wagged his tail.
“You’re an embarrassment.” Ricky accused and laughed when Dice lifted his tail and headed home.
Ricky let out a breath he’d been holding, he felt better and worse at the same time. He was a mess.
He stepped into his house and her scent floated to him. It wasn’t right, he knew it, but knowing it didn’t keep his feet from carrying him right in that bedroom or from sliding in the bed with his woman.
He’d worry about that later, right now, he was taking a page out of Pie’s book.