Logan
When Saul left it was almost sunset and I'd left Selena alone for most of the day. Selena understood I had business to tend to and she knew something wasn't right. She never made me feel like I was neglecting her. I still did.
I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her, and the times my men weren't here and I wasn't making phone calls or texting them, I tried to escape it all with Selena. She was the one thing - the only thing - that could distract me from the life I'd built for myself and the drama that came with it. That was something special. I didn't often find something, in this case someone, that could take me away from everything that had happened and stop me from being terrified it would all happen again.
"Is everything okay?" she asked when I stepped into the cabin. She was in the little kitchen making food - pasta of some kind - and it smelled great. My stomach rumbled.
"Is there anything you can't do?" I asked her, watching her cook for a moment.
She grinned. "You're being overly sweet right now. Stick around long enough and you'll get to know all my shortcomings."
I walked to her, put my arms around her waist, kissed her neck. "Everything's okay for now," I answered her earlier question. "A bit of drama but nothing serious has happened yet."
"You still think it will." A statement, not a question.
I nodded on her shoulder. "If I know May, which unfortunately I do all too well, things won't end here. She's not the type to leave something half done. She will push it past the point of completion but she will never leave something before at least seeing it through to the end."
Selena was silent for a moment before she spoke again. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
She turned in my arms so she was facing me and our bodies were pressed against each other. It wasn't always about sex between us. Right now, her body this close, made me feel safe and warm and oddly removed from all the responsibility on my shoulders, all the lives in my care. "I'm sorry you're going through this and there's so little I can do to help."
I kissed her. "Don't be. You're doing more than you know."
She smiled and turned back to the pasta she was making. I let go of her and poured us each a glass of wine. I was starting to think that this - the quiet life with the woman I was with - was the way to go. I was getting really serious about her. I didn't want this just to be a fling. We were way past the one-night stand point, but I didn't want this to end here. Hell, if I thought about it properly I didn't want it to end, period. It was something that got me thinking.
My life had been about survival since my parents died, but Elijah had taken the brunt. When Elijah died everything changed for me and the only person who was going to care for me was me. I'd managed for over ten years now, but the truth was this: slowing down and having time to breathe again was the kind of peace I'd never thought I would know. Selena made that happen for me. She didn't judge me, she didn't expect me to be someone else, and she gave me a purpose that was positive. I was building something with her, not just repairing damage as I went along. It felt like, for the first time, I was creating something new instead of fighting over and over again for a life that already broken.
Maybe it was time to settle down, to stop all this nonsense and do something with my life that was worth living. Worth living with her. I could let someone else take over and use the money that came in to start a family with her. I could be a dad who wasn't caught up in dangerous crimes so I would always be there for my children.
The thought of wanting to create a future with someone shocked through my system. I had never thought about settling down with a woman, let alone having children. I'd always thought this world was too disgusting to subject another human life. Selena was starting to show me there was a lot of beauty in it, too.
She dished up for us and we each walked to the couch with a plate of pasta with sauce that smelled fantastic, and a glass of wine. We sat down. The sun had started to set and it cast an orange glow into the room. Her hair looked like it was on fire where the sun touched it. We ate together. Dusk fell and we sipped our wine, not making a move to switch on the lights. We were huddled together in the dim light, shrouded in darkness and companionship, and I knew I wanted this forever.
"Selena," I said and she looked up, "I think I need to head back in the morning and see what I can do to end this."
She frowned but nodded and in that moment it was impossible to tell how grateful I was for her. She didn't fight me on what my men needed. Ever. "Just be careful, okay?"
I nodded. "I want to come home to you after it's all over," I said. "I've fallen for you and you've made me realize life is worth so much more than just surviving one day to the next."
When I looked at Selena she smiled. "You know I'll wait for you."
"I know, but I don't just want to date you. I want to marry you."
She froze and her eyes searched my face like any moment I was going to tell her I was joking. I was dead serious, though, and after a moment she realized it, too. "What?"
"I'm asking you to marry me."
She shook her head. "Logan..."