Too long was a ridiculous understatement. Carson closed his eyes, remembering a hot summer night when they were kids—when they’d spent the night on the same beach with a group of friends after a game victory. Funny how the whole world around them could celebrate, raising hell and drinking to the wee hours of the morning, but Carson and Sadie always managed to carve out their own existence, blocking out the noise—focusing on each other.
Shaking the thought, Carson wrapped his arms around Sadie. “I’ve missed you too, Kitty Kat.”
She didn’t try to squirm free. Instead, she took a deep breath. “So what does that mean for us? Because I can’t handle another heartbreak, Carson.”
Sadie avoided confrontation. How many times had she left to escape an uncomfortable situation? But she had to ask the question.
“Nothing’s changed for me,” he said. “I know we’ve moved on, dated other people, but here we are, back where it all started. I don’t believe in coincidence, Sadie.”
“We’re not teenagers anymore, Carson. This…” She gestured between them. “Is the product of seven years of silence.”
Exactly what was she referring to? The sizzling, mutual attraction between them? The painful erection he’d been sporting all night? Did it matter? “That silence was one-sided, Sadie. You refused to take my calls or answer my texts. When that didn’t work, I wrote a dozen letters only to have them returned, unopened.”
She tilted her head. “What letters?”
Carson rolled his eyes. “Probably better you didn’t read them.”
“No. What letters, Carson?”
“The ones spilling my guts. I wrote half of them while I was drunk.”
“I-I never received them.”
He tried to wave it off. “Pretty sure it wouldn’t have made a difference. They were returned unopened and I threw them away. Then you left. End of story.”
“Maybe my parents sent them back, Carson. I’m sorry.”
In his mind, things had never really ended; she simply broke up with him and then disappeared. “We had big plans, remember?” Plans she obviously didn’t want to be a part of. He shook his head—knowing Sadie Reynolds still had the power to hurt him. The only problem? There wasn’t any offensive line to protect Carson against whatever weapons Sadie had. Only him and her, one-on-one. And she was definitely his weakness—with her irresistible pouty mouth and wide green eyes.
“You had big plans.”
“You’re right, Kitty Kat.”
Had she misheard him? He was admitting to putting his own dreams above hers?
“I never wanted to go to Florida. I wanted to experience something different—New York or New England. You had ten scholarship offers, three of them from schools I would have considered attending with you. But instead, you did whatever Coach told you to do.”
“That’s not fair,” Carson said. “The man made it possible for me to go pro. I owed him…”
She shook her head. “You only hear what you want to hear. That’s why I left, Carson. That’s why I put myself first for once.”
Carson had relived those heart-wrenching moments again and again, remembering every word and every look on Sadie’s face the night she broke up with him. He’d suffered through the aftermath, overhearing all the ugly things people in their hometown had whispered behind his back about her, how she had used him in high school to get what she wanted and then dumped him the minute she received her scholarship. Those memories had scarred him—triggered his self-destructive mode, sending him on the longest drinking binge he’d ever had.
“Losing you nearly ended my football career before it even started.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“You knew?”
“You made the national news a few times that summer. And Barbi and Erika…”
“And that never made you want to reach out?”
“I-I…”
“Did it, Sadie?” She owed him that much. Because if there was any hope of him having a future, possibly a family, he needed to know. No woman could live up to Sadie. He’d always hoped they’d cross paths again, get a second chance. But after seven long years, that hope was about to finally faded to a fantasy unless she showed him that she still cared.
“Yes. Do you think I enjoyed watching your life unravel? Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I stopped caring.”
“If you’d just reached out once…”
“I did,” she finally admitted.
Even in the dim moonlight he could see tears in her eyes—the regret. Yeah, he’d felt that way too many times to count. “When?”
“I-I called several times, but when you answered the phone, I lost my nerve and hung up.”
He wracked his brain trying to remember those phone calls but couldn’t. Everything about those first few weeks without her was fuzzy.
“Why? I was still the same, Sadie. Still loved you, and sure as hell wanted you back.”
“I was an emotional wreck—fragile and so unsure of myself. I felt so naked without you, Carson. I don’t expect you to understand this next part. I needed to find my own way, to prove to myself that I could stand on my own two feet.”
“Why wouldn’t I understand?”
“Because you’ve always had direction and confidence to spare. Your football career started in high school. The first time you threw a pass, everyone knew where you were headed.”
“You’re the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met, Sadie. Everyone knew you’d get a scholarship. It screwed me up.”
“Why?”
“If you keep a butterfly in a bottle too long, it’ll suffocate. I knew Fairhope was your bottle, sweetheart. You were never happy there. Eventually we had to face that fact. I wanted to return to Alabama after college, and you wanted to leave forever. I just wasn’t able to see that so clearly back then. I thought being married to me would be enough to keep you there.”
Sadie twined her fingers with his and raised his hand to her lips, placing a feather-light kiss on his knuckles. “I did love you, Carson.”
His heart stilled at the familiar tone. The emphasis on those three words he’d have killed to hear from her just one time over the last seven years. Catching her face between his hands, his thumb moved nervously over her bottom lip. She didn’t reject his touch; if anything, she stepped into him, pressing her cheek against his hand, indicating she wanted more.
He shoved his free hand through his hair. Should he take advantage of the moment? Push her boundaries, see how far she’d go with him? He held her chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting her face so she was forced to look him in the eyes. “You’re all over the place, Sadie. Condemning me one minute, giving me hope the next. Tell me what you want.”
Carson knew what he wanted—to touch her—to make love all night long. Those comfortable leather seats in his Viper reclined…
She seemed to struggle for a breath, her eyes still locked on his. “I’m not sure anymore.”
“Let me help you make up your mind.” Tugging her close, his tongue tangled with hers, the kiss all-consuming. The time for restraint was over. Immersed in her sweet fragrance and equally delicious taste, his hands roamed boldly up her back. Sadie dug her fingernails into his arms, standing on her toes for better access to his lips.
Christ, he’d wanted this forever. His fantasy had suddenly and unexpectedly turned real. Lust boiled in his veins and the air crackled with desperation—the kind of desperation only years apart could make. Unanswered questions didn’t matter anymore. Everything Carson needed to know could be found in Sadie’s hungry kisses. In the way she looped her arms around his neck and plastered her tiny body against his.
On a growl, he greedily scooped her up, and Sadie locked her ankles behind his back. Cupping the nape of her neck, he deepened that kiss, not wanting it to end. Somehow, he made it to the front of his car and lowered her onto the hood. Spread out before him like a feast, he stared admiringly—her hooded eyes, kiss-swollen lips, slim legs opened wide enough to grant him a peek of the red panties she was wearing underneath her ass-hugging dress, all too much to take. It transformed him from the respectable man he’d intended to be tonight to the sex-starved animal he’d always been when it came to the girl he once loved.
His cock throbbed. “Sadie…”
She gazed up at him. “I know what I want.”
They’d both had a bit to drink, but not enough to get drunk. Definitely not enough to make Sadie offer her body to him without knowing what she was doing. He’d hate himself, otherwise. As much as it pained him to question her choice, he said, “Tell me you’re sure, baby. I need to know.”
She nodded silently, then slowly lifted her skirt, revealing those lacy red panties. Carson moaned in utter lust as he leaned over his car, gently pushing her back down, using one hand to lower her underwear to her ankles, then completely from her body. His thin thread of restraint snapped. He couldn’t tear his eyes away at the perfectly trimmed strip of red curls that crowned her pussy.
She lifted her hips in invitation, eyeing him. “Is something wrong, Carson?”
“Wrong?” he repeated, thinking her crazy for even asking. “No, sweetheart, everything is perfect.” Too perfect.
Maybe that’s why he feared what would happen after he caressed her the first time—what consequences would follow. Lust and a mixture of anger and desperation jabbed at his heart and cock at the same time. Did he still love her? Or was all of this just a way to prove to himself that she had suffered as much as he had? That she wanted him as much as he wanted her?
Gripping her legs, he pulled her toward him, close enough to bend at the hips to reach her delectable mouth. Breathing her in, he captured her lips in another possessive kiss, his right hand finding the wet warmth of her core.
At first, he gently stroked her, his fingers dancing over her soft flesh. When that wasn’t enough to satisfy his growing need, he slid a finger inside her. She cried out, wiggling underneath him. Carson closed his eyes for a long second, the velvet smoothness of her tight pussy something he never wanted to forget.
“Carson…” She traced the seam of his lips with her fingertips. And when his mouth opened, she offered him two of her fingers. Sucking them into his mouth, he watched her respond to his touch, her sighs almost as gratifying as feeling her quiver. He rotated his wrist, increasing the pressure on her clitoris, teasing her.
His girl had always been wet and ready, never needing too much foreplay. Was she the same, or had her tastes changed? Whatever she wanted, he’d give it to her. The ripple of anticipation that started at his toes and worked its way up his body nearly had him shaking. Another example of the power she had over him. He growled and withdrew his hand from between her legs and stepped back.
She watched as he licked his fingers, her scent and taste triggering a new wave of memories. Carson unzipped his jeans and his erection sprang free from the restraint of his snug jeans.
Raising herself onto her elbows, Sadie didn’t hold back. Her fascination with his body had never been a secret. And that hadn’t changed after all these years, either. She reached for his cock, running her fingers down its hard length, meeting his hungry gaze as she lightly squeezed him over and over again.
“You’re killing me, Kitty Kat,” he groaned.
“Then what are you waiting for?”
Urging her back with a little more force this time, she bent her knees and pressed them into his chest as he positioned himself between her thighs. Condoms—hell—he didn’t have any. “Sadie—we can’t—I didn’t bring any protection…”
“I’m on the pill, Carson.”
“What about…”
“I have access to your medical records…as for me, it’s been so long…”
“How long?” His ego demanded her to say it, that she hadn’t felt right with another man.
“Two years,” she whispered. “And I’m desperate to make up for lost time.”
Hell. Carson drove into her with wild abandon, burying himself balls deep. Every muscle in his body tensed as he pumped his hips, holding her legs against his chest, dipping down to take those sexy lips again. Her tongue darted between his lips, wrestling for dominance with his, exploring the depths of his mouth.
She bucked underneath him, meeting him stroke for stroke, forcing him into a frenzied pace. Too much all at once. Her legs started to quiver uncontrollably and she closed her eyes, crying out his name. At the same moment he groaned violently, the friction and force of their movements causing him to explode inside her, the power of their shared orgasms stole their breath.
It wasn’t enough for Carson. And not nearly good enough for the girl he’d always loved. Cradling her face between his palms, he eyed her. “I want more, Kitty Kat.”
She cupped his cheek. “More,” she repeated hoarsely, looking good enough to eat.
All the confirmation he needed, he pulled out and flipped her over, careful not to hurt her, not giving a shit about his car.
Not needing any prompting, Sadie positioned herself on her knees, her back arched, that heart-shaped ass high in the air. Carson gripped his cock, stroking it as he took in the perfect view.
Sadie straightened her skirt, smoothing what wrinkles she could. Carson had seen through her defenses—offering her exactly what she needed—him.
“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, hugging her from behind.
She sighed as he kissed the top of her head. “Better than okay,” she said, meaning it. She turned in his arms and gazed up at him. He looked happy. “Thank you.”
“For what?” The effect of his sexy, boyish grin went straight to her core.
“For making me feel alive again, Carson. I’m so career-focused, I’ve neglected my personal needs.”
His smile widened. “You don’t need to worry about that anymore. I’m here now.” He rubbed his hands down her arms.
Here now, but where would he be the moment something bigger and better than her came along? Although she’d given herself to him tonight, that didn’t translate into renewing their relationship. Like she’d always known, his football career and the desire to stay in Alabama made it impossible for them to resurrect anything long term.
“I guess we should talk about that, Carson.”
“Shoot, sweetheart.” He leaned against the side of his car, crossing his long legs and arms, looking too cool and relaxed for comfort.
“We shouldn’t kid ourselves about what happened tonight. It was amazing, and I’m sure it provided some relief for whatever residual feelings you have left from our time together.”
“Jesus Christ, Sadie.” He shook his head. “How can you disconnect so quickly? People don’t just do what we did because there’s unresolved issues from their high school relationship. Stop hiding behind our past and start accepting what’s in front of you. I’m not a boy anymore, and you sure as hell aren’t the same girl.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, offended by what he might be implying.
“You’re all grown up, sophisticated and independent, as polished as any New England white collar I know.”
“Does that make you uncomfortable, Carson?”
He laughed. “Why should it?”
“Because you chose to stay close to home for college, and then moved back to play for the Warriors. That means you never really had to change.”
“You already admitted I changed for the better, Kitty Kat.”
“Yes,” she confirmed. “You’ve managed to carve out this amazing career and stay true to the values I know your parents worked so hard to instill in you. Considering all the pressure you live with—playing like a superstar, pleasing the fans, earning all that money…It’s admirable, believe me.”
“But not good enough for you.”
“You belong here, Carson. I don’t.”
“You were born in Alabama, raised here.” He pushed off the car and came at her, resting his hands on her shoulders. “What are you afraid of?”
Why did all of her closest friends and family members ask her the same questions? What are you afraid of, Sadie? Why did you run away from the perfect life, the perfect man? Why can’t you stay in one relationship long enough to build something meaningful? “I live in South Carolina, Carson. I have a great career. My parents live in Huntsville. The only connection I have to Fairhope is Barbi and Erika.”
“You’re avoiding the question, Sadie.”
“Part of it is about my father—how everyone judged him, calling him the town drunk, the loser on disability. I didn’t like the way people looked down on him and Mom, or me.”
“I thought that stopped…We dealt with that.”
“Just because I was your girlfriend didn’t mean everyone supported our relationship. Fairhope is full of old money, Carson. People who expect things to stay a certain way.”
“I’m sorry, Sadie.”
“It wasn’t your fault. Maybe I should have told you. But I can’t move back here and be that girl again, Carson.” He had helped her so many times, and his closest friends had been so accepting of her. She missed that part the most. The companionship, belonging to a group of people that would do anything for their friends.
When she went silent he returned to the car and opened the passenger side door. “Let’s go, sweetheart.”
Feeling relieved and sad at the same time, Sadie slipped into the seat. Carson had made her feel like a woman again, so why couldn’t she accept that precious gift and just let fate lead the way?
As Carson joined her inside the car, she knew the other half of her answer—because he’d always had a set expectation of what a wife should be: a helpmate and mother, living her life around him and their children, definitely not focused on her own career. That, and his past selfishness, scared her more than anything.
She didn’t blame him. They’d both grown up in a traditional Southern town that seemed to be stuck in a time warp from the 1950s. But she’d escaped. He hadn’t.
No, Carson Savage was a sweet memory, one she’d cherish forever. And whatever time they spent together over the next few weeks would only add to those memories. But once she returned to South Carolina, that had to be the end of them, right? What else could she do? What was she willing to do? Sadie stared out the passenger side window, feeling more confused than she ever had.