Chapter Four
Back to square one, or was it the scene of the crime? No, no crime had been committed here in this beautiful stretch of clear meadow in front of the woods she once loved. Well, maybe if looks could kill, there might have been. Nissa shivered at the reminder of her brother’s angry glare and the beautiful, naked man who had lived through it.
She needed to get her mind out of the gutter and focus on the task at hand—shifting and running free for a while. What had he called it? Barely shifted. Zach had explained on their walk out here that she had only given her poor bear a taste of all she desired. Kind of like handing a kid rainbow-colored cotton candy and telling him he could only have a nibble.
Who did that anyway? Just a nibble? And wouldn’t anyone be better off not knowing what it tasted like rather than knowing what they were missing? Zach’s mention of cotton candy led her to think of moose tracks ice cream. Yeah, she was plenty happy with chocolate until the day she learned about the decadence of peanut butter and caramel swirls with chunks of fudge. She never went back to plain chocolate after that and always kept a few extra pints of moose tracks in the freezer—just in case. She might or might not have eaten a full case of the stuff after the Asshole Event.
“Were you listening to a word I said?” Zach’s eyebrows did that thing where one rose, and the other remained still.
“Yeah.” She kicked a stone into the woods. “But then, I started thinking of ice cream. And I didn’t get enough to eat. Bears need a lot more food to keep going.”
His lips curved up, and his eyes twinkled. “I’ll feed you properly after we get our shift done. Just try it a few times and see what happens.”
“Okay. Explain the barely shifted thing again, please.”
“In your case, I would call it b-e-a-r-l-y shifted. Your bear’s need to run free isn’t the same as your need for ice cream.”
“But I need ice cream.” She didn’t like the high-pitched whine that left her mouth.
He laughed, and finger flicked her forehead. “You need oxygen to breathe. You need water to hydrate. You need food to give you energy. You need to sleep to regenerate your powers and heal your body.”
“Yeah, I think ice cream should be in there somewhere.” She shook her head and grinned. “Okay, okay, ice cream isn’t necessarily a life or death thing—unless you take my last pint.”
“Duly noted.” He smiled and sat down to lounge in the lush grass. “Does your bear get overwhelmed by being around a lot of people or in large buildings with no windows? Does she feel better when she can at least see the mountains?”
Nissa nodded. “My bear loved it here. This exact spot actually.” She lay on her back to look at the clouds overhead. “When I was younger, I would stay out here and bask in the sun, feeling the warmth of the golden rays seep through my skin and into my soul. It sounds stupid.”
“No, it doesn’t. Keep going.”
“When I got too warm, I would shift into my bear and run through the woods as fast as I could go. My feet felt like they never touched the ground. I was light and free, like I was part of the wind that blew around me. The breeze cooled my thick fur as I ran. I had the coolest trail that ran between the trees and boulders, and it was only mine. It took me down to the bank of the pond where, without even looking, I would just barrel into the water. It wasn’t much of a drop, just a few feet. If you tried to do that from up here, you’d probably break a leg or something. The water was always cold and would clear my thoughts and refresh me. My whole body. My bear. Everything that made me, me. It was renewed in that one afternoon.”
“Why’d you stop doing those runs?”
Tears sprung to her eyes, and she angrily rubbed them away. “You think I abused my bear by cooping her up. That I’m a horrible person.”
“No. I don’t.” His firm lips grazed her forehead, and the spot he had just kissed heated. “I just want to help you find your bear again. She’s obviously still in there, waiting for you.”
“I’m afraid to lose my human side.”
“As in going feral?” He cocked an eyebrow and lay down next to her on his side.
“Well, that too. But mostly, I just remember the men in our clan, my father and uncle. They weren’t feral, but they allowed their animal sides to rule them and tore our clan apart. I guess I am afraid that’s going to happen to me.” She shrugged and sat up. “I’m afraid of my bear, of letting her loose and then losing control.”
“Your Alpha, your brother, doesn’t seem the sort to let you get hurt that way. Don’t you think he could help you if you needed it?”
She nodded again and wiped her nose on her shirt. Not her classiest moment, but it was probably better than having snot running down her face in front of the guy that might possibly be her mate.
Mates don’t mind a bit of snot, dork.
Nissa didn’t have the energy to reply with a sarcastic retort, so she let that one slide. “I didn’t mean to hurt my bear or myself. I just wanted a break. I was scared.” When the tears started falling harder, Zach pulled her into his chest, letting her sob freely.
He smelled wonderful. His woodsy, musky scent combined with the saltiness of her tears, and she settled fully into their embrace. This was the closest she had ever gotten to the release she used to get in the woods, and she embraced it as if it were her only lifeline.
She took one, last, hiccupping sob and pulled her cheek from the warmth of his chest. “Thanks. Sorry about that.” She rubbed her eyes. She probably looked like hell, but she didn’t care. It felt like some of the fuzz was clearing and she could think again. It was like watching the first five minutes of a 3D movie without the special glasses, then putting them on to see everything come into focus.
Zach was in focus. The perfect lines around his eyes, laugh lines. The perfect scar on his forehead. His perfect blue eyes, shimmering like the pond that used to bring her peace. His perfect mouth with firm lips that she wanted to kiss to again…
“Come on, little bear.” Zach stood and helped her to her feet. “Are you ready to try again? Try to get from bearly shifted to full bear?”
“Okay. But I’ll warn you. I tried three more times last night and twice this morning. She wants to come but isn’t following through.”
“Let’s see if we can give her a push.” He smiled, took her hand, and led her to the edge of the woods.
Okay, it was time to get nekked again. All the times she had done this before had been in front of her family or the rest of the clan, and it had never been a big deal. But standing in front of Zach, with his perfectly chiseled body and kind eyes that no amount of bad boy looks could hide, she felt for the first time, inadequate.
He was already naked and waiting patiently for her to shimmy out of her clothes. She looked down at her wide hips and soft belly. She’d lost a good bit of her curves during her time in the city this past year, trying to please Asshole and her skinny roommate. What would Zach think if he ever saw how much bigger her tummy was at its normal size? How much wider her hips would be? And, oh Lord, her ass.
Dammit, she was a bear. She was supposed to be bigger than the average human woman, even the average shifter. Zach would be better off with a sleek, gorgeous wolf with firm, small boobs and a tiny waist. Not a waist that loved fudge ripples and peanut butter. She squinted her eyes for a moment and thought about escaping before Zach could see her nude form. She accepted her body. She loved her curves and wouldn’t mind getting those extra pounds back. They made her Nissa. But she couldn’t stand the thought of Zach’s eyes turning cold with revulsion when he fully took in her form. Wolves were sexy and strong and muscular. Not bulky and wide like her and her family. If he shunned her, her already aching heart would break into a million pieces. Damn, she was a fragile girl, wasn’t she? All because of Asshole.
Well, she wasn’t going to take this anymore. If Zach wanted to be an asshole about her curves, then it was his loss. Yeah, she would cry once he left. But she wouldn’t let him see how much he hurt her. She flung off her top and unclasped her bra, letting her breasts free. Then she quickly shoved off her pants and panties with a growl. “For the record, I am just doing this so you can help me get my bear out. I don’t give a shit what you think of my body. I know I’m not like the women you are used to, but it doesn’t matter to me. You can just take a flying—”
His lips crushed down on hers, silencing her. He stole her breath as he savagely attacked her mouth, darting his tongue in and out, claiming her fully.
She moaned and pressed herself against the hard lines of his body, reveling in the heat that built between them.
He pulled his mouth away from hers, and his eyes flashed dark and gold as he gripped her ponytail tightly in his fist, not allowing her to move except to try to catch her breath. “If you’d shut up, I could tell you what I think of your gorgeous body, little bear.” He pulled her ponytail harder, tilting her chin up, so she had to meet his heated gaze. “Except for needing to gain a few pounds, you’re perfect. I love the softness of your belly.” His fingers scorched their way along a trail down her tummy. “Your hips are big enough to handle me pounding into you with all my strength without having to worry about hurting you.” He gripped her hips hard, hard enough to leave bruises. “God, don’t get me started on your full, firm, exquisite breasts, or we might never get to shifting. I’d take your nipples in my mouth and feast on them.” His eyes flashed with desire. “I ache for you. Your perfect body calls to me.”
She shuddered as the heat built throughout her entire body.
“Now, are we going to get started with this shift, or am I fucking you senseless on the forest floor?” He growled and pressed himself against her.
God, he wasn’t kidding about being attracted to her. His thick cock pressed against her belly and she thought she might fall. Luckily, he held her up.
She took a shaky breath and nodded at him. “Dammit, let’s shift.”