Chapter 1

Emma

I boosted the duffel bag further up on my shoulder and continued my slow progress toward the glass front doors of the apartment building. The suitcase behind me was heavy, laden with more than just my clothes and valuables. It, and the bag threatening to tear off my shoulder, were reminders of one painful fact—that even the best laid plans can wither and die in the time between two heartbeats.

This morning I woke up Emma Valentine, steady girlfriend of Lance Anderson, and the hopeful future Mrs. Anderson. Now, at nearly seven o’clock in the evening, I was plain old Emma Valentine—homeless singleton with a broken heart.

I huffed and puffed up the front steps and buzzed the apartment of my best friend Willow. I had texted her on the way over, providing a quick and sketchy version of what was happening and asking for a place to stay, but I hadn’t yet had the chance to explain more fully. She was fine with the short notice anyway, and understood that I too would have preferred a little more notice.

“Hey hon,” Willow answered. “I’m buzzing you in now.”

I made a mental note to give Willow a refresher course on apartment security, since I could be any random stranger buzzing her door, and she lived in Queens, not on the little farm her parents owned upstate.

Right now, however, I had other priorities.

The door clicked open and I shuffled forward and slipped through.

At least Willow’s building had an elevator. It was a small win, but I would take any win I could get these days. That was the kind of thing you appreciated when everything else in your life was in shambles.

No cardio today, life.

Willow’s door was open when I reached the fourth floor and she was waiting to hug me before I’d even stepped over the threshold. I only got a flash of her blonde hair and sea blue eyes before she was throwing her arms around my middle, and squeezing the living daylights out of me and my poor duffel bag.

“I’m so sorry about what happened, Em,” she said. “You can stay here as long as you need to.”

“Thanks, Will.” I hugged her back, my forehead resting just atop her crown of pale curls. She wasn’t all that much shorter than me at 5’4,” but the four inches sure made a difference when we were hugging.

“Come on,” she said, pulling back and smiling at me. “I’ve got a box of wine and all the kombucha you can drink.”

I grimaced. “Just the wine, I think.”

Willow laughed lightly, slipping around me to grab the suitcase so she could follow me inside. I dropped my duffel bag in the entranceway, my shoulder singing Hallelujah.

Willow’s apartment was one of my favorite places to be in the world. It wasn’t all that spectacular, but she’d worn it in over the years until it was uniquely her own. From the blanket wall hangings depicting various groovy designs, to the gigantic bean bag chair in the corner of her living room, perfect for snuggling up on with a book, the space had an eclectic charm that I’d hoped to one day have in my own place.

With Lance.

I was crying before I even hit the sofa.

Willow was an expert at dealing with other people’s emotions, which was more than I could say for myself. She gave me a little space while she poured our drinks and made a plate of snacks, then set the goods on the recycled driftwood coffee table and curled up against my side.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

The curiosity was killing her. I didn’t blame her. Why, after two years of exclusive dating and six months of living together, would Lance suddenly toss me on the street? It didn’t make any sense. I was under the impression we were building a life together.

“He, uh,” I sniffed. “He said that our relationship had grown stale.”

My voice cracked near the end and I reached for the wine, downing a healthy gulp before I felt able to continue.

“He said he wasn’t happy, that he didn’t love me anymore. And that…”

I didn’t know if I could say the last part.

Willow must have sensed this. She immediately started rubbing my back with fervor, probably a little more than was necessary.

“You don’t have to tell me now if you don’t want to,” she said. “Or ever if you really don’t want to.”

“No, no,” I said, wiping under my eyes. “I think it would be good to talk about it. I don’t think I’ve started processing yet and I need to.”

I gulped in a deep mouthful of air, then exhaled. My voice was small when I spoke.

“Lance said that everything that went wrong in our relationship was m-m-my fault.”

Willow immediately sat back, shocked, her ever-present bangles and earrings jangling with the sudden movement.

“He said what now?”

I stared at her balefully, not wanting to repeat it. She understood and grabbed the plate of snacks, handing me a slice of apple covered in peanut butter. It was good, though it didn’t fill the hole in my chest by a long shot.

“Well, I don’t believe him,” Willow said. “You’ve done everything for him. You worked your ass off every day so you could help him with bills when he was in between jobs. You put up with all his crap.”

She frowned, clearly puzzled.

“I just don’t get it.”

I shrugged.

“Neither do I. But the heart wants what it wants, right? And Lance has made it very clear that his apparently does not want me.”

“But to just kick you out like that! The nerve of him.”

I took another swallow of wine. I couldn’t imagine staying in the same apartment as him anyway, after everything that had happened tonight. He’d been callous and cruel, almost unflinching as I reacted to the news. The rejection hurt too much for me to want to be close enough for him to inflict another attack.

“Are you sure you’re okay with me staying with you?” I asked.

Willow nodded quickly, eyes wide.

“Of course! You’re my best friend and I’ll do whatever I can to help you. And for what it’s worth, I think this could be a good thing for you. You know how I felt about Lance. Feel, I mean, how I feel about him. Which, at this moment, is that he’s a complete ass, by the way.”

I nodded. Willow had never liked Lance, not from the first time they had met. It wasn’t any single thing she found fault with, just his overall personality. She didn’t like how aggressive and critical he could be, but for me those traits were indication that he was a driven perfectionist. Except, the only thing he’d ever seemed to perfect was his latest excuse for quitting his job, whichever one he had at the time. And, at the end of the day, even I could recognize that the Lance I’d fallen for was not the same one who’d unceremoniously ejected me from our apartment today.

“I know you didn’t like him, but can we keep the Lance-bashing to a minimum?” I asked, “at least for tonight?”

“Absolutely. Besides, that’s not what you need.”

I had no idea what I needed, so the thought that somebody else might was a huge relief.

“What do I need?”

Willow pushed another apple slice into my mouth and then demonstratively chugged back a huge portion of her wine.

I didn’t exactly agree that getting plastered and eating my weight in healthy snacks was what I needed, but I was willing to give it a shot. For science. After swallowing my mouthful of apple, I tipped my head back and showed I was truly in the spirit by drinking the remaining contents of the glass. Willow cheered and rose to refill my glass, and I indulged in another slice of apple.

Three glasses later, I realized what I did need. We were listening to one of Willow’s Billy Joel records, because apparently he had some sort of soul healing ability. It was about halfway through “Piano Man” that I realized what I needed to do.

“I need a life change,” I announced from my bean bag throne.

Willow, lying across the couch with her head over the side, looked at me with an upside-down smile.

“What kind of change? A new haircut?”

I self-consciously ran my hands over my auburn waves, horrified at the thought of something happening to them. I loved my hair. It was silky, shiny, and always seemed to have the perfect texture. There was no way in hell I’d be chopping it off in some sort of ‘new hair, new me’ effort.

“No, I mean like a big change.”

Willow sat up, sensing this was a serious conversation, and turned down the volume on the stereo.

“You know I’m all about change,” she said. “Lay it on me.”

“Uh, well...” I said, frowning. “ I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

Offering up an apologetic smile, I shrugged. “Help me?”

Willow laughed and came down to sit across from me, folding her legs into a perfect lotus.

“If you’re going to make a big change in your life, it needs to come from in here.” She said, pointing to her chest, just above her heart.

I normally hated when she tossed out trite expressions like that, but this time it struck a chord. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was Billy Joel. Maybe it was the bean bag chair. Whatever the case, I dug down deep and tried to figure out what my heart would tell me to do if it could speak. Which it couldn’t, no matter what Willow said.

Even though I was miserable about losing Lance, I did recognize that I wasn’t always happy when we were together. There was something missing from my life with him, something that I’d never really taken the time to explore, because I’d been afraid of pushing him away by doing so.

“I want independence,” I said. “Lance always got to dictate how I lived my life. And before Lance, it was my parents. I’ve been in a rut for God knows how long now and it’s time for me to get out of it.”

Willow pumped her fists in the air.

“Yes! That is exactly what I think you need! That was some great soul-searching, babe.”

I smiled, pleased with the compliment, and took a celebratory drink of wine.

Now I had to figure out how to be more independent. Finding my own place would be part of that, but I would have to make some other changes first.

“So what’s the plan?” Willow asked.

I thought for a moment.

“I think I want a new job.”

My current job, waitressing at a family restaurant, wasn’t cutting it for me. I’d only stayed there as long as I had because it was stable and I got decent tips. I was always too afraid to try something new in case Lance needed to lean on me. Now that I was going it alone, I could rely on the little lump of savings I’d been building to get me through if things went south. After all, I wasn’t going to be using the savings now anyway, since it was supposed to be for our wedding.

“A new job,” Willow said, with a wistful tone. “That’s such a great idea! Very Bridget Jones of you. You should try to find something art related.”

I cringed at this, even as a shiver of excitement ran down my spine.

“No. Not art. I’m willing to try just about anything, but I’ve always wanted to work in an office.”

Cue Willow’s cringe. She couldn’t think of a worse place to work than an office, with its business suits and filing systems. She was an elementary school teacher, and a brilliant one at that. Sometimes I wondered how the two of us ever found each other.

“Okay, a business job. We can work with that.”

She raised her glass for a toast.

“To new beginnings.”

I countered her toast with one of my own.

“To going all Bridget Jones on this bitch.”