Chapter 12

Anna

 

I cuddled up to Austin and gave a happy sigh when he put his arm around me to draw me in closer. “This might sound bad,” I murmured. “But I kinda want to stay in this moment forever.” My champagne buzz was fading, and I was starting to remember why we were here in the first place.

Austin’s chest vibrated as he chuckled. “We’ll get hungry eventually.”

“Yeah,” I said sadly. “We should probably enjoy it while we can.”

“Hey,” Austin said softly before giving me a kiss on the top of my head. “This is a new beginning for us, things are just going to get better from here.” I smiled when he echoed the thoughts that I had only moments before.

“Good,” I murmured. “But I think we should make a standing date every week, just to make sure that we always have time together.”

“That’s a good idea,” Austin agreed. “How about Sunday nights?”

“I’ll pencil you in.”

Austin chuckled. “I appreciate that.”

“I did want to talk to you about more serious stuff.”

Austin stilled. “Like what?”

I considered telling him about Gemma and how I wanted to just pack her up and put her on a plane back to Canada, but I held my tongue. Austin had told me a while back that the alpha female in the pack was responsible for handling all the issues with other females. I didn’t want him to think that I was too weak to manage one female who couldn’t even shift. I wanted him to believe in me and to trust that I could shoulder my share of pack responsibilities.

“Just…” I hesitated. Would it hurt to ask for his advice? He had been managing a large group of males for some time now. I couldn’t imagine having fifty-odd Gemmas on my hands. I shuddered internally at the thought. “I think I might want to officially quit my job in the human world and start a shifter clinic,” I blurted out. That thought had been ruminating in the very back of my mind, but I think I was just as surprised as Austin when it came out of my mouth. Maybe the champagne wasn’t wearing off as quickly as I thought it was.

Austin rubbed the bare skin of my arm thoughtfully. “Cody mentioned that, but do you think you’re ready?”

I tilted my face up to look at him. “I’m not saying I want to quit my job and just live off the pack, I’m not ready for that.”

Austin gave me a small smile. “I didn’t think so. I meant giving up your human life, though. Do you think that a part of you clings to your job because that’s the last connection you have?”

I blinked in surprise, but stayed quiet as I thought that through. “I think you’re right,” I admitted. “There’s a part of me that’s still in denial of everything that happened, that thinks I can just go back to work and everything will be normal again.”

“Is that what you want?” Austin asked quietly. “To go back to living like just another human with a secret?”

I shook my head. “No. I wouldn’t give this up for anything. I wouldn’t give you up for anything.” Austin was one hundred percent correct. I needed to stop straddling both worlds and fully commit to one, and I already knew which one that would be. “What I want to do is create a clinic where wolves from any pack can come to be healed. And shifters like Sam will also be welcome. I want a place where we can come together with the common goal of making things better for our race.”

Austin hesitated. “I see your vision, but that won’t be easy. Most packs stay isolated from each other and only come together for council events. And most other shifters avoid us entirely.”

“I know.” I leaned up on his chest. “But that’s what I want to change. We’re too divided, too isolated. We need to come together, and I think that if we set the example, then other packs will follow our lead. Especially if we have something to offer.”

“Medical care?” Austin said doubtfully. I knew what he was thinking. Wolves healed injuries much more quickly than humans did and avoided hospitals whenever possible. But so did the fae, and they still used healers. I wanted to be just as talented as Airmed one day, maybe then I could make a real difference.

“Medical care,” I confirmed. “We can’t heal everything without intervention. Plus, I want to focus on women’s health.” One of the major issues that we had as a species was that it was difficult for women to carry children to term and to survive childbirth. That was why there were so many less females than males. The males were more likely to survive in the womb, and not many females were lucky enough to survive giving birth multiple times.

“That’s a good goal, Anna.” I could hear the hesitation in his voice.

“Just say it.”

Humor flashed across Austin’s face before it was replaced once again with worry. “You haven’t had a chance to work with any pregnant females, what if…”

“What if there’s nothing I can do?”

Austin stroked my hair. “I know this is important to you, and I’m going to support you on it. I’m just suggesting that we figure out what you can do first. I don’t want to see you disappointed.”

I took a deep breath. I couldn’t get upset, because he was right. I had no idea if there was anything I could do to help a pregnant female, but I would never know if I didn’t try. “We don’t exactly have any pregnant females in the pack, I need to find patients.”

Austin sighed. “You’re right. I just don’t want to have to explain to their mates that we’re going to be using experimental magic on females who are already in a precariously delicate condition.”

I sighed. “True. I need to learn more about healing.” I swallowed nervously. “But I’m not going to be able to figure it out in a human hospital.”

It pained me to get those words out. I had worked really hard to get a career and a job that I loved. A part of me felt like I was giving up and quitting on my dream. But another part of me realized that there were a lot of other human pharmacists that could step into my job at the hospital. How many other part-fae magical white wolves were out there to help solve the problem of our females dying way too young?

“You’ve been on medical leave for a few weeks now,” Austin reminded me. “Are you ready to let go?” Austin had saved me from getting fired from my job while I was in a magically induced coma and I had been selfishly clinging to that job for weeks.

“I know it probably hasn’t been easy for my coworkers, being short a person. It’s not really fair to them to hold onto my spot when I can’t actually do my job.” There was no way that I could do everything that I needed to for the pack, my guys, and my potential clinic. I had to give something up, and I think taking another step away from the human world was the right decision. Tears came to my eyes when I thought about the moment when I would actually have to say goodbye for good.

“I don’t want to pressure you, but I think you’re making the right decision,” Austin encouraged me. 

“I know, but it doesn’t make it any easier,” I sniffled. I was so glad that Austin realized how much my job meant to me, how it had been such an essential part of my identity for so long. But now my identity was changing, I was becoming something new.

“Speaking of women’s health,” Austin said quietly. “It should be almost time for you to go into heat, shouldn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I breathed out a loud sigh. “For me it usually happens between Christmas and New Year’s day. I got lucky that it was always during winter break while I was in school.”

“How do you… want to handle it this time around?” Austin asked.

I blinked in surprise. “The same way I usually do, I guess. Spend a week alone and miserable. I’m definitely not ready to have pups.” When I had first hit puberty, Evelyn had procured some shots that helped to suppress the hormones. Each year, the shots got less and less helpful as my body became more accustomed to overwhelming them. The last two years I hadn’t bothered to take them at all. Going into heat might sound fun in theory, but for a single female, it meant having a painful and insatiable need to mate. I don’t know how much of it was biology or magic, but it was impossible to relieve it on my own.

“But you’re not alone now. There are a lot of ways that your males can help take the edge off without getting you pregnant,” Austin told me. “Plus, humans invented condoms.”

I laughed. “But condoms are only 99% effective, and that’s if they are used perfectly. Accidents happen.”

“True,” Austin agreed. “Just be aware that you don’t need to be alone and miserable, and that the others and I will respect any decisions that you make.”

A warm feeling flooded through me. It was definitely nice to know that I wasn’t alone, that my guys always had my back. But the thought of going into heat around a bunch of male wolves was starting to make me nervous. Evelyn had always taught me that if a male caught the scent of a female in heat, he would relentlessly pursue her. That I wouldn’t be safe if I stepped out of the safety of my home during those times. She said that males would lose all sense of their humanity and act purely on the instinct to mate.

Of course, Evelyn had told me a lot of things that turned out to be less than accurate. She never would have believed me if I told her how sweet and caring my wolves were. I relaxed in Austin’s embrace as I thought it through. My guys had always shown me love and respect, a bunch of hormones wasn’t going to change that. I knew I could trust them.

But could I trust myself? Once the hormones took control would I lose my sense of reason while in the presence of virile male wolves that I was madly in love with? Would the need to mate overwhelm my sense of caution?

“I should probably just stay in my room for it, right?” Avoiding all the guys might help me make it through without risking pregnancy.

“No, we’re not going to lock you away. We would never do that to you.” Austin’s gaze hardened. “But we may have to ban any other males from the house. If another male even looks at you while you’re vulnerable like that, things could get violent.”

I swallowed nervously. There were times where I could pretend that we were humans that could occasionally turn into wolves, but this wasn’t one of them. Whether I liked to admit it or not, we were just as much wolf as we were human. And sometimes those wolf instincts came to the surface even when we were in human form. “We still have time to figure it all out,” I said with determination. “Right now, we have bigger problems.”

“I hate to say it, but you’re right,” Austin admitted with a sigh.

There were a couple of moments of quiet, where we were both lost in our own thoughts. “Hey, Aus?” I asked softly.

“Hmmm?”

“Before you knew that I was fae, back when you thought that I was a purebred wolf, we had talked about mating.” I paused and nervously swallowed. “Did finding out the truth change anything for you?”

Austin rubbed my back absentmindedly. “I think it changed how I see you.”

I tensed up. I guess I had been hoping to be reassured that it changed nothing, that Austin still wanted me in the same way. I had been afraid of what he had offered before, afraid that I couldn’t fill the role of a pack master’s mate. But now I was ready, and I wanted a life with Austin and the rest of the pack.

Austin glanced down at me in surprise, undoubtedly picking up on the panic that was slowly rising inside of me. “When we first met, you were a lost wolf in need of protection. But now?” He shook his head with a smile. “Now, you are on the fast track to becoming one of the most formidable wolves out there.” He brushed a lock of hair away from my face. “I like that you aren’t with the pack or me because you need something from us. You’re strong, independent, and here with me because you want to be.”

I relaxed. I liked the fact that he still referred to me as a wolf, that he didn’t think of me as ‘other.’

“I like that you aren’t going to stand by and wait to be rescued,” Austin continued. “You’re just as much of a warrior as any other wolf in my pack.”

Pride washed through me. That’s right, I was a badass. Austin kissed the top of my head and I snuggled into him, completely relaxed once again.

Austin stroked my hair. “You’ve noticed how accommodating Arminius has been?”

I nodded. He seemed way too nice for an immortal vampire.

“It’s because you are a major player. He’s trying to woo you on his side.”

I grunted. “The threesome thing?”

Austin chuckled. “I’m sure that he regrets not being able to snatch you up while you were single and alone. He might have briefly entertained thoughts of seducing you away from me, but I think after watching us together, he realized that what we have together is real.”

“It is real. Austin, I…” I pushed the blanket away and straddled his waist, making sure that I had his full attention. “This is it for me, this is what I’ve always wanted.”

His hands slid up my thighs. “I have never been happier,” he confessed. “No matter what comes our way, no matter who comes against us, we’ll stand and face it together.” I gazed into his dark blue eyes and saw only honesty there.

“Whatever comes, we can handle it,” I assured him as much as myself. Life was about to throw us a bunch of curve balls, but as long as we stuck together, we could make it through what was to come.

Austin urged me to lean forward as he slid his hands up my back. I braced my hands on either side of his head as I pressed my chest against his. Our eyes met, and he flicked his gaze down to my mouth. I lowered my mouth to his and I felt him growing hard between my legs as our tongues danced. I was more than ready for round two.