Tia

“We need to get the hell out of here,” Huxley says, holding an ice pack to his swollen eye.

At first, I startle at his words. The last thing I want is to be on the run again, but at the same time, the threat of my father coming for me forces every muscle in my body to tense.

Hux seems to notice that I’ve gone still. Groaning, he shakes his head. “Look, I know I mentioned that Phillip guy buying more drugs, but I can’t actually go to the Feds about it, it would implicate me.”

“Then we better hope he doesn’t piece that together,” Giles says, pulling his arms around me from behind.

I let my shoulders fall into his chest, but my mind races. There is no way I can relax after what just happened here.

In my own home.

My family isn’t safe anywhere. Or maybe that isn’t right. We were plenty safe at that hidden resort this weekend. Why did we ever leave to come back and face reality? Isn’t ignorance bliss?

Huxley’s words are heavy on my mind.

Leaving.

Running.

We should never have stayed.

“I think Huxley is right,” I say, feeling Giles’ hand tighten around mine. “We should leave.”

“And just stop working on a cure?” Banks asks incredulously. “Tia, don’t lose focus now.”

“If my father--”

“It’s not just about you,” Banks says. His words cause the entire room to stop and turn.

“I didn’t say it was just about me.” My face flushes with embarrassment. “But the odds are you won’t even find a cure, Banks. We aren’t any closer than we were when you started.”

I see the flash of hurt in Banks’ eyes and immediately regret my words.

The truth is the impulse to run is all about me. But also all about my husbands.

I’m not thinking of the greater good.

Does that make me a monster? To care more about my family than anyone else's.

Emerson and Fallon are picking up chairs that have been broken as the men fought, and Salinger kneels down to pick up shards of glass from the broken bottle of liquor.

The room is in chaos just like my heart.

“Well, Hux and I are in agreement,” I say, wrapping my arms around my chest. “We should go.”

Hux shakes his head though. “Banks is right. We can’t leave. Think about the attention that would bring,” he says, running a hand over his beard. “Everyone would be looking for us. Lawson, your father, the fucking Alaskan government.”

“Then we make a vow to never return,” I say, a plan formulating as I speak. “We get Fallon to fly us in his plane and--”

Fallon cuts me off. “Whoa, whoa, there Tia. I can’t just take a government plane and leave without being seen.”

The men are looking at me now like what I’m saying is crazy.

But all I want is the seven of us to be safe. “We could, you just don’t want to.”

“Because I don’t want to go on a suicide mission.” Fallon’s jaw clenches and it’s clear what his opinion is on the matter.

“Well, if my father finds me, you’ll all be dead.” That’s my biggest fear, and my voice is shrill from it.

“Maybe Tia is right. In a few weeks, she’ll be gone,” Emerson says, sitting down heavily on the couch and burying his face in his large hands. “Lawson will be back for her and we won’t be able to stop him.”

His words somehow hurt the most. It’s like he doesn’t believe I’ll be his wife until death do us part. That I won’t get pregnant on time. He’s already thinking worst-case scenario.

“We can’t give him the list.” Turquoise eyes look up at me, filled with so much anguish. “How could we live with ourselves?”

Hot tears fill my eyes. I agree with Emerson in theory. Handing over the list of women would mean they become pawns in an already corrupt world. It would be betraying everything good and right in this broken world.

But at the same time, it means I would be forfeiting my life.

I’m not ready to die. Not when I’m only now beginning to truly live.

“I’m not saying it to hurt you, Tia,” Emerson says gently. “I’m trying to be realistic. I love you, and will go anywhere you ask me to.”

Giles interrupts, “But running into the wilds of Alaska is not going to bode well. It’s a death sentence just like everything else.”

I hear him, I do, but I hate that we don’t seem to have any choice.

And right now I selfishly want everyone on my side. I want hope. Faith. Belief, whether true or not that everything will be okay.

I can’t stand here listening to my husbands accept anything less. We may not have any options, and I know they’re right about leaving, but I have to hold onto hope that everything will be all right.

Lawson threatened to find us if we ran. And I have no doubt that he probably has spies watching us, ready to bring me in or take my men down if needed. I know we can’t run. But I need to believe that there’s something else we can do than just wait here like sitting ducks.

I go upstairs, sinking to the floor when I’m finally alone.

My husbands were just beaten in front of my eyes by a man on a mission to kill and destroy. He would have killed me if given the chance. My home is dismantled and a neighbor is looking for vengeance for the death of his wife.

In many ways, I understand his motivation.

The world stopped making sense and he wants to make the wrong right.

But I was there with Banks. We were trying to save her. Our intentions were pure, yet everything in this world, even the good things, can so easily be twisted into something broken, something vile.

My life no longer feels like my own.

Was it ever?

My shoulders shake as sobs begin to wrack my body. I want my husbands safe, and the reason I ran away all those weeks ago is still fresh in my mind. I was scared that being with me would ruin them.

The only hope is a pregnancy, but no matter how often I’m injected with Banks’ treatment, there are no guarantees.

Part of me wants to speak with Salinger’s mother, ask her what she would do if she were me. I crave the guidance of an older, more experienced woman. Someone who can see beyond herself and her own fears.

Because right now, I’m so focused on my own family I can’t see the forest for the trees.

“Tia,” Giles says, coming into my room.

I wipe my eyes, but it’s no use. The tears keep falling.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He sits, wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into his lap.

I breathe him in, the lingering scent of the outdoors still on his skin. Clean air and cedar. He smells like home. I lean into him, but there is nothing left for me to say. The guys don’t want to run, and I know despite my protests that running is not the answer.

But what is?

“Remember when you ran the first time?” he asks.

I nod, the worst night of my life fresh in my mind. Will I ever forget it?

Giles’ warm breath is in my ear and I steady myself against him.

I bury my face against his chest. “Of course I do,” I say brashly. “My choice caused you to be attacked by vicious wolves, then beaten within an inch of your life.”

“Hey,” he says softly, brushing back my hair, running his fingers through the long strands. “I would go through all of that again for you. If you want to go, tell me when. I’ll be by your side every step of the way. But we have to be in this together. All of us.”

I lift my chin, looking up at him. “It’s a bad idea,” I tell him. “It’s fear talking.”

“Fear isn’t the worst thing, I suppose.”

“What do you mean?”

“The fear of losing something we love can make us dig deep and find strength. Fear doesn’t have to make us weak, it can make us brave too.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” I tell him, unable to stop crying, salty tears landing on my lips. “Any of you.”

He rests a hand on my cheek, kissing me softly, brushing the tears away with his thumb. “None of your husbands want to lose you either.”

“Does anyone get what they want though, anymore?” I ask in barely a whisper.

Giles sighs, kissing my forehead firmly. “From everything I’ve told you about my past, you know I don’t believe in guarantees. All we have is right now. The choices in front of us, today.”

I swallow, understanding his line of thinking. “And today I can choose to either run or stay.”

He nods. “Tomorrow might bring Lawson or your father to the front door. The cops or the Director or a pack of wild wolves. We don’t know. The only thing we can count on is one another.”

“Is this your way of telling me to stop crying alone and open up with my husbands?”

A tiny smile plays on his handsome face. “Do you want to open up with your husbands?”

“When did you become so good with words?” I ask, shaking my head in wonder at this man who has been through hell and back on account of me.

“I think it was right about the time I fell in love.”