It’s exactly the kind of party I hate, but I’m unfortunately obligated to show at my own release party. It’s a high-brow kind of deal for the publishing execs and all the people who are going to make a shitload of money from my new book. It’s done. I called it Broken Promises, and if my editors and proofreaders are right, it’s going to be a global sensation, just like Lindsey predicted.

Lindsey. Fuck.

I let out a long sigh, adjusting my tie and straightening my jacket. I thought time would make thinking about her easier, but there’s still a gaping hole she left behind. A raw wound that refuses to heal. I’ve lost track of how many times I thought about saying fuck it and giving her another chance, betrayal or not. After all, can I really blame her for being desperate for the money? But I have to remind myself it’s not that she wanted the money. It’s that she was willing to lie to me to get it, that she’d go as far as fucking me just for a paycheck.

That I can’t forgive.

Alec is shaking hands with Trent Greene, who is one of the biggest names in publishing. I watch with a sour twist of my lips. I used to think of Alec as a friend, but I can’t quite make myself do anything more than tolerate him these days. I’ve changed since coming back home, but I haven’t exactly made an effort to strengthen friendships or make new ones. The only person I’ve talked with much is Lydia, who I invited tonight.

She’s over by the appetizers, talking to a guy who looks like a douche. Hopefully she’s not into him, because he looks like a total ass. I chuckle at myself for being protective of her. That is new, and it’s a testament to how much things have changed between us. It’s still not perfect, and it never will be, but I think of her as my sister now. A friend. Someone I can confide in if I need to.

I notice Alec leading Trent and a small group of people over to me.

I grudgingly push off the wall and force a half-smile for them, shaking hands as everyone congratulates me.

Trent squeezes Alec’s shoulder and smiles at me. “The dream team in the flesh,” he says. Trent is in his late fifties and has the permanently red nose and cheeks of a lifetime alcoholic, but he’s not all bad. He does his job well, and he generally treats his employees well, which is rare in this industry.

I make an effort to look jovial, because I should feel good. I wrote a book that matters to me. A book that I can be proud of. This isn’t a “fuck you” to anyone. Hell, it’s as far from that as it could be. It’s a love letter.

“In the flesh,” I say.

“I’ve always said Alec was the only one who could keep you under control,” laughs Trent. “I have to admit, I didn’t think this book was ever going to happen.”

“It wasn’t,” Alec said a little too loudly.

I glance at the drink in his hand and realize he’s had a few too many already.

“Chris needed some provocation,” he says, grinning sloppily. He laughs, doubling over a little and gripping Trent’s shoulder in anticipation of what he’s about to say. “I had to scare off one of his little girlfriends to get him to focus.”

My blood turns to ice. My eyebrows draw down, eyes narrowing. “You what?” I ask.

Alec immediately realizes he said too much, sobering up before my eyes as he waves his hand like he can erase what he just said. “I’m just being dramatic,” he says. “Just fucking around.”

“Tell me what you did,” I growl.

Everyone looks uncomfortable, and one of the woman smiles nervously before dismissing herself from the little circle of people. Trent looks like he swallowed something that’s wiggling its way down his throat.

“Same thing I’ve always done,” Alec says puffing himself up. “All I’ve ever done is give you what you needed to succeed.”

“And what did you think I needed this time?”

“You needed her gone, man. Face it. How much did you write while you were messing around with her. Nothing. She was like creative poison for you.”

“What did you do?” I ask. My voice is a low, gravelly growl, and my fists are clenched. I can barely hear the sound of the music over the thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears.

“I forged the signature,” he says, like he’s annoyed to have to explain something so insignificant. “I had to do something to get her out of your head. Look man, she was just another groupie, another—”

I punch him in the jaw hard enough to spin him around and make him stumble to the ground where his glasses slip from his face and shatter.

“Fuuuck,” he hisses, touching his jaw and glaring up at me. “What the—”

“Get up,” I say, standing over him. “Please. Give me an excuse to punch you again. Maybe I can break some fucking teeth this time.”

He slumps down, shaking his head. “You’re making way too big a deal out of this.”

I kneel, gripping his shirt and lifting him with both hands, ignoring the stunned silence as everyone at the party watches me manhandle my agent, who is half my size. I pin him against the wall and look up into his face. “You can have your fucking cut of the money, I don’t give a shit. But you’re done with me. Got it? Fired. And if I so much as see you again, I can’t promise I’ll stop hitting you until you stop breathing. So get the fuck out of here.”

“Fire me? I’ve known you since we were kids.”

I set him back down roughly, letting him drunkenly lose his balance and knock his own ass on the ground this time. “And now I’m firing you. Don’t ever let me see your face again.”

I leave the party in a rush, not caring to explain to anyone or stopping to make apologies. They’ll figure it out. All I know or care about right now is fixing what I fucked up with Lindsey. My first reaction is to feel an immense relief, because I didn’t want what Alec said to be true. Everything felt so fucking right with her. With Alec’s lie exposed, there’s no reason it can’t be again. Except the fact that I didn’t believe her.

My stomach clenches when I remember her trying to explain what I now know is the truth to me in the hotel. Everything inside me felt like shit at that moment and I just wanted her to get a taste of how she’d made me feel, so I told her she was a good fuck and left.

Truth was, she wasn’t just a good fuck. She was the sexual experience of my life, like nothing I’d ever had with anyone else. I haven’t so much as touched a woman since we’ve been apart. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about it. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to settle for anyone else, even if she tells me I lost my chance and that I need to get lost.

I can’t let that happen though. Wherever she is, I’m going to find her and make this right.