Amelia sucked in lungfuls of air but they could not quell the pain in her chest. It had been residing there since she had heard the rumors of his engagement but they had just been rumors—it was easy enough to push them from her mind. But there was no denying it now. Nicholas would get married and she was as in love with him as ever.
She peered up at the clear skies and eyed the diamond-like sparkles set against a black backdrop. If Catherine were by her side, she would be telling her about all the patterns and their names. They blurred in front of her as tears singed her eyes.
“Silly girl,” she told herself.
After all, she had suffered through him falling for her sister. She could endure worse.
The dull strains of music sifted through the air and a light breeze moved around her. Not enough to chill her but it brushed against her tears making them feel cold on her face. Lanterns were lit up the two paths that cut between bushes, leading off into the orchard. No one was to be seen in the gardens. Most likely everyone was waiting for the grand announcement.
Who was this blasted woman anyway?
Another tear rolled down her cheek and she swiped it viciously away. “Silly, silly girl.”
“You dropped something.”
Her stomach lurched and the pain in her chest grew tenfold. Why had he followed her? It was bad enough she had to suffer watching him be happy with someone else. She could not bear it if he discovered her feelings for him too. Trying to conceal a sniffle, she dabbed her eyes discreetly and turned.
Nicholas held out a letter. Nausea swelled in her gut. “Oh no.”
He smiled as he handed it to her. She eyed the writing on the outside. There was no need to open it, she knew what it contained. She must have dropped it when she’d recovered the letters and it did not matter which one it was, they were all filled with her love for him.
Amelia straightened her shoulders. Of course, they were not signed by her. Perhaps he did not know. Oh Lord, she prayed he did not.
“I do not think this is mine.”
He moved closer. “Are you certain?”
She nodded emphatically. “I am.”
“That’s a pity. I wrote a reply.”
“A-a reply?”
“Yes. Would you like to see it?”
“I—” He was too handsome. His lips were pulled into a sly smile. The moonlight picked out the parts of his features she loved most. His eyes that crinkled at the corners and his strong jaw. His broad shoulders and long legs. That wavy hair. It almost broke her.
He pulled a letter out of his jacket and handed it over. “I think you should take a look.”
She stared at him, mouth open, and took the letter. His eyes were full of amusement. She frowned and plucked open the letter. Her heart slammed against her ribs at the first line.
Miss Amelia Chadwick (or A. Hardwick)
I am not a writer. Not as you are. You have quite the talent it seems. I am a man of action, you see, but I shall try to put what I can into words.
You have been in my life for many years and were always a dear friend. Your family have been a constant in my life that I will forever treasure. But I was blind in so many ways. I do not wholly blame myself. You, my dear Amelia, have been guilty of deception.
I see it all now. I know it all now. Underneath your sensible manner is a woman who runs hot with passion and desires excitement. In you, I see me. And I must tell you, the moment I realized that was the most exciting moment of my life. You are, I believe, what I have been looking for without even understanding that was what was missing.
I have no more words for you except this...if the words of A. Hardwick still ring true, will you marry me?
Yours, Nicholas.
She could hardly read the last line. The words blurred with her tears and several plopped down onto the paper. Amelia sucked in a lungful of air to try to steady herself. Was this real? Was this some dream? She tried to blink away the tears to look at him but they refused to budge.
Nicholas closed the gap between them and swiped away several tears with a thumb. His warm palm cupped her face.
“Why do you cry?”
“Because I cannot believe it.”
“What can I do to convince you?”
She swallowed. “How long have you known?”
Nicholas glanced back at the open doors and took her hand to lead her deeper into the garden. They ducked around behind the tall hedgerow and he led her into a gazebo. Open to the night air but lit with two lamps inside, it offered a cozy escape for them.
He urged her to sit on the cushioned bench and he sat next to her.
“How long have I known I loved you or how long have I known you were A. Hardwick?”
“I—” She frowned. “Both I suppose.”
“I had an inkling after the river.”
“You said something then. Something about not seeing me before.”
“Yes.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles then held it in both hands. “It was as though the curtain had fallen away. I saw you for who you are and I realized I had seen that woman before, but I had chosen not to notice.”
“And the letters?”
“I recognized you.”
Amelia pressed a hand to her forehead. “Oh no. Julia said I made a perfect delivery boy.”
“Well, Julia perhaps did not count on my recognizing your delectable rear in those trousers.”
Warmth spilled into her cheeks. She should be scandalized but the fact he had noticed sent a frisson of excitement through her.
“So as soon as you read the letters, you knew it was me?”
He nodded. “There were enough hints for me to figure it out. After that, I read through any of your books I could get my hands on. Turns out my mother is quite a fan of yours.”
“Goodness.”
“Why did you not want me to read them, Amelia?”
“It was embarrassing. Besides, no one could know I was A. Hardwick. The whole family would be scandalized and it’s hard enough for my sisters to be Chadwicks as it is.”
“They seem to be doing a fine job of it. Did you really think I would reveal all?”
“It was not a chance I could take.” Amelia swallowed the knot in her throat. “Why did you not say something?”
“I did not know if you still harbored those feelings. And I wanted to be certain of my own feelings. I would not hurt you for all the world. Seeing you tiptoeing along that bridge told me all I needed to know.”
Looking into his eyes, she straightened her spine, bracing herself for the question that would hurt the most. “What of Lavinia? Everyone thought you still loved her.”
His smile twisted. “I may...have been wrong about Lavinia.”
“Wrong?”
“I thought I loved her, to be sure, but what sort of life would we have had together? Lavinia was never meant to be the bride of someone who rode too fast and fought too hard. I think she knew that better than I did.” He leaned in and cupped her face with both hands, forcing her gaze to remain on his. “I was wrong about Lavinia. I had suspected that for a while but I knew for certain when I finally saw you. Whatever I felt for her pales in comparison.”
All the air vanished from her chest. She could find no words. She, who wrote for a living, had nothing to say. Could this really be happening? Did she really deserve so much joy?
“Do you understand? It pales in comparison to what I feel for you, my sweet, lovely, naughty Amelia.”
She parted her lips and searched his face. Pressing her hand to his where he cupped her face, she gave the back of his hand a little pinch.
“Ouch, what was that for?” He kept his hands on her face.
“I was checking this was real.”
“You are meant to pinch yourself.” He grinned. “It’s real. I promise.”
Amelia gazed into his eyes, recalling all those times when he’d seemed to look through her. How she’d yearned for him to finally realize what was in front of him.
“So will you answer my letter?” he pressed.
“You shall have to wait a few days for a response,” she replied primly, though not feeling at all prim with the way he started leaning in. His breath brushed her lips and smelled of warm brandy. Tingles raced through her.
“Wait?” he murmured. “Why must I wait?”
“You kept me waiting long enough,” she said with a grin.
“Minx.” His lips brushed hers, soft and warm. A sigh escaped her. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
“Perhaps.”
His lips skimmed hers again but his patience did not last long. He used his mouth to coax hers open and his tongue met hers. The hot, itchy feeling pervaded through her—that feeling of needing more. So much more.
Nicholas kissed her deeply with long, luxurious strokes that left her in no doubt this was real. When he pulled away, she felt wanting and empty.
“Changed your mind yet?”
His smug smile made her want to smack his shoulder or kiss him again. Kissing was probably the best idea. She grinned. “Very well then.”
“Very well then what?”
“I shall marry you.”
His smile grew triumphant. “You will not regret it, Amelia, I swear. I will spend the rest of my years making up for being so blind.”
“You could start now.” She toyed with the fabric of his cravat.
“I could,” he agreed.
His hand slid up her neck, cupping just under the curls. She tilted her head into the touch. Nicholas used the movement to his advantage and pressed his lips to her exposed skin. Shivers trailed their fingers up and down her spine. He put a hand to her waist and pulled her closer still. Their thighs touched. She was aware of every part of her body and yet she was utterly lost to him.
“I read about the adventures of Anna and Nathaniel,” he said against her skin, leaving lingering words against her neck and down to the crook of her shoulder and collarbone. “Lots of kissing in shadowy corners.” He skimmed the hand up her waist and brushed the edge of her breast. Her nipples ached in response. Even through the layers of her stays and gown, she could feel every little thing he did. “You have quite the imagination, Amelia.”
“Mmm hmm,” she agreed and twined her fingers into his hair to coax him where she needed him most.
He must have taken it as his permission as he palmed one breast and coaxed it up and out of her stays. The cool air against her nipple made her gasp but not as much as when he put his warm mouth about it. He drew her nipple between his teeth and nibbled and sucked on it. Amelia arched into him and he pressed a hand to her back to hold her against him.
“Were there things you did not write about? Things that would scandalize even the most open-minded of readers?”
She smiled to the night air. He really did know her so well. “Of course.”
Not even her sisters realized how vivid and naughty her imagination could be. They might have read her books but they saw it as a romantic story and nothing more. But to her mind, there had always been more to Anna and Nathaniel’s tale.
So much more.
He looked up at her. “Were there ever moments like this?”
She shook her head.
An eyebrow arched. “No?”
“No. Even my imagination is not this bold.”
“But are you, Amelia?” He hauled her close and kissed the corner of her mouth. “Now I have you, I do not want to let you go. I want you fully and completely.”
It was her turn to cup his face and lean back to look in his eyes. “I’ve waited a long time for you, Nicholas. I do not want to wait any longer.”
“Good.” He kissed her until her limbs were like oil.
Her breaths were heated and frantic. Strains of a country dance whispered over them as he coaxed her to lie on the cushion. Her curls crushed under her head and her skirts had ridden up to reveal her stockings. Anyone could come across them at any moment. The thought made her stomach flutter with exhilaration.
Nicholas shucked off his jacket and flung it aside somewhere. She laughed at his careless manner. He popped the buttons of his waistcoat and leaned over her. Nibbling at her earlobe, he let his breath tickle the shell of her ear. She gripped his shoulders.
“Beautiful, naughty, scandalous, Amelia. Wait until I have you in our marriage bed. We shall live out all your fantasies and more.”
“Oh Lord,” she said to the roof of the gazebo.
He pushed down the shoulder of her gown and bit her there, suckling until it left a mark. A mark that would be hidden under her dress but they would both know it was there.
Then he pressed up her skirts until she was bared to him. His fingers found her sex and the first touch made her jolt. She forced herself to take a breath and he watched her face while he toyed with her there. His fingers worked a magic she had not even known was possible. Her own explorations were like her writing. Fun and exciting but nothing like the real thing.
“That’s it,” he encouraged as she gave herself up to him.
Pleasure flowed over her in waves, increasing in tempo until the storm crashed through her. She gripped his arm, closed her eyes, and cried out. Whether anyone could hear her, she did not care. It only added to the thrill.
As reality slipped in in fragments—the music, the lantern light, the touch of air on her heated skin—she smiled. Nicholas opened his breeches and she glanced at him. A pulse of desire ran through her. She wanted nothing more than to be filled by him, to be wholly his once and for all.
He pushed apart her legs and settled between them. “Hook your legs around me.”
She did as he bid and felt his erection touch her folds. “Oh Lord, Lord, Lord.”
“You can call me Nicholas,” he said with a grin.
Amelia had no witty response. Staring into her eyes, he inched into her bit by bit until they were fully joined. He gave her a few moments to get used to him inside her. It has no comparison. The swelling of love inside her now that they were connected as close as any two humans could connect made her want to burst.
“You and me, Amelia. Always. I will never be blind again.”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“And you will never keep your feelings secret from me.” He gave her a serious look. “I mean it. No more secrets.” He smiled. “Though you may write me letters. As long as they are scandalous in content.”
“You have my word, my lord,” she said saucily. “They shall always be scandalous.”
“Excellent.” He slid back and pressed into her.
Her breath caught. “Always scandalous,” she promised again.
He carried her on the tide then, moving in and out, one, two, three, and more until she did not know if she was begging for more or for the peak.
The tempest broke. Nicholas groaned. She cried his name. He sagged against her, his weight a gentle reminder of all that was hers.
“I love you, my naughty Amelia.”
“I love you, Nicholas.”