Chapter Twenty-Eight
Noah
Everything in the house is still.
Gradually, I rise from my stool and meander toward the fridge. I’ve eaten all of a bagel and a banana since leaving the Marvel County PD. But that was yesterday. It’s one in the afternoon and I still haven’t touched anything of substance today. I don’t have the slightest desire.
I gape into the fridge for a few long and unsuccessful minutes before closing the door. Without really thinking, I drift to the liquor cabinet, staring blankly before throwing it shut. I can’t even imagine drinking right now.
This is probably one of my last few days as a truly free man, and I feel more imprisoned than ever.
This isn’t freedom. This doesn’t even feel like the same house.
Nothing around me looks the same without Sophia standing next to it. She’s all I can picture. Her beautiful face. Her radiant blue eyes. Her face and eyes full of tears at the thought of her man as a murderer.
I beat my fist on the granite, dropping my head into my arms as I sink onto a stool again.
I’ll never be the man Cliff wants to make me. She needs to know that.
Fuck I need her to know that! The idea of her contemplating my guilt makes my chest tense with anger.
I need her here. With me. I need her wrapped in my arms. I need to know she’s safe and I need her to know that she was never once in danger with me.
But that’s not the truth.
She was in danger every second she was with me. Not physical danger, but her whole world was hanging by a thread just waiting to snap. And yet, somehow, I convinced myself to ignore that.
After everything Owen’s sacrificed, I owe him an explanation too. At the very least, I owe him the reassurance that this has nothing to do with the Feds. Whatever happens to me, he’ll be fine. I should tell him that.
But what, do I say—hey listen, I’ve been framed for murder because I told Cliff we weren’t hitting anymore jobs and then continued my relationship with a Marvel County Police Officer in spite of him.
No.
He has no idea that Sophia even exists. And he’s safer that way.
Besides, it’s not like I can pick up the phone and call him. Cliff is watching me, I have no fucking doubt about that. And I’m not willing to put a target on Owen’s back too.
From this point on, there are several people whose safety depends on my every move. People I care more about than myself. And I can’t continue pretending that I can protect everyone.
I can still protect Sophia—I will protect her, but that means I’ll have to keep Owen out of this. For his own sake.
And Grayson.
That beautiful kid. Luckily, he and Savannah are a step removed from this. But only if I do everything right. A prison sentence for me is a death sentence for Grayson. He’ll never get the help he needs without me. And I’ll go to the grave before I let him down.
I need a plan. I need to fix this.
And more than anything right now, I want Sophia beside me.
No, I fucking need it.
I need to feel her touch, but most of all, I need her to hear the truth. She deserves the promise that she never once laid her lips on a killer. But most of all, she deserves the truth about me.
I am not what she thinks I am.
I want to be—hell, I was willing to change everything. Willing to be the perfect man. Her man. A man who puts his woman and godson first and foremost. The man she deserves.
She has an incredible personality, an impressive career, a beautiful mind, ambition, a sense of humor. Women like that don’t end up with guys like me.
I should’ve never roped her into this. Never. It was as fucking selfish as selfish gets. Yes, I’m hurting and I’m furious, but I can only imagine how she’s feeling.
My chest deflates as I sigh into my hands.
It’s so quiet that I can hear the sudden treading of tires on the driveway. I amble to the window just as a Marvel County PD cruiser slows to a stop.
Cliff is back.
It’s his SUV, but the first person to emerge is a gangly-looking officer who slips out the passenger side door. Cliff steps out a second later.
Angry heat prickles down my arms and forehead.
He will not ruin Sophia’s life. Not anymore. I already blew a chance at protecting her and I sure as hell won’t risk it again.
This ends now.
All the despair and confusion, the possibility that she was falling in love with a monster, it’s unforgiveable. And it’s my fault. She never would’ve encountered any of it if not for me. As much as I want to tell her to truth, risking her safety just for that would be selfish.
She doesn’t need the truth—she needs me out of her life.
There’s really no plan to be made.
Tomorrow I’ll transfer my savings to Savannah. I’ll have her sell my photos. With a guilty plea, I’ll probably secure the possibility for parole in a few years and I come back for Grayson. I won’t say a word to Sophia. I’ll stay silent as long as it keeps her safe. I can hold onto our memories and Sophia can move on without me.
There’s the sound of boots clunking up the steps of the porch. I don’t wait to open the door.
Right away, the gangly officer shouts my name.
“That’s him,” Cliff mutters.
“Stop where you are, put your hands in the air,” the officer orders.
I raise my hands and gaze up at the sky. It’s my favorite kind of day, sunny with low humidity. The only clouds are small wisps in the faraway distance.
The officer takes a long stride toward me. He turns me around, yanks my arms out of the air and twists them behind my back. I wince as he tightens the cuffs around my wrists.
“Good afternoon, Noah,” Cliff drawls. “I suppose this ain’t a surprise.”
The officer tugs on my shoulder, spinning me to face them. But I keep my gaze lifted to the sky.
Cliff coughs a chuckle full of cruel amusement. I can feel the intensity of his eyes plastered on me, but I refuse to meet his stare.
He seizes my arm. “All right then, let’s go.” Cliff drags me alongside his heavy steps down the stairs. “You’re under arrest for the murder of Elizabeth Barton,” he says as we march. “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?” I stay silent and he yanks me to a stop beside the squad car. “With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?”
For the first time, I glare into his eyes. He glares back at me for a long moment.
“Get over here, Moore,” he barks, not shifting his eyes or releasing my forearm as he reaches to open the door. The deputy obeys like dim-witted dog. “Get him in there.” Cliff passes me to the deputy who immediately pushes my head under the doorframe as he shoves me into the backseat.
Cliff twists the key in the ignition and jerks the car into reverse.
As I turn for a final glimpse of the house, I can see Sophia standing on the porch. I can see the face she’d made when Cliff tore me away from her. I can see her blue eyes once again full of tears.
But I have to let her go.
This is the end of us, but it’s the beginning of a life where she can find the happiness she deserves. Where she can live without secrets. Where she can advance her career without the burden of a federally sought criminal at her side. Where she can find someone who will supplement her tough days with carefree weekend activities.
Where she can start over, and eventually forget all about me.