Lounging in bed was a luxury I’d been denied most of my adult life. When you were on the run, afraid for your life, the last thing you wanted to do was close your eyes. Let alone drop your guard enough to actually sleep soundly. Sleeping made me vulnerable, and alone, I couldn’t afford to be vulnerable. I couldn’t relax one second without worrying I’d end up dead.

That fear was long gone now. I could lie in bed all hours of the day or night and sleep without a single worry. I didn’t have to keep one eye on the door, or strain my ears to hear a whisper in the hallway. Because I would never be alone again, not with my Blood by my side.

Before I opened my eyes, I liked to touch each of my six Blood bonds one by one, locating their position. Partly to know who was in bed with me, but also so they would each feel me touch their bond. They’d know I was awake and well, and I’d know they were well.

Of course as my alpha and my biggest, baddest Blood, Rik probably knew I was awake before I realized it, but I always felt for him first, even though I knew he’d be right there beside me.

Until he wasn’t.

He isn’t here.

I jerked upright, my heart pounding. “Rik?”

He hollered from the bathroom. “In here, my queen. Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Even alphas need to take a leak now and then,” Xin said beside me.

Whew. My heart still pounded, but I lay back down beside him and curled into his side. Even in his human form, Xin smelled like a wolf. Well, that didn’t come anywhere close to a good description. He smelled like a wolf, paused in a clearing in the middle of an ancient forest, beneath a full moon on a cold winter’s night, with frost and snow crystallized on his fur.

Touching him felt so strange with that image in my head, because his skin was so hot and smooth. I ran my palms over his chest and shoulders, enjoying the play of muscle and sinew beneath his skin. He was one of my leaner Blood, but no less powerful or strong than the others. As my second-oldest Blood—born in 712 AD—he had endured centuries upon centuries in a cold, untouchable service to his queen. To say he was starved for touch was the understatement of the year. All my Blood were starved to a point, but he and Mehen, my oldest Blood, who’d been imprisoned as the mighty dragon, Leviathan, definitely felt the need most severely.

I pressed closer to Xin, tangling my legs with his and sliding one hand around to his back. My eyes drifted shut and I relaxed into his embrace, just enjoying the feeling of companionship.

Okay, I was starved for touch too.

“Tell me something about you,” Xin whispered against my forehead, stroking my back. “Something no one else knows. Something good.”

It would be impossible for me to tell him a secret when my Blood bonds tied our hearts and minds together. They usually knew what I was thinking before I realized myself. But he would at least be the first to hear the words.

Silent a few moments, I tried to think of something not just good, but special. “It’s funny, but when you’re a kid, you think that your life is normal and everyone else is weird, you know? So I thought everybody had terrible nightmares and saw red glaring eyes outside their windows. I thought everyone was scared of the dark because of the monsters. So when I talked about it at school, I got labeled ‘special’ pretty quickly. After a few years, Mom took me out of public school and I stayed home with her. Dad was gone by then, but she really tried hard to make things normal and safe for me. Fun, even. But I didn’t have any friends, and as much as I loved her, I was still lonely, even before she died.”

He made a low sound against my skin. “I said something good, my queen.”

“I’m getting there, I promise! I didn’t have a lot of friends, and I hung out mostly with Mom. But all through my life, little things happened that made me feel like I wasn’t alone. That I was watched over. Like I had a guardian angel. Maybe I’d find a flower on the porch, something tropical and hot pink, when we didn’t have anything like it growing on our street. Or a really pretty red leaf in the middle of winter, pressed to the windshield of the car. Or I’d smell something sweet and soothing at night when I was scared, and I’d close my eyes, and it’d feel like someone was there, watching over me. I didn’t know then who it was, but now… I think it was my real mother. Even though she was dead and I had no idea of her existence, she was always with me.”

I didn’t bother saying her name. Thanks to a geas Esetta Isador had placed upon all Aima, no one living could say or remember her name. I didn’t have that problem, since I’d technically died the first time I came into my power when Rik and Daire found me just a few miles from here.

My throat ached and my eyes burned, but with happy tears. “Even though she knew I had no idea that she even existed, she still made sure I felt her presence. That’s pretty special.”

Mom would always be Mom, the woman who raised me, who died to keep me safe, even though she was technically my aunt. But now I had Esetta, too. I had her words she’d written to me. Even if no one else could remember her name, I would always remember.

Thank you, Esetta.

Something soft brushed my cheek like a feather—though I didn’t see or sense anything.

“Thank you, my queen,” Xin whispered.

He didn’t tighten his grip or press against me, but something tugged on my sixth sense in the bond. I sank deeper into his bond, now used to the gray fog that seemed to surround him. Each of my Blood’s bonds felt different in my head, and Xin had always been distant. Not that he tried to deliberately hide from me, not at all. His gift of invisibility wrapped his bond and made him harder for me to sense. His former queen hadn’t wanted any of her Bloods’ emotions to leak into her head, and so he’d learned a long time ago to keep his emotions tightly under wrap. When I first met him, I’d had to jump off a metaphorical skyscraper to find his true self. It was easier now, but I still had to reach to feel him.

Raw need raged through him so fiercely it made my breath catch on a soft gasp. I already knew he was starved for affection, but this… A gnawing black hole ate through his bond. He needed my blood. He needed to fuck. Preferably at the same time. More, though, he burned to be alone with me. To have me to himself. Like this. Just me and him in bed together. Even if only for a few minutes.

He’d never had that. None of my Blood had me alone, except maybe Rik. And even then… How often was I completely alone with even him? With six men all dedicated to protecting me and seeing to my every want and need, it was usually crowded around me.

Especially in my bed.

“Xin. Why didn’t you tell me?”

The corner of his eyes crinkled slightly but otherwise his face remained smooth. “Tell you what, my queen?”

Again, he wasn’t trying to hide or obscure anything. He honestly didn’t know. He was so far removed from his own emotions that he had no idea what I sensed. It was his nature to remain controlled, hidden in plain sight, without complaint, request, or reaction. He was a blade. A weapon I sent to kill my enemies. My food when I wanted it. He had no expectations other than I use his particularly deadly talents.

And that damned near broke my heart. Because he was so much more to me than that. They all were.

I cupped his nape and rolled over onto my back, drawing him toward me. On his elbow, he looked down at me, more curious than anything. Still waiting for my command. He wouldn’t act. Not of his own volition.

So be it.

I threaded my fingers in his hair and gave a little teasing tug. “Rik’s going to take a walk while you fuck me.”

Her words did not make sense. I stared at her, afraid to breathe or move a single muscle until I understood. A queen never sent her alpha away. An alpha never left his queen’s side. That Rik trusted me to guard her long enough to hit the bathroom was already a boon.

A Blood was lucky to have even three minutes alone with his queen in a lifetime.

To have her alone…

Her blood and her body…

It was unheard of.

My last queen had never allowed me to touch even her hand. Her Blood did not feed from her directly. Even among her full court, my physical interactions had been limited to feeding from my sibs. Sexual need was a weakness.

Something I’d cut out of myself a very long time ago.

At least so I’d thought.

“You cannot,” I finally said, each word cutting my throat like broken glass. “Rik would not allow it.”

Eyes smoldering, she smiled slowly, each incremental curve of her lips an invitation to insanity. Soft, full lips. The delicate tip of her tongue. The flash of white fang descending. “Oh really? I’m your queen. I decide who’s in my bed. And this queen hungers.”

“Take every drop of blood in my body, my queen.”

Her lashes fluttered down over her gleaming eyes. “I want more than your blood.”

I swallowed hard. “I will give you anything. Anything you ask. Anything at all.”

She didn’t elaborate, which made my nerves tighten like a drum. She had a need. I must meet it. Whatever it was. That’s what Blood did. My alpha would expect no less than I give her exactly what she needed. Even better if I could offer it before she must ask.

But a Blood did not initiate sex with his queen, especially without her alpha.

Her hand stroked down my chest, her fingers trailing over each ridge and hollow. My abdominal muscles quivered with her advance. A tiny crack in my control.

The chilled silence of my gift filled my head like impenetrable fog. Still. Calm. Silent. If Rik happened to look at the bed, he wouldn’t be able to see me here with our queen, unless he used her bond to locate me. An unfortunate side effect. I didn’t want to hide—but I had to maintain my ability to serve. I could do nothing about the erection, but I wouldn’t make a sound or demand or request. Never.

“No,” she whispered against my lips as her hand closed around my cock. “Look at me.”

I hadn’t realized I’d closed my eyes. Stupid. Another weakness I couldn’t afford. I couldn’t shut my eyes when my queen’s life was in my hands. When I focused on her face, she tugged me firmly by my cock, pulling me on top of her, her thighs opening to cradle me against her.

Shit. Fuck. Another quiver slipped through the stillness, a twitch that slithered down my spine and made my hips move, dragging my dick through her grip. Wholly involuntary. Wholly unacceptable.

I pierced my bottom lip with my fangs, letting blood fill my mouth. The small pain distracted me enough so that I didn’t move again. Even when she wiggled beneath me, sliding into position to take me inside her.

Her thighs came up around my waist and I was almost lost. Almost undone. A crumbled wreck.

In my mind, I fled to an abandoned temple at the top of the mountain near my birthplace, wrapped in fog and lost in time. I went there as a child, my safe and secret place that no one knew of but me. I ran up the treacherous slopes, my lungs burning, thighs aching, and pushed open the tattered woven mat that served as a door.

And found Shara lying on silken cushions, pulling me to her like a ceaseless tide.

“I want your emotion,” she whispered against my mouth. Licking my lips. Demanding I give her the blood she must have smelled, even though I carefully kept any from dripping on her. “I want you open to me. Not locked away, lost in silent fog. I want you here, eye to eye, even if it’s raw and ugly. Share your mind and heart with me.”

“I cannot,” I whispered, my voice breaking with the overwhelming failure. I would give her anything. My life. My blood. But I couldn’t give her my emotions. I didn’t know how. And even if I did figure out how to unlock that door after centuries…

I feared it would leave me broken. Unusable. Could her best blade serve as a killer if I became crippled with emotion?

I couldn’t think. Not with her muscles tightening on my dick. Her mouth on mine, teasing my lips apart so she could taste my blood.

“Show me,” she whispered, her words a caress that my starved body soaked up like a sponge. “Show me everything. I want it. I need it. I want to know you, Xin. I want to see you. All of you.”

See me.

See me huddled in the corner of my hiding place, hugging my knees to my chest with arms too scrawny, legs like sticks, my back a mass of welts. I learned early not to cry or protest or react in any way. A Blood never asked for mercy or complained at cruelty, and I was born to be Blood. While human children would have been learning to read and write, I killed my first thrall. When other human boys my age would have been thinking about girls, I was tested by the best and most powerful alphas within a week’s ride of my home court.

They’d sniffed me. Bit me. Tasted my blood. Watched me fight against the other potential Blood candidates.

But Wu Tien’s alpha woke me in the dead of night and took me through the court to stand outside a dark house.

“A threat to my queen sleeps within. She wants this threat dead but no one must see or hear you. If you’re successful, she’ll call you as Blood.”

Most people probably would have asked how many were inside and which one was the target. Which one I should kill.

But not me.

The alpha had chosen his words carefully. If no one must see or hear me…

They would not live to tell the tale.

I had done my duty. Beautifully quick, silent and deadly. Though I had cried without sound when I killed the youngest. A girl, younger than me. Her eyes had opened a moment before my steel bit into her throat, pupils flaring with terror though she didn’t cry out. I had felt something in her. Something that called to what I was becoming.

A fledgling queen. Calling a fledgling Blood. Calling me.

I had always wondered what would have become of me if I’d refused Wu Tien’s order that night. If I had answered the still, quiet call I felt in that child. Before I slit her throat as my new queen ordered. Though I killed many queens through the centuries, I never felt that call again.

Until Shara Isador pulled me to her side in Kansas City, Missouri only days ago. Would I have killed her on Wu Tien’s command? Would I have been able to look down at her sleeping beside Rik and slit her throat?

My gift would have made it possible. Rik would never have seen me. While his queen died in his arms. Our queen. Mine.

Her eyes swam with tears. “How many did you kill that night?”

Ice spread through my veins, freezing my marrow, slowing my heartbeat to a ponderous, uneven gait. I couldn’t have moved a finger to defend her or myself. “Five. The target was Wu Tien’s eight-year-old niece who would be queen one day.”

“How old were you?”

“Twelve.”

Her eyes flared, her emotions slicing me like the knight’s deadly blades. Surprise. Horror. Shock. “You killed at twelve years old?”

“No. I killed much earlier. But I was Blooded that very night. All the Wu queens took Blood early in life. It made us easier to train how best to serve.”

“My father was killed when I was six years old. If I had the knowledge of how to kill the monsters, I would have slaughtered them all that night. Without hesitation.”

Ice spread through my body, brutal cold that cut through my lungs and encased my heart. It didn’t matter. I didn’t need to breathe. “If I had known of your need, I would have killed them for you. Your parents would still be here with you today.”

“I have a need now,” she whispered against my lips.

So cold. I couldn’t understand why her lips didn’t freeze to mine. Why she still found my blood to taste, rather than a frozen river in my veins. “Yes, my queen. Whatever it is. Yes.”

She tightened her grip on me. Her fingers squeezed my neck, holding me close. One hand slid down my back, gripping my ass, pulling me into the searing heat of her body. Her thighs hugged me. Her mouth on mine. Heaven. The most exquisite torture.

Her hips undulated in a slow roll against me, her fingers digging into me. Pulling me. Demanding. Something. Her lips were hard on mine. Her tongue slid into my mouth, risking my fangs. I couldn’t make them retract and I didn’t know why. I’d never bitten my queen until Shara. My fangs throbbed, extending even longer, vicious icicles that would tear her tongue and shred her lips. I would hurt her. Wound her. And not even mean it.

Rik would have my head on a plate if I hurt one hair on her head. I would serve it to him myself.

She groaned, a soft aching sound that cracked something inside me. She needed. My queen. Mine. I fisted my hands in the bedding and ground harder against her. If I could not give her everything she desired, I would at least give her pleasure. She drank blood from my lips, but I drank her cries and sighs and moans, muffled only by my own mouth. More beautiful music I had never heard in my life. I wanted more of it. More cries. Louder.

The crack widened inside me, slicing me to ribbons.

“Yes,” she groaned against my lips.

Blood. Her blood. I didn’t know if she punctured her lip, or if I did, but I could taste her on my tongue.

Ice shattered. Splintered. Jagged and sharp. I heard a guttural cry, a raw, ragged growl.

That rattled my chest.

I had made that sound. Me. The silent, invisible killer.

“I want to hear you, Xin.” She arched beneath me, her head rolling back, her throat bared. “Please. Show me. Tell me without words how much you love me. I want to hear it.”

My name on her lips. Her throat offered to me. With a plea.

I thrust deep, every muscle straining on a groan that hurt my vocal chords. Again. The headboard thudded against the wall with the force of my thrusts. I tried to draw back, spare her, but she’d have none of that. She kept saying my name. Aloud. Her eyes locked on me.

Seeing me.

Calling me.

My wolf snarled, my spine bulging with the effort of keeping him contained. Claws burst from my hands and I shredded the sheets. Better to destroy the bed than damage my queen. Though her nails raked down my spine and dug into my buttocks, urging me deeper, harder. Her words a whip.

“Yes, yes, Xin, please. Show me everything. Let me in.”

I was afraid I would hurt her—but I was the one who cracked open, broken in a million pieces.

All the kills I’d made over centuries in Wu Tien’s name. Enough blood to fill an ocean. Wasted. Lives destroyed. Entire bloodlines lost forever.

So much regret.

When I had become a killer who lived only for the hunt?

Emptiness. A million lifetimes lived alone—while surrounded by people. Unseen, unheard, untouched, unneeded. Until my queen pointed at me, and her alpha whispered a name in my head. A target. My prey to hunt.

Never my queen herself though. She’d never touched my bond, my mind, my body. Let alone my heart.

No wonder I lived for the kill. It was all I’d ever had.

I tried to find the boy I’d been. The boy who’d fled to the forgotten temple on the mountain. But that child had died long ago. I’d never known my mother or father. As customary in those times, I’d been taken from my home at age three and raised among the other candidates. I’d shown early promise. They’d seen the wolf in me. The predator who would kill and kill and kill.

Shara tightened around me, her pleasure rising in our bond. Shining like beacon in the dead of night, a star bright enough to dim the noonday sun. I didn’t want her to see the centuries stretched out like a graveyard with all the tombstones I’d wrought with my own hands.

How could she love a killer like me? She would turn away. Exile me. I deserved it.

She sank her fangs into my chest and I roared with release. I jammed my dick deep into her. So deep. I wanted to disappear. Into her. Forever. Grunting with effort, I rutted on her like a mad beast, unable to stop coming. I sank my fangs into her throat and drank her pleasure directly from her vein.

In a vast, ancient forest, her scent floated through hoary, twisted trees heavy with vines and moss. A hint of laughter on the breeze. A challenge. My wolf darted after her into the shadows. Silent. Deadly. Hungry.

But cold no more.

Evidently not even alphas were above jealousy.

Forehead braced against the bathroom door, I fought my need to be with my queen. She needed this time alone with Xin. With each of us.

She needed. I provided.

Even if that meant I was not the one holding her now.

I’d never seen a queen like Shara before. She loved each of us. Really and truly loved us. She wanted to touch us. All of us. She wanted to sleep with us, make love, sleep again, feed, dance, party, eat, laugh, everything. I loved it. I loved her. I loved them.

All of them. I wanted their happiness as much as I wanted hers. But I’d sworn my life to fulfilling her every need. Not theirs.

It would be easier if she didn’t love us each so much. Easier for me. Not easier for her.

Xin was right. The more I loved her, and the more she loved me, the more I wanted to be alone with her, too. A selfish need, and something I must guard against to ensure my queen received everything she wanted and more. My jealousy would only hurt her, and it would be too easy as alpha to drive them away from her.

I’d seen it happen many times before. Alphas had to be close to their queen at all times, yes. Alphas gained the most power from their queen; they fed her the most, and fed from her the most. They needed to be the strongest because they were the last line in her defense.

But that power easily went to an alpha’s head. Power to choose who to send on guard duty. Who to allow into her bed. Who would be allowed to feed her first. Ultimately the queen had final say, absolutely. But it was an alpha’s job to keep her Blood in line and deal with any discipline and hierarchy issues without drawing it to her attention.

The larger her court, the easier it would be for these kinds of abuses. And it was abuse in my mind, a huge abuse of power. My queen would be stronger because all of her Blood were strong. Because we all fed from her nearly daily. We all shared in her pleasure and her magic openly. She was well-fed and terrifyingly strong.

Which made us all a nightmare for anyone who even thought to harm her.

I would ensure each of her Blood had time with her alone, as Xin did now. They needed it. She needed it.

I lifted my head, sensing the change in her bond. The subtle tug on me that signaled she wanted me with her. I opened the door and paused at the side of the bed.

Xin lay sprawled on top of her, still panting, unable to move. She’d used him well and hard, breaking through the reserve that had been ingrained in him from his former queen at such an early age. Not an easy feat.

But my queen was up for any challenge.

I hid nothing from her. She felt how hard it had been for me to stay in the bathroom while she fucked another man. Even a man I’d shared her bed with several times before. It was different when it was just him. When I had to stand there and feel her pleasure in our bond and know I had no part in giving it to her.

She met my gaze and held out her hand. :Thank you,: she said softly, touching only my bond. :You’re an incredible alpha, and I love you more every day.:

I settled into bed beside her and lifted her hand to my mouth, pressing a kiss to her palm. :You’re an incredible queen, and I love you more than life itself.:

“Sorry.” Xin lifted his head a little, sweat dripping down his forehead, but quickly dropped his face back against Shara’s throat. “Alpha.”

I draped an arm over his back and pulled them both into my embrace. “No need for apologies, Xin. You gave our queen exactly what she asked for. You’ll never hear me discipline you for that.”

“You may change your mind,” he panted. “If I’m no use to you now.”

“What are you talking about?” Shara’s voice sharpened. “Why would you no longer be of use to us?”

Xin shifted off to her other side, but didn’t withdraw completely. “No offense, my queen, but you broke me.”

He didn’t mean to upset or hurt her, but I felt the surge of heartache in her bond and I very nearly thumped him on the head for it. “I give you a boon and you’re a dickhead about it.”

He blinked, which in Daire or Mehen would have been a very vocal, very loud retort. “I am?”

“You are,” I said agreeably.

“I’ve only ever been a killer. A silent, deadly, and most importantly, emotionless, blade.” He ducked his head. “I don’t know that I can assassinate your targets now, my queen, if I can’t find that stillness again.”

She cupped his chin and tugged his face back up to hers. Leaning in close, she glared at him, her bond a fierce, white-hot blade of ice. “I would rather have you here, looking at me, talking to me, letting me see into your heart, than ever have an assassin. Even if you never kill again.”

“What if your goddess meant for you to send me after Marne Ceresa or Keisha Skye?” Xin asked softly, regret clogging his words. “And now, I’m unable to kill them? What then, my queen?”

She sat up, tossing her hair back off her shoulders. Her face hard as marble, her neck long and graceful, breasts jutting proudly, blood trickling down her throat.

My queen. My goddess. “Then I’ll fucking kill them myself.”