Chapter 14
I DIDN’T SLEEP for shit after that fucking note. Kiera was seriously thinking of committing me. That morning, I had it out with the coffee pot. For some reason, it didn’t want to brew fast enough for me, so I threw it to the floor, shattering glass everywhere.
After hearing the combustion of glass on the tile, I slid down to the floor. The glass lay there like all the broken pieces of me, scattered everywhere. Each piece was a representation of how everything I held dear could be destroyed in an instant.
I laid my hand on the floor, only to cut myself and watch the blood trickle, each drop cementing the knots inside. I couldn’t take it much longer. I was stronger than this, but add my family into the mix, and helplessness was turning me into someone I hated to even be around.
Work that morning sucked six ways to Sunday. A client called me, giving me an earful about his damn money. I swore I was going to unleash a side of me soon that would have him backing the fuck off really quickly.
Everything I seemed to touch throughout the day broke or fell to the ground the instant it made contact with me. I broke two drawers in my desk. Two. Then I decided, since they were already broken, I might as well slam them a few times and really break them. It didn’t settle the anger bubbling inside. If anything, it helped fuel it. This war inside of me was tearing me down day by day.
As I sat in my office, I rested my elbows on top of the desk and sunk my hands into my hair as I looked down at it, the shiny wood staring back at me. My internal struggles were beating me into submission.
My phone buzzed then, causing me to jump, and I answered quickly. “Yes.”
“You have a delivery.”
I rolled my eyes at my assistant Molly as she spoke. She knew better than this.
“Don’t I always? Sign for it.”
She coughed. “Ms. Lambardoni, it has a specification for you to sign.”
Anger bubbled. I didn’t want to get the fuck up, nor did I give a shit about a delivery.
“Fine. I’ll be right out.” I slammed the phone down and raked my fingers through my wayward hair.
I stopped at the mirror on the wall, freezing in my tracks. The woman staring back at me couldn’t be me. The circles around my eyes and the vacant look inside of them was haunting. Shit. I grabbed my bag, pulling out my makeup then applying it as best I could. I didn’t want anyone to know the ghosts that hid behind the shadows. It was best to hide them as much as possible.
After one last look, I opened the door and came to an immediate halt. Red, white, and pink roses, hundreds of them, lined the counter spaces, the scent immediately invading my nostrils and causing a small lift to my lip. Standing next to Molly’s desk was what I assumed was a man judging from the jeans and boots. The upper half of his body was hidden by numerous long-stemmed roses that he held in his hand.
As I stepped closer, the hairs on the back of my neck prickled and goose bumps rose on my arms. Jag. He was here. I could feel him.
While inside I was jumping erratically up and down with excitement, I stood rooted in place.
I looked over at Molly who had a sheepish grin on her face. She knew exactly what she was doing.
Jag didn’t move from his spot, only lowered the flowers, his gorgeous face peeking out above. He still looked as handsome as he had when he’d left, everything in his face still strong and confident. His beautiful blue eyes sparkled as they locked with mine, lust igniting swiftly. My heart pattered in my chest, and my mouth opened just a bit as the physical sight of him slowly took my breath away.
Not answering his calls was one thing; seeing him in the flesh was the total opposite.
“Hi, dolcezza,” his rough, sexy voice called over the small distance separating us. His words slid over me like warm honey, covering me in a thick blanket.
“Hi,” I whispered, unable to say more.
He began walking forward and stopped in front of me, holding out the flowers. “I missed you, baby.”
I reached out, taking the flowers, and swallowed hard, earning a huge smile from Jag. There was no doubt he affected me. That was why it was easier over the phone. I didn’t have to see him, I just didn’t have to answer the phone and poof, done. This…this wasn’t going to have that ease.
“Thank you.” I broke eye contact and looked around. Every eye in the office was focused on Jag and me. Panic surged; we couldn’t be seen together. What if whoever was sending me the notes saw? Quickly, I turned to move into my office.
“Please come in.” I didn’t wait for him to follow, but the click of the door told me he had.
I turned around, seeing him lean against the door, his eyes sweeping my body up and down. I set the roses down on the desk, quickly looking away from his observation. He needed to leave. He couldn’t be here with me. The notes had said they would kill him. I couldn’t risk it, couldn’t risk being seen together. I had to do this for him to keep him safe.
While my mind raced and egged my body on to climb him like a mountain, it also raged with fear, both for him and my family. All these conflicting thoughts bombarded me at the same time.
I wanted to run to him, wrap my arms around him, and kiss him. Yet I couldn’t, not if I wanted to keep him alive. He couldn’t know about the pictures or my father. I needed to protect him from that pain.
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. What I had to do would hurt him and me.
“What are you doing here, Jag?” I asked as I faced him, placing my professional mask on because it was the only way I could get through what I had to do.
“I’m back,” he said simply.
“To talk to my father?” I knew it wasn’t what he was back for. Faking nonchalance wasn’t easy.
He moved farther into the room. “No, for you.”
“Why? I broke it off. I didn’t take your calls or texts. I thought it was perfectly clear that I didn’t want to see you anymore.” I tried desperately to hide the small quiver in my voice. I hoped he didn’t hear it.
“You did, and I want to know why.” He rested his hip on the edge of my desk while I stood on the other side, using the desk as a buffer between us.
The air around us was so charged one could light a whole damn city for a day with it. It was taking every bit of strength I had to keep myself on task.
“I was done.” I shrugged. “We had a few amazing days together; it doesn’t constitute anything more. You’re a great fuck, but you’re across the country. Can’t exactly fuck me while you’re there.” On the inside, I crumbled at my words. Those days were the best of my life, and I had craved every damn phone call after.
Lies. Every word out of my mouth was a lie.
He laughed, and I raised my brow at him in challenge.
“You expect me to believe that seriously poor excuse? That’s shit and we both know it. How about the truth?”
I stomped my foot like a second grader and instantly regretted it. Stupid.
“You need to leave. Don’t come back. You might as well go back to California.” If not, you’re in danger.
He moved around the desk, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me against his body. He leaned down, the smell of him penetrating my nose, and every inch of my body went on high alert, a deep throb low in my belly pounding. Air was becoming scarce.
When our eyes connected, the electricity that was in the room before became palpable, and I couldn’t focus. Everything became a blur except for Jag. I shivered as he spoke.
“If I go back to California, it’s with you by my side. I know damn well you care about me. I can feel it in your body. I can see it in your eyes.” His eyes blazed brighter with each word. “Tell me why you really want me to go.” His command fell on deaf ears.
Using every bit of strength I could muster, I pulled away and walked to the other side of my desk, again putting the desk between us and needing the distance. I took a deep breath and steeled my spine.
“I told you. I don’t feel it. Whatever you’ve conjured up in your head is a lie. You need to leave now.”
“I’ll pick you up at six. We’ll discuss this over dinner.”
Panic crept in.
“No. No dinners, no flowers. Nothing. We are done. Leave.” Inside, my heart was breaking all over again, the hole inside growing bigger and bigger.
“You’re not getting rid of me. I see it in your eyes. You’re afraid of something. Tell me what it is, and I’ll make it disappear.”
I wished he could, but I wouldn’t do that at the expense of his life. I cared too much about him.
I steadied myself for what I was about to say, knowing it would hurt like hell. “You. Now leave.”
“More lies. I fucking watched you shoot a man to protect me, and now, all of a sudden, you’re afraid of me? Bullshit.” He wasn’t buying anything.
Nerves raged throughout me. These last few months had sucked the strength right out of me, and my comebacks sucked ass. I was drowning in my words and not making any sense of any of it. The sad thing was all the anger I’d had over the months had washed away in his presence. I couldn’t even call on it to get him out of there. I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.
“Please, just leave,” I whispered, turning to the window and wrapping my arms around my body. What I felt on the inside was pushing forward, and I needed him to leave before he saw it.
Strong arms engulfed me, and I immediately tensed. He couldn’t do this to me.
Tears burned the back of my eyes and threatened to escape, but I pushed them back. The warmth of his body against mine sent daggers through my heart. I missed him more than I had ever thought possible, yet I couldn’t have him.
He leaned down, whispering in my ear, “Dolcezza, this isn’t over. I’ll leave you be. I can see how it’s tearing you up, and I don’t want to cause you pain, but I’m not going anywhere. You are mine. Trust me to take care of you.” He kissed my temple before his heat left my body, his footsteps echoing off the floor, and then the click of the door left me in silence.
Only then did I allow the tears to fall.