Chapter Six

“Why does he hate me so much?” I ask.

Deyro and I are sitting at the bar down the street from Quint's club having a drink. Something to take the edge off a bit since I'm still a little keyed up about the Warden ripping me a new one – something I don't feel I deserved.

After I passed the Trials and was assigned to Quint's territory, Deyro had taken me under his wing – probably at Quint's command since we were roughly similar in age. But he talks to me. Trains with me. He tries to impart his wisdom. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that Deyro doesn't sugar-coat anything. He tells it like it is.

“He doesn't hate you. It's his job to be a hardass,” Deyro says.

“Yeah, well, he's really good at his job,” I grouse.

“You're still young. New,” Deyro said. “He's still getting to know you.”

“Does he have to be such an asshole about it?” I ask. “Why can't he just have a drink and a conversation with me?”

Deyro shrugs. “That's not really Quint's style,” he says. “Believe me when I tell you that I've been exactly where you are right now. I was the new kid. I was young and just coming into the ranks of the Rangers. I got a baptism by fire with Quint. He wasn't what I expected at all.”

I take a long swallow of my beer and set it back down on the bar. The place is dimly lit – a hole in the wall. It's dim, a little dingy and battle scarred. The place has been here a while and has seen generations of people moving through its doors, wearing grooves into the bar stools we're sitting on. It is, in every sense of the word, a dive bar – the polar opposite of Club Ice. And honestly, I'm surprised that a guy like Deyro feels so at home here.

Deyro is something of a legend among the young, aspiring Rangers. His cavalier attitude and willingness to flout authority is widely admired among those in training – me included. To be honest, his rebelliousness is as legendary – if not more so – than his skill with a blade. His brash, bold attitude is something many of us have tried to emulate.

Which is why I've been so surprised by him – he's nothing like his legend suggests. He's just another of Quint's loyal foot soldiers. And any streak of rebelliousness he was supposed to have seems to have evaporated somewhere along the way.

To use the parlance of humans, from where I'm sitting, Deyro seems to have sold out.

“Tell me something,” Deyro says. “Why did you take the Trials? Why did you want to be a Ranger in the first place?”

I shrug. “It's what I've always wanted,” I say. “I remember being back in Chondelai when I was young. I remember the esteem the Rangers were held in. That they were feared and admired.”

“So, basically, you wanted to do it because of the status of being a Ranger?”

“No, I think it's an honor to be a Ranger,” I say. “I'm proud to do what I do.”

“Because it raises your esteem in the eyes of others? In the eyes of your Clan?”

Honestly, I hadn't thought about it that deeply or in quite those terms before. I know that for most, becoming a Ranger is a calling. A passion. I know that some do it because they truly believe in protecting humanity. They believe in the mission of the Rangers. They're true believers.

I guess it's never been about the calling for me. And if I'm being honest with myself, I guess I have to say that esteem played a role in me taking the Trials in the first place. I grew up in a House within my clan that wasn't held in very high regard. And I knew that becoming a Ranger would increase the esteem of my House.

So, I trained hard, worked my ass off, and became the youngest Ranger ever – which increased the esteem of my House exponentially. Maybe it is selfish – but we're all selfish from time to time. I'm here and I'm doing my job. Does it matter that I'm not necessarily a true believer like some?

“I used to be the youngest Ranger under Quint,” Deyro said. “And just like you, I was a bit cocky. Arrogant. A little full of myself.”

“I don't think I'm any of those things,” I say.

Deyro chuckles. “I'm telling you that you are though,” he says. “Confidence is one thing. Confidence is good. But believe me when I tell you that there is always somebody out there who is better than you. Somebody who can take you down in a heartbeat.”

I take another long drink of my beer and look away, feeling irritated. Deyro is young, like me. He's supposed to understand where I'm coming from. He's not that much older than I am. He's supposed to understand me. He's supposed to help me. Not beat me down like Quint does.

“I took my share of lumps when I first got here,” he says. “Quint was always on me about something. I was frustrated and felt like I couldn't do anything right. Or that anything I did wasn't good enough. That's about the way you're feeling right now, right?”

I take another sip of my beer and nod. “Yeah, something like that,” I ask and turn to him. “What happened to you, Deyro? You used to be your own man. You said and did as you pleased. You used to be -”

“An idiot,” he cuts me off. “I used to be an idiot. Look, after I passed the Trials and first got here, I thought I was the greatest thing ever. I thought I was above everybody else and that I'd be running the show here in no time flat.”

“And what happened?”

“I grew up,” he says. “I learned that I'm not the biggest and baddest around. More than that, I learned that I don't have to be. I don't need to be.”

“Don't you want to be?” I ask.

“What does that get you, Wyn?” he asks. “Look at you. You strut around here like you own the place. But what have you done? You passed the Trials. So, what? Everybody here passed the Trials. You're skilled with a blade, Wyn. Very skilled. But the way you walk around, like the rest of us are beneath you – is it any wonder you get the cold shoulder from people?”

“Do you think I care?”

“You should,” he says. “Who do you think is going to have your back in a fight? Or – not have it?”

I drain the last of my beer and set my glass down on the bar a little harder than necessary. I'm frustrated and feel my anger only growing. Anger at what, I'm not sure of. This isn't Deyro's fault and I'm not angry at him. I'm just – angry.

“You should work more on fitting in,” he says. “On being part of the team rather than set yourself apart and lone wolf it. Life here doesn't have to be as difficult – or as lonely and isolated – as you're making it.”

“I'm not lonely,” I reply and give him a grin. “Have you seen some of the women who come home with me?”

He shrugs. “If that's how you want to live your life,” he says, “far be it from me to say otherwise. But sometimes, you find somebody you connect with. Somebody you never expected and it really changes your perspective. Turns your life upside down – in a good way.”

I know that he's speaking of his wife, Alexis. She's a human who fights alongside the Rangers – part of a group called The Children of the Dawn. She's good with a blade and good in a fight. I'll never take that away from her. With the lifting of the sanction, a number of Rangers have taken human brides. And most, like Deyro, seem – content. Happy.

But I don't know that marriage – to a human or otherwise – is for me. Personally, I enjoy tasting all of the different fruits that this world has to offer. And I don't see anybody coming along to turn my world upside down anytime soon.

“Finding a connection, Wyn,” he says, “be it with a woman, a friend, or one of your brothers here – it gives you some grounding. I honestly don't care what your reasons were for becoming a Ranger. Ultimately, it's irrelevant. You're here. And you need to learn to be one of us. You need to find something that's worth fighting for.”

“Conform or die, huh?” I ask, my tone wry.

“No, nothing so stark,” he replies. “But when you realize there are things bigger than you and you have something to fight for, something worth protecting – that's when you start to grow. That's when you start to learn and evolve – and become something better than you are right now.”

“Something better than I am right now?” I ask. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Deyro shrugs. “That's up to you to figure out,” he said. “One thing you should keep in mind though, is that respect is earned. What you did in Chondelai doesn't matter here in the world of man. It's what you do here that counts.”

He tips me a wink as he slides off his stool and drops some cash on the bar before turning and looking at me again.

“Oh, if you want to get on Quint's good side?” he says. “Aside from not being a dick and blowing off your assignments, be a little more proactive. Get him some solid intel. Find out what you can dig up on this girl – this Kaitlyn. See if you can figure out what's going on with her.”

I return his gaze but don't have anything to say, so I just nod. Giving me a nod in return, he turns and leaves the bar, leaving me alone with his words and the bitter sting of his rebuke. There are a thousand different thoughts swirling through my head that weren't there before – and it's annoying as hell.

Sliding off my stool, I leave the little dump of a bar behind and head out into the darkness of the night, looking for something to take my mind off what's been a dumpster fire of a day.