“What were you thinking?” Brenda exclaimed.

I couldn’t see her face due to the wall that separated our work areas but I could definitely hear the disapproval dripping from her voice.

“I was thinking I would observe him from a distance so I could find a way in without getting a fist slammed in my face.”

“From a distance? One booth over isn’t a distance.”

“Yes, but I was in disguise,” I explained scowling when my reasoning sounded ridiculous to my own ears.

I had hoped after a good night’s sleep I would feel like less of a failure but as I recapped the majority of what happened in the café to my best friend that hope evaporated.

“Oh sweetie, you have been watching one too many crime shows again,” Brenda sighed.

I mimicked the sound. I was bothered, annoyed, and achy in places that shouldn’t be achy and it left me seriously cranky. All I wanted was to utilize my investigative skills so I could approach Dr. Grump and find a way to speak to him. Instead he sent me running like a scared child.

“If I walk right up to him and say ‘hi, Dr. Bennett, my name is Ciaran and I want to interview you for an article in Polish Magazine,’ what do you think he is going to say?”

“He’s is probably going to say he’ll do it if you strip for him,” Brenda quickly replied. “He has that reputation to keep up with.”

My scowl was completely wasted since I was still hiding on my side of the wall. No matter how hot Dr. Bennett was, I wasn’t interested in tangling naked with him. His callous and cold attitude towards people rubbed me the wrong way. I wouldn’t allow someone like him to ever touch me.

“Brenda, knock it off. I’m serious. The man is a rude, egotistical and not my type whatsoever.”

“Sex god is not your type?” she threw back.

I couldn’t tell if Brenda was being sarcastic or not, so I got up and walked over to her cubicle.

She was scrutinizing her computer screen with the tip of her tongue peeking out from the corner of her mouth and her eyes huge. I glanced at the monitor to see what had her so captivated.

On the screen were several small images of a shirtless Dr. Bennett. My blood pumped as I quickly scanned them and spotted one I wanted to see enlarged.

“Brenda click on that one, click on that one,” I demanded, my voice at a higher pitch than normal.

“Shit, girl. Do you think you could shriek any louder?”

Ignoring her I tapped the image of Dr. Bennett’s chest with my finger. “I want to see that one.”

Brenda double clicked on the picture. The screen filled with an image of Dr. Bennett scaling a rock wall in nothing but a pair of sweatpants.

My mouth immediately ran dry.

Trying to swallow spit that wasn’t there I absentmindedly tapped Brenda’s shoulder.

“Holy shit. Look at the definition of his back,” she whispered, leaning closer to the monitor.

I definitely was looking. I couldn’t stop looking.  

“Yup,” I answered. “What does it say on the rock wall above his head? Your big noggin is blocking the screen and I can’t make out the words.”

“Stone Fitness,” Brenda read. “Hey, I know this gym. My friend Alex works at the membership counter.”

“The guy you went out with last month?”

“Yeah, I bet he would be willing to give us some information. Maybe we can find out when the doctor works out and you can resume your stalking.”

“It wasn’t stalking. It was research. And I thought you said it was a stupid idea?”

“I never said it was stupid. I just think it has the potential to end in a clusterfuck. But who knows? You may be on to something. I’m going to call Alex and see what I can find out.” Brenda picked up her cell phone.

Prying my eyes away from the computer, I left and returned to my desk.

Part of me felt guilty for not telling Brenda the entire story about my encounter with Dr. Bennett. I was embarrassed about how I reacted to him. I was also bothered by how I continued to rehash the incident in my head for a good chunk of the night. This morning when I finally rolled out of bed, I made up my mind not to waste precious time by giving it more thought than it warranted. A man like him didn’t deserve emotional space in my head.

I knew that the key to surviving in this world was to not let your emotions rule you. I was seven when Melany began to run off with whatever man was current in her life. She would disappear for days at a time. I quickly learned tears did not solve problems because no one was around to sooth them. I’d had to pull myself together if I was going to make it to the next day. And miraculously, I did. But with each new morning, a new set of fears tried to overpower me. What if someone found out I was home alone and tried to take me away? I was terrified so I never asked for help. I bathed when there was water and got dressed to the best of my ability in whatever was the cleanest. I would walk down the block to the elementary school where the scrutiny of the faculty, parents and often my classmates followed me in whispers. I kept to myself in order to not draw attention.

And as I got older, I learned to ignore the cruel words from others as they made fun of me for being a loner. I threw all my focus into studying so I could earn scholarships and grants to get an education so I could claw my way out of the hellish environment I knew too well. 

I had worked too hard for too long to allow emotions brought on by an arrogant doctor to set me back. I had a job to do and I was going to make a success of it.

“I got it,” Brenda shouted, striding into my area.

“Got what?” 

“The information on when your sexy topic works out. I also got you a free day pass, which Alex will drop off in a couple of hours when he picks me up for dinner.” She grinned.

“Brenda, thank you.”

She leaned over and threw her arms around my shoulders. “Any time, babe. You need to be at the gym by five-thirty tomorrow morning. The doc is an early bird. He usually arrives by six am and spends the majority of his time with the free weights.”

It figured the doc was a morning person.

Brenda saw the exasperation on my face and laughed. “You know what they say, Ciaran. The early bird gets the worm.”   

Too bad it was the worm this bird was afraid of.