Chapter 12

 

~ ALLIE ~

 

 

I lie awake in my bed, only hearing the heavy breathing of dogs in the room. One sleeps at my side in the bed, while the other two sleep right next to me on the floor, so close I have to remind myself not to step on them if I get up in the middle of the night in the darkness. I’m not even sure which one is in bed with me until I reach out and feel the short hair of a corgi beneath my fingertips. I should have figured she’d be the one up here. Even though she is the smallest, she is by far the bossiest of the bunch.

Corgis aren’t little dogs. They are big dogs with short legs.

At the feel of her wet nose nuzzling my cheek, I rise.

The house is quiet, but it usually is. Even though Logan said he’d be doing some noisy work at night, the only thing I’ve seen him do at night is paint. I know he’s holding back because he doesn’t want to wake me.

I wonder how many other ways he’s holding back when it comes to me.

He’s out of town tonight, and the stretch of townhomes feels a little too empty with him gone. Kosmo is getting his heart surgery and Logan felt more comfortable staying close to the vet hospital in a hotel rather than having to drive three hours to constantly check on him.

But I wonder, just a little, if he needed to get away from me.

After that kiss, things pretty much went back to usual between us. He even let me help tile the bathroom, and I have to say, working that wet saw was a bit of a thrill.

I couldn’t let there be anything awkward, not after the pain I saw in his eyes. I don’t know what secrets he has, but I know they are too painful to deal with for him. And if he only wants a friendship from me, then by God, I’ll honor that.

There’s no hiding that I want more from him, though. Desperately. Enough that I nearly had to dust off my vibrator that I have stashed in my drawer. But the hum of modern technology in my vag would only depress me at this point. It’s Logan I want, not a battery-operated substitute.

What slays me is that it’s not even his looks that I find most attractive anymore. How could I be stuck on superficial when the guy is letting me stay here for free with my three rescued dogs? He actually listens and doesn’t think I’m crazy for my wild aspirations. He is an absolute dream uncle to his little niece. Toss in that undeniable SEAL presence he’s got, and it’s enough to make any girl go crazy for him, even if it wasn’t all wrapped up in such a handsome package of muscle-sculpted flesh.

He’s staying in Akron tonight—a place with a hell of a lot more single women than Newton’s Creek. And as much as I shouldn’t even be imagining this, I can’t help thinking he’s probably not sleeping alone tonight. He might have headed out for a drink, same as he did at Bergin’s that night, and had a ready-female follow him back to his hotel room.

I know. I was once that girl.

I wonder now, sometimes, what would have happened if I had stayed that night.

We would have had mind-blowing sex. Then we’d have run into each other the next day at the adoption event. Maybe if I hadn’t run off on him, he wouldn’t see me as the naïve young woman he seems to see me as now.

We could have stood a chance.

Or, on the down side, he might have seen me as the skanky girl who followed him to his room too easily and not have wanted to extend things. Easy is pretty easy to find when a guy looks like Logan.

In that case, I probably wouldn’t have had the offer to stay here rent-free, and the three dogs lounging in my room would have made their journey across the Rainbow Bridge compliments of the County.

Being a good girl, in this case, may not have been the best move for my libido, but it was definitely the best move for my dogs.

The upside of being Logan’s friend is that I am still in his life. Truth is, I really enjoy spending time with him. He’s spontaneous in a way that I’m not. When he pulled off a heap of cotton candy and affixed it to his face like a beard just to get a laugh out of Hannah at Buckeye Land a few days ago, my sides nearly split laughing.

Most guys who look like him like looking like a Greek god, and would never muck up their face with pink cotton candy. They’re too busy admiring themselves in the mirror.

I reach for my phone, considering leaving him a text asking about Kosmo. I’m sure he turns off the sound when he goes to sleep. Maybe a text from me in the morning might remind him I’m alive even if he wakes up with someone else in his bed.

I open my messaging app and see a text from Logan sent at 11:30 after I had gone to sleep. Damn. I should have left my phone on. I turn on the sound again.

“Just got off the phone with the vet,” it says. “Kosmo took a bit of a turn. Had a reaction to the anesthesia. I might be here a little while longer.”

Crap. I bite my lip as I start typing.

“Logan, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” I hit send.

Only seconds later, a call comes in and I recognize the number. “Logan?”

“Hey. What are you doing up this late?”

“It was too quiet around here.”

“You miss me.” He’s saying it sarcastically, but it couldn’t be closer to the truth.

“Maybe I do. It’s pretty lonely out here in the woods without you. Did you hear anything new from the vet since you wrote?”

“Not a word. I’ll head in there first thing in the morning. I’ll text you as soon as I know anything.”

“Or call. You can always call.” I have to admit, I feel better just hearing his voice. “So, why aren’t you sleeping, Logan?”

“Hate the quiet. I got a room right by the elevator and the vending machines hoping I’d get some noise, but I seriously don’t think there’s another soul on my floor. Lonely as hell in this bed without someone drooling on the pillow next to me.”

“Aw, is that an invitation?” I kid.

“Kosmo. I was talking about Kosmo drooling.” He laughs. “It really makes me wonder how the hell I managed in Annapolis without a dog.”

“Was it noisier there?”

“Yeah, a little. I was right on the Academy campus, but with the windows open I could still hear some city noises.”

“And I can’t imagine you slept alone much,” I say teasingly.

“Yeah, Vanessa was over a lot while we were together.”

Vanessa. It’s the first time I’ve heard him mention a name.

“Did that help?” I ask. “Having someone around?”

“It did, actually. Even though…” He stops short, which he doesn’t do often.

“Even though what?”

“Nah. Nothing.”

“What, Logan? I’m always dumping all my problems on you, why can’t you dump a little on me?”

There’s a long pause.

“I slept a lot worse back in Annapolis. It was kind of hard on Vanessa. She ended up leaving because of it. It was so soon after I got back from… well, it was pretty hard being around me at night. I have PTSD. Do you know what that is?”

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I may not have any family in the military, but I know something about it just from reading news articles. “Yeah, I know. Logan, I had no idea.”

“I’m a lot better now. Most the time I can make it through the night. Just sometimes it gets too quiet and I go a little nuts.”

It suddenly makes sense to me, why he’d like to work at night, why I’d find him sleeping on a hammock by a babbling brook in the middle of the night.

And why he’d think I was too young and naïve for a guy like him.

Why do I get the feeling Vanessa was about my age?

“Well, call me if you get that way. I snore. You can put me on speaker phone and have all the noise you would ever want.” I seriously can’t believe I just told him that.

“I know,” he answers.

My eyes widen. “You know I snore?”

“I can hear you sometimes through the wall. You’re pretty loud.”

I touch the wall, wondering if I’ll ever be able to sleep again knowing he’s on the other side of it. “I’m mortified.”

“Don’t be. I’ve slept a lot better since you moved in. I might have to ask you to stay after the renovation is complete just so I can keep sleeping so well. I was hoping Kosmo would be a loud dog. We had a beagle once who sounded severely asthmatic. Do you think I can put in a request now for a second dog, maybe one who sounds like Darth Vader?”

“I’ll keep my eyes open for one.”

I hear him sigh on the other end. “You should get back to bed,” he says.

“I was up already, remember?”

“What’s keeping you up?”

Thoughts of you, I want to say. I miss his presence here, and I know that even if friendship is all I ever get from him, that would be enough.

But I might be upgrading my vibrator to a newer model.

“I was thinking about you,” I slip, quickly catching myself by adding, “and Kosmo. I’m so sorry he’s not doing well.”

“He’ll be all right. I’ll probably be here another night though.”

“Do you need anything?’

Like me, naked with a big bow on my head, maybe?

“No, thanks.”

I frown, grateful he can’t read my mind.

***

Even after we hang up the phone at 2 a.m., I still can’t sleep. The idea of him unable to sleep in a quiet hotel room by himself has lodged a knot in my throat.

It’s all I can do to make it through my work day, and it is a busy one for a change. Nancy is in Los Angeles having a field day at a vegan conference and she’s got me editing her speech last minute.

I’m tapping away at my keyboard, but my mind is a hundred miles away. Well, 195 miles away to be exact, since I looked up the hotel information Logan left me on a mapping app on my iPhone.

My phone vibrates on my desk. A predictable warmth spreads over my skin as I see it’s from Logan, and I feel relieved to read that Kosmo will be able to come home tomorrow morning.

But even as I enjoy the relief of knowing one of my rescues will be all right, I feel an urge that I can’t quite put my finger on… at least not until Cass shows up at my door to pick up the samples from our newest line for a party tonight.

“Hey,” I call from my doorway as she pulls up. The sight of my car parked next to hers has me realizing just how desperately I want to drive to Logan right now.

He needs noise to help him sleep?

I can be noise.

“Hey. Got my vibrators ready?” Cass shouts back.

I roll my eyes, glancing down the walkway. Even though I know I’m the only one living here right now, sometimes Logan has an electrician or plumber coming and going as they bring #4 up to speed. But no one is in sight.

“Yep,” I reply. “Three new ones to show off. And a whole new summer line of scented lubricants. They’re only available till August 31. It’s part of their Weekend at the Beach line.”

“Yippee,” she says with marked sarcasm. I can tell Cass hates doing these parties, but she makes a killing at them, so obviously she’s good at faking it.

I lead her into the house and open my closet.

“Ahh, the closet of treasures.” There’s a smirk on her face. “So, do you have any parties scheduled tonight?”

“Nope. I’ve hit a dry spell.”

Concerned, she looks at me. “Do you need the money? I can pass tonight’s off on you, if you’d like. Should be an okay crowd. The woman attended a party I gave a month ago and wanted to host one herself to get a Model 62-Magnum for free.”

I nod, glad to hear the company’s monthly special is creating some buzz. “No, I’ll be all right.”

“Just going to hang around?”

“Yeah. Guess so.” My voice trails slightly.

“What’s that look?”

“What look?”

“That ‘I’ve got someplace I’d rather be’ look. Are you thinking of knocking on your hot neighbor’s door, and asking if you can borrow a cup of sugar?”

I snort. “No. He’s not even home. He’s in Akron while Kosmo gets his surgery done there.”

“He staying the night?”

“Two nights, actually. Kosmo had a reaction to the anesthesia and had to stay longer than expected.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. All by his lonesome.”

I can tell from the pout on Cass’s lips that she’s thinking the same thing I am.

Her grin is wide. “Need a dog sitter tonight, dear friend? I can swing by my place and pick up Skylar and camp out here for the night.” She shakes her head. “I’ll be jealous of you for at least a week, but I’ll get over it.”

“It’s not like that, really,” I inform her, because it isn’t. Getting laid really isn’t my motive tonight. (Okay, it’s my fantasy. Not my motive.)

But Logan told me about his PTSD in confidence, and I’m not about to tell anyone else, least of all Cass who tends to let things slip more easily than she should.

“Sure it’s like that.” Her eyes flash knowingly.

“I couldn’t.” I’m shaking my head as my small voice repeats weakly, “I couldn’t.”

“Sure you could, kid. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“He opens his door and has some hot blonde there sitting on his hotel bed.”

Cass shrugs. “I might put up with a threesome for a guy as hot as Logan.”

I laugh, smacking her on the arm.

“Come on, Allie. Didn’t you tell me he was trying to get you to be more spontaneous?”

I stare toward the front door, knowing my car is beckoning me on the other side. What would I do in this situation if it were Cass or Kim sitting in a hotel room with PTSD, unable to sleep? I’d haul my ass to Akron with a bottle of wine and a deck of cards to kill the hours.

Why should I be any different with Logan?

I nod slowly. “Okay, I’ll go.”

Cass enthusiastically claps her hands in glee. “I’m totally psyched. And not because you’re getting laid, but because I get to spend a night away from my psycho roommate.”

Laughing, I reach into the kitchen drawer for the extra key Logan gave me and hand it to her. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

“Not a bit. Now run upstairs and pack. I’ll be here by eleven tonight to let out the dogs. I promise.” She leans in and air kisses me on both cheeks—something I’m betting she picked up in New York, because it’s not something we generally do in Ohio.

As she darts out my door with her boxes of samples, I realize there’s no turning back.

And Lord knows, I have no plans of turning back anyway.