Killian
The next day threatens to become a carbon copy of the previous one. This time, dressed in khaki shorts that lovingly cradle her ass and a black T-shirt, she does that bunching and twisting thing with her hair while she stretches up on her toes. When she makes a return trip from the window, I look up from my tablet and crook my finger at her.
“You’re restless,” I say, setting my gadget down. “I have a suggestion.”
Her eyes darken a touch, and although she licks her lips, she shakes her head. “We can’t fuck all day every day, Killian.”
“I’d love to prove just how wrong you are, but that wasn’t what I had in mind.”
Her shoulders slump a little. “Okay…what?”
“You wanted to polish up on your marksmanship.”
She nods eagerly. “Yes.”
“Great. Mitch and Linc will be here in fifteen minutes.”
Her eyes light up. “We’re going out?”
“Yes, we are.” My gaze drops to her long, bare, beautiful legs. I imagine dozens of guys looking at them. “You going to change?”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s the middle of summer, Killian.”
I wrestle with my jealousy and drag my gaze back up. “I reserve the right to be a total asshole to any bastard I catch looking at you.”
Her gorgeous mouth lifts, transforming her face from jaw dropping to mesmerizing. “Ditto,” she replies.
It takes my addled brain a beat to get her meaning. My frown gets a laugh. A rare sound that I’ve missed too damn much.
“What, you think guys are only interested in me? Check online. You have a ridiculous fan base. Your TED Talk on coding six years ago has over ten million views, and the comments will make you blush.”
I walk over and link our fingers. I know I shouldn’t ask, but the words fall out anyway. “Did you ever check online for me?”
Her gaze drops, and she shakes her head. “You would’ve found me.”
Damn straight I would have. The atmosphere threatens to sour again so I drop a kiss on her mouth and release her. “Better hustle. We have a ways to go.”
She leaves the room, and I double-check our destination one last time. When she returns, her hair is tied back, her leather cap is in place, and she’s already wearing sunglasses. But her feet grab my attention. She’s wearing dark, sky-high wedge-type shoes that make her legs look even longer. And the tilt of her chin tells me she’s prepared to argue with me if need be over them.
Fuck. I put my cap and shades on and grab the portable gadget to keep an eye on Betty. She’s taking too damn long. Her algorithms might need tweaking a little if she hasn’t produced results by the time we return.
Mitch and Linc are waiting outside the elevators when we exit the apartment. My respect for them notches up another level when their eyes remain above Faith’s neck. Gay or not, they’re red-blooded humans, and her bare legs are insane enough to attract the types of looks that drive me to the brink.
We hit the ground floor, and I catch her hand to slow her down as Mitch heads outside. A moment later, Linc nods. We leave the building and turn left.
Faith looks around for the SUVs. When she doesn’t spot them, she flicks a glance at me. “Where are we going?” she asks in a low voice without breaking her quick stride.
“The next block.”
To her credit, she doesn’t ask any more questions. Not until we’re in another building, heading up in the elevator. “We’re not driving.”
I shake my head. “No. Too many cameras and traffic lights to mess around with. I didn’t want to risk it.”
She looks up at the red elevator numbers. “But…what are we doing here? This building doesn’t have a gun range.”
“No, but it has something our building doesn’t. A helipad.”
Her head whips to mine. “We’re flying? And where are we going exactly?”
“Uniondale.”
She frowns. “That’s miles away.”
“It has the least amount of surveillance in the area. And it was also the only shooting range I could get to at short notice that won’t attract too much attention.”
She takes it all in and nods. When we exit, I catch her gaze clocking all the entrances and exits, where potential danger might lurk. Although the gun range will supply us with a selection, we’re both armed, and I’ve seen her run in heels so I know she can take care of herself. But still, I remain on high alert as we climb the flight of stairs that’ll take us to the roof and the helicopter.
My pilot is the same driver who picked me up at Teterboro. Like Mitch and Linc, he has skills over and above the ordinary. Between us, we have an impressive selection of weapons to defend ourselves with. Which means fuck-all if our enemy is still hiding in the shadows.
It might be time to stop the wait-and-see approach and step into the light.
I turn to watch Faith’s face, wondering how she’ll take it. Her gaze is on the large, gleaming metal flying machine sitting twenty feet away.
“Sweetheart, stop making eyes at my Sikorsky.” I don’t particularly keep my voice down.
She flushes but her chin kicks up. “But she’s just so beautiful. I want to pet her until she purrs.”
I grin. “I’m almost tempted to get you to do that so I can watch. But we have an audience. So get your pretty ass on board.”
The large aircraft is divided into two sections—seating up front for the pilot and copilot. Six seats in the main soundproof area at the back made up of three club chairs and a long bench seat. I help her into the back, and Linc and Mitch join the pilot up front. Mitch settles in as copilot.
Faith chooses a club chair instead of joining me on the bench seat. I allow it because I can still reach her if I want to. Plus, sitting opposite her this way, I can cop an eyeful of her stunning legs whenever I want.
She uncrosses and recrosses those very legs a minute later as we lift off. “Your horns are showing, Mr. Knight.”
“I fucking hope so. Those legs are driving me nuts.”
She flushes again, a little deeper this time, and I wonder how she’ll feel about spending the journey in my lap, specifically riding my cock.
A firm head shake before I get the chance to voice my thoughts. “Forget it, Knight. I’m not letting you distract me from my first chopper ride across New York.”
I lean back and cross my ankles. “Even if the view is much better from here?”
Her gaze drops to the growing bulge in my pants, and her nipples begin to pucker. “Yes,” she squeezes out tightly after a tense few seconds.
I allow myself a deep chuckle. “Okay, baby. If you say so.”
“I do say so. You’re not as irresistible as you think, you know.”
My mild contentment evaporates in a heartbeat. “Yes, I kinda got that from the four-year absence.”
A shadow crosses her eyes. She looks away from me for a second, at the view I have zero interest in. I wait for her. But when she looks back she doesn’t speak for a long while. “Killian…”
“You’re going to have to tell me sometime. So how about you tell me now?”
Her throat moves in a slow swallow. “You were right. I shouldn’t have been on that op that night in Cairo. I should’ve listened to you and gotten my head straight first. Or backed out altogether and let another team take care of those bastards.”
My jaw grits against the need to deny that. But I’ve had a long time to analyze it. “I was in charge. The final decision fell to me. I wanted you with me so I ignored my instincts.”
A weird acceptance settles over her face. “So you didn’t think I was ready either?”
“You aced every operation prior to that one, but in hindsight, you weren’t ready for one that struck so close to home. Not at that time, no.”
A breath shudders out of her. “God, I fucked up so badly.”
I lean forward and take her hands in mine. “No, you didn’t. You wanted to save those kids and make things right for Julia. I wanted you to have that bit of peace, so I closed my eyes to the many pitfalls in the operation. Extra backup for a start. And constant surveillance on the assholes. Hell, a couple of drones watching them, and few discreet tags wouldn’t have been amiss either. But the biggest mistake was deciding to stay the night. That was my call.”
She shakes her head and pulls her hands from mine. “We both made the decision to stay. I should’ve woken you up when I heard that boy scream. But…I had my gun. I thought I could handle it. ”
My fists clench but I don’t say anything. I get the feeling she needs the cathartic release of replaying that nightmare.
“The bastard…he was dragging the boy down one of the corridors. God, he couldn’t have been older than ten or eleven.” She shudders.
I call fuck it, release her seat belt, and scoop her up into my arms. Although she accepts my touch and comfort, she’s miles away. Too far away. “The bastard had his arm around the boy’s neck and his other hand…” She takes a deep breath. “I told him to let him go. He replied in Arabic. I didn’t understand but I didn’t really need to. He was drunk, and he was laughing as he…groped the kid. The look in their eyes, utter fear and…depravity. I just couldn’t…”
“It’s okay, baby.”
She shakes her head. “He said something to the boy and dragged him into the courtyard. The boy…he was terrified, Killian. It shattered me. I raised the gun. When the man saw it, he tried to use the boy as a shield. I think I lost my mind a little. I just pulled the trigger. I was trying to save the boy, but even shooting his attacker the way I did was so stupid. God, I didn’t even think that I could’ve hurt him.”
“You didn’t. Your training kicked in. Your aim was perfect, and you got the bastard in the carotid.”
“What happened after that is hazy, but I remember Galveston…standing over me. With a knife…”
Ice slides down my spine at the thought of how much worse everything could’ve gone while I was asleep. “Enough, Faith. You don’t need to relive every second of it. The Egyptian authorities got the kids out of there. All of them. The boy’s name is Sayeed. He was stolen from his family home the week before but he’s fine today because of you.”
I let her absorb that for a minute. But her ragged expression doesn’t alter. “When I woke up in the hospital…” She pauses, and I freeze because this is the first time we’re talking about this.
“Yeah?” My voice is a low croak.
“I was horrified. I’d killed two people in cold blood. And the terrifying thing was I knew I would do it again.”
I rub my hand down her arm, my brain firing with all the questions I want to throw at her. “Doesn’t explain why you left.”
She stays quiet for so long I think she’s not going to answer. “I didn’t trust my judgment. I’d taken two lives with little remorse when I’d been trained to tackle just such a situation without endangering life. I was on the wrong side of emotional.”
“There is…was a debriefing process for that. And I would’ve helped you get through it too.”
“But you…you were part of the problem,” she says in a bleak little voice that flays me.
Jesus. “What?”
She exhales heavily. “You…you overwhelmed me with…everything.”
I stiffen and can’t quite catch my breath, but I don’t defend myself. Because I can’t. The magnitude of my obsession staggered me too. The only problem was that I wholeheartedly embraced it. Immediately. Whereas she fought it. And is still fighting it.
“I’m not blaming you for any of it, Killian. I enjoyed being overwhelmed.”
Right. “But you didn’t trust me to take care of you. Not when it counted.”
She winces. “No. Don’t you get it? I didn’t trust myself to make the right call when it needed to be made.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I took matters into my own hands, and two people died. Well, I thought Galveston was dead too.” Her mouth twists in bitterness. “But I couldn’t even get that one right.”
“So your answer was to leave me without so much as a fuck-you?”
Her lowered gaze shutters even further. My instincts blare that I’m only getting partial disclosure. “That’s not everything, Faith. Is it? What else happened? Did Galveston touch you? Did he do anything—?”
She pales, and I want to kick my own ass for throwing out the unthinkable possibility.
“No. At least I don’t think so other than…what he did with the knife.” She takes a slow, steady breath. “Please, Killian, let this be enough.”
“Let it? Why?”
“I fucked up. Badly. Leaving was the only way I thought was right to make amends.”
Fury pounds through my veins. “Well, you thought wrong. You put us both through hell. How the fuck does that make anything right? And what was your intention? To hide away forever? Going from the club to your apartment and back again? What sort of life is that?”
She pulls away from me and wraps her arms around her middle. “What would you recommend then? I buy an island in Hawaii and spend the rest of my life sunning myself and drinking mai tais?”
I catch her chin in my hand. “Can the outrage. I know you’re hiding something more. What the hell aren’t you telling me?”
Her mouth quivers. “Can’t you just accept that this is the way it has to be?”
“Fuck no. You know me better than that.”
She yanks herself from my grasp. “I’m sorry, but the bottom line was that I didn’t want to be a spy anymore, and I was afraid you would talk me out of it. Getting away from you was the only option.”
“Faith—”
“I couldn’t risk the possibility that the next person to be killed would be you!” Her lips are pressed together in a tremulous white line.
My gut clenches at the words.
The percentage of Fallhurst Institute’s agents returning unscathed from the field was impressive. It was one of the first statistics I checked out before agreeing to join. But there were casualties too. In that line of work, it’s inevitable. So I know the risks she feared were real.
I search her face. I see that she believes it.
And yet…