I woke up gasping, images of Sophie floating through my mind. It took me several minutes before I realized I was on the floor in my room. What…? Oh… right… My muscles protested when I got up and moved to my dresser. Mom’s probably at work, Ethan was probably here… The urge to pound my fist into his face flashed through me. My hands shook. I needed to get out. I pulled on some clothes, jammed my feet into my sneakers, and then rushed out my bedroom door and down the stairs. I grabbed the keys off the table next to the door as Ethan walked out of the kitchen.

“Hey, where are you going?” Ethan asked. “I gotta go over to Miles’ today.”

Rage tore through me as I turned around. “Then fucking walk, like I’ve been fucking doing for the last year,” I snapped.

Ethan’s eyes grew wide. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“What the fuck do you think it means?” I shouted in Spanish. “For once you can fucking walk!” I stormed out the door, slamming it behind me. I wasn’t going to deal with his shit anymore.

An annoying ringing had me rolling over and unsuccessfully trying to pick up my phone.

“Yeah?” I mumbled.

“We can’t even be in the same room!” Jake shouted in my ear. I rolled onto my back and tried to wake up.

“What? Huh?” I asked, blinking as I tried to get used to the light streaming in my window.

“Derrick and I met last night to try and talk things out,” Jake explained, his voice thick. “We barely said a sentence to each other before we started yelling. That fucker can go to hell!”

What? “Wait… slow down.” I tried to understand. “What happened when you met?”

“We can’t stand each other, that’s what happened,” he grumbled. “He started saying how it was all my fault. And I asked him if he was still talking to his ex-girlfriends. He admitted it!”

I blinked at the high note in his voice. “What? He said… what?”

“He said he was being friendly with his exes,” he scoffed. “I know what being friendly for Derrick is, and those bitches still like him.”

Was he fucking serious? “Jake,” I stated calmly, “do you have proof? Have you seen him flirt, actually flirt, with an ex?”

“Well, no. But he does,” he countered.

I shook my head. “Okay, so you were acting like a jealous ass to the point he broke up with you, you had a chance to fix it and work it out, but instead you went in and accused him of more flirting?”

The line was silent for several heartbeats.

“Um… yeah,” he admitted.

“Damn it, Jake,” I snapped. “Why?”

“I don’t know! When I saw him I got pissed and went off.” He sighed. “I don’t even want to be around him anymore.”

“He’s been your friend for years,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, well. Maybe we weren’t good enough friends to get through this shit,” he groused. I sighed. I was afraid of this.

“I’m sorry, hon,” I said.

“Never date a friend, Lexie.” He sniffed. “You just… it implodes.”

I spent the next hour calming him down. During that hour I fed Hades, took him out, and made coffee and toast. I didn’t have much of an appetite this morning. When I hung up, my heart was aching for Jake.

When I went back upstairs I checked the time. It was one in the afternoon. How the hell had I slept so long? I had gone to bed before midnight... Shit.

Not having any plans, I picked up my drawing supplies and went back downstairs to work.

I was at the table, looking out the window and drawing the lake when Tara came down stairs. I ignored her as I focused on my work. I had coffee, I was drawing, there was no reason for her to talk to me.

Tara made a sandwich and grabbed a soda before sitting at the table. My shoulders grew tense as I continued to ignore her. We sat in silence.

After she finished her lunch, she reached across the table and slid one of my completed drawings to her. I focused on shading a section.

“These are good,” Tara said.

I paused in my drawing. “Thanks.” I didn’t know what to make of it, so I went back to drawing.

“You say you’re dying, but… you got a job. Why?” she asked directly.

I stopped drawing and looked up at her. “I’ve always wanted to be a tattoo artist.” I looked back down at my drawing. “If I don’t get to do that, at least I’ll get to work in a shop for a while.” I went back to drawing.

“When you showed up, Dad treated you different,” she said. I stopped drawing as she continued. “He let you get away with stuff I never could.”

“Well, now you know why,” I told her. “I’m dying, so he lets me out to deal with ghost crap.”

“Yeah, I get it now,” she whispered. “Your friends, do they know?”

“You mean Zeke and Asher?” I asked as I changed pencils.

“No, all of them,” she said. “Isaac knew what to do in April when you fell into the water.”

“Yeah, they do,” I admitted as I looked up and met her eyes. “They’ve saved my ass… I can’t even count how many times now.”

“They really do care about you,” she pointed out.

“They’re my friends.” I went back to drawing.

“Well, I’m glad you have them,” she said before getting up and heading for the stairs.

Damn it. “If you want, I can make you a sachet for nightmares?” I offered before I realized it.

She stopped at the stairs. “Thanks.” She smiled before heading back upstairs.

Well, that was weird. Maybe realizing I was going die soon loosened the stick from her ass?

I worked for another half hour before the door opened. Asher strode in.

“Hey, what are you doing?” he asked as he closed the door behind him.

“Drawing.” I smiled as I put my stuff aside. “What are you doing?”

“Picking you up,” he countered. “We’re going swimming.”

I started picking up my stuff, happy to get out of the house and away from Tara. “Give me five minutes.”

We took his truck and left Hades behind since it was still too hot out for him. Asher had pulled off the highway and onto an old paved road I’d never seen before.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

Asher smiled as he pulled off onto a dirt road. “There’s a great hidden swimming spot out here that we used to swim at.”

“Why’s it so great?” I asked, curious now.

“No one but the guys really know about it,” he said. He stopped the truck at the end of the dirt trail.

“Oh yeah?” I picked up my towel and put my sunglasses on top of my head.

He grabbed his towel. “Yeah, now you don’t have to worry about people being blinded by your pale legs.”

I shot him a look before getting out. Asher chuckled as he got out on his side and came around. “It’s this way.” He pointed down a trail. Asher led me down the trail for five minutes before we reached the lake.

The swimming hole was beautiful. It was a small inlet surrounded by trees and grass. In the middle of the cove was a platform floating on the water. An old rope hung from a tree near the water. The water was practically clear.

“Wow,” I said.

“Nice, right?” he said.

“Where’d the platform come from?” I asked when we reached the waterline. I slipped my sandals off before unbuttoning my shorts.

“We made it at Zeke’s then brought it out here and anchored it,” Asher said, his voice muffled a little. I looked over and pressed my lips together. Asher was taking off his shirt, showing off his muscled upper body. My eyes ran down his defined abs to his board shorts that rode low on his… I turned my back so I could get my drooling under control. Damn. I let out a breath as I pulled off my shorts and put them on my towel. There was a splash. I looked over my shoulder as Asher was coming back up. I went back to taking off my shirt, tossing it onto the rock with my sunglasses before I went to the shoreline. I ran and dove into the water. I came back up and swam out further.

“Nice splash,” he teased. I splashed him and then started swimming. Asher started swimming after me.

We swung into the water, swam and jumped off the platform for over an hour.

The sun was behind the mountain when I was floating. I moved from my back and dunked again, slicking my hair back. I wiped the water out of my eyes after I came back up.

Asher was watching me with a small grin on his face. That fucking grin killed me. “Why are you smiling? Do I look that funny without makeup?” He snorted.

“You’re beautiful, Ally,” he said, his voice serious. I rolled my eyes.

“Cute I’ll give ya. Beautiful? Not buying it.” I shook my head at him. He chuckled before dunking and coming back up. He slicked back his hair. I looked away for my own sanity.

I pointed out to the platform. “Come on, let’s get out for a bit.” I swam for the platform, climbing up the ladder when I reached it. I sat down on the side, my feet in the water. Asher joined me, his knee bent behind me, his arm hanging on his knee. The other leg dangled in the water. The sun was behind the mountain throwing the inlet into the shade. It was a pretty evening. I looked up at him to find him looking down at the water, his face somber.

“What are you thinking about?” I asked gently.

He sighed. “About what you said last night.” He turned to look down at me. “You were right. I’d regret leaving Jess, even if I don’t recognize her anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Ash,” I said.

He shook his head, his eyes back on mine. “Don’t be. You were right.”

“I didn’t want to be,” I admitted. “Hell, you’d be happier if I wasn’t. But then…”

“I’d regret it,” he finished for me. “Like you said.”

“I’m sorry,” I told him.

“Ally.” I looked up and met his eyes. “How did you know I’d regret it?”

I gave him a small, soft smile. “I know you.” My voice was quiet, just barely louder than the water lapping at the platform.

“You really do,” he whispered. His eyes ran over my face. “I care about you, Ally.”

“I care about you too.”

He swallowed hard. “No, Ally… I have feelings for you.” My heart raced. Everything stopped.

“You... do?” I asked, stunned. Was this really fucking happening?

“Ever since you stayed that week with me,” he said softly. “I thought I’d just ride it out… but my feelings aren’t going away.” His ocean eyes ran over me again. My heart raced as warmth poured through me. “Do…” He swallowed hard. “Do you have feelings for me?”

My heart slammed against my ribs, taking my breath away. Before I realized it, I was answering softly. “Yeah.”

The tension left his shoulders as he let out the breath he’d been holding. He smiled and for a moment I thought it might work. That I could be with him and be happy. Then I remembered what my future held and reality came crashing down.

“But…” I took a deep breath as I met his eyes. “But I don’t think that matters.”

His face fell. I had to give him a reason, a reason that wasn’t the truth. I scrambled for an excuse. “Ash, if it went wrong… If we try and break up… I-I-I would lose all of you.”

His eyes unfocused as he looked out at the water again. “You think it wouldn’t work?”

My heart breaking, I answered. “That’s not it. I just… if it went wrong, I could lose everyone.”

He looked down at me. “No, you wouldn’t, we’re family. We’d never—”

“Look at Jake and Derrick,” I said desperately. Please buy this. I can’t… I can’t tell you the truth, not yet. “They can’t even be in the same room right now and they have years of being friends over us.” My throat tightened. “I can’t lose you guys.”

“Ally, they broke up a couple of days ago,” he reminded me. “It’s going to take some time for them to adjust. But…”

“Do you really want to take that chance?” I asked quietly. Asher. Please. Believe it…

We were quiet for a few minutes. “Shit,” he cursed with feeling. “Ally… I can’t lose you. Even if…” He took a breath. “Even for the chance of something more.”

“I can’t lose you guys either.”

He wrapped his arm around me and buried his face into my hair. This was for the best… really it was.

“I shouldn’t have said a damn thing,” he said, his voice thick. “I shouldn’t have told you. I should have just kept my mouth shut.” I squeezed him back.

“No, Ash. It’s okay,” I reassured him. It was nice to hear once. “We both know this can’t happen, so now maybe we can move on.” I hoped I wasn’t full of shit. I wiped my face, hoping he wouldn’t notice. His lips moved to my forehead.

“Ally,” he groaned softly. He noticed. I rubbed my hand over his back.

“It’s okay. I’m a girl. We leak.” He snorted, his hold loosening. I pulled away and wiped my face again, looking back towards shore.

“Did I just screw everything up between us?” His voice was pained. I looked up at him and shook my head, my heart sore and aching.

“No, Superman, we’ll be okay.” I reached up and ran my fingers along his jaw. “It’s just going to suck for a while.” He looked like his heart was hurting too. It was hard to see. I dropped my hand and turned back toward shore. “We… we should head back.”

“Yeah, we’re supposed to meet at Miles’ soon,” he said. I nodded and then slipped into the water. He splashed in behind me.

When we reached the shore, we silently got dressed and headed back to the truck. Neither one of us spoke as we got in. He started the truck while I put my seatbelt on. The tension was so thick in the cab I could almost taste it. This was the right thing to do. Too bad my heart wouldn't listen.

We were almost back to the old paved road when he stopped the truck and put it in park.

“What are we doing, Ally?” he whispered.

“Um. I…” I didn’t know what to say.

“Why aren’t we going to try?” he asked, his voice soft. My pulse skipped.

“Because if we broke up…” I met his rough eyes.

He leaned over the console then his lips were on mine. My heart slammed in my chest, my eyes closed automatically as his lips moved. He kissed me gently before his lips pressed down. Then I was kissing him back. I couldn’t stop myself, I didn’t want to. Vanilla and cinnamon filled my senses as his fingers slid up my jaw until he held my cheek.

My lips opened to his; he slipped in and scrambled my brain. He kissed me sweetly, his mouth driving everything away. I moved with him, not caring if this was smart, or right. I just wanted to feel Asher a little longer. His free hand moved to my knee. Tingles rushed through me as his fingers brushed my skin. He kissed me deeply, my heart raced in my chest. In the back of my mind, I knew this was stupid. This was Asher. Wonderful, talented, sexy as all hell Asher. I had fucking loved him for months. I knew I couldn’t have him, I just… needed this memory. I needed this feeling just a little fucking longer. His fingers moved up the skin on the outside of my thigh. Our kiss slowed, became gentler, softer. When he pulled back, I tried to catch my breath. His hand moved down to hold my neck, his thumb running over my throat. His eyes met mine.

“Why aren’t we trying?” he whispered. My chest ached. I bit the corner of my bottom lip. He needed to believe me. I wasn’t ready to tell him…

“Because…” I swallowed hard, trying to get my mind back. “Because if it went wrong, it could go really wrong. Remember Jake and Derrick?” I reached up and held his hand against my neck. His eyes ran over my face before meeting my eyes again.

“But if it didn’t go bad?” he offered. “What if it went the other way?”

I bit my lip again. I couldn’t see a way out, not without lying. I swallowed hard. “Then someone else will get hurt,” I admitted. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

“Zeke, right?” he asked. I pulled back, his hand dropped from my neck.

“I didn’t say that,” I whispered, my chest burning.

He gave me a sad smile. “You didn’t have to.” He looked out the windshield. “I’m not blind, Ally. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is paying attention.”

I rubbed my eyes with one hand. I couldn’t correct him. This might be the only way for him to understand. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said before he turned to look down at me. “If anyone deserves a girl like you, it’s Zeke.”

My eyes burned as I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt anybody,” I said quietly.

He rubbed his neck. “I kissed you,” he reminded me. He shook his head. “And… I can’t do that to Zeke.” He met my eyes again. “I’ll step back, Ally.”

“Is that what you want?” I asked in a whisper. He needed to believe me…

He gave me a sad grin. “For Zeke? It won’t be easy, but yeah.”

I closed my eyes and rested my head back on the headrest. I needed to be more careful. First Zeke, then Ethan, and now Asher. “I’m sorry.”

“Ally, there’s no reason to be,” he said. “I’m glad I kissed you, even if it was just once.”

“Me too.” I really was. It was something I’d never regret. Something I could hold to my heart.

He put the truck in gear and drove up the dirt road.

We were silent the entire drive back to my house. He pulled up to the curb and parked the car. I hesitated to get out of the truck. “Ash—”

My phone rang. So did Asher’s.

It was Zeke.

“Hey,” I said as Asher answered his phone.

“Are you driving?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.

“No, I’m at my house in Asher’s truck.” I didn’t bother to ask why he wanted to know. It was Zeke. “What’s up?”

“Baby… Miles is in the emergency room.”