I was pleased with how I managed to hide how Jax's earlier kiss had rattled me. Once again, I'd forgotten where I was; disregarded that anyone could walk in on us at any moment. It wasn't fair that I kept putting off his invitations, then turning around and humping him. I'd have to do better to get through the rest of this dinner. It wasn't going to be easy. When he stood near me, my palms grew sweaty, and my stomach got flutters. And when he held his ground with my dad, it was all I could do not to lick him and ask to keep him. But he wasn't mine. He never would be. He wasn't anyone's, and he obviously liked it that way.

At dinner, Jax was a perfect gentleman, holding both my and Angela's chairs until we were seated on either side of him. My mom and dad sat at opposite ends of the table. Faith and her family were seated directly across from us. Light conversation flowed as the food was passed and the first bites were taken. Then Adam began a recount of his week, bragging about traveling to the Capitol to meet with politicians who were willing to endorse his run for a state Senate seat.

I rolled my eyes and reached for the wine bottle. Ever since he'd decided he wanted to go into politics, I swore he could be marketed as the newest insomnia cure. I didn't know how my sweet and generous sister could stand him. By the time we were almost finished cleaning our plates, Adam stopped long enough to give someone else a chance to talk.

"So, Jax, how's the real estate market looking these days?" he asked.

"Pretty good. I've got a few things I'm looking into." Jax reached for the meat platter for a second helping while my mother looked on, beaming as he refilled his plate with pot roast and potatoes. "This is delicious, Anne. It reminds me of my mom's, and she's one of the best cooks I know."

"Carolyn always did love to cook. In fact, I think this may be her recipe. We used to swap recipes when we all were first married, her, me, and Julie," my mom commented.

Jax's expression softened. "I didn't know that."

"No, you wouldn't. It was before you were born, before your parents moved away."

Adam ignored the change in subject. "You know, I've got some pull with some of the city government officials if I can be of any help."

Jax nodded and took a sip of his wine. "I'll keep that in mind should I need any," he answered, looking over the rim of his glass at Adam. His tone suggested he clearly wouldn't. My wine glass barely covered my smirk. I liked how Jax didn't find the need to stroke Adam's ego.

”I can—"

"So, Faith, what is it you do besides raise a cute little boy?"

Adam scowled when Jax cut him off. I saw my dad's lips quirk a little, but he quickly shoved a bite of potato in his mouth when he saw me watching.

Faith didn’t have a chance to answer.

"Oh, her only job is to take care of me,” Adam informed Jax. “Once we were married, I insisted she didn't need to work. I could take care of her and her time was better spent maintaining our home. And it means I never have to buy her a watch, right? Cause she's always got the stove clock." Adam was the only one laughing at his joke.

At the end of the table, Daddy's fork and knife clanked against his plate. Mama glared at Adam, while Faith looked down at her lap.

Before I could say anything, Jax said, "That must also make you good with sharp knives, right Faith?" He waited until she looked up at him and then winked at her. "You’re the heart of the family. I'd say that puts you in the most powerful position in the house, wouldn't you? Even the brain can’t operate if the heart doesn’t beat."

Faith smiled. Adam scowled. I heard Angela make a funny noise and glanced at her. She had a napkin over her mouth, but she couldn't hide the shaking of her shoulders.

Caleb looked at his mother and tugged on her sleeve. His fingers moved nimbly when she looked at him. I felt Jax stiffen at my side and realized he'd just figured out that Caleb was hearing impaired.

Adam grabbed hold of one of Caleb's arms and stared hard at his son's face, whose big, round eyes looked back into his daddy's. "How many times have I told you not to do that? Use your voice when you're around normal people."

Mama gasped. Caleb tried to move as close to his mother as he could.

Normal people? I'd always suspected Adam was strict toward his son regarding his impairment, but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it went that far.

"I won't have you speak to Caleb that way in my house even if you are his father." Daddy's glare sent a chill down my spine. Bad vibes with Adam had been escalating, but this was the first time anyone had directly spoken back to him.

I laid my napkin next to my plate, prepared to say or do something to try to keep this dinner from becoming a fiasco. What that was, I wasn't sure, but the look of devastation on Caleb's face was more than I could handle. I didn't understand why Faith didn't say anything. I had no such issues. My mouth opened, only to be halted when I felt a warm squeeze on my thigh under the table.

Jax looked at me, and something about his expression made me back down. He squeezed my leg again, then leaned back in his chair casually. He turned his dinner knife over and over again in his hand before he put it down and looked at Adam. "Yo creo que siempre es bueno poder hablar otro idioma, no?"

Adam stared back blankly. He wasn't the only one.

"I think it's good to be able to speak a foreign language, don't you?" Mama translated quietly. I guess she'd retained more than a little of the Spanish she'd learned growing up as a missionary's daughter in South America.

Jax spoke to Faith. "Can you translate for me?"

Faith's eyes swam with unshed tears. "If you look directly at him, he can understand most of what you say. Speak normally. I'll help clarify if needed," she responded.

He nodded and leaned forward, smiling at Caleb who watched him with wide eyes. "Can you really read lips?"

Caleb nodded.

"That's amazing. Were you able to understand what I said to your dad a minute ago?"

Caleb shook his head, frowning.

"That's because I said it in Spanish, a language other than English." He pointed at Caleb. "You can speak a different language, too. You just use your fingers instead of your mouth. I can't do that. Most people can't. So that means you're special because you have a gift to help people who can only speak with sign language. I think that's pretty amazing."

"Amen," my mother breathed.

Caleb smiled shyly, but he was obviously grabbing onto Jax's words like a life preserver.

Jax continued. "Not to mention it must be cool to know what other people are saying across the room. I read an article once about a woman who was hired by the FBI as an agent to work with them because she could learn secrets by reading lips. Guess your mom and dad have to be careful around you, especially for things like birthday and Christmas surprises, huh?"

Caleb's head bobbed enthusiastically while a tear slid down his mother's cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered, kissing the top of her son's head.

Adam stood. "Yes, thank you all for your input on how to raise my own son. Now, if the rest of you will excuse me, I need to make a call." He threw his napkin on his chair and stalked out of the room with his cell already to his ear.

Jax glanced between my parents. "I'm sorry if I stepped over the line and ruined dinner."

"Don't apologize. It was better than what I was going to say." Daddy's voice boomed from the end of the table. "Faith—"

"No, Daddy. Don't. Not here. Please." Her voice wavered as she stared at her lap.

"Hey, Caleb," I interrupted, waving my hand to get his attention. "Why don't you and I go get dessert?" I deliberately signed to him, motivated by Jax's words. I wasn’t as good at it as Faith was, but everyone in our family had tried to learn the basics of sign language.

His eyes lit up, and he hopped up from his seat and ran around the table to me. He took my hand and pulled me to the kitchen. He must know his grandma made chocolate cake, his favorite.

"I'll help, too," Jax declared. He grabbed some plates from the table and followed us. As soon as we cleared the dining room, I heard Daddy's deep voice grumble and mama hushing him. Angie's voice tried to drown them both out.

At times like these, I was glad Caleb couldn’t hear the arguing.

I cut into the cake and plated it while Jax distracted Caleb by asking him how to sign his name. I paused as I watched as my nephew curl his little fingers around Jax's larger ones trying to teach him the alphabet. I'd never dated anyone who'd even tried to get to know my sweet nephew. Until now, I knew I was undeniably physically attracted to the man kneeling on the floor. But now I knew I was in danger of falling for him in a whole new way.

"You must be a good speller," Jax praised, tapping Caleb on the nose with his finger.

"I am," he said, his voice clear thanks to months of rigorous speech therapy that Adam insisted upon. Jax laughed. "Little man, you are full of talents!"

Caleb's face lit up at the praise.

"Here," I said, thrusting two plates into Caleb's hands. Jax helped me grab the rest. "Let's take these out."

Dessert was a quieter affair, although my mom, ever the gracious hostess, managed to keep the dialogue going. Faith did her best to smile, but I could see the lines of tension around her eyes and mouth. She refused to look at our father who was casting several glances at her. He looked angry and concerned. Even Angie, who never seemed to be at a loss for words, was quieter than usual. Only Caleb seemed unconcerned as he devoured his dessert.

"Why don't you kids go on? Dad and I will clear the table," Mama said when nothing but crumbs remained on our plates.

My dad immediately stood, smiling softly as he always did when he looked at my mom. No one could ever question his total devotion to her.

I'm sure Jax believed my dad was gruff and hard to get along with, but the truth was, he was a teddy bear on the inside. Most people assumed because he was a pastor he was a people pleaser, always trying to make people feel good about themselves. And to some extent, they were right. But he also didn't hesitate to speak the truth even if the person didn't want to hear it. Above all, he was just a regular guy. They'd be surprised to know he sported tattoos beneath his shirts, liked his bourbon, and smoked cigars. He was fast with a joke, even dirty ones in the right company, and more than once I'd heard him let loose with an F-bomb when he was wrestling with a home improvement project. I always thought of him as a little bit of a badass with a passion for the gospel.

Jax leaned toward me. "Walk with me outside?"

I nodded, and he turned to my mom. "Anne, thank you for dinner. It was delicious, one of the best meals I've had in a long time."

To my amazement, my mom blushed. "You're always welcome here, Jaxson." He allowed himself to be pulled into another hug. My dad's knuckles whitened as he shook hands with him, but Jax didn't flinch and held my dad's intensive stare. Finally, my dad jerked his chin at him and used his free hand to slap Jax on the shoulder. I thought it must be some guy code because Jax nodded back.

My parents had a beautiful backyard with a large deck and several flower beds. A vegetable garden was off to one side and some dog training equipment on the opposite side. But my favorite spot was the gazebo in the back corner.

Jax broke the silence as we walked through the grass. "Was Caleb born with his hearing loss?"

I shook my head, then realized he probably couldn't see me in the dark. "No, he had meningitis when he was three. It was a scary time, but fortunately, he's completely fine now other than the loss of most of his hearing. Unfortunately, his father acts like a child whose toy is broken and refuses to accept it. Faith had to fight to get Adam to allow Caleb to begin learning ASL."

"ASL?"

"American Sign Language."

"Why, though? Isn't that Caleb's best chance to communicate?"

I smiled at his understanding. "He thinks it will limit Caleb because he'd always be reliant on an interpreter. So, he allowed Faith to enroll Caleb in sign classes, but he insisted that he also attend intensive speech therapy to still be able to speak with the hearing world. Because he was already speaking before he lost his hearing, it's been easier than for someone born with an impairment. I suppose as harsh as it sounds, it does allow Caleb to function in a hearing world, but he should also be able to function in a hearing-impaired world, and that's what Adam doesn't want."

"He seems like a great kid."

"He is," I said as we took the three steps up to the gazebo floor. "You were brilliant the way you stood up for Caleb without losing your temper. Between Daddy and me, it was getting ready to get real loud at the table."

Jax only grunted, so I continued. "I didn't know you spoke Spanish."

He waited until I was seated on one of the wooden benches and then sat beside me, close enough our thighs were touching. "When I was little, I had a friend who was born in Mexico. I helped him learn English, he taught me Spanish. I know enough to get by, I guess."

"That's neat," I said. It grew quiet between us, and I wondered why Jax brought me outside. Rather than push, I decided I was content to sit here with him and be serenaded by crickets.

I stared back at the house where I could see my mom and dad cleaning up the kitchen through the window. I saw my mom scoop up some bubbles from the dishwater in the sink then blow them into my dad's face. He retaliated by squeezing his fingers into her waist. She bent forward and backward trying to escape, her mouth open in laughter as he continued to tickle her until it ended in a kiss. Their love for each other was evident all these years after their wedding.

I heard Jax chuckle quietly and knew he was watching, too. I was glad he got to see this side to them.

"You should've seen your face with Angie." I giggled at the memory of when I'd walked in on them. I'd heard how Jax had defended me, but the joy I felt was overcome by mortification when I realized what Angie had done.

A soft snort sounded from him. "I was terrified your dad was going to come in and misinterpret what was happening."

I snickered. "You must think my family is completely nuts."

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe not all of you. Your mom is pretty nice." He laughed as I punched him in the arm.

I liked this side of Jax.

"Were you tempted? By Angela, I mean."

I felt the bench rock slightly as Jax shifted his position. His knuckles brushed down my cheek. "There's only one Hart girl I came to see tonight."

I held my breath. "My mom again?" I teased him.

His fingers vibrated as he chuckled. "She might have extended the invitation, but you're the reason I came."

"I am?"

"Mmhmm."

Even though it was dark, I closed my eyes, hoping it would allow me to collect myself. It didn't work.

"Maybe I shouldn't have, though."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too tempted by you."

I always lived carefully, worried about what others would say and constantly trying to live up to their expectations. I was so tired of it. Despite all the crazy thrown at him when it came to me, Jax hadn’t turned and run, at least not since Maggie’s wedding reception. And despite some of the assholish things he'd done, I knew those weren’t the real him. He could try to deny it, but there was a strong protective side to him. I saw it with Micah. I saw it again with Caleb. I think I even saw it with himself, although why he felt he needed to protect himself, I didn't know. All I could do was hope he let me get close enough to see I wouldn't hurt him.

"Tempted to do what?"

He wavered, literally swaying as if battling a momentous decision. I knew what I wanted; I wasn't going to hide it anymore. It was in his hands. I couldn't look away from him as he stared at me.

I knew the second he made his choice.

Strong arms shot out and pulled me against him, holding me immobile. "This."

Before I could react, he fused his mouth to mine. It wasn't the considerate, experimental introduction the previous ones had been. This was bold. Masterful. Almost punishing. A warning that he wasn't looking for sweetness or gentility. It was passion and desire.

It was incredible.

He took every memory of those that had come before him and obliterated them. But he also gave. Sensations I'd never experienced chased through my bloodstream until they filled me with an intense need. His lips left mine to blaze a path toward my neck, pausing to linger on the curve near my shoulder. His stubble scratched my tender skin, but instead of pain, it sent shivers of longing down my spine until they settled between my legs. The only sound I could hear over my heartbeat was my gasping breath as I straddled his thigh.

Jax paused to look at me. "You're even sweeter than I imagined," he whispered.

But I wasn't interested in talking. I wasn't interested in trying to protect myself. Just this one time I wanted to let go and take what he was giving. I grasped his face, and this time when I turned my head to meet his, I made sure he didn't pull away.

While our tongues played and explored, my hands crept along his stomach enjoying the feel of the hard planes of his abs. He hissed as I raised them and crossed over his nipples while I tried to bring my body even closer to his.

His hands were busy as well. One hand molded to the curve of my hip while the other slid under the back of my sweater. He hesitated when he hit my bra strap. My head fell backward so I could lean into his touch, trying to signal I craved more.

He didn't disappoint. His arm became a band around my back, letting me recline so he could trail kisses down my throat. His other hand slid up my side. The cool breeze tickled my skin as my sweater bunched upward, but it was his thumb skimming the side of my breast that caused my goosebumps.

I groaned softly. Or maybe it was him; I wasn't sure. I opened my eyes, wanting to look at him. It had been a long time since I felt so much desire; felt I was desired in return. My hand rested on the side of his head, watching as he made his way back up my throat.

His fingers gripped and held my hips still as he pulled back, pressing softer kisses at the corner of my mouth.

No touch, no kiss had ever made me feel this way, never made me act in such a brazen way. I was breathing hard when Jax lifted his head.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Oh, I, uh, I didn't mind." In fact, I'm happy for a replay anytime!

"No." He shook his head. "I really shouldn't have done that."

Those butterflies from moments ago dropped like stones in my belly. I thought he'd found it as enjoyable as I did, but had I misread him? Did I not measure up to his experience? I lifted a shaky hand to his face, flinching as he turned away.

"I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?" I struggled off his lap, straightening my sweater in short jerks as I stood.

He rose quickly and stilled my hands with his and brought them to his mouth for a kiss on the back of each one. "No. You're perfect. So perfect that I was close to forgetting where we are and laying you down on that bench and having my way with you."

"Oh."

"I didn't come out here with you for that. But I've wanted you so fucking much, ever since I saw you walk down the aisle in Derek's wedding." He snickered. "Maybe not so much when you kneed me in the balls, but when you offered to rub them to make them better, let's just say they might have recovered faster from that image."

I groaned. "That was so embarrassing."

His fingers lifted my chin. "I loved it. Well, not the pain, but everything else that went with that evening."

"So why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

He hesitated, then said, "I knew then you were too good for me. And I know it even more now. I'd love nothing more than to take you home with me and continue what we were doing, plus a whole lot more. I'd keep you awake all night as I got to know every inch of your body, inside and out."

I shivered at his words, longing to tell him, yes, let's do it.

"But that's all it will be."

My heart sank. Like to-the-bottom-of-my-toes-sank; I could feel the rhythmic bounce in my feet. Or maybe that was my heart urging my feet to run to somewhere where I could bury it after exposing it to such humiliation. I'd made myself vulnerable. I'd been practically dry humping his leg moments ago, for Pete's sake, and now he was rejecting me.

"What if I was will—"

"Do not finish that sentence." He turned his body slightly away and closed his eyes. Was that a command? Or was that a plea?

Why was I fighting for this? To even contemplate giving up ideas and values that were a part of who I was, told me what dangerous ground I was on. Jax knew it. He could so easily take advantage of me, yet he wasn't.

"But..."

I stopped when he whirled around, grabbing first the hair on the back of his head, then wrapping his fingers around his left bicep. In the moonlight, I could see how rigid his back was; how his thumb rubbed the muscle in his arm over and over. When he turned back around, there was a fierceness to his eyes. Whatever vulnerability I thought I'd sensed in him moments ago was gone.

"I'm sorry, Grace. I don't—"

"You don't do relationships. I've heard. I get it."

He cringed at the bitterness that tainted my comment. "You're not like other women I've known. It's better this way."

"I'm not sure that's a compliment."

"Trust me, it is."

"Then I think that says more about you than me," I answered.

"How do you figure?"

"You choose the company you keep. Why do you date them? What do they give back to you?"

"Sex."

"And?"

"And nothing. That's the point. Like you said, I'm not looking for a relationship.”

"Don't you want more from life than that?"

He snorted. "I have everything I need."

I almost laughed at his petulance but managed to refrain. I was pretty certain he'd put up his wall of assiness again. I couldn't imagine what held him back from wanting a normal relationship with women, sex notwithstanding. "That sounds lonely if you ask me."

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I don't know how to do anything else. To be any other way."

"You could learn." I hated I was almost begging.

"And you could change, too, but you won't. And I would never ask you to."

I felt rebuked. Where was the compromise? Where was the effort? If he wasn't willing to at least try, then he was right. I took a step away from him, from his touch that made me consider forgetting everything I stood for. "I think I'd try a lot of things for you, Jax. But knowing from the start I'd only be short-term doesn't bode well with me."

"I'm sorry."

How many times was he going to repeat it? And what was he sorry for? Leading me on? Making me want him? Rejecting me? Playing some stupid game of chase only to realize he might not win in the end?

Congratulations, Jax. We both lost. "Thank you for being honest, Jax. It's better than disappearing like you did at the reception. I appreciate that. But for now, I think it might be best if we both walk away before this gets any more awkward."

He nodded, then turned and walked away from me. I clenched my fingers and bit my tongue to prevent myself from calling him back. But in the seconds before I followed him into the house, I wondered how many other people before me had also just let him walk away? Somehow, I had a sinking feeling that I might be the latest one on a long list.