Trent peered out at the crowd before him. It was a little after eight, and the Cypress Room of the Four Seasons was jam-packed with bodies. The left side of the room, where he currently sat, contained a small buffet full of everything from finger foods to slices of birthday cake. A DJ’s booth sat along the far wall. The majority of the people who’d come were all crowded in front of it, shaking and gyrating to the upbeat music. A fun, buoyant atmosphere pervaded the space and every person in it.
Everyone but him. The music bouncing off the walls throbbed through his skull, and the sheer number of bodies made him claustrophobic. Which was why he’d chosen to sit near the buffet. He was being a humbug, but he’d had to come. To show Lauren she was important to him, but also simply to see her, to be near her.
Lauren, however, appeared to be keeping her distance. A week had passed since the night he’d gone over to her place to apologize, but clearly she was still upset with him. She’d hardly glanced in his direction since he’d arrived an hour ago. The few times she had, her expression and had been cool and aloof. Would she even miss him if he left?
The problem was, he couldn’t make his legs move. She mesmerized him. Out on the dance floor, Lauren was in the center of it all with Mandy and Steph. Wearing a long-sleeved black crop top that showed off her flat stomach and a pencil skirt that clung to her every blessed curve, she looked damn near edible. She wore heels again, these not so obnoxiously high, and God he loved her in them.
The light in her eyes held his attention. The smile illuminating her face seemed never ending. That four guys currently vied for her attention wasn’t lost on him either. And yes. He was jealous. Damn it. His gut burned with the overwhelming desire to insinuate himself into the midst of them and proclaim her all his.
But she wasn’t. He was supposed to be keeping his distance from her. Because he wasn’t anything she needed or deserved. And she knew it, too, or she wouldn’t be avoiding him. The problem was, he couldn’t stop thinking about that phenomenal kiss. Or remembering her offer. What fool in his right mind turned down an offer like that from her? Chances were, she’d proposition one of those yahoos the same way and all he could do was watch.
The scrape of a metal chair over the hardwood floor announced he had company at the table. Skylar plopped down beside him with a breathless huff and sat back, staring at the crowd in front of her. “You know, you could just go ask her to dance.”
The smile in Skylar’s voice had Trent hard-pressed not to return it. Either she’d been talking to Will—who’d caught him ogling Lauren more than once—or he wasn’t being as inconspicuous as he’d thought.
Trent sat forward to rest his elbows on the table, looping his hand around his untouched cup of soda. “Why? So I can show her I have two left feet? No thanks.”
Skylar turned her head, eyes narrowed and lips pursed in disapproval. “So, you’re just going to sit here and stalk her all night?”
Trent sipped his soda. Letting her think that was better than having to tell her he kept his distance because Lauren hadn’t spoken two words to him since he’d arrived. Nor did he blame her for it. “I’m keeping an eye on her. That guy in the front keeps pushing drinks into her hand.”
As he watched, one of the guys circling her smiled and tipped the end of her cup, all but pouring what was no doubt alcohol down her throat. The only thing that kept him in his seat was Mandy. She glared at the guy and shoved him off, then took the cup from Lauren and handed her a bottle of water instead. Who the hell had invited that guy anyway?
Skylar nudged his elbow. “Uh-huh. Sure you are. And it’s her birthday. She’s supposed to enjoy herself.” She pushed to her feet, took his cup from his hand and set it on the table, then grabbed his elbow and tugged him out of his seat. “Come on. We’re going to dance.”
She didn’t wait for his approval or denial, but dragged him toward the dance floor. Halfway there, they passed Will, a drink in each hand.
Will smiled. “Where are you two headed off to?”
Skylar paused long enough to take one of the drinks from Will’s hand and downed it, then handed the cup back and pecked his cheek. “I’m giving your brother a shove in the right direction.”
Trent shot his brother a frown and shook his head.
Will’s grin widened. “Good. He needs it.”
Once out on the dance floor, Skylar braced her hands against his back and shoved him in Lauren’s direction. Then the rat turned to the crowd of men surrounding Lauren. Voice raised over the thumping, pulsing music, Skylar propped a hand on one hip. “So, boys. Who wants to dance with the bride-to-be?”
At forty-two, Skylar was a good ten years older than most of the guys surrounding her, but she was tall and blond and she kept herself in great shape. She had invites before Trent could manage to swallow his nerves.
Lauren’s gaze pivoted to him. Her smile fell, reaffirming his earlier thought. She was still upset with him.
Fuck. That look on her face would make him do everything he shouldn’t.
He held out his hand and flashed the brightest smile he could muster. “Any chance I can get a dance with the birthday girl?”
She stared at his hand for a moment before meeting his gaze and arching a cynical brow. “You sure you want to?”
He playfully rolled his eyes, grabbed her hand anyway, and tugged her close. She set her hands on his shoulders and swayed with him, but the stiffness didn’t leave her body.
Trent sighed. He’d hurt her to the point she no longer felt comfortable with him. Hell, she wouldn’t even look at him. Damn it. Somehow he had to fix this. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You have to know that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get over it.” Despite her statement, her tone held an aloofness that told him she’d put up walls against him. Big ones.
He’d have to be honest with her. There wasn’t any talking around this anymore. He’d already gone and done too much. So he leaned his mouth beside her ear. He needed to be sure she heard every word, because he wasn’t sure he could repeat it.
“I lost two friends that day. Watched them get blown to pieces. It was my job to find that bomb and I missed it. I got distracted by a couple of nearby children squealing. It was a split second, but it was enough, and I misread Cooper’s cues. There wasn’t just one bomb. There were three, all buried in the same area. I can’t lose any more friends, Lauren. Especially you.”
Heart hammering in his throat, he paused and waited for her to say something, to acknowledge that she’d heard him. It came seconds later. The stiffness left her body and she leaned into him. The move was subtle, merely a shift of her weight, but enough he’d felt it. Time seemed to stop. An entire room full of people fell away as his senses homed in on her.
Yeah. This was what he loved about being in her presence. She quieted the noise in his head. Trent closed his eyes, allowed himself to luxuriate in the moment, and kept talking, using the lull of her against him, her lean curves swaying to the beat of the music, and that sweet scent of hers to help him get the words out.
“Coming home was hard. It’s not easy going from that to civilian life. Coming home to see life just went on. People went about their days like nothing happened. That’s hard to adjust to. You don’t come back the same. That shit etches itself inside of you. I’ll carry those images with me forever. I go to sleep every night hearing their screams. Some nights it’s the war in general that gets me. Hearing the constant gunfire going on around the base. To this day I can still hear the sobs of this little girl we found when we were clearing a building. Her entire family had been murdered by insurgents.”
The images swirled in his head, bright flashes of things he’d give both his arms to forget. Or not to have seen at all. So he drew a breath and kept going, before he lost the nerve to say the words. Or the hell in his head sucked him under.
“When I need someone, you’re there. No questions asked. No lectures. No fussing. I’ve lost far too many friends over the years. I don’t want to lose you, too.”
Lauren didn’t say anything for so long he feared he’d simply pushed her too far, but after a moment she sighed and leaned her head against his cheek. “You okay with this crowd?”
The soft concern in her voice settled somewhere inside, filling him with a warmth he didn’t know what to do with. It told him in no uncertain terms that she saw all those things he’d never meant to show her. Like he was made of clear glass. Which only made her that much harder to resist. Wendy had only seen the SEAL, the man in uniform. She’d had ideas about who he was, insisted he live up to them, and for a while he’d tried in a vain attempt to make her happy. Because he’d convinced himself he loved her. And he supposed he had.
She’d never looked at him the way Lauren had the other night, though. Which only served to fill his head with questions he shouldn’t ponder.
He shrugged. “The music makes my head pound, but I’m all right.”
She rubbed his chest, the warmth of her hand burning his skin through his shirt. “It’s sweet of you to come, but you don’t have to stay if it’s difficult.”
“And miss getting to dance with the birthday girl? Not a chance.” Tempted to take her hand in his, or tug her closer, he forced himself to pull back enough to meet her gaze and smiled. “You look like you’re enjoying yourself.”
Her smile lit up her whole face. “I am. I decided tonight I was going to forget all my damn rules. After all, it’s my birthday, and you only live once, right? I’m pretty sure I’m already drunk, but I haven’t had this much fun in far too long.”
“Well, you deserve it. I have something for you, by the way. It was too big to bring with me.” The gift was probably lame, but his heart was in it at least. He’d picked up wood carving as a kid, using old sticks he found. His therapist had recommended he try it as a way to occupy his mind on those nights he had trouble. Turned out, his therapist was right. Carving gave him something to focus on and took him out of the painful memories.
Since he’d started spending a lot of time with Lauren, many pieces had been inspired by her.
Her brows rose. “Oh?”
“A birthday present. I’ll have to borrow Will’s car, but I’ll bring it by tomorrow.”
She studied him for a moment, something working behind her eyes. “Come over for lunch?”
“Sure.”
She turned her head, gazing off to her right, the corners of her mouth twitching. “Good. You owe me a date anyway, since our last one got cut shorter than I’d hoped.”
On some plane, he knew she was teasing, but guilt nudged his gut all the same. She was right. He did owe her. And then some. “I tell you what. How ’bout you come to my place. I’ll cook, to make up for it.”
“Deal.” Her tone held smugness, but she leaned her cheek against his again and Trent forgot everything but the feel of her body swaying against him.
The song was woefully short, the soft romantic strains fading, replaced by an upbeat tune that thumped off the walls. As the couples around them disentangled, bodies once again surging to the new beat, he and Lauren stopped moving. Hands on his shoulders, she pulled back. The way she stared at him, the luscious tension rising between them, had him dreaming of what if. Namely, taking her up on her offer. Hell. Maybe a fling with Lauren was exactly what he needed to push him into the land of the living again. Into finally moving past the shit he’d seen overseas. God, he was tempted.
Lauren flashed a soft smile, and the warmth in her big brown eyes filled his soul. “If I don’t see you again tonight, thank you for coming. It means a lot to me. I wasn’t sure you would, all things considered.”
Damn it. There it was. The soft side of her, the one that pulled at the lonely ache deep inside. He released his hold on her. If he didn’t, he’d be pulling her back and attaching his mouth to hers.
Neither could he force himself to release contact with her entirely. Instead he cupped her chin in his palm, stroking her supple skin with this thumb. “We’re friends. I couldn’t not be here.”
He’d hoped his words would finally soothe the wound between them, but Lauren froze in front of him. Her shoulders rounded as a palpable hurt filled her eyes.
“I’m really beginning to hate that word,” she said, as if half to herself. “Friends. I tried to swallow my feelings earlier, because I appreciated what you shared with me. I know that’s very painful stuff for you, and it can’t have been easy to talk about it. But dancing with you, being close to you like this? I just can’t pretend anymore that being your friend is really what I want. Because it isn’t. I realize that kiss probably meant nothing to you, but it was something to me.”
She pushed out of his arms and sidestepped around him, and all he could do was watch her go. In trying to put her back in a safe place, all he’d done was hurt her. For the second time he had to ask himself, if he’d done the right thing, why did he feel like a complete ass?
* * *
A couple hours later Trent was still holding down the chairs. Lauren was still in the middle of that crowd, still surrounded by men, all seeming to hang on her every word. She was in fine form tonight. Clearly she’d meant what she’d said. She intended to enjoy herself. Though he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her quite this relaxed. She didn’t seem like herself at all.
Some part of him told him he ought to go home, but he still couldn’t make himself leave. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last thing she’d said to him.
Those words haunted him. I just can’t pretend anymore that being your friend is really what I want. Because it isn’t. What she’d said next bothered him the most: I realize that kiss probably meant nothing to you, but it was something to me.
She was so very wrong. He didn’t want to be that guy, another asshole on her list, but if he gave in to the desire burning through him, that’s exactly what he would be. He couldn’t give her forever. Oh, he knew Lauren would never do to him what Wendy had, but he wasn’t sure he wanted a forever or believed in it anymore, and he refused to treat Lauren like a warm body. She deserved better.
Neither could he regret that kiss. For a moment he remembered what it was to be human again. That was the problem with being around her. He was addicted to the way she soothed his soul. Her words had kept him company for the last two hours, taunting him with what he wanted so badly his balls ached. To be her first.
The thought of her making love to anyone else, to one of these yahoos who could easily hurt her, had his gut tied in sickening knots and his hands curling into fists where they rested on his thighs. The images filled his head. Her bare skin and soft curves wrapped around someone who wasn’t him. Her calling out someone else’s name. Tension skittered along his nerve endings, and his right thigh began to bounce.
Will slid into the seat beside him, nudging him with an elbow and jarring him from his tangled thoughts. “How you holding up?”
Trent darted a sideways glance at his brother. “I’m okay.”
At least he was in the regard Will was referring to. The shit in his head. The combat stress. Despite the crowd and the noise, Lauren kept him focused. Grounded. Like always.
“Are you?”
“I’m okay.” He leaned over to bump Will’s shoulder for reassurance.
Since he’d come home, Will had become overprotective, like everyone else in his family. With Will, though, it was different. They’d watched out for each other since they were kids, and because they knew each other so well, Will saw far more than anybody else. When Trent needed something or when something bothered him. Like now. No doubt Will had noticed his silence and tension.
Now, however, Trent couldn’t resist the pull of a confidant. If there was one person in this world he could talk to without being judged, it was Will.
He looked over the crowd, watching Lauren. A slow song had started, and some other guy had her in his arms. Which did nothing but give him a fucking visual to go with the tormenting images swirling in his brain. “Hypothetical question.”
Will laughed. “They’re never hypothetical.”
Trent furrowed his brow but couldn’t contain his grin. “Hypothetical question.”
Will leaned back in the chair, folding his hands over his stomach. “All right. Lay it on me.”
“Assuming you were single…if a woman offered you a night with her, would you take her up on it?” Truth was, he wasn’t really a one-night-stand kind of guy. Down deep he was a home and family man. He craved a connection, not merely a warm body in bed beside him.
But with the divorce and the war still fresh in his mind, it was all he had to give. He had no desire to put his heart through the ringer again. Nor did he think he was capable of something more than fleeting right now. He could handle short term as long as it was on his terms.
Despite the nature of the question, Will didn’t so much as flinch. “Do it.”
Trent laughed, all sense of pretense gone, and looked over at Will. “You don’t even know who she is.”
Will shrugged, half-hearted and dismissive, and glanced over at him, his gaze somber. “Doesn’t matter. You need it, bro. Mom and Mandy are right. You’re isolating too much. It’s not healthy. If she’s caught your attention enough that you’re even pondering taking her up on her offer, then follow wherever it leads.”
Trent turned back to Lauren’s form in the crowd. “Even if you considered her a friend?”
“Especially if she’s a friend. It means she won’t use you.” Will pushed to his feet and settled a hand on his shoulder, his voice lowering. “She won’t, you know.”
Will’s blatant statement told him in no uncertain terms he really wasn’t hiding his attraction to Lauren well. Not that he should be surprised. He and Will never could keep anything from each other.
Except Will’s acute observation had the confusion swirling in his head again. His overwhelming desire for Lauren warred with the need to hold on to her friendship whatever the cost.
“But I’d be using her.” The knowledge settled in his chest like so much guilt, heavy and oppressive, reinforcing how wrong it was to take Lauren up on her offer. “I can’t do that to her. I can’t give her more than that, and I won’t give her less. I’ve lost too many friends already. I don’t want to risk losing her, too. She’s a bright spot in the darkness.”
“I know, but you can’t stop living. At some point you have to get back up. For what it’s worth, I think she’s the perfect person to find your feet with. And if she made you that offer, then she knows what she’s in for. Talk to her.” Will gave his shoulder a supportive squeeze, then glanced at him. “You made any plans for the bachelor party yet?”
He sighed. When his brother had asked him to be his best man, Trent had been honored. Will was his when he married Wendy. Now, though, he didn’t know if it was a job he was cut out for. His head wasn’t in the game. “Not yet. I’ve been researching possibilities, but you haven’t told me your preferences yet.”
“Sorry. Work’s been crazy. We’re launching a new ad campaign, trying to get revenue up. Sky and I barely see each other these days, let alone have time to plan a wedding. She and I were talking a bit ago, though. We were thinking of a joint bachelor, bachelorette party type thing and forgoing the usual strippers and alcoholfest. This is her second marriage, and neither one of us is up for the custom unrestricted night out.”
Trent could help but laugh. “Somehow I had a feeling you’d say that. I’m glad. We did that when I married Wendy and look how that turned out. I’ve been pondering things that didn’t involve strippers. A tour of local breweries, maybe.”
“Sky and I were thinking something like this would be great.” Will nodded, indicating the crowd out in front of them. “Just a big pre-wedding bash with friends and family.”
Trent nodded. “I’ll set it up. Maybe I can set something up with a local brewery, have them bring in a beer sampler or something.”
“Sounds good.” Will studied the crowd out in front of him for a moment before drawing a breath. “Means a lot to me you accepted, you know. I know things have been hell since you got home, but I plan to get married only once, and letting someone else be the best man didn’t feel right. It’s been you and me from the beginning.”
Trent leaned sideways, bumping Will’s shoulder again. “From the womb, man.”
Will nodded at the crowd again. “Heads up. Lauren’s on her way out of the room, and she has a follower.”
So he wasn’t the only one who’d noticed Lauren’s overeager new “friend.”
Trent followed his brother’s gaze in time to see Lauren round the corner out into the hallway beyond the room. Two steps behind her was the guy she’d been dancing with. The same one who’d been feeding her drinks all night.
Trent was on his feet and moving around the table before he could draw his next breath. “I got her.”
Halfway to the ballroom entrance, Mandy moved into step beside him. “So you noticed him, too.”
Trent grunted in response, sights set where he’d last seen Lauren. “Who the hell invited that guy? Do you know him?”
“I don’t know. He must’ve come as someone’s friend. I’ve asked him to back off more than once, but every time I turn around he’s back, shoving more drinks into her hand. I told her she should let loose a little tonight, allow herself to enjoy the party, but that isn’t what I meant.”
“No worries. I’ll make sure he gets a very clear picture.” The thought had irritation prickling along his nerve endings and his hands fisting as his sides. He darted a glance at Mandy as they rounded the corner into the hallway. “But you should start winding this party down.”
“Agreed.”
As it turned out, they didn’t have to go far. Lauren and her new “friend” stood outside the women’s restroom, some twenty feet or so down the hall. She leaned against the wall, eyes full of fatigue. The guy had his hand braced beside her head. Even though she kept looking anywhere but at him and shaking her head, the asshole kept leaning in to her. Every time she pushed his hand away, it returned, grazing somewhere else he clearly wasn’t invited to touch.
Trent ground his teeth and moved toward them. She’d hate him for following her, but the guy clearly wasn’t taking no for an answer. He’d made it only halfway to her when Lauren braced her hands against the guy’s chest and shoved with enough force he stumbled back two steps.
“I said no!” Her voice rang down the hallway, echoing off the walls.
Trent halted, unable to hide what was surely a smug smile. Even tipsy, Lauren wasn’t helpless. Good for her.
“Atta girl,” Mandy murmured beside him.
“You get her. I’ve got the jackass.” Having seen enough, he resumed his trek in their direction.
Beating a hasty retreat, the asshole pivoted. As his gaze landed on Trent, he halted in his tracks.
Trent crossed the space between them, stepping close enough the guy wouldn’t mistake his meaning. “You go back into that party, and I’m going break off both your arms and shove ’em up your ass.”
The guy glared at him, but turned nonetheless and stalked toward the elevators.
Trent crossed to where Mandy now stood with Lauren and tucked his hands in his pockets. “You all right?”
“For the last time, you guys, I’m fine. I came out for some air and to pee, and he followed me.” She shot a sideways glance between him and Mandy, eyes narrowed in irritation. “I appreciate the help, but I didn’t need it. I can take care myself. I’ve taken self-defense classes.”
His heart sank into his boots. Damn. He’d hoped she’d cooled off, that their chat earlier had somehow gotten to her, but clearly she was still upset with him. He ached to take her in his arms and cradle her against his chest. Or kiss her soft mouth. If only to make her stop looking at him like that.
None of which he could do, especially with Mandy standing right there. He still needed to clear the air with Lauren, though. He was going to fix his screw up or die trying.
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked over at Mandy. “Mind if I have a moment with her?”
When Mandy frowned, looking between him and Lauren in confusion, his gut knotted. Way to go. Might as well just tell her you have the hots for her best friend.
Scrambling to come up with a better reason, he quickly added, “I have a present for her, and I’d like to talk to her about a good time to bring it by.”
Then he held his breath and waited. No doubt she’d see right through his lousy excuse.
To his complete surprise, though, Mandy nodded, then turned to touch Lauren’s arm. “I’ll be inside if you need me.”
He waited, watching until Mandy disappeared into the ballroom again, before leaning against the wall beside Lauren. “I hate when you’re mad at me.”
Lauren didn’t say anything, and tension mounted in the air between them. Just when he was sure she’d taken to giving him the silent treatment, her shoulders drooped.
“I’m not mad. I feel like a fool, truth be told.” She pulled her lower lip into her mouth, gnashing at one corner, darted a glance at him, then blew out a heavy breath. “I should never have made you that offer.”
“That takes courage, you know. To ask for what you want.”
She let out a harsh laugh. “It’s only courageous when the guy kisses you back. When he doesn’t, it’s just pathetic.”
He had kissed her back. Had wanted to do a hell out of a lot more, too. Like slip his hands beneath her T-shirt for the need to feel her breasts. To hear her moan and sigh and shiver.
Not that he could tell her that, either.
Lauren dropped her gaze to her feet, wrapped her arms around herself, and shook her head. “That jackass you chased off didn’t help any. It took me a couple of drinks to realize the iced tea he’d been getting me wasn’t tea at all.”
“Ah. Long Island Iced Tea. Wicked stuff.” All alcohol, with a little cola for color and taste. When made the right way, the drink tasted exactly like tea and packed a hell of a punch because it went down like Kool-Aid. The asshole had fed her something he’d known damn well would knock a lightweight on her ass. Trent clenched his jaw. He should have decked the jerk while he had the chance.
“Exactly. When he followed me out here, I realized I was in over my head tonight. I wanted to have to fun, to let loose a little, and I have, but that jerk made me wonder what the hell I was doing. I’m not this person. I don’t drink this much. I don’t wear heels or dresses, let alone ones like this.” She waved a hand over herself, indicating her outfit, then rolled her eyes. “And I can’t flirt to save my life.”
He wanted to tell her how wrong she was. Lauren didn’t need to flirt. She had a warmth and realness about her that drew people, him included. When she laughed, it was honest and open, and any fool within miles turned to smile with her. “You seemed to be doing fine to me.”
“Because I let Mandy and Steph fill me with false bravado. Alcohol helps.” She let out a harsh laugh full of bitter self-reproach. “It’s ironic, really. I decided two weeks ago I wanted to finally lose my virginity. That I’d step outside my comfort zone and live in the moment. That jackass would have gladly taken it, too, right there in the bathroom. I guess it just proves that at least some men are willing to sleep with me. Even if they are the wrong ones.”
He jerked his gaze to hers, unable to hide the irritation sizzling along his nerve endings. “Did he tell you that? That he’d take you in the bathroom?”
“No. He invited me to his place, but he was so pushy I have no doubt had I invited him to do it in the bathroom, he’d have taken me up on it. Which isn’t how I’d always envisioned my first time.” She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, looking tired and defeated. “All I want now is to go home, but I hate the thought of disappointing Mandy and Steph. They went through a lot of trouble for me.”
“Mandy’s not upset. I think she’s just worried about you. I can take you home if you want.” He nudged her playfully with an elbow. “We can sneak down to the elevator before anybody realizes you’re gone.”
Lauren opened her eyes, her gaze soft but full of something he couldn’t quite reach. She shook her head and shifted her gaze to something beyond him. “I can’t ask you to do that.”
He straightened off the wall and turned to her. “You didn’t. I offered. And I don’t mind. Think you can manage to stay on the bike?”
She let out a quiet laugh and reached up to rub her temples. “I seriously doubt it. The damn floor has slanted on me.”
“I’ll go get the keys to Will’s Beamer. I’ll just tell Mandy and Steph you’re sick and want to go home.” He touched her shoulder, then moved around her, heading back into the party.