Thirteen
What the fuck? One second, Rylee was grinning at the compliments she’d received—and rightly so, the food was fucking unbelievable—and the next, she had shut down. Emmet had asked her a question, but she didn’t hear him, or if she did, she ignored him. She’d eaten her stew on autopilot, not stopping until she’d emptied her bowl, and when she’d finally snapped out of it, the look in her eyes would have taken Niko to his knees had he not already been sitting.
“Give her a few minutes,” Emmet suggested when Niko pushed his chair back, ready to follow.
He couldn’t do it. As sound as the advice was, he needed to see her—talk to her. It hadn’t just been pain he’d witnessed in her eyes, though that was at the forefront. It was something so much worse. Something he couldn’t face—wouldn’t accept. She was leaving.
He rapped softly at the bathroom door, not wanting to startle her.
To his surprise, it opened right away. Rylee stood there, her eyes bright and her chin jutting out. “I’m sorry for being so weird down there.”
He wasn’t sure what he’d expected coming up to the bedroom, but this hadn’t been it. It was like a veil had come down, shuttering the woman he knew her to be inside and presenting him with a stranger.
“You okay?” he asked, reaching for her.
“Fine.” Rylee sidestepped and turned her back on him to rifle through the bags she’d yet to unpack. “I’m going to head out. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me so far, but I think I’ll do better on my own.”
The air exploded from his lungs in a whoosh. He’d seen the goodbye in her eyes, but he hadn’t expected it to come so soon. “Why?”
“It’s just for the best if I go.” Her shoulders drooped a little, but she didn’t face him.
Bullshit. He crossed the room and turned her toward him. If she was going to rip his fucking heart out of his chest, she could damned well look him in the eye to do it.
***
Rylee had expected Niko’s protest when she told him she was leaving. What she hadn’t counted on was the pain those few words would cause. Her back was to him, but she didn’t need to see to know she’d hurt him.
His sharp exhale, followed by a sound that came from deep inside, like the grunt a man might make when sucker-punched in the gut told her what her eyes could not.
“Why?” he’d asked, his voice rasping over her like tumbling gravel.
Because I’m not strong enough to survive the heartache when you decide I’m not good enough. She forced air into her lungs, coaxing a calm from within that she was nowhere near feeling.
His footsteps came across the room, and with gentle hands, he pivoted her so that he could look into her eyes.
“Don’t give me a crap excuse. You need me to find the hard drive, yet you’re willing to walk away before the job is done. Give me one good reason why I should let you go. Just one. Then, if you really don’t want to be here—with me—I’ll honor your wishes. Tomorrow.”
Her eyebrows all but disappeared into her hairline. “Why tomorrow?”
“Because there’s no way in hell I’m letting you walk out of here when there’s a fucking vampire waiting to suck you dry. You can give me one more night. I deserve that.” The fierce glint in his eye told her one thing. I’ll tie you to the bed if I have to just to keep you safe.
She swallowed hard, and her gaze flitted to his shoulder. She blinked fast against the moisture rimming her eyelids. She could come up with a million reasons why she should go. Even more why he should let her, but the only thing that came to her mind was the truth. “I’m scared,” she finally said, her voice small.
Some of the fire burning in his eyes evaporated with her admission. He brought his hands down her arms until he reached hers and entwined their fingers. “You don’t have to be scared. I’ll protect you with my life. We all will. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”
She was shaking her head even before he finished speaking. He didn’t understand. How could he? He didn’t know her. Didn’t know how dispensable she was. “I’m not afraid of pain, or even dying, for that matter.”
“What then? Please tell me so I can fix this.”
“I’m not the kind of person people keep around for the long haul. Once you get to know me, you’ll realize this. And when you do and decide to send me packing, it’ll kill me inside.”
Niko’s brows knitted together. “That’s never going to happen.”
Rylee snorted and pulled away from him. Everyone eventually did, and she told him as much. “Even my own mother left. How’s that for unlovable?” Crap, she hadn’t meant to say that. She hadn’t thought that for a long time.
She didn’t know if it was worse that he didn’t protest or deny her claim, or that his lips twitched as though he fought back a snarl.
“Unlovable?” Niko shook his head. Without warning, he scooped her up and into his arms and carried her to the bed. He deposited her gently in the center, then climbed in after her, pulling her back to his chest, spooning her into his heat.
“Yes.” It wasn’t like she could take the word back now.
“I’m going to kill the fucking bastards who put such a notion into your mind, then I’m going to spank the shit out of your ass for believing such foolishness,” he promised.
Part of her wanted to believe him, but she knew better. “You don’t understand.”
“So, make me understand. Tell me what happened.” His arm tightened around her waist as though he was afraid she’d try to slip away when all she really wanted to do was burrow closer.
The last thing she needed was a stroll down memory lane, but he deserved to know the truth. “My mom ran away with a man she met at a bar one night. She didn’t bother waking me to say good-bye. The note I found on the kitchen table along with a twenty-dollar bill said I was old enough to take care of myself, and she was going to do something to make herself happy for once. Lord knows I never did. I thought it was a joke, you know? And after a couple of days, I didn’t find it so funny anymore. I expected she’d get tired of whatever she was doing and come back. That didn’t happen, either. I ran out of food almost two weeks later. When the electricity was cut off, I realized she wasn’t coming back. Wasn’t long before I came home to locks keeping me out and a foreclosure notice pinned to the door.”
Niko’s arms were like steel bands around her. His whole body was rigid, and not in a sexy way. She stroked her hand up and down his forearm, soothing them both.
“I’m not proud of everything I’ve done. I’ve scavenged for food, stolen to survive, and learned to get by with nothing because that’s all I had. I did what I had to do.”
He was silent for so long that she turned her head so she could look at him. His jaw was clamped so tight, a muscle leaped with each grind of his teeth. “How old were you?” he asked, his words garbled.
“Eleven.”
His growl rumbled from his chest, vibrating against her back. “And where was your father during all of this?”
She sighed. “He was gone before I turned two. I don’t remember him at all. Not even his name.”
Niko pressed his forehead against her shoulder. If he held her any tighter, she wouldn’t be able to breathe. Minutes passed before he finally loosened his grip and turned her so she faced him.
“I know forever sounds impossible. Convincing you will take a lot more than words and promises. But maybe we can work on tomorrow?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” A little flicker of hope blossomed in her chest, and try as she might, she couldn’t squash it.
“We agree that for today, you’re mine, I’m yours, and we’re together—only for today. Tomorrow, we’ll decide if we can manage another day. I’m willing to wait and take each tomorrow as they come until you’re ready to face forever. As long as you promise that if ever you don’t want to stay, you’ll come to me and say goodbye before you go—because I’m not going anywhere.”
Her breath caught in her throat. Could it be that simple?
“What do you say? Can you promise me tomorrow?”
She lifted her fingers to his cheeks, as though the simple touch could give her the courage to reach for what she wanted most. “Yes, I can do today. We can work on tomorrow.” The heavy ache that had settled in her chest since she’d bolted from the kitchen lifted.
“That’s all I ask.”