Maddox loved his family, but he had never wanted them to disappear more than he did right then. He wasn't finished with Hannah. He had more to say. He wanted her to say more. He just didn't know what it was that he was searching for, what words he wanted to hear, what words he wanted to say. It was so close, almost accessible to him, but he couldn't quite find it.

And no one was giving him time to find out.

A cheerful knock sounded on the door again, Lissa's voice echoed through the door. "Hey, guys! I have food!"

Maddox's irritation faded immediately. Lissa was bringing them food. Damn, she was thoughtful.

Hannah glanced toward the door, and Maddox saw the surprise on her face at Lissa's comment. "Food? Why did she bring food?"

Maddox smiled, his heart softening at the confused expression on Hannah's face. "Because you have been officially inducted into the Stockton circle of protection. That includes food, especially pies." The fact that Lissa had brought Hannah food struck deep inside Maddox. When he left, his family would make sure she was taken care of. He didn't need to do it. She didn't need him.

Hannah didn't need him anymore.

That truth sat like a weight on his chest.

They'd needed him for the last few days, but now? His family would take care of them. They weren't alone. They were safe and protected.

He had no excuse to stay.

Hannah glanced toward the door, a look of stark, vulnerable longing on her face. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. You've got your posse now, sweetheart." He stepped back, forcing himself to release her. "Go let her in. She's got to be freezing out there."

Hannah didn't move for a moment. She just looked at him. Maddox managed a grin. "We can talk again before I leave. Go ahead." He kissed her quickly. "Go!"

A grin flashed across her face, a heart-melting grin of pure joy, and then she ran across the room and opened the door. Maddox stepped back into the shadows, watching as Lissa bound into the room, sweeping Hannah up in a bear hug worthy of long-lost sisters. To his surprise, his throat tightened as he watched Lissa unload several casseroles into Hannah's arms, and then grab some pie boxes that she'd set on the floor.

Hannah was smiling. Lissa looked happy. It was a perfect moment...the kind of moment he'd once dreamed of being a part of. The kind of moment he had to keep himself far away from.

Why was he the way he was? Why the hell couldn't he walk into that life, like Chase and his other brothers had? Why wasn't there a path for him into that life?

Chase appeared in the doorway, and his gaze went straight to Maddox, somehow finding him, even in the shadows. He whistled low under his breath. "You got it bad, bro, don't you?"

Maddox looked at his brother, the one who had lived through the same hell that he had. Chase had actually been the one to kill their father, but he'd done it to save the life of their youngest brother, Travis. It had been self-defense, not an assassination. "How do you do it?" he asked, as the women headed into the kitchen with the food. "How do you not let the monster inside you win?"

Chase stomped the snow off his boots, and then walked in. "There's no monster inside any of us, Maddox. That's just noise, shadows from Dad. Let the old stories go."

"No monster? I wish." God, he wished. He realized that he really did wish that. For years, he'd convinced himself that he didn't care. That it didn't matter. That it was fine that his job was to haul assholes back to jail, not to sit around at family dinners. But now, it was a lie. He wished like hell that he was someone else.

Chase hung his jacket up by the door, and walked across the small living room, coming to a stop in front of Maddox. "Listen to me, bro. Dad was a bastard. He's dead. When he died, he took all of himself with him. All that's left is who we are. The shadows inside you are just shadows. They're not him."

Maddox silently handed him the letter from Beth. Before today, he'd never shared it with anyone, ever. He'd been too ashamed of what he was. Now, he needed them to know.

Chase frowned, but he took the creased paper without question. He unfolded it and silently read it. Maddox waited, his muscles taut as he watched Chase read. His brother read to the end, and then swore under his breath. He looked at Maddox. "This is how you define yourself? Because of her?"

"Did I really kick him?" Maddox had never asked what had happened that day, even though Chase had been there and pulled him off.

"Come on, Maddox. Dad had just punched the woman you loved in the face. The fact you attacked him made you a hero, not a monster."

He wanted to know. "Did I kick him after he was already down? After he couldn't hurt her anymore?" He had to know. "Did I scream like a crazed fucker?"

Chase sighed and crumpled the letter in a ball. He tossed it on the coffee table, then faced Maddox. "I was the one who killed him. You remember that, right? I killed him."

"You killed him in defense of Travis. A fight that got out of control. You didn't stab him in cold blood after he was already unconscious." As he spoke, Maddox's gut sank. Chase's avoidance of the question was enough of an answer. He had kicked his dad when the old man was down. He had beat the hell out of him when he was already down. He had screamed like a fucking lunatic.

He suddenly felt exhausted. Beyond exhausted. Like he needed to sit down before he collapsed. His head started to pound, and he felt sick to his stomach as the truth settled onto him. "As long as I never showed you that letter, there was a chance Beth was exaggerating. There was a chance she wasn't telling the truth. There was a chance I wasn't that bad." He looked at his brother. "But seeing your face as you read it...it all happened like she said, didn't it?"

Chase swore again. "Tell me, Maddox. Do you think I'm a monster for killing him?"

"No." Maddox didn't hesitate. "It was the only way to stop him from killing Travis. But I'd already stopped him when I attacked him, so it's not the same."

"Fuck that, Maddox! It is the same!"

Maddox had no idea how Chase could believe that. "How? How the hell is it the same?"

"Both you and I faced a situation where he attacked someone we loved, who was defenseless. We both carried scars from his abuse, and we both knew exactly what he was likely to do if we didn't stop him and protect Travis and Beth. We both knew the truth, Maddox. The fucking truth. We weren't making this shit up, bro. We lived it. So, hell yeah, we took him down. It's our job and our duty to protect those who can't protect themselves."

Maddox stared numbly at his brother, still reeling from the truth that he was exactly what Beth had described. "If I was a hero, why did Beth call me a monster? Why didn't she throw herself in my arms, thanking me for saving her life, and calling me her hero? Because she didn't."

"Hey!" Chase interrupted him, an edge to his voice. "Fuck Beth."

Maddox stiffened. "Shut the hell up—"

"No, I'm not going to shut up." Chase glared at him. "Who cares if she couldn't handle you? That's her problem, not yours. Yeah, none of us are well-adjusted choirboys. Who the hell cares? We're loyal, we work our asses off, and we stand by those we care about, no matter what. I'm proud to be a Stockton, and I'm proud to be your brother." He held up his hand as Maddox started to argue. "Yeah, we don't fit in mainstream society. Yeah, you're not a fit for a minister's daughter who wants to believe the world revolves around church potlucks and swear jars. Who the hell cares? The world already has plenty of uptight pretty boys who don't know how to throw themselves into life and live, for real. We don't need to be that."

Maddox stared at him. "I'm not saying I want to be a choirboy—"

"Yes, you are. If you're letting Beth's opinion define you, then that's exactly what you're saying. The truth is, bro, we're fucked up, yeah, but all it takes is the right woman to love the hell out of us despite all the crap, and then all that bullshit we're saddled with just fades away." Chase's face softened, as it always did when he talked about his wife. "Find the woman who loves you exactly as you are, bro. And from the way you were looking at Hannah, it looks like you found her."

Hannah. Just hearing her name made Maddox's gut clench. He shook his head. "I don't want to be who I am. I don't need a woman to love me as I am, because who I am will eventually destroy her. I want to get rid of the curse of who I am. That's what I want."

Chase swore. "Come on, Maddox, you aren't cursed—"

"How do I get rid of it, Chase?" He searched his brother's face. He'd seen Chase with his wife and infant son. His brother had become soft in a way that Maddox had always believed he could be...until that night with Beth. But Chase had found a way. "You don't worry about killing anyone now. How do you get rid of it?"

Chase sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Love, I guess."

Maddox frowned. "Love? Love is what made me go after Dad in the first place. Love is what gave him the power to destroy my mom. Love makes it worse."

"Not the right kind of love."

Maddox sighed. "Talking with you is like chasing my own tail. Forget it." He grabbed the wadded ball off the table. "I have to go have a snowball fight. I'll see you later."

He didn't wait for Chase's reply. He had to get out of there. He had to get out of the living room, and the entire house.

Because when Chase had said that maybe Hannah was the one he'd been looking for, something deep inside his soul had agreed.