I’d never been a lonely person.
Silence didn’t bother me. Stretches of time when it was just me was pure bliss in my opinion. Where others felt lost and alone, I found the life of a loner calm and peaceful.
Until Cara.
When I’d left the office on Friday night and found her gone without an explanation and her things vanished from my apartment without a trace, it was the first time the real definition of loneliness had finally sunk in.
Without her, the silent apartment I used to love so much now just felt empty and cold.
Like the man who occupied it.
After a hopeful hour of believing she might indeed return, balancing bags and dragging suitcases behind her, apologizing profusely for leaving me in the dark about her plans, I had given up and dived into a fresh bottle of scotch.
Let’s face it, who’d want to move in with this cluster fuck? After all, I had sabotaged her relationship to get her here in the first place.
What kind of sane person did that?
Jo had briefly questioned my sanity over the phone after I’d explained to her what I wanted, asking if maybe all I needed was a little time-out, which she’d be happy to give. When I’d blatantly turned her down, she had known I meant business, especially when I’d offered the substantial cash to back it up.
Having Jo seduce Tyler hadn’t been as hard as I’d thought it would be. Jo had said he was like every other stressed out young suit who walked in there—eager, hungry, and teetering on the edge. No doubt, he’d been tempted to jump more times than he could count, but a faithful girlfriend half a country away had always stopped him.
But now that she was here…
Now that she was real and things weren’t as he’d expected, it was the ideal time for him to stumble.
And he’d done so perfectly.
I’d thought I’d be the one to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and show her that he hadn’t been worth it in the first place. But she hadn’t even given me twenty-four hours, and I’d run like a coward—hiding in my bedroom rather than seeking her out like I should have.
Friday had bled into Saturday, and now, the first rays of light were just starting to break over the horizon on what was one of the longest weekends of my life. While I usually had no problem with occupying myself—either bringing work home, finding an old movie on TV, or making a late-night call to Jo—the hours that dragged on before a new workweek seemed endless.
I’d already drunk my way through the bottle of scotch, the reminder of it drilling its way into my head. But even that hadn’t lessened the sting of loneliness I felt, and the longer it lasted, the angrier I felt about it.
Since when did I walk around, moping over a girl?
Especially one I’d barely touched.
But, God, when I had…
Her body had been like putty in my hands, her lips had felt like velvet, and she’d tasted like fucking cream.
I put the memory deep in the back of my mind because even the slightest flashback would have me hard in seconds, which only reminded me of the fact that she’d left.
Without saying good-bye.
For all I knew, she’d gone back to the bastard. After everything he’d done, she could be cozied up to the big, dumb ox right now, wasting away their lazy Sunday, watching movies, as they cuddled under blankets in bed.
“Damn it!” I shouted, pushing myself off the couch. I stalked toward the kitchen in search of my next liquid meal.
Maybe this one would actually do the trick.
After an exhaustive hunt, tossing open every cupboard and drawer, I managed to find one miniature bottle of peach-flavored vodka and an empty bottle of tequila.
Where did that even come from?
Guess I had an errand to run.
Throwing on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, I grabbed a baseball cap to control the Mohawk that was starting to form from sleeping on the awkward sofa, and then I headed out.
A sharp yelp met me at the door.
Glancing up, I found a pair of familiar dark brown eyes staring back at me.
“I’ve never seen you in a baseball cap,” Cara said in a rush, obviously embarrassed by the terrible girl noise she’d just made in the hallway. It’d been so loud that I was surprised old Mrs. Fenton wasn’t sticking her nose out from across the hall to investigate.
“Well, I don’t wear suits all the time—something you probably would have discovered if you’d stayed around long enough.”
She blanched instantly, her eyes widening, and then she turned away from me.
Rather than the cool and aloof approach I was known for, apparently, I was going for direct and a bit desperate today.
Good move, Cavenaugh. Good move.
“I’m sorry. That was rude,” I said, softly touching her shoulder. “Let me start over.” I cleared my throat as she slowly turned back toward me. “Hi. How are you?”
A small smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Better. Thank you for asking. But I didn’t mean to interrupt your weekend. I can come back.”
“No, come on in. I just realized I don’t need anything anyway.”
“Okay, good. Because I was lying. I didn’t want to come back. I brought enough breakfast to feed a family of five, including teenagers. So, I hope you haven’t eaten.”
She held up her arms, each hand bearing a large bag of food from a bagel shop down the street. The smell of bacon, eggs, and freshly baked bread hit my nose, and my stomach instantly groaned in protest of its maltreatment.
“Starving,” I answered, stepping back to allow her entry.
“Perfect.”
I stood at the door, watching her walk past, and I took a moment to just stare at her.
In my house.
Twenty minutes ago, I’d felt alone and lifeless in this place. And, now, I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
She seemed to have this effect anywhere she went. She brought life to everything.
Maybe even me.
Cara wasn’t kidding about the food.
It was enough to feed the entire floor or keep me fed for at least a week.
“Did you think I lived with a traveling circus?” I asked.
Cara shoved the leftovers in the fridge, as I held on to the cups of coffee I’d brewed.
She laughed as we migrated into the living room, settling into the sofa I’d called home for the last two days. I quickly pushed the blankets and pillows out of the way, hoping she wouldn’t ask why it looked like someone had camped out here.
Her eyes shifted to the empty bottles on the table.
“Rough night,” I said evasively. “Crashed on the couch.”
She pursed her lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t call.”
Awkward silence followed.
I wanted to ask where she’d been, but then again, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer. If she said Tyler’s, I didn’t know if I could hold back the words that would inevitably fly from my mouth.
I was done being the nice guy, sitting idly by, waiting for the girl to make up her mind.
I was never that guy.
But I also didn’t want to be the one who was rejected and given a consolation breakfast as an apology.
So, I sat.
In silence.
Waiting for her to say something. The ball was in her court after all.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said suddenly.
I looked at her, amusement and perhaps a bit of surprise painted across my features.
“You’re worried.”
“How would you know that?” I asked.
Her hand lifted, and her finger extended toward my face. “Your forehead. Whenever you worry—which is practically all the time, by the way—you get this crease right down the middle, between your eyebrows. And, when it’s really bad, you run your hands through your hair until you have pathways of worry etched in it.”
My arms folded across my chest as the feeling of vulnerability took over. In all my life, people had always seen me in one way or another.
Rich kid.
Playboy.
Boss.
Loner.
But no one had ever really seen me.
She did though. Maybe more than I saw myself.
“And what am I worried about?” I asked, my voice betraying the heavy emotions I was carrying.
“Me. Or at least I’m hoping it’s me. Otherwise, I just spent a ridiculous amount of money on bagels.”
“You left. What was I supposed to think?” I said, my head falling back against the sofa in frustration.
“I know, and I’m sorry. But try and look at it from my side. I leave my cheating boyfriend, in the middle of the night, and where do I go? Who do I seek out? You. I could have gone to Lauren’s. I could have gotten a hotel room, but no, I came here.”
“It seemed to work out that first night.”
“It did, but I wasn’t thinking clearly, and if I’d returned, especially after that kiss, I would have done something I’d regret.”
My head jerked back up, my eyes wide.
“Let me finish, please. I needed some time. Time to think. Time to process. And I’m not saying I’m one hundred percent okay with everything now, but I’m at least back on my feet.”
“So, you’re not back together with him?” I asked, feeling like a dumbass but needing to know for sure that he was out of her life. For good.
“No.” She nearly laughed. “Is that where you thought I was? Back with Tyler? Oh gosh! No. My best friend from college flew in and was going to help me find an apartment, but when we went back to pack my things, I discovered Tyler had already beaten me to the punch. Plus, out of guilt, he’d paid the rent through the summer of next year. So, since I’m rent-free for the foreseeable future, we went shopping, and I’ve been decorating my apartment. My very own apartment. That sounds weird.”
“You’re babbling.”
“I know, but I didn’t get much sleep last night, and it only gets worse when I’m sleep-deprived… and nervous. And I happen to be both right now.”
I leaned forward, my eyes following hers. “Why are you nervous, Cara?”
“Because of you. You make me nervous.”
A devilish grin flashed across my face. “Why?”
“Because you’re so… you. And me… well, I’m just… me, you know?” she stammered, her words not making any sense. “I was up practically all night, and you know what I was thinking about? Not my lying cheat of an ex-boyfriend. No. I was thinking of you. What you were doing, how you were. If you’d eaten without me around to remind you. And I began to wonder if that was normal, you know? To think so much about someone, especially after ending an eight-year relationship.”
She was talking a mile a minute now.
“But then, as the sun started to rise, I just decided I didn’t care anymore. I’ve spent my entire life preparing for every caveat, every detail. I research movies before I go to the theater and restaurants before I eat, and I never, ever do anything spontaneously. Hell, even moving here was planned years in advance. The only thing in my life that is spontaneous is you. And it’s thrilling and exciting, and maybe it’s too soon, but I don’t care.”
“Are you saying—”
She leaped forward, her body colliding with mine, and our mouths met once again.
Fucking hell, she still tasted like cream. Sweet fucking cream.
My mind went blank, and primal instinct took over. I pulled her closer, my hands sliding under the hem of her shirt. The soft touch of her skin drove me further, deeper. I wanted to touch her everywhere. All at once.
I wanted all of her.
But not like this.
Barely able to breathe, I pulled back, my chest heaving from the sheer restraint I was showing. For the first time, I noticed that her shirt was missing. In our frenzy, I hadn’t even realized. Looking at the floor, I found it in a small heap, forgotten and crumpled.
“I can’t do this.”
Her eyes bled disappointment almost immediately as she tried to pull away.
“No, let me finish,” I said, pulling her back into my arms. “I can’t rush this. I can’t let this be like every other time.”
“It won’t—”
My hand flew up to her lips, still bright red and swollen from our passionate kiss. That, combined with her perky breasts saying hello to me through the flimsy bra she wore, and I was about to come unglued.
“Would you let me finish?” I smirked.
She nodded, biting the bottom of her lip, as I settled my hand back on her thigh.
“Now, it might surprise you, but I’ve done this a time or two.”
She rolled her eyes, holding back laughter.
“And some, I’m not saying who, might consider me a bit of an expert in this particular area.”
“Really? This is where you want to go with this?”
“I have a point,” I said, grinning. “But none of that matters now because I don’t have a fucking clue how to do this.”
“What?” she asked, clearly clueless.
“Care. I don’t know how to care.”
Her eyes widened as she slightly pulled back. “You’ve never cared about any of the women you—”
“Nope.” I shook my head.
“Not even—”
“This is seriously where you want to go with this?”
“Point taken.”
“Listen”—I sighed—“I don’t want to hurt you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did. And the thought of rushing through this—I can’t. I need to live and breathe every moment, in case—”
“In case what?”
“In case you change your mind,” I admitted.
Her hands wrapped around my neck, and my eyes briefly fluttered closed from the contact. I could feel the tips of her fingers as they snaked around my jawline and sank into my hair.
“I know who you are, Roman Cavenaugh. I know where I am and what I’m getting into. So, please, do your worst.”
Her words terrified me. She did know me, probably more than anyone else in my life. And that was why I needed her, why I’d do anything to keep her—just to prove I was worthy of her.
I’d always told myself that I’d tell her one day—of my involvement with Tyler’s infidelity. But seeing her trust and adoration beaming back at me, I knew I’d never utter those words.
Because she was finally mine.
And I was never letting go.
Her legs wrapped around me as I walked down the hallway, desperately trying not to slam into the walls. Once my mouth had found its way back to hers while we were on the couch, it hadn’t left.
But I wasn’t about to take her on the sofa.
At least not this time.
Right now, I needed her in my bed. I needed her to sanctify this space, so when I awoke each morning, I’d remember exactly what it was like to feel her skin against mine and her body beneath me as I made her mine, over and over again.
Thankfully, we made it without incident to the master, and as I reached the foot of the bed, I slowly let her body slide down mine until she gently fell to the bed. Still touching her while her brown eyes were gazing up at mine, I took this moment to breathe her in.
To memorize her every feature.
The sloping curves of her shoulders, the subtle freckles on her cheeks, and the way her dark hair fell around her, like tiny strands of silk.
“You’re staring,” she said softly.
“Admiring,” I corrected her with a slight smirk. Lifting one arm over my head, I did away with my T-shirt in one swift movement.
A grin spread across my face as I watched her eyes widen in approval, like she couldn’t wait to lick every damn inch of me.
“Now, who’s staring?”
“What’s a better word for admiring?” she asked, her voice slightly shaky.
“Appreciating? Applauding? Worshipping?” I suggested.
I loved the dopey look that had spread across her face as her hands reached out to touch me.
“Yes. All of those. That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
Leaning down so close so that she could feel my warm breath against her neck, I whispered, “Then, lie back, so I can return the favor.”
She did exactly as instructed, giving me some room on the bed. Hovering above her, I felt like a king standing at the foot of a grand feast.
And I knew exactly where I wanted to start.
I inwardly groaned, loving the feel of my skin touching hers. It nearly crackled with intensity with every lingering touch. Placing featherlight kisses across her collarbone, I continued down between the valley of her breasts, still covered by the thin cotton bra. With two days of stubble on my chin, I worked my way to the button fly of her jeans, and her breath caught.
I briefly looked up, asking for permission. I wanted her to want this as much as I did. I wanted her to need this as much as I did.
With the slightest tilt of her head, my fingers made quick work of her jeans, sliding them down her legs and adding them to the growing pile on the floor. Climbing back up the bed, I abruptly froze.
“Are those…” I paused, trying to hold back the chuckle lodged in my throat. Pointing at her bright turquoise boy shorts, I continued, “Tiny hamburgers on your panties?”
Her face quickly turned twenty different shades of red before she covered it. “Yes!” she squealed.
Laughter broke free, and as I fell on the bed next to her, I found myself pulling her rigid hands away from her embarrassed face.
“I happen to love hamburgers,” I said with a devilish grin as my hand snuck down the taut planes of her stomach to the edge of her ridiculous panties. “And I happen to find these incredibly sexy.”
Before she could say anything in response, I sank my hand under her panties, finding her clit almost instantly.
“Holy crap!” she cried out, her back bowing in response.
Seeing her react to me was intoxicating. I suddenly felt invincible, like I’d just stumbled upon the greatest high known to man and I was the only one who knew about it.
When I gave it a tiny flick, she inhaled sharply. As I went deeper, she let out a deep moan.
“God, you’re wet.” It was like dipping my fingers into hot maple syrup. And I’d bet it tasted just as sweet.
I was pacing myself, doing my absolute damnedest not to rush this, but I knew if I didn’t have my mouth on her soon, I’d explode.
I felt the loss of her wet, warm body as my hand fell away from her panties. She lifted her eyes to mine, seeking answers.
“I need to taste you,” I said, my fingers curling around the hamburger hemline.
Her head lifted, hesitation in her eyes. “I’ve never… I mean—”
Understanding hit me like a ton of bricks, and I hated that douche of a man even more. Well, maybe not. It was one less place he’d touched her.
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
Her bewitching brown eyes peered into mine.
“Yes.”
“Then lie back,” I instructed, seeing her head fall back onto the mattress.
Just like the jeans, I slowly removed her panties, watching the tiny hamburgers dance their way down her legs until they fell to the floor with the rest of her clothing. I couldn’t help but take a moment to enjoy my new view.
“God, you’re beautiful,” I breathed out.
I placed tender kisses on the inside of each of her thighs. Her legs trembled as I worked my way up, closer and closer to her core.
Anticipation mixed with her nerves, I was sure. But, soon, all that would be replaced with need.
Pure, raw need that I would give to her.
Over and over again.
I took my time, grazing my lips over the delicate skin until the tip of my nose flicked the tiny pink bud of her sex. I felt her tense, as if waiting for me to change my mind.
As if that were possible.
If anything, the smell of her, the nearness of her body, only drove me further. My arms wrapped firmly around her thighs, spreading her wide, and in an effort to calm her, I leaned down and took what I wanted.
Hungrily.
I feasted rather than nibbled. I devoured rather than showing restraint. I wanted her to know what it felt like to be me. To be so completely spellbound by another that you couldn’t possibly hold back for another moment. Because that was what she did to me.
She tore me apart, in the best possible way.
Her legs squeezed around my head like a vise.
“Oh God, Roman!” she cried out.
I couldn’t help the grin spreading across my face as she neared her orgasm.
I was a fucking king now.
“Come on, Cara, scream for me,” I encouraged her.
Her body tightened around my tongue as she quivered and quaked, screaming out my name once again.
And it sounded like absolute fucking magic.