Chapter Eighteen:
Ashton

 

Ashton hadn’t thought it would be this way.

When he and Leo had found the rebels hidden away in the slums, he’d been pretty sure they’d be taken in. They had been, but he hadn’t realized there would be a heavy price. Noah had warned him, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this.

It wasn’t even a price he’d had to personally pay, but standing back after hearing the rebels’ plans had been damn near impossible.

Trying to argue with them, though — especially as a brand-new member of their group — would’ve been just as dangerous as arguing with supes anywhere else.

Just as dangerous as arguing with Reese.

A lump formed in Ashton’s throat at the thought of the werewolf. Why couldn’t Reese just talk? He could’ve smoothed everything over if he’d been a little more open. Then he and Leo wouldn’t have been here.

Admittedly, the return to the chaos of the slums was unwelcome, too. Ashton had gotten used to the steady, rich meals and the hot showers. Returning to lumpy beds that smelled of mildew while having to fight over canned goods wasn’t a welcome change.

But it was a stark reminder of why it was so important that people like Reese stood up to the Elders. This couldn’t continue forever. Humanity would be wiped out if it did. Then what? Witches would still continue to be born until they became so inbred they died out. Vampires would have too few food sources. Werewolves would have no one else to take into their ranks.

If even he could see it, Ashton didn’t understand how the Council couldn’t. Then again, he’d had plenty of time to think about it, and he was in a unique position — slave and not, rebel and not, someone who didn’t know quite where he fit in and wasn’t sure he’d be able to figure it out.

He sure as hell couldn’t figure out how they’d been able to justify the kamikaze plan they’d carried out against Tartarus.

He guessed he’d expected more of them even though Reese had been so upset about how cavalier they’d been about death. He’d thought they’d have at least tried to rescue the prisoners held within the bowels of Tartarus — or the slaves the supes would’ve brought with them.

But no. That hadn’t been in any of the plans. When Ashton had finally dared ask about it, Livvy had given him a look and told him that sometimes, sacrifices had to be made.

Leo had been right there, just like always, to put an arm around him, and Ashton had turned to bury his face in his friend’s shoulder. Fuck, why couldn’t he have just been with Leo? It would’ve been so much easier if he’d loved the friend he’d had since childhood in that way…

If he returned the feelings he knew Leo had for him.

Guilt always raced through him at the thought of Leo seeing him with Reese, of Leo befriending Reese, of Leo pretending he didn’t mind when it was only that he was genuinely selfless enough to want the best for his friend.

Ashton didn’t know if he could’ve been so generous.

The morning after the attack, everything was silent. The people involved had been infused with adrenaline for hours, celebrating their victory with high spirits, but once they’d crashed, they’d crashed hard.

Now only he and Leo, along with the other non-combatants, were awake. None of them seemed inclined to speak.

Ashton sat next to Leo, shaking his head when his friend tried to get him to eat. His stomach was too unsettled. He couldn’t help but wonder how many innocents had died — human and supe alike.

Then again, it wasn’t likely that the supes who went to Tartarus to enjoy the games there were the type to be gregarious and generous. They’d likely been just as brutal as Mays and the others had been… but they were gone now, along with their slaves, along with the prisoners, along with so many others.

There were rumors that Elders had even died, though the one they’d wanted to see dead the most hadn’t been amongst the bodies. No, Elias Ivers was a slippery snake, and it hadn’t surprised Ashton to find that he and his ‘wolf hadn’t even been spotted despite Tartarus belonging to the witch.

Well. Now all he owned was a graveyard.

Ashton shuddered, the picture coming to his mind. He could imagine limbs sticking out everywhere, could hear the screams of the wounded — innocent and guilty alike, and who the fuck were the rebels to make that call? — and he wondered just who had given their lives for something like this.

He hadn’t seen Noah, but the vampire had at least sent him a text letting him know he and Khaz were safe — so there was that. It made him queasy to think about Noah having a hand in the slaughter, but he knew what Noah had been before he’d been turned.

Despite the common belief that vampires had no souls, it sure as hell seemed like Khaz had enough humanity for both of them. From what little he knew of Noah Franklin — whose name was spoken like he was a legend within these walls — the man had been a ruthless killer with a major hard-on for killing as many supes as he could.

How he had turned into the man Ashton had met, he couldn’t say, but Khaz had certainly been a part of it.

“You’ve got to stop obsessing about it,” Leo told him, nudging him in the side. “It’s just going to drive you crazy.”

“I’m already crazy,” Ashton mumbled, but there was no humor to the words despite his best attempt at making a joke.

Leo rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Ash,” he said, but his voice was gentle. He reached out and touched Ashton’s chin, lifting it a little. “You know this is a war.”

“Yeah, but… civilians,” Ashton said quietly, not wanting any of the rebels to hear their conversation and confuse his misery with what they saw as treason. “I mean, when Reese said they just blindly killed, that was enforcers and an Elder, you know? I never really thought about what other people were in the Elder’s house.”

“And if you think about it too much, you’re really going to hurt yourself,” Leo said, cupping Ashton’s chin. “You already are.”

Ashton took in a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I know,” he whispered. “But how can I do anything else?”

He opened his eyes, and there Leo was, with those dark eyes on his own, so earnest and sympathetic and—

Ashton leaned in, impulsively kissing his best friend on the lips.

Leo stiffened, and Ashton jerked back.

“Sorry,” Ashton hurried to say. “God, I’m so… Fuck, Leo, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you want,” Leo said. He avoided Ashton’s gaze then. “You know that. You want him.”

Ashton let out a bitter laugh. “I want what I thought he was. You know, he told me that he wasn’t nearly as perfect as he seemed, and I thought… I don’t know, Leo. I thought he was something different. After all he did for you… But he turned out to be…”

Leo exhaled slowly, looking away. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Ashton asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I pushed you,” Leo said. “I just thought… I thought you needed someone. And he was trying to protect you in his own way. But I guess I kinda fucked up. I didn’t really think about what you wanted. I thought about how he could keep you safe. And I was so, so angry because you weren’t safe. I almost lost you.”

“But you didn’t,” Ashton reminded him.

“I did, a little bit.” Leo glanced back at him. “When I pushed you to get the mark. When I…” He looked down. “When I just…”

“It’s done,” Ashton said. “Just like everything else. If I can’t obsess over stuff, you can’t obsess over stuff. We’re both alive, we’re both here, and maybe…”

“Maybe?” Leo prompted, his voice shaking a little.

This time it was Ashton whose fingers curled under Leo’s chin as he urged the man to look at him. “Maybe we should stop being so desperate to protect each other that we make decisions for each other, too.”

Leo winced, but he held Ashton’s gaze. He nodded slowly. “Maybe. God, Ash, I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ashton said instantly. “I let my hormones get out of control, and I don’t know. Maybe I was just hungry and tired of everything. Maybe I wanted things to be different and I thought they could be better.”

“They were, for a little while,” Leo noted.

“Until they weren’t,” Ashton retorted. He sighed, leaning his head back against the broken tiles of the wall.

“Until they weren’t,” Leo agreed.

Both of them fell silent again, but this time Leo’s hand found his, fingers slipping in between Ashton’s. Ashton squeezed that hand, resting his head against Leo’s shoulder.

“I don’t know what to do,” Ashton said after a long moment, his voice soft, as he watched some of the rebels trudge sleepily from the makeshift rooms in the old school building to hunt through the food.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Leo said.

“About Reese.” The words dropped like two stones from his lips, threatening to crush them both.

Leo swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple moving up and down. “I… I can help you, if you want. With him. He really does try, Ashton. He… He cares for you.”

It had to be killing Leo to say those words, but his friend had always put everyone else first. Fuck, how had Ashton not noticed before how much this was hurting him? How had they both been so oblivious to each other’s misery?

“I know he’s trying.” Ashton sighed then shook his head. “But I don’t know if it’ll ever be enough. I know that sounds terrible, but…”

“Not everyone is meant to be together,” Leo said softly, his voice trembling. “That’s kinda… why I figured…”

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Ashton asked, pulling back and grabbing Leo again.

He pressed another kiss to his best friend’s lips, and this time, Leo kissed back, melting into the touch.

It felt like there were no expectations, like neither of them was vying for control.

It felt like homecoming.

It felt like love.

It felt like eternity and seconds all at once.

Fuck, it felt like they needed a goddamn room.

Ashton pulled back, panting a little. He didn’t know if Leo was going to be okay with what he’d just done or not, but he had to hope—

“So where do we go from here?” Leo asked him before running a finger over his lips, brightness in his eyes Ashton hadn’t seen in so long.

How had he never noticed it was missing in the first place? What kind of friend was he?

A self-absorbed one, paired with someone too selfless to ever speak up.

“I have no fucking idea,” Ashton admitted. “I mean…” He gestured around them. “This is sort of it for the immediate future, you know? Until we can figure something else out. I know this isn’t the safest place to be, but…”

“But I don’t think there are really any safe places anymore,” Leo finished, nodding. “This is going to be a prime target if the supes find it, though. They’re going to bomb it until we’re in pieces.”

“You have such a way with words,” Ashton noted aloud, dryly.

It surprised a laugh out of Leo, but his friend shrugged. “You know it just as much as I do. We kicked the hornet’s nest. But think about it, Ash… They took down Tartarus. Tartarus. They may not have gotten the Elder they wanted, but they destroyed the whole place. Everyone thought it was indestructible, and now… Now, Elders are dead, and Tartarus is gone. There are werewolves here, and witches, and vampires…”

They’d all worked together, somehow, humans and supes alike, and now they were here. They’d destroyed an institution that had treated them like they were animals and less, and while it didn’t mean everything had changed, some things had. They just had to hope it was enough to be a solid beginning.

“It’s not going to be like some happy little family,” Ashton said, looking around them. Despite the apparent camaraderie, he knew it was temporary.

“Maybe not,” Leo agreed. “But they’re here, and we’re here, and… we’ll see. Tomorrow’s another day, right?”

Ashton nodded. He knew there was a chance they might not even see tomorrow, which was why he leaned in — leaned in, and kissed Leo’s lips again.

Just in case. If nothing else, they had this moment, and they could share it. They’d have to return to reality soon, but for now, they had one another.

Maybe he hadn’t found Prince Charming, but he’d found his knight in shining armor.

Ashton snorted.

Sometimes, his thoughts could be really fucking sickening.