Chapter Fourteen

Paxton

I’d considered ignoring the text Lila sent me, figuring I’d be facing another lecture, since I had a grueling match tomorrow night. It was tempting, but I owed her too much—and cared too much about her—to just turn my back on her. That didn’t mean I was eager to answer her summons like a well-heeled dog either. I’d have to make it plain to her that I wouldn’t routinely show up at mysterious addresses with the only information being a time to arrive. This was a one-off thing.

I knocked on the designated apartment door, awaiting entry. I’d had to pass through four big dudes in suits to get to this point. I’d recognized them as part of Lila’s security detail, though I didn’t know their faces personally. They just fit the type—dark suits, large builds, dead eyes, and discreet bulges in their jackets that hid guns.

I expected her to open the door, or perhaps one of her bodyguards, so it was like a fist to the gut when the door swung open to reveal Mia. I reared back a step, literally shocked at the sight of her.

Shocked, but instantly turned on. Fucking dick. It didn’t lead me, and I reminded myself of that as I scowled at her. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

She flinched, and I hated how her blue eyes shadowed with pain. “Will you please come inside so we can talk?”

I wanted to refuse, but somehow, my feet were already stepping over the threshold. I hovered off to the side as she locked the door. I wasn’t sure whether to be amused or annoyed by her careful attention to each of the three locks before she slid the security chain in place. “Are you expecting to be robbed?” I asked with a hint of mocking.

She shrugged. “Or maybe murdered.”

Her seriousness got through to me, and I dropped the smartass routine. Crossing my arms over my chest, I asked, “What’s going on?”

She didn’t answer as she led me to the living room. It was a swanky place, and she seemed right at home. Her bare feet peaked out from under her legs as she curled up on the couch, clutching a pillow on her lap. The white-knuckled grip on the black linen betrayed her fear. Or maybe it was just nervousness?

I was feeling a heaping amount of that myself as I sat down, keeping a cushion between us. I’d done my best to avoid seeing or talking to her again, so being here, ambushed and trapped, left me unprepared. My emotions swung between annoyed and angry—with more than a little dash of pure joy at seeing her again.

I didn’t let that part show as I eyed her with no expression. “Why are you here?”

She licked her lips. Definitely nervous. “I know you don’t want me anymore, Paxton, but I couldn’t just walk away.”

I snorted, biting down the fierce urge to deny I didn’t want her. Of course I wanted her. I dreamed about her every fucking night and couldn’t banish her from my thoughts unless I was fighting or training. I just couldn’t have her and didn’t deserve her. “Are you a stalker now?”

Her lower lip wobbled, but she firmed her shoulders. “I found a flash drive in my dad’s office. I don’t know what’s on it, but I hope it will give you enough information to ruin him. It’s been too long to go after him for…what he did to you, but maybe you can still bring down his empire or something.”

I scowled. “The fuck are you talking about?” My mind spun as I tried to understand her words. I hadn’t lost my grasp of English, but what she’d said made no sense. Was she really trying to help me bring down Dirk Gaithway? I shook my head.

She licked her lips again, hands bunched together on the black throw pillow. “Lila has someone she knows breaking the encryption. It might be nothing, but he went to a lot of trouble to hide it and protect the files, so maybe it’s something.” Her head bent forward, a swath of honey-blond hair hiding her face. “It can’t make up for what he did to you, but maybe you can have a little justice.”

Without my permission, my body shifted so I could clamp my hands on her upper arms. I shook her lightly as she lifted her head. Her top teeth threatened to wear a groove in the soft flesh of her lower lip. The surge of irrational anger faded, and I let go of her arm to bring my hand to her mouth, smoothing her lip away from her teeth. “I’m sorry.”

She blinked in shock, and it mirrored my own. I hadn’t expected to utter those words.

“For what?” Her lips trembled as she asked the question, and I wanted to lean forward to kiss her so badly.

Somehow, I managed to find a shred of self-control, trying to do the right thing for once in my life. “I shouldn’t have left like that, and I shouldn’t have ignored your calls. You had a right to some closure.” I sighed in disgust. “Fuck knows I never should have shared that poison with you.”

She shook her head. “I’m glad you told me.” Tears welled in her blue eyes, and she blinked rapidly. “I’m just sorry you carried it alone for so long.” The tears spilled over, making liquid trails down her cheeks. “I hate what he did to you.”

My other hand released her arm, lifting to wipe away her tears with my fingers. I just wanted to comfort her, but I knew if I took her into my arms, I’d end up fucking her. I didn’t want to use her for pain relief, and she deserved more than the dark, tainted bastard I was.

She pressed her hand to mine, bringing my palm to her lips. I shuddered when she pressed a tender kiss there. “Don’t.” I tried to pull away, but her grip was tenacious.

“Why?” she asked softly. “Did you stop wanting me?”

I groaned softly. “Of course not, but you deserve better.”

She seemed shocked by my announcement. “What?”

I shrugged, trying to hide my reaction when she kissed my palm again. How could one little kiss feel so damned good? “I’m not good enough for you, Mia.” If I had to, I’d be even blunter, but she was a bright girl. She should be able to figure out for herself why I wasn’t fit to be at her side.

She shook her head. “That’s bullshit. If anything, I don’t deserve you after what my father has done to you.”

I glared at her. “That’s stupid. You had no control over what your father did or does.”

“Neither did you.”

I jerked at the softly spoken words. They were simple and stark, but they struck right through to the center of me. I shook my head. “I should have fought more or left sooner.”

She shook her head, her voice still gentle, but with an underlying thread of steel. “If a guy raped me today, would you blame me? Tell me it’s my fault or say I should have fought harder?”

My muscles tensed at the thought of some animal taking anything by force from Mia. Red scalded my vision as rage bubbled to the surface. “Has someone hurt you?” Had that loathsome fuck turned on his own daughter?

She shook her head. “No, but if they did, would you blame me?”

“Of course not.” I didn’t want to give that answer, because I knew where she was going with this as soon as my rage started to cool. “That’s different.”

“How?”

“I’m a guy.” I muttered the words defensively.

She didn’t even blink. “You’re a man now, but you were a boy then. Even if you were raped right now, it wouldn’t be your fault. You’re the victim, and you did nothing wrong.”

I sneered at her. “What? You think you’re just going to magically cure all my fucked-up-edness, Mia? Come here and spout a few clichés, and I’ll have a breakthrough, and none of that shit will matter anymore?” I laughed coldly. “You’re a naïve little girl if you think that.”

Another tear slipped from her eye, and I cursed myself for causing it, even as I stoked my anger. It wasn’t directed at her so much as a general hatred for the world. She was just convenient.

“I’m not trying to fix you, Paxton. I love you, all of you. The darkness and the light. If you feel like you need to be fixed, I’m happy to support you as you go through therapy, or whatever you need. If you want to hurt me to ease your pain, you already know I’ll let you. If you want me to leave you alone, I’ll try to do that too.” She kissed my palm again before slowly letting go of my hand. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

I pushed away from her and got up from the sofa. My destination was the front door, and I intended to slam it behind me and never look back. Damn her. I didn’t want to get into this. I didn’t want to examine my feelings or try to work through the past. I wanted to keep that shit buried deep down, only pulling it out when I needed an edge to fight.

As I reached for the doorknob, a quiet sob behind me made me freeze. I was breaking her heart just walking out like this. Abruptly, all her words sank in. She loved me. Mia fucking loved me, though I didn’t deserve it. If I walked out on her, throwing that love back in her face, I was the rotten bastard I’d always thought I was.

She was my last chance at normal. The last time I could do the right thing and still find a way to be happy. If I stepped through that door, I was a quitter. I’d had my cowardly moments, like avoiding my mom’s funeral, but if I gave up on her, on us, I was a pathetic coward. There would be no redeeming myself, in her eyes or my own.

But why was it so hard to turn back to her? I wanted to be happy. I wanted to make her happy. Why couldn’t I just turn around and do that? Tell her I loved her too—a realization I’d come to in the days after I’d run from her. I ached for her, and here she was, but I couldn’t seem to take the final step to embrace her. Instead, I hovered indecisively.

Proving she was the stronger one of us, as if I’d had any doubts, Mia was suddenly behind me. Her arms wrapped around my waist, and she pressed her face against my back. I could feel feather-light kisses through the thin fabric of my T-shirt as she made herself vulnerable to rejection again.

I was a bastard—selfish, angry, damaged, and self-absorbed. But I wasn’t such a bastard that I could hurt her again. Abruptly, I turned around, lifted her into my arms, and slammed my mouth onto hers. The kiss was fierce and angry, but her mouth stayed soft and fluid under mine.

Though I was the one dominating her, she was subtly controlling the embrace. I was aware of my mouth gentling to match hers, and my tight grasp on her eased. I was now just holding her to keep her from falling, not letting my fingers bite into her tender flesh. Her fingers explored my body as I held her, and tension flowed out of me with every sweet stroke.

At some point, I moved the two of us from the door, remembering to kick it closed, and headed down the hallway. The first opened door revealed a bedroom, and I shouldered it open wider so we could slip through. I couldn’t bear to let go of her as I laid her on the bed, sprawling atop her.

We pulled at each other’s clothes frantically, but there was still softness in every touch. She didn’t speak, and I couldn’t, but our heated gazes shared tender thoughts. God, I needed her so much. Loved her so much. How could I have ever thought I’d be okay with just walking away from her?

She managed to unsnap my jeans and shove them partially down my legs. I raked up the ridiculously short dress she was wearing and pushed aside her underwear to reveal her slick folds. Two fingers inside revealed she was wet and ready for me. I guided her to my cock, and she sank onto me.

Our pace was slow and careful, and I knew I was making love to her, not just fucking her. How could I do anything else? With the realization that I loved her had come a fierce need to protect her from everything, including my darker self. I cherished and treasured her, loving her even as we sought a quick release.

The next time, we paused to undress, finally able to let go of each other for more than a second. When we came together this time, it was still slow and unhurried, but even more profound than before. As her pussy contracted around me, I grasped her hands in mine, pulled her down for a deep, long kiss, and let go of the last of my control. I climaxed inside her, crying out, “I love you,” as I came.

When she cried this time, I knew they were happy tears. To my surprise, my own cheeks were wet for similar reasons. I hadn’t been lying when I’d told her she hadn’t magically cured me. Even her complete acceptance couldn’t heal all the damage Dirk had done, but I could feel myself opening to the idea of healing finally. I’d done therapy briefly, but I’d only been going through the motions. Suddenly, I could see a future where I embraced the idea and did the steps to get out of the past and focus only on the future.

My future with Mia.

That sounded so good.

 

***

Mia

I relished being in his arms. We’d had sex before, of course, but we’d never made love like this. He’d even said the words, and I absolutely believed them. He wasn’t the kind of guy who’d lie about that, or say them simply because I had first. Paxton had seemed surprised by the words, and I knew he’d been surprised to find he loved me. Maybe he’d just been surprised to realize he could love anyone when he was so hard on himself.

His healing would be a long road, but I knew he could get there if he wanted. If he didn’t, I’d still stay with him and support him. I loved him, and I knew it had to be his choice whether he wanted to deal with the horror of the past or just bury it and move on. Enough choices had been stolen from him over the years. I wasn’t about to take one of the most important ones from him.

I was still snuggled against him, lost in the blissful aftermath, when the door opened. I froze with fear, half-expecting my father. Instead, it was Lila, and she was eyeing us with interest as she sauntered into the room.

“Well, that’s unexpected. You two are related, right?”

“Stepsiblings, so no,” said Paxton, looking unconcerned.

Lila smiled suddenly. “I’m just teasing. I could tell she was madly in love with you from the moment she came to my office.”

I blushed, hating to be spoken about like I wasn’t there and also sensitive to the fact she had realized how I felt about Paxton when I didn’t even have a clue what kind of relationship they had now or had in the past. “We aren’t doing anything wrong,” I muttered.

“Nope.” Lila shrugged, looking unconcerned. A second later, her expression turned serious. “Your stepfather is into a lot of bad shit, Paxton. He’s hiding money, stealing from investors, producing shoddy and dangerous products, and plundering the retirement accounts of his employees. Basically, he’s the poster child for douche bag corporate greed.”

I winced, hating hearing my suspicions confirmed. Not because I cared about what happened to my father, but because of what he’d done to others, and how many people he’d been hurting. It would soon come to light, and I couldn’t help thinking of all the devastation facing people in the coming days.

“Great.” Paxton was clearly focused on bringing down my father and not on what he’d done to others, which I understood. “How do we use that to bring him down?”

Lila grinned. “I know someone who can help.”

“Of course you do,” said Paxton with affection.

I could feel the jealousy creeping up again, but I forced it back. I’d have to find out where Lila fit into his life, but I was glad to have her help.

After she left, I turned to Paxton. “Is she your lover?”

His eyes widened. “Lila? Hell, no.”

I nodded, accepting it, but also needing to know about the past. “Was she before?”

Paxton grinned, clearly amused at the idea. “Nope. When I first met her, I thought she wanted that, but she just saw my potential to be a fighter. A few months into our arrangement, I was starting to feel I owed her, since I hadn’t won any matches yet, and she was supporting me financially. I made a play, and she let me down gently.”

I frowned, trying to hide my reaction. “I see.”

“Do you?” He touched my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I didn’t want to sleep with her. I thought I owed her something, and it was all I had to offer. She knew that, and she didn’t want to sleep with me either. She’s a friend and a business colleague, but nothing else.”

“Okay.” In that case, I was definitely glad to have the woman in our corner.

“There’s never been someone I loved before you. I love you and only you, Mia.”

My eyes burned with tears, but I absolutely refused to cry again. I didn’t want him to think I was a big ol’ crybaby about everything. “I love you too, Paxton.”

“Thank god for that, because I can’t let you go now.” He said it in a warning fashion.

I didn’t know if he was warning me not to try to leave him, or if he was still trying to warn me away, because he thought it was the right thing to do. Either way, I snuggled closer, having no plans to go anywhere. “You’ll never get rid of me.”

“I like that idea just fine, baby.”